Chapter 6: Falls and Fails
It took over an hour for the stage to be repaired for the final scenes. The big gaping hole in the floor was patched up. Tympanini had fully recovered from his fall as well as Scratchensniff and the others. In the meantime, the Warners took time to review their script, and one of them was not happy.
Wakko reeled in disgust."Eww!"
"What's wrong?" Mike asked when he came over. The much-needed break helped him relax for just a moment.
"I don't eat used gum under a seat! That's disgusting!"
Dots eyes widened in shock. It was the last thing she thought she'd ever hear from her younger brother.
"Calm down, we hid some regular unchewed gum under the seat, no one will notice,"
Dot put her hands on her hips."They'll notice it's under a seat,"
Wakko unwrapped one piece of gum and tasted it. "Mmm, cherry flavored…"
The lights dimmed as the scene began to start. The director raised his megaphone, which was still greasy from the falling food from earlier. "And action!"
[Scene 5 Take 1]
The scene started off with a fade in shot of Tympanini back on stage. Wakko looked underneath his seat and pulled out the gum he'd tasted earlier. He popped it in his mouth.
"Dee- sgusting!" Dot exclaimed.
Back on stage, Tympanini turned around, giving a smug grin to the camera. "The Sherbert…! Argh!" he pounded a fist on the piano.
[Scene 5 Take 2]
"The Schubert!" he recited correctly. He began to play, but he was once again interrupted. Below the stage, Wakko blew an enormous bubble. The bubble burst with a loud pop, covering the Warner siblings and a few the audience members around them with a sticky layer of gum.
"I just cleaned this shirt!" one extra yelled.
"Nice one bro." Yakko groaned.
"Gah!" Dot exclaimed. This is all over my new bow! Makeup!"
Mike rubbed his eyebrows."Oh, God... Cut!"
[Scene 5 Take 3]
This time Wakko blew a smaller bubble. It popped, but it only covered himself with gum. Tympanini appeared at the edge of the stage tapping his foot, he held out his hand for Wakko to give it up. The middle sibling pulled it out of his mouth and stuck it to the pianist's hand. Tympnami stormed back to the piano to finish where he left off.
Tympanini resumed playing his piece. Unfortunately, a few seconds in, the gum stuck to one of the keys. Giving a sheepish smile to the audience he continued playing. As he struggled to get rid of the gum, more of it stuck to the rest of him. This was part of the script, however, the keys breaking off and sticking to his arms like post its cards wasn't.
"Cut!" Mike yelled. The piano was quickly replaced with a new one.
[Scene 5 Take 4]
Tympanini's frenetic gum playing was done again. Thankfully the keys don't come off time. But then for no reason, the piano blew up. The fiery explosion rocked the entire building. Tympanini went flying off the stage and collided into Mike.
"This must be Wendy O Williams arrangement," said Yakko. A random crew member doused the remaining flames with a fire extinguisher. Enraged, Tympanini grabbed at the director's shirt.
"Where did you buy these cheap pianos?!" he yelled. A single flame burned on his head.
"What do you mean cheap? These grand pianos were handmade!" Mike protested.
"By who? Wile Coyote?!"
Confetti burst from the Warners' hands and fell onto the two men.
"We have a winner!" Yakko chirped, giving his best game show host impression. "Tell them what they won!"
Dot pulled out another pie. "Another fa-"
"No! Cut!" Mike groaned.
[Scene Take 5]
The piano didn't break this time. Tympanini managed to keep on playing in melodic series of arpeggios and eighth notes. Pretty soon he'd tangled himself in his own spider web of chewing gum.
"Now that's entertainment," Yakko cut in.
At one point, Tympanini pounded on the keys in a heated moment of agitation. The piano collapsed to pieces. Dazed, the pianist stood near the damaged instrument. He glared at the gum which had just now decided to fall off his fingers. He regained his composure when the audience applauded in response. The Warner trio jumped on top their seats, lit matches in hand.
"Very Pete Townsendence," Yakko complimented.
"Who?" Dot asked.
"Exactly," Wakko replied.
"Who! who! Who! Who! Who..!" the trio chanted.
Tympanini ignored them as he introduced the next piece. "Yes well, for my next number, Ludwig von Plotzverger's most compelling musical accomplishment..." A stage hand pushed the broken piano away from Tympanini as he continued speaking. Another one pushed a new one out. "Regretfully only a sophisticated ear as my own can fully appreciate the sheer, Oww!"
One of the piano's wheels had rolled over his foot. The pianist griped in the pain and hopped on one foot, grabbing the injured one in his hands.
[Scene 5 Take 6]
"...Regretfully, only a sophisticated ear as my own can-" he barely finished his sentence as the new piano slammed into him like a freight train.
[Scene 5 Take 7]
Tympanini seated himself in the stool as the piano was wheeled out again. It remained in place this time. "... only a sophisticated ear as my own can fully appreciate the sheer, depth of this masterpiece. Complete and absolute concentration is required. Von Plotzburger's pavan and dirge in C-Minor, opus 7 - and 11."
Without hesitation he went right into his piece, playing with great skill. As Tympanni continued playing, Scratchy and the others took this as their cue to leave their seats. Scratchy split off to the right; Nurse trotted off it the left, trailing drumbeat not far behind; Ralph came out and simply stared at the screen head on, eyes big as saucers. Scratchy quickly dragged him out of the shot.
"Vhat was that about?" The psychiatrist asked.
"Did you sees that shiny thing?" Ralph replied. He pulled another strip from his pocket. "Just like mys fortune said, A beautiful sight shall be presented to you." He pointed down the aisle. The shiny thing in question was Ed's new handheld camera, which was pretty high tech for 1993 standards. It was sleek, gray, had several buttons on the side, and a 2-inch lens large enough for Ralph to see his reflection.
The psychiatrist rolled his eyes as he noticed Nurse on the opposite side of the aisle. She stormed alongside each row with a scowl on her face. The drumbeat kept getting louder and louder. It stopped and started every time she paused to find its source. For her, this was beyond irritating. This had gone on too long.
"Alright, that's it!" Nurse grumbled. She dropped her net and began peering behind the seats.
"Nurse! What are you doing?" Scratchensniff whispered.
"I'm going stop that stupid drumming once and for all!" Nurse replied. She knelt down and kept looking. Not far behind her Ed gnashed his teeth, unable to control himself, he decided to follow after her.
"Where are you going?"Scratchensniff whispered.
"Uh, going to change my camera's battery" the cameraman replied. Scratchy knew he was lying, but he was too preoccupied with finishing this scene to deal with it.
Ed trailed not far behind her camera in hand, getting a good view of her legs and rear. As he moved closer to get a possible money shot, he almost fell over when he stumbled on something. The drumbeat stopped. Nurse paused and turned around, and right at Ed's face. She looked down and put her hands on her hips.
"So…" she spoke calmly. Sweating, Ed looked down and gasped at a what laid at his feet. A small red drum, and two drumsticks. She walked over and picked up the drum. "You look like you're in pain, I think it's time for the anesthetic..."
"No wait, it wasn't me!" Ed sputtered as she rose it above her head. A loud wham roused the Warners attention, they looked back. Ed staggered down the aisle with the broken drum dangling around his neck and a shiny lump on his head. "Nightly night doctor…" he slurred before falling down.
"Looks like Ed 'found' Wakko's drum," Yakko said with a wink. "This theater is only big enough for two perverts" He and Wakko embraced each other with two prideful smiles.
"Boys..." Dot uttered disgustedly. A few discordant notes interrupted her attention.
"I believe I said absolute concentration is required!" Tympani scolded.
[Scene 5 Take 8]
Tympanini resumed playing until he was roused by another distraction. The Warners had dozed off, they snored loudly among the other extras who had also fallen asleep. The pianist struck a hard chord which not only woke up the Warners but the audience as well. The reaction was a series of shrieks, hollers, and shouts.
[Scene 5 Take 9]
Tympanini struck the chord again. The Warner trio jumped out of their seats. This time the audience remained silent.
"Bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo, bravissimo, more, more, encore!" they cheered. After a brief look around, they grinned in embarrassment. The Warners sat back down. Then another figure sat up.
"Ah, so there you is!" said Ralph. Frightened, the Warners bolted from their seats just as Ralph swiped his net. He accidentally thwacked a few of guests sitting next to him.
"Watch where you're swinging that goddamn thing!" one pudgy man yelled at Ralph.
[Scene 5 Take 9]
"Ah, so there you is!"Ralph repeated his line. He swung his net again, this time not hitting anybody.
Tympani continued playing as he provided an instant soundtrack for the final chase sequence. Scratchensniff and Nurse chased the Warners down the aisle. The Warners began to climb onto the stage, but as soon as they touched the newly waxed floor, their footing gave out from underneath. Wakko slid across the stage and landed into a wall. Dot simply face planted on the floor. Yakko fell off the stage, knocking down Nurse and Scratchensniff in the process. He blushed, realizing he'd fallen onto Nurse's breasts.
"There your dose of lowbrow humor for you, folks!" Yakko joked to the audience.
"Cut!" Mike yelled.
[Scene 5 Take 10]
This time the Warners climbed on stage, although their feet still glid across the floor, they didn't have any more accidents. But when Scratchensniff and Nurse followed right behind them, both their footing gave way and they fell off the stage again.
The Warners ran towards an open doorway that turned out to be an elevator shaft. The trio realized this too late as their feet effortlessly slid on the floor, and right down the shaft. Thud!
Mike stood up. "Cut! Whoa! You guys are okay?" Tympanini stopped playing.
"We're fine," Yakko called out. A soft hum came from beneath their feet. They didn't realize they were standing on top of a rising elevator. The Warners screamed as they were flattened against the roof of the shaft.
Ralph jumped out with net raised, whipping his head from left to right. "Which way did they go, Doc? Which way do they go?!"
"We're still okay," Yakko strained.
"Can I please finish my piece?!" Tympanini yelled.
"Cut!" Mike shouted.
[Scne 5 Take 11]
The scene was given another go. The Warners ran on stage with Scratchy and Nurse not far behind. They stopped just before Ralph rose up inside the elevator. They fearfully backed up as their pursuers closed in on them. Once again, they didn't watch their footing as they unintentionally did a synchronized pratfall on their backs.
[Scene 5 Take 12]
This time there are no more pratfalls as the Warners cautiously stepped back. As the larger trio closed in on them, they raised their nets. The Warners' mouths gaped open as their pursuers shadows loomed over them. In the next shot, the adults leaned into the camera, devilish smiles on their faces. It was probably the closest these guys ever came to look intimidating. Scratchensniff's heavy breathing created a foggy film on the lens. It ruined the shot.
"Cut!"
"Easy on the breathing Scratchy! You sound like Darth Vader!" Yakko complained.
[Scene 5 Take 13]
The adult trio had the Warners cornered again. The nets came up, and then they came down. The music stopped. The next shot cut to outside the theater where Ralph hauled a brown sack towards a paddy wagon. Scratchy and Nurse opened the doors.
"I-I-I-I got 'em now, Doc!" Ralph said he tossed their cargo inside.
"Ha-ha! Good job Ralphie! Let's have a look, huh?" Dr. Scratchensniff congratulated Ralph. He looked inside. "Vhat is das?" Inside, the captive tore away at the sack and lunged towards the window. It was Tmypanini, completely pissed off.
"But, where are the Warner Brothers?" Scratchensniff pondered. Nurse did the same while Ralph scratched his head.
Back inside was the final performance of the show. The Warner trio did their self-composed song, "Piano Rag" They clambered on the stool and took turns playing the piano. Amazingly enough, despite its borderline anarchic performance, this scene turned out perfectly, for the most part.
Yakko danced as he started off with the first verse."Twas a guy named Joe from Kokomo, playing that piano rag..." The stool swirled around, sending the other siblings flying.
Wakko bounced up from underneath Yakko as he sang his part."He banged his keys with his head and his knees, playing that piano rag..." The Warner sister plopped on top of both her brothers.
"He twiddled with his toes and nibbled with his nose, playing that piano rag..." Dot sang as she effortlessly twiddled on the piano keys with her toes. The stool swirled again.
Then all three siblings joined in, complete with a midair jump and knee slide a la Pete Townsend..."And when the day was done he had some fuuahhhh...! ...and then slid off the stage again.
"Enough with the waxy floor bits!" Yakko complained.
[Scene 5 Take 14]
"And when the day was done he had some fun, Playing that piano rag!"The Warners slid to a stop right to the edge of the stage. The entire crowd erupted with applause as they bowed. "He was playing that piano rag!" The trio gave a final wink to the camera just before the shot closed with an iris out.
"And Cut! And Print!" Mike shouted through his megaphone. He looked at his wristwatch. Surprisingly, it was exactly 12:00 midnight, right at the time he was hoping to finish. "That's a wrap everyone! You can all go ho-"
Mike didn't get to finish as Yakko now stood near him with his megaphone in hand. "Alright everyone, let's have a round of applause for the stars of the show! Let's bring out our guest star tonight Tympanini!" Yakko pointed to the stage right just as the pianist came out. No longer ticked off, he proudly strutted on stage and bowed. The floor creaked a bit with each step. "You were excellent Tortellini! Ever considered being a regular on our show?"
"Please, I do concertos, not cartoons," Tympanini scoffed.
Yakko shrugged. "Ah well, can't get em all"
The director faked a chuckle. "Okay Yakko, you can stop..."
"And how bout we bring out the others?!"
"Yakko seriously, this floor not strong enough to take this much weight..!" Mike stifled a scream when Scratchensniff and Nurse stepped on the stage. As they waved to the audience, Mike could hear the floor creak some more. "Yakko, please...!"
"Come on up Ed, get up here sound guy, come up here stage hand who looks like Weird Al, get off your keister foul-mouthed guest who sat next to us."
Mike could barely hear the splintering cracks over the commotion of several others climbing on stage. He lunged for Yakko who in response jumped on his head. "Yakko no!"
"And last but not least, our special friend Ralph!"
The security came lumbering out of the stage, his feet pounding with each step. Yakko handed him the megaphone.
"Anything you'd like to say, big guy?"Yakko asked as Ralph pulled out one last fortune cookie. He finally opened it correctly by snapping it in half and pulling out the message.
"Everyone get off now!" Mike yelled, waving his arms.
The guard held the note to his face. "Dah, the bigger the load the harder it falls, especially when Ralph is the load," Ralph paused. "Huh?"
"What an oddly specific message," Nurse uttered over the shuddering wood. Finally, it gave way.
"Aw, damn it..." Mike grumbled.
Then everything happened at once, the floor caved in, the microphones squealed like banshees. Loose boards flew to the ceiling striking sandbags and spotlights, some landing on a few audience members. When the dust cleared, Mike and the others were laying in the leftover snacks from earlier. Scratchensniff and Nurse pulled Mike out of a mound of french fries and chips.
"Mike, I just vanted to say that I don't mind doing shorts with the Warners, I actually enjoyed this..." Scratchensniff confessed.
Mike wobbled, still dazed from the fall."Oh, good,"
"I do too, but can you please promise us this?" Nurse asked.
"What?"
"No more chase shorts!" Both said in unison.
Mike simply flopped down on the ground. "Sure..."
Ralph and the Warners sat on top of a mound of candy. Wakko and Dot munched on both ends of a 2-foot long hot dog. Yakko bit out of a lollipop and chocolate bar fused together.
"With great hardships come great rewards." Ralph recited with his mouth full of popcorn.
"Another fortune saying Ralphie?" Yakko asked. .
Ralph swallowed "Nope, just the truth,"
Piano Rag debuted just a few months later that September. The short turned out to be on the show's best ones so far. Everyone back at the studio was impressed, even Mr. Plotz. While he was peeved to know that theater had to be shut down for repairs, repairs he would have to help cover, he was pleased to know the short was of quality work. The Warners had proven that they were ready to perform outside the studio. Despite the pandemonium, Mike was pleased with how everything turned out and was willing to participate in more future projects. Everything seemed to work out fine for everyone. Of course, now Scratchensniff was getting fan letters asking when he was going propose to Nurse already.
This was my strange twisted Christmas present for you all! A few things I should mention. While writing this, I actually bother to look up the term such as scherzo, and andante just to find out what those words were. This is what I do for you folks. Another thing I found was that in the actual episode, it turns out that the piano soundtrack was recorded by Steve Bernstein,after the animation had been completed, making it a bigger challenge. I should have a new piece of writing up very soon. But until then... Thank for sticking around to read. Hope you have a great holiday season! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Oh yeah, one more thing...
It turns out Franz Schubert was actually a real guy, who knew?!