A/N: Trying to update my multi-chapter fics! This was the next one on my schedule. Enjoy the Destiel angst.
Castiel had gone to the garage. Those were the only doors they hadn't tried. He knew his plan was surely fruitless, but what else could he do? He'd been able to hear that Dean was taking care of the food, and Sam was searching through the artifacts.
The doors wouldn't budge.
Castiel screamed, pushing, palms flat against them.
"Damn it!" he cried, giving up, and sinking to the floor.
The world around him blurred, his chest aching, and it wasn't till his face was sufficiently wet that he realized he was crying.
Jack. Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry.
He was the only person Castiel felt as though he needed to say sorry too. He'd failed him. He'd been chosen by Jack to be his father, and he'd failed him.
Castiel looked up, not to God, but to Heaven, and who he knew was up there.
"Kelly, I… I failed him. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. That boy, our boy, he became my life. He was everything to me. But I wasn't enough. Maybe I never could've been." Cas hissed in a breath, breathing hard. More tears fell. "I am truly sorry. I didn't want this. I wish more than anything that he could be here with me right now, that I hadn't failed him, failed you. But the world's ending, God's not who we thought he was, and Jack… Well, there's nothing we can do now. Just… Kelly, I'm so sorry."
Castiel stayed there for some long minutes, crumpled against the floor, the doors.
But then he was on his feet again, pushing with all his might, with his Grace.
The doors creaked open.
Castiel stood there, shocked, but it wasn't new, warm air that blew in. It was just stale, stagnant.
So the outer doors must have been closed.
Still, he wanted to investigate. Thankfully, even with the bunker on lockdown, the lights on either side of the tunnel near the roof were lit. But how long would power last? With a magical bunker, it was hard to tell. Dean had once told him they shouldn't even be able to get water in there, or electricity, but they did.
Castiel walked in. It was dark, even with the lights, and the air was dead, reminding him that maybe soon they all would be too.
He started when footsteps sounded behind him, and he turned. It could only be one of the Winchesters, but he didn't want to see them right now.
A hard glare set itself on his face when he turned and saw Dean. He was stumbling a bit, but still kept a tight grip on the bottle in his hand.
Something stabbed Cas at that. Here was his family, someone he'd counted on, and he'd been betrayed by him, and now he wanted to drink himself to death.
God was certainly winning.
"I don't want to see you," Castiel said.
Dean ignored him, going up and staring into the depths of the tunnel that was supposed to lead outside.
"Good, you got the doors open."
"I fear we're still stuck in here."
"Well let's go check it out."
Dean shambled ahead of Cas, Castiel tensing his jaw, grinding his teeth down, as he glared at Dean's back.
He knew he only hurt so much because he loved him. But what did his love matter now that Jack was gone, and Dean had nearly been the one to do it?
"And look," Dean went on, as they walked. "I'm not happy to be around you either."
"Not surprised," Castiel commented.
They had reached the outer doors, which were locked tight, even after both of them pushed on them. A tiny stream of air trickled in between the faint spaces between the doors, and the ground.
They leaned against the doors, tired, and Dean grit his teeth. Castiel looked at his arm, but said nothing. He wanted to heal Dean, even now, but he figured it wouldn't be allowed. Still, he reached out to him, and Dean drew back.
"Don't touch me," he argued.
Funny. Dean had let him touch him earlier, hold him after Sam had done the procedure. But the alcohol must've been lowering his inhibitions, his sense of logic. The anger inside was surely ready to come out in full force.
"Then what can I do?" Castiel growled. "You're gonna kill yourself."
"Good. Why don't you join me?"
"You know I can't."
"Then what?"
"Then maybe we fix this," he intoned. "Fix us."
Dean picked up the bottle of scotch again, and took another swig.
"There ain't no fixing us."
Dean started walking away, and Castiel exclaimed his name, and reached out for him.
To his surprise, the bottle was dropped from Dean's hand, breaking onto the ground, liquid sloshing, and he had an arm against Cas' collarbone, shoving him hard against the doors.
"My mom's dead Cas! Dead!"
"And so is our boy!" Cas yelled back. "But you don't care about that, do you?"
"Don't pretend to know what I care about. You don't know one fucking thing I care about. Maybe you thought it was you, but it's not. It's fucking not, and if you think I'm lying, you have another thing coming."
Castiel's eyes glistened with tears, as did Dean's, though his friend's face was turning red.
Friend. Was he even his friend anymore?
What were they?
Damaged, rended apart.
"At least I don't spew my anger at every person around me!" he argued. "At least I still care."
"Well none of us should."
"Then what's with this?" Castiel asked. "What's the point in you feeling anything towards me? But I know this isn't over for you, for us. I know it's not. But you know what, Dean? You're an ass."
Dean pulled back, shocked, but his forearm was still on his collarbone.
Castiel went on, words growing stronger when he saw he had taken Dean by surprise, "You can be mean, and cruel, and when something doesn't go your way, through break things, and you try to break people. And you know what? You took me for granted. I've been by your side for years, putting up with your bullshit, but now I'm done."
Dean faltered now, nearly falling as he stepped back. Glass crunched underneath his boots.
"Cas…" A tear trailed down his cheek after he'd spoken his name.
"I'm done," he repeated, his heart breaking. "I don't need you right now. I only need Jack, but he's not here." Castiel wanted to say some more biting words, but he held them in because they wouldn't be true. "Maybe find a way to get these doors open, or go help Sam, but I don't want you around. I need time."
Castiel brushed passed him, walking away, and he made sure to not look at Dean's heartbroken, forlorn face. It would be too much. He'd go right back to him.
Dean didn't say anything as he left. He just let him walk away.
So Castiel kept walking, putting Dean behind him.