Steven and his friend, Connie, had been up on the second story loft watching television. Garnet was sitting on the couch, doing her favorite pastime—existing—when the raced downstairs.
"Garnet, quick," said Steven, handing her the phone. "You have to pretend to be my mom to Connie's mom!"
Inside Garnet's mind, her emotions glanced at each other. They had no contingency plan for a situation like this.
"Pretend to be Steven's mom?" Sadness R wondered aloud. "So… pretend to be Rose?"
"No, no," Joy R said, shaking her head. "He must want Garnet to be like a regular, human mom. So she can be herself, but… a Mom Universe."
So Garnet introduced herself that way. "Okay," said a dubious woman's voice over the phone. "You're keeping an eye on your son and Connie, right?"
"We weren't!" Fear R cried. "Not even a future vision one! Were we supposed to?"
"Calm down!" Joy S said. "We've already lied about being Steven's mom; we can lie and say they were playing… what would they be playing?"
"Swords!" Fear S suggested.
"What?" the voice on the phone yelled.
"That's grammatically incorrect, you idiot!" Disgust S groused. "We should have said they were playing with swords!"
"But that could be dangerous," Sadness S noted. "Without proper training, they could hurt themselves."
"Right!" said Fear S. "So to make it plausible, we should say that they're bleeding—no wait, dead—"
"Oh, great job, everyone," Disgust R said, obviously sarcastic. "This conversation's going really well."
"Connie's mom sounds pretty upset," Fear S said.
"Well, it's her fault anyway!" Anger R said. "If she hadn't called and asked about the children, we wouldn't have had to tell her they were dead!"
"Right," Anger S said. "Just get rid of her and tell her not to call again."
Garnet hung up and handed the phone back. "Sorry, I panicked."
A few days later, all the Gems, plus Greg, were gathered in the beach house. Connie's parents had invited Steven and his parents to dinner, so they had to decide which one of them was going to pose as his mother.
"Garnet," Steven said, "you keep us safe by scaring off the bad guys, just like a mom would."
"We are pretty good at that," Joy R said.
"Just another part of keeping Steven and humanity safe," Fear R said.
"But you're not the best conversationalist," Steven continued, moving on.
"Can't exactly argue with that," Disgust S said with a shrug."
"And after what happened on the phone, it'd probably be best if we stayed away from impersonations," Sadness S noted.
"Amethyst!" Steven said, moving on. "You would be a super fun mom!" He regarded her. "Can moms be gross?"
"If we want to make a good impression on Connie's mother and father," Fear S said, "Amethyst's probably not a good choice."
"Plus, she is, objectively, gross," Disgust R noted.
"Pearl!" Steven said to the final Crystal Gem. "You're always worried about me, you teach me lots of stuff, you're approachable, and you're, like, totally not gross."
"When he puts it like that, she seems like the obvious choice," Sadness R said.
"Except you can't eat dinner," Steven finished.
"Oh, right. That is a bit of an obstacle when attending dinner."
"Come on, Pearl, suck it up!" Anger R shouted at the screen. "Can't you endure a single meal?"
"Well, digestion can be an odd sensation if you're not used to it," Disgust S said. "And as we've experienced firsthand, Pearl's Disgust can be quite persnickety about such things."
"And I'm not sure how comfortable she would be pretending to be Greg's wife anyway," Anger S added.
All the emotions murmured in agreement.
"Man, why did Connie have to say I have one mother instead of zero... or three?" Steven said sadly, walking over to sit by his dad on the couch.
"We'll figure this thing out," Greg said. "We just have to put our heads together."
Steven's eyes lit up. "Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious! You can all come to dinner—all three of you, fused into one!"
The Gems reacted appropriately.
"What?" said Pearl in disbelief.
"That's insane," said Amethyst.
The emotions inside didn't take too kindly to the idea either.
"There have got to be at least a dozen reasons why that's a bad idea," Fear R said.
"And even if it wasn't, I don't want to use fusion for something so trivial," Disgust S added.
"Fusion isn't some trick for dinner parties," Anger R said with conviction.
"I know," Steven said sadly. "Then I guess this is it. I'll never get to see Connie again. Oh, Connie! I'll never know a star that shines as bright as you."
Garnet's emotions looked at each other. "We can't let him lose his friend," Fear S said.
"Fusion shouldn't be done lightly," said Sadness S, "but if it's for a good cause…"
Joy R sighed. "We have no choice."
And that's how it came to be that the monstrous fusion of Alexandrite arrived at the (thankfully) outdoors restaurant carrying her "husband" and "son" on her shoulders.
"Okay, everyone," Fear S said, addressing the various groups of emotions. "We have to be in perfect sync for the fusion to hold, so everyone: stay cool, calm, and collected. Don't try to monopolize the controls; share them among the group."
"Plus, that way, we can avoid any Sugilite-style outbursts," Disgust P commented snidely.
"Oh, you just had to bring that up, didn't you?" Anger A said.
"Let it go, A; she's got a point," Anger S said. She turned to Disgust P. "But still, remarks like that are uncalled for. That goes for all of you," she continued, directing this to all of Pearl's emotions.
Alexandrite awkwardly sat herself at the table alongside Greg and Steven.
"Ooh!" said Joy A. "Breadsticks! Those look good."
"Don't," Disgust P warned. "We might be fused, but Pearl's body is still part of Alexandrite's, and I'm not going to let any disgusting food enter it."
"If we can't eat anyway, why didn't Pearl just come by herself?" Disgust A mumbled.
"We have to at least pretend to eat something," said Fear S. "Otherwise Connie's parents will get suspicious."
"They're not already suspicious?" Fear P asked sarcastically.
"Please!" Anger R said, addressing the Amethyst and Pearl factions of emotions. "Can't you try to get along for five minutes? For Steven's sake?"
They grudgingly complied, and a compromise was reached. Alexandrite grabbed a handful of breadsticks and stuffed them into her mouth, chewing but not actually swallowing.
"See, P?" Joy A said. "Isn't that flavor sensation great? I mean, it's not as fun as actually eating it, but mastication's a good enough substitute for now, I guess."
"I hope we don't have to even chew for the rest of the night," Sadness P said.
"So tell me," said Mrs. Maheswaran, "how did you two meet?"
"Ack!" Fear A exclaimed. "We forgot to come up with a backstory! What should we say?"
"Don't look at us," Fear R said. "The last time we tried that, we told Connie's mom her daughter was dead!"
Thankfully, Steven quickly interjected with the plausible lie that they had met at a roller coaster. "She was too tall to ride!" he explained.
"I remember it like it was yesterday," Greg said, laughing nervously and placing a hand on Alexandrite's thigh.
"Uh, no," Disgust S said. "That's crossing a line."
A glare from Alexandrite communicated this to him. He apologetically removed his hand.
"I want to shove him," Anger P said. "Anyone have any objections?"
The other emotions gave small utterances of conciliation; and so Greg's head was shoved into his plate. "Have some more breadsticks, dear," Alexandrite said icily.
"Uh, what is it that you two do for a living, Mr. and Mrs. Universe?" Mr. Maheswaran asked.
"Well, that's simple," Joy P said. "Greg owns a car wash, and as I understand it, human women typically forego careers in order to raise their offspring."
"Well, that's how it went for a long time," Fear A said, "but I'm pretty sure that nowadays, even women with children have jobs. So we have to think up…"
"My mom works on an apple farm!" Steven said. "She uses all her arms to pick apples out of huge trees."
"We really should have planned our masquerade better," Sadness S said, "but it's fortunate that Steven's so good at coming up with things right on the spot."
"Well, you know what they say," Greg said. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
"Yeah!" Anger A shouted. "I hate doctors!"
"Well, I'm a doctor," Dr. Maheswaran said.
"Ooh," Anger S said. "That may have been a bit of a misstep."
The conversation hit an extended awkward silence, thanks in part to Connie leaving for the restroom and dragging Steven along to help her find it. They returned just as their food arrived.
Alexandrite picked up one of the popcorn shrimp from her plate with a fork and moved it towards her upper mouth. "Hey!" Disgust P shouted, pressing all her controls to send a wave of emotion to Alexandrite, causing her to turn her head away. "What are you doing?"
"Uh, putting food into Alexandrite's mouth?" Sadness A said.
"I don't think so," Disgust P said.
"Right," said Fear P. "The bread was bad enough. This shrimp? No way."
"Well, I want it to go into Amethyst's mouth!" Joy A said. "In fact, I want it to go into her belly! And since she's currently sharing Alexandrite's body, well, you had better get over your ridiculous phobia of food!"
"Yeah!" Anger A chimed in.
"We don't even need to eat!" Anger P shouted.
"Can't you go without eating for a single night?" Sadness P asked.
"Can't you go without not eating for a single night?" Anger A retorted.
"And can't you both go without fighting for a single night?" a frustrated Anger S exclaimed.
"Everyone; calm down!" Fear R said. "These conflicting emotions are making the fusion too unstable!"
But it was too late; and while Ruby and Sapphire's emotions managed to stay in sync, the others didn't, leaving the figures of Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl on the ground.
"So they couldn't get along and ruined everything," Anger S said. "Well, now we have separate bodies again so we can do… this!"
Garnet summoned her gauntlets and hit them both on the head.
"What is going on here?" Dr. Maheswaran demanded. "Who are they?"
"I knew I should have trusted my bad feelings about this new friend of yours," Mr. Maheswaran harshly told Connie, "but I never thought I wouldn't be able to trust my own daughter."
As Connie ran off crying, with Steven following, the Maheswarans began to argue with the others, with Pearl and Amethyst going on the defensive while Greg just tried to smooth things over.
Garnet, for her part, stood there stoically. Her emotions, though, had no trouble expressing themselves inside her mind.
"This was a disaster," Disgust S stated. "A complete and utter disaster."
"Why can't our future vision see what'll happen with fusions?" Disgust R griped. "Then we could have foreseen that this wouldn't work."
"Um, speaking of future vision," Fear S said, "I'm looking at it and… Steven and Connie are taking a bus out of town."
"What? Oh no!" Fear R said. "We have to stop them!"
"We have to tell the others," Sadness R corrected.
"The children have boarded a bus," Garnet announced. "They intend to live elsewhere so they can hang out without needing parental permission."
All the others responded in appropriate shock.
"They WHAT?" Greg shouted, glancing up at the bus stop to see that,
"Don't they know how dangerous that could be?" Pearl fretted.
"Wait," said Mr. Maheswaran. "How do you know what their motive was?"
"It doesn't matter!" Dr. Maheswaran said. "We have to stop that bus! Quick, to the car; maybe we can catch them!"
"It doesn't look like that will work," Sadness R said, glancing at the future vision screen. "It'll take too long to pull out of the parking lot; by the time we reach the road, they'll be too far away."
"So how can we stop them?" Joy S asked.
"We need longer legs."
So all four sets of emotions once again occupied the same mind.
"Now, obviously this is much more important than just dinner or making a good impression on Connie's parents," Disgust S told the others, even as Alexandrite was already racing down the street. "So it's essential that we keep together—"
"There's no worry about us breaking apart again," Anger A said. "Not when we're all focused on the same task."
"Exactly," said Anger P. "And that task is to get Steven off that bus!"
"And his friend," Sadness P added.
"Right!" Anger P said.
Alexandrite caught up to the bus and lifted it up. In the control room, as Fear, Disgust, and Sadness assisted, all four Angers used the controls to express the same sentiment:
"You two, come out of that bus this instant!"
The two kids were quickly taken back to the restaurant, where they were berated by their guardians, including those from the once-again-defused Alexandrite.
"What were you thinking, running off with Connie like that?" Pearl said. "You could have gotten yourselves hurt!"
"Either physically or emotionally," Sadness R said.
"He hasn't matured enough to fully realize the possible consequences of rash decisions like that," Sadness S added.
"It's a relief that we retrieved him so quickly," Joy S said. "But still, we need to reinforce this experience with negative feedback, so…"
"Steven," Pearl said, "you are in very big trouble, and we have no choice but to punish you."
"What should his punishment be?" Fear R asked.
"Well, dinner's what caused all of this, so… no dinner for a thousand years?" Fear S suggested.
"One thousand?" Steven whimpered.
"We would never starve you," Pearl said, vetoing Garnet's ruling, "but you will lose your TV privileges... for one thousand years."
"Oh, right," Fear S said. "He actually needs to eat."
"Odd that it's Pearl who remembered that," Disgust R commented.
"I think Steven would have preferred our punishment," Sadness R said, observing Steven's anguish over not being able to watch the mid-season pre-finale of a show.
Still, the Gems' firm discipline of their child seemed to earn the Maheswarans' respect, with them both complimenting them on their technique.
"That 'one thousand years of no dinner' bit was pretty funny," Mr. Maheswaran said to Garnet.
"Hear that?" Joy R told the Fears. "Connie's dad thinks you're funny!"
"But… we were being serious," Fear R said.
Joy S shrugged. "All comedy's derived from fear, I guess."