If there is one good thing about her situation, Tauriel decides, it is that everyone who has come across her has unquestioningly forgiven her for her misdeeds. It was as if the entire incident had never happened. Any elf she meets is nothing but friendly to her, helping her as if she had been wounded honorably in battle and not been blinded as punishment for turning her back on her people. She can make her way through crowded halls without worrying about knocking into anyone - they all know to step around her. She will occasionally feel a hand on her shoulder or her back or arm, guiding her around obstacles before vanishing again. She merely has to listen as she walks for people nearby to murmur "step up" or "be careful" when the path changes before her.
Her first trip out into the halls in daylight had nearly had her in contrite tears, simply because she had been forgiven so completely, accepted back as if she had never left. She supposes that was the point of her punishment, to allow her to resume her life and friendships even after she'd committed such a reckless sin, but either way she is grateful.
She is still rather worried that the King will change his mind, decide that she is a nuisance and cast her out to suffer the rest of her banishment blinded, so she avoids him as best she can. Of course, that is much harder with her lack of sight, but if she stays away from the areas of the palace that he is known to frequent, she can greatly cut down the possibility of a chance encounter. Every time that she stumbles into a distracted courier or trips over a crate and sends fruit scattering down the hall, she breathes out a sigh of relief when she does not hear his deep voice offering reprimand.
Tauriel tries as best she can to stay out from underfoot, to not cause trouble, but trouble has followed her since she was a child and now that she cannot see, it has gained the advantage over her. She has kept a running count of the things she has knocked over or spilled, the times where she has needed to be rescued from a mis-step that landed her in an unfortunate position, and once, even, how she somehow managed to get so lost in the deeper levels of the palace that she had cried for help for almost half an hour before someone had found her and led her back to her room.
Today she had hoped to find her way to the dungeons.
It had been three months since Kili and the rest of Thorin's band had been brought under their roof and upturned her life, and while she is able to ignore the ache in her heart most days, this was not going to be one of them.
The nice thing about being blind is that - should anyone question her presence there - she can simply claim to be lost. The disadvantage, of course, is that there are many high bridges and walkways that border long falls, and she can see none of them. She has already proven to be remarkably sturdy when it comes to surviving such long falls, but she doesn't like to trust her luck.
As she descends the winding stairs she keeps a hand firmly on the wall, feeling for each step before she takes it. It takes her a while to locate which cell had been Kili's, but once she does she finds the door open and cautiously steps inside, turning about in the small space.
Memory suddenly hits her like a blow, and she stumbles back so that she is leaning against the wall as her knees go out from under her. She can see Kili's smiling face in her mind's eye, peeking out at her from between the bars of the cell. She can practically hear his laugh.
That one word - Amralime - echoes through her thoughts and she curls up into a little ball in agony because yes she knew exactly what that word meant and she had been an idiot to have let him go that day...
She does not know how long she is down there. Her body is stiff with the cold seeping out of the rocks around her by the time she hears footsteps. She curls in tight to herself, tries to slow her breathing, to let whoever it is pass by without noticing.
"Oh, Tauriel! Are you lost?"
She looks up sharply at the gentle, feminine voice, trying to match a face and name to it and failing. She can hear the rustling of cloth as the woman shifts her weight.
"Oh, you poor thing..."
Light footsteps enter the cell and Tauriel feels gentle hands coaxing her to her feet. It is only then that she realizes her cheeks are still damp with tears. Her would-be rescuer has obviously misinterpreted the situation, but Tauriel is willing to let it slide.
"Thank you," she murmurs.
"It's quite all right, dear. Let's get you somewhere warm and safe."
Tauriel allows herself to be lead up through the spiraling stairways, using a sleeve to roughly wipe her cheeks dry and hoping that she is being subtle. Kili's runestone is heavy in her pocket, and all she wants to do is cry.
When they finally stop walking, she hears the woman turn to face her. Gentle hands cup her face, and a thumb wipes a stray tear from her cheek.
"It's all right, dear. I've brought you back to your room, but feel free to call if you need me. Okay?"
Tauriel nods, and she feels a light kiss brushed to her forehead.
As the older elleth walks away, Tauriel finally puts a name to the voice: Ennith, one of the healers. Specifically the gentle, beautiful healer who'd taken an orcish arrow out of her shoulder when she was five hundred and thirty-four.
Tauriel suspects that Ennith had seen past her "being lost", but is grateful that she did not bring it up. She can hardly bear to think about Kili, much less talk about him.
With a small sigh, Tauriel reaches into her pocket and caresses the runestone.
Perhaps she will simply go to bed tonight, and hope that her dreams are more pleasant than her waking thoughts.