As soon as Naruto awoke that day, he felt a chill run down his spine. Barely awake and grumbling, he stumbled out of his bed and directed his steps to his small kitchen.
When the instant ramen he whipped himself for his breakfast didn't cook, he knew there was a big problem. He hurriedly went to his bathroom and took a shower. As soon as he exited, dread coursed through him: his favourite, collector super-deluxe ramen poster had fallen from his wall.
What a terrible omen indeed!
He shakily turned his flat upside down to seek Method's advice but when he found the scroll, he was greeted by a short "on vacation, be back in a few" and an unresponsive mentor.
Now outright panicked, he dressed haphazardly and ran to his team's training ground, all the while thinking what in the hell was happening today. His throat strangely uncomfortable and his breathing short, he found Kakashi was already waiting for him, along with Sakura and Sasuke.
Naruto looked up to check the sky wasn't falling on their head. Kakashi wasn't early, even after shock therapy, his brother was still fashionably late, like fifteen minutes or so.
"Ah, Naruto, I'm glad you could join us. Better late than never I suppose," greeted his sensei.
The blond choked - whether it was at the hypocrisy or the fact he was late he wasn't sure - and pointed his finger at the lanky, white-haired man. "The hell is wrong with today?!"
"What do you mean, Naruto?" Sasuke asked.
The blond swivelled his head to look at the Uchiha. "My ramen didn't cook, my collector super-deluxe ramen poster fell from the wall and I'm late! This is not normal!"
The Uchiha shrugged. "It happens to everyone."
"No Sasuke, it doesn't, because everyone doesn't have a collector super-deluxe ramen poster in the first place!"
The Uchiha rolled his eyes and gave up, tunning his teammate off.
"And I can't even breath in the first place!" Naruto was saying.
"That's normal, Naruto, you put your shirt on the wrong way."
The stopped the blond in his tracks. He looked down and saw that indeed, the collar of his shirt was quite apparently the wrong way and pushing uncomfortably against his neck. Hence why swallowing and breathing was so weird.
Hurriedly, the boy turned his shirt around and took a deep breath. "Ah, so much better!" He gulped air greedily before he pointed at Kakashi again. "It still doesn't explain the ramen, the poster and why the hell you're early."
Kakashi chuckled. "I'm not early at all, Naruto. You're just an hour late."
Naruto gave his brother-figure a strange look. "What?"
"I'm telling you, we've been waiting for you for an hour already."
The blond shook his head. "Impossible, my alarm…" The boy suddenly fell silent before he smacked his fist against his open palm. "My alarm! It didn't ring like usual! This day is haunted! Are we Friday the thirteenth or what?!"
"What are you on about? The unlucky number is four, not thirteen," said Sasuke with utter seriousness.
Naruto paled. "That's it! Can't you see?! First my alarm, then my ramen, then my poster and finally my shirt! I'm haunted! My house is haunted!"
"Calm down Naruto, ghosts are not a thing," Kakashi assured in a calm voice.
"Oh yeah!? Then come to my flat and explain how it all happened!"
"We really should be training-"
Naruto crossed his arms on his chest and sent his brother a glare. "No. We are exorcising my flat first."
Kakashi rolled his one visible eye and sighed. "Fine. Team, we have a mission this morning, we'll hunt ghosts at Naruto's place. Let's go."
"We aren't really qualified to hunt ghost," remarked Sasuke.
"Ghosts don't exist, now let's go," Kakashi repeated in a tone that brokered no argument.
The Uchiha shrugged again.
Naruto's flat was one of many in a large building. It was a little rundown but clean place, with a kitchen-living room, a bedroom and a bathroom. A relatively comfortable place to live in for a single young teenager.
Fearlessly, Kakashi entered his little brother's flat, noted with relief it was kept clean and made a note to pay someone to refresh the paint on the walls. It took the jounin a minute to tour the little flat before he took a seat at the kitchen's table.
"Alright, Naruto."
The blond gave the shinobi a hopeful glance. "You're gonna get rid of the ghosts, Kakashi-sensei?"
"There is no ghost here. Your alarm clock is out of battery, your electric kettle is unplugged so the water in it didn't boil, hence why your ramen didn't cook properly and finally, you hung your poster too close to your bathroom and it was simply peeled off the wall by the steam. No ghost."
"No ghost?"
"No ghost, Naruto."
At this moment, Sakura couldn't hold it in anymore. She snorted.
This immediately attracted the attention of her three teammates who directed their eyes on her.
The pink-haired girl started to laugh hysterically, holding her sides as she rolled on the floor.
Naruto had to fight the urge to laugh - Sakura's laughter was pretty contagious - and frowned minutely as the seconds passed.
It was an admission of guilt if he ever saw one. Slowly, he allowed himself to laugh and the two other soon joined in, in their own reserved way.
The next day, Sakura showed up looking rather disgruntled in her orange qipao-like skirt, her orange shorts, her orange sandals and her orange headband.
"Are you still mad?" Naruto asked.
He, Sakura and Sasuke were having ramen at Ichiraku ramen. The blond was entirely dressed in blue, the girl in orange and the Uchiha in red. The dark-haired boy was brooding with a vengeance.
"Oh, com'on Sasuke, it's all in good fun." The Uzumaki tried again, nudging Sasuke with his elbow.
"You don't get it, do you?" The Uchiha grumbled. "It's all about being cool. It takes time and efforts and you ruined it."
"Well, it's not like I changed all your clothes you know? You could have chosen those I didn't swap."
Sasuke threw a glare at the blond. "I have a routine and you obviously know it. You know I'm never bothering with the leftmost side of my closet."
"I think red looks ok on you," interjected Sakura. She gestured to herself. "I mean look at me. I'm orange." She spat with disgust.
"Don't diss orange, Sakura, it's a perfectly okay colour with blue," chastised Naruto before he sniggered. "I admit though, you really don't wear it well. Guess I'm the only one awesome enough to pull it off."
"Gee, thank you, Naruto, I-"
"Boss, Boss!" A young voice interrupted Sakura before she had time to express how much displeasure she was feeling.
Naruto sighed in anticipated exhaustion. "I'm not your Boss, Konohamaru. Go bother Ebisu."
"But you're much stronger than him, Boss."
"No, I'm not."
"Who is this Ebisu?" Sasuke asked, mildly interesting in a possible way to get back at Naruto.
"No one," answered Naruto quickly.
"He is a jounin," said Konohamaru with a plaintive voice, "but he is so laaame."
Sasuke smirked and turned on his seat to look at the young boy who had called Naruto his "Boss" and smirked wider when he saw it was the youngest Sarutobi. The grandson of the Hokage himself.
The Uchiha nodded thoughtfully. "You know, I get why Naruto is your boss. He is so strong after all. Did you know he manhandled a jounin-level missing-nin on our last mission?"
Naruto immediately slapped his hand on the Uchiha's mouth but the damage was done. Konohamaru was looking at Naruto with twinkling stars in his eyes.
"You're going to pay Sasuke. That's not worth your wardrobe being changed," threatened Naruto in a low voice.
"Bring it on," muttered the Uchiha.
"Please!" Konohamaru squealed. "Please, please pleasepleasepleaseplease! I'll do anything so you teach me!"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "You didn't even take my first lesson to heart. Can you even remember what I told you when we first met?"
The little boy scratched his head. "There's no shortcut to strength?"
"Precisely. Your teacher is as good as I would be because I would teach the exact same things as he does."
"Please anyway?" The little Sarutobi boy asked with puppy eyes.
Naruto shook his head. "No."
"Com'on Naruto, he is adorable, throw him a bone," said Sakura as she pinched Konohamaru's cheek tenderly.
"Oh really?" The blond threw the girl a mischievous glance before he cleared his throat. "Ok Konohamaru. If you can beat Sakura in a taijutsu battle, I'll consider teaching you something."
The little boy's face brightened just as Sakura made a noise that sounded like "should have thought about that". The Sarutobi eyed the girl.
"She looks weak though. And ugly. Why is she wearing orange, it obviously doesn't suit her at all. Not like you boss."
The sound of knuckles cracking caused Konohamaru to look at Sakura's face. The boy paled as he saw the veins pulsating on the girl's large forehead.
"And the fight begins now. You might want to run if you want to stay alive, Konohamaru."
With an animalistic snarl, Sakura lunged at the boy who was already running as if his life was depending on it. It was, actually.
"Sakura will kill the boy," Sasuke remarked.
Naruto shrugged. "No, she will rough him up and that will teach him to turn his tongue seven times in his mouth before he speaks." Having said that, the blond slurped on his ramen, finishing his serving quickly.
"We really should check. Sakura still has that short temper of her and she has become much stronger than she was in the Academy. Thanks to you."
"So?"
"So I'm sure I could convince the relevant people you're somehow responsible for that."
Naruto groaned and muttered about the impossibility of eating ramen in peace and that the Sarutobi were annoying and how the Uchiha were bastards. "Fine but you're paying." He said before he hopped off his stool and ran off.
Sasuke slurped his ramen. He didn't mind paying. As the sole heir to the Uchiha clan, he was filthy rich after all. He threw some Ryo on the counter and bowed his head to the two smiling cooks in thanks before he leisurely followed his crazy teammates.
Naruto easily caught to Sakura and Konohamaru only to find the little boy hoisted by his collar by a peculiar looking boy. He seemed a bit older than then and was dressed in a catsuit and had a generous layer of purple paint on his face. The strangest thing was that he was wearing a hitai-ate from Sunagakure. The blond eyed him carefully before he turned to Sakura, who he found was eying the same boy the same way.
"Why is he wearing makeup?" The blond whispered to his teammate.
Sakura started minutely. "Don't sneak up on me, Naruto, I hate that! And how would I know? Maybe he likes it?" The girl whispered harshly.
"But boy don't really wear makeup. I mean, the Sarutobi have this khôl thing around their eyes but this is taking thing a little far, no?"
"Don't question it!" Sakura whisper-shouted. "The poor boy is probably questioning his sexuality and trying thing. I didn't take you for such a close-minded boy, Naruto!"
"What?! No! He does whatever he wants but I mean, even if he wanted to be a girl, no girl ever put makeup like that, right?"
"I don't know Naruto, maybe in their country they do!"
"But look at his teammate, she is a girl and she doesn't wear this ridiculous purple paint everywhere on her face."
Said teammate, a sandy blonde with her hair done in four spiky ponytails and dressed in a rather elegant, purplish combat robe with protective mesh underneath, was rolling on the ground, laughing.
The boy was red with anger, several veins pulsating on his face. "You tree-huggers really are testing my patience. First this boy then two retards who think they are genins? I think I need to break some bones."
Naruto snorted. "Right, what you should do is let the little boy go."
"He bumped into me."
"Konohamaru, apologize to mister cat for bumping into him," ordered Naruto.
"Yes, Boss! I apologize for bumping into you, mister cat." Konohamaru shouted eagerly.
"Good, he apologized, now let him go."
The older teen snarled. "You think that's it? You make a fool out of me and you think I'll just take it? I'm no tree-hugger like you retards."
Naruto sighed. "Sasuke, I know you're in the tree. Do the cool thing before I kill this stupid bitch."
"Dammit, Naruto! It's way less cool if you reveal my presence!" A voice barked from a nearby tree.
The blond massaged his eyes. "You do it or I kill this fucker and cause an international incident!"
"Okay okay," relented Sasuke.
"You tree-huggers are-"
Before the cat-boy could finish whatever he was going to say, a rock impacted his wrist with enough force to cause him to drop Konohamaru. Before the boy could hit the ground, a gust of wind lifted the blonde's skirt, revealing rather cute, bear-themed panties. As the wind settled, Konohamaru was behind Sakura, eyes swirling from motion sickness.
"You shouldn't have shunshin-ed with the little boy, Naruto," admonished Sakura. "He is gonna puke now."
"You were going to murder him a second ago and now you're worried about his health. Women, I swear."
"It feels wrong to beat him if he is sick."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
"Don't you fucking ignore me!" The cat-boy screamed, retrieving a large package from his back. "It seems you're all in need of a lesson."
"Kankuro!" The blond girl warned. "Stop it, this is stupid."
"Let me deal with my business Temari. These runts need to be taught a lesson."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Right, and you definitely need one too, in politics to be exact. You think attacking us, ninja of Konoha, as a guest from Suna, will be looked over? You think you'll do what, rough us up a little and that will be it? You have sand in place of your brain or what? Admitting you even could beat us, you'd be arrested, then tensions would rise between Suna and Konoha, even higher than they already are, then you'd be punished but of course, Suna wouldn't be happy and tensions would be at an all-time high and then it could all degenerate into war because shinobi are really trigger happy people. So is that it? You want to start a war?"
Kankuro snarled, Temari blinked, Sakura coughed and Sasuke shunshin-ed close to the blond.
"You're overthinking things, Naruto." The Uchiha said simply.
Kankuro blinked, Temari blushed and Sakura snorted.
"You're a bastard, Sasuke," sighed the blond. "What is it with girls and gloomy brunette?" He muttered distastefully.
"I'm not gloomy. I'm cool. You should try it sometime."
"I'm going to hit you."
"Later," cut Sasuke who then eyed the Suna-nin carefully. "I'm more interested in why three ninjas from Suna are strolling in Konoha and threatening the Sandaime's grandson like they own the place."
Kankuro paled behind the purple paint. Temari sighed.
"I knew you were an idiot Kankuro but I think you pulled all the stops there," the blonde said before she inclined her head. "I apologize for the behaviour of my younger brother. He hit his head when he was young."
"Temari!"
"Shut up Kankuro. As for what we are doing here, the chuunin exams are held in Konoha. Didn't you know?"
"Pah, of course, they wouldn't, they are runts."
"Yeah, yeah, and you're dressed in a catsuit with makeup all over your face so don't start bragging." Naruto interrupted. "Alright, if you're here it means you passed the gate and if you passed the gate, your papers are in order. Don't stir up any more trouble, it won't end as nicely for you next time." The blond waved his right hand in a dismissive motion. "Oh, before I forget, tell your teammate creeping in the tree to stop it. It makes ANBU nervous when you try to sneak around in the village. I made sure of that."
This seemed to startled Kankuro and Temari but before they could recover, a young redhead boy the age of team seven appeared in front of them in a shunshin.
"G-Gaara!"
"Silence, Kankuro."
"Yes, Gaara."
The redhead riveted deranged eyes on Naruto. "What's your name?"
"Menma. For the ramen topping." The blond pointed at Sasuke. "Here is Tomato-chan and behind is Orenji."
"...You'll make a good offering for Mother," said Gaara unphased. His glare jumped from Naruto to Sasuke. "Both of you. Temari, Kankuro, let's go."
The three Suna-nin abruptly turned heels and departed, leaving behind a frowning team seven.
"This… Gaara is dangerous," remarked Sasuke.
Sakura shrugged. "We have Menma."
"True."
"Oy! I'm still here you know?!" Naruto called in a threatening voice.
"Shush, Menma." Sasuke and Sakura both answered.
Kakashi eyed the three documents he had in his hands. Three forms for his little genins to enter the chuunin exams. The opportunity to pit themselves against genins from their generation - more or less - kill a few and fight in front of various personalities who were in need of adrenaline, blood and guts but in a safe way.
The last stage of a chuunin examination was always a tournament mainly held for the viewing pleasure of those funding the hidden villages.
Actually, the examination never truly tested the participants for chuunin. Chuunin were potential team leaders. Nothing in the examination really tested leadership. Various aspects of the shinobi life certainly but never leadership.
Still, some contenders were promoted to chuunin afterwards, as Kakashi had been for example. And Kakashi's brilliant leadership had led his teammate to his death. The jounin dispelled the dark thoughts as he approached the training ground of his team.
"Hello, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura greeted.
The jounin eye-smiled at his three students. "Hello, you three. What would you say about entering the chuunin exams?"
Sasuke shrugged, Sakura looked at him for a second before she affected a pensive look and Naruto simply was nose-deep in a book.
Kakashi felt a bead of sweat drop from his forehead. "I suppose it means no?"
"Well, not really but can't we go on another C-rank instead. Or even a B-rank maybe? That would grant us more experience, wouldn't it?" Sasuke said.
"Well, the exams are a good learning experience." Kakashi countered. "You get to fight plenty of strong people who are still around your level so you don't get immediately pasted. And there's always a chance to be promoted to chuunin. With the grade come plenty of advantages."
"Mooh, Kakashi-sensei," protested Sakura with a pout, "you want to be rid of us already?"
The jounin scratched his hair. "No, it doesn't quite work that way Sakura. Becoming a chuunin doesn't mean you'd leave team seven, we would still run plenty of mission together and I'd still teach you. But you'd get to work with other people and have a little time for yourself to learn something of your choosing."
"A specialization?" The Uchiha asked.
"Yes," confirmed Kakashi. "Naruto, it would be an opportunity to focus on iryo-jutsu."
Sakura and Sasuke both gave the blond a curious look. "You want to become a medic-nin?" The girl asked, a bit incredulous.
Naruto blushed a little. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?" He challenged.
"Nothing. With what you're capable of, I thought you'd become a pure frontline fighter." The pink-haired girl hazarded.
"Well, I don't wanna."
"That's your strength, though," remarked Sasuke.
Naruto shrugged. "Where's the fun in becoming something I already am? And I want to be known for fixing people, not pasting them."
"So," interrupted Kakashi, "are you participating or not?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Give us the waivers already, Kakashi-sensei, we'll see if we go or not."
The jounin eye-smiled. "If you're in, meet me in three days in front of the Academy at nine. You have these three days to do whatever. Bye," said Kakashi before giving the three genins a two-fingers salute and shunshin-ing away in a surprise puff of smoke.
The trio coughed, inhaling the covering smoke in spite of their best efforts.
"Bastard Nii-san," groused Naruto.
AN: The chuunin exams, again. I'm going to cry. Expect no suspense and Team 7 ploughing right through. Best,