My dearest Yao Yao,
I know you won't reply to me so I just wanted to tell you about the day I fell in love with you. I remember I was being chase; I was sore, my feet were cold, my face was bleeding.
I ran as fast as I could… until I found you in a field. You saw me through the flowers
And smiled but I ran away. I know I shouldn't of but I told him about you and about my love for you. Then he destroyed you, took over your country and beat you down. I avoided you because I felt so guilty
I know now that was the first time you had been defeated. So you can see why I blame myself for each time you fell and each time your heart broke. It was because I started it. I was your song Yao, The Chinese Song.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me
Ivan.
Dear Diary,
Today Ivan sent me another letter. He blames himself for my defeat against the Golden Horde. What he doesn't realize is that I don't blame him. It wasn't his fault I was defeated.
I feel guilty because I don't remember him in that field and I don't remember smiling at him. He remembers it so well as the time he fell in love with me but I don't even remember the field he wrote about.
Ivan had a horrible childhood and I wish I knew he was there at the Golden Horde's house. Then maybe I could've sheltered him and stopped his mind cracking. Stopped everything.
He'd get older and we'd fall in love and then everything would be perfect.
The things that would have happened if love had found me first