"Hey beautiful." I say when Jess appears in my doorway.
I'm sitting at my desk when she comes over and hugs me from behind. "Hey, whatcha doing?"
"I was working on packing. 3 months and 2 days until I leave for Dartmouth!" I say, holding onto her arms.
"Jeez… don't sound so eager to leave me, your favorite girlfriend in the entire world." Jess laughs.
"Correction: entire universe thank you. And there isn't any competition. I love you and only you. There aren't any other girls. You know that." I say, pulling her onto my lap.
"I know." She says with an off smile.
I frown. "What's wrong? Jess I'm being serious…"
"Darcy, can we talk?" she says, standing up.
I give her a weird look. "Sure. Everything okay?" I stand up slowly while trying to mask the worry in my face.
"Sit down on the bed." she says, her breathing getting heavier. I do as she says. She takes one look at my face and laughs. "Darcy, don't look like that. I'm not breaking up with you."
I laugh. "Okay okay. What's up Jess?" I see the sadness in her face as I wait for her to say something. What's going on?
"This isn't easy, but I know this is important and you deserve to know." she says as if she's trying to talk herself into telling me whatever it is.
"Jess." I say grabbing her hands. "Just tell me."
She looks at me and nods. "Promise me you won't freak out, get upset, and I completely understand if you don't want to be with me…"
"Jess. What's going on? You can tell me. I promise I won't freak out. And I'm not sure there's anything that would make me not want to be with you. What's on your mind?" I say, guiding her to sit down next to me.
"I…" she starts as a tear trickled down her cheek. "Darcy I have cancer." The minute I hear the word cancer I feel my heart drop into my stomach. I try to fight my face falling but I can't.
"You… have… cancer." I stutter. I don't even know what to say. I'm telling myself not to freak out but it's hard when someone you care about so much tells you something like this. I feel my hands start to shake and I quickly wrap my arms around her to hide it. I pull her into my chest so she can't see the tears fall down my face. "No…" I mutter and she looks up at me.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry." she mutters, starting to cry.
"No don't be sorry. It's okay. Well it's not but there's nothing you can do. Anyone can do." I choke back tears. "Please just let me hold you a little while longer." I feel her nod into my chest and I move back in my bed, carrying her back with me. I lean against my wall and stretch out my legs. She lays on my chest with her arms wrapped around my waist. My mind refuses to believe it. Why does this have to happen to one of the people I love most in the world?
I feel her breathing start to slow as she falls asleep. I still have tears flowing down my cheeks when my dad pokes his head in. He gives me a weird look and mouths, "what's wrong?". I shake my head and start to cry harder, all while trying not to disturb Jess. I grip her tighter, never wanting to let her go.
I have a million questions racing through my mind. How much time does she have left? Treatment? What stage? And the one that scares me the most: will I ever have to say goodbye?