I watch the doctors stick another IV in Jess's arm. Today's the day. The day that could ultimately increase her chances of living, yet at the same time could kill her, killing a part of me along with it. Brain surgery day.
I look at Jess, who smiles, knowing I insisted on being here just like I have been for every other doctors appointment. I just want to be there for her, even if she tells me to go and live life. But I can't because she's the biggest part of my life. She gives me a smile and I squeeze her hand. I know she's nervous even though she'll never tell me. I am too. "Come on at least try to entertain me while we wait." she jokes. Mr and Mrs Delaney ran the boys to the cafeteria where they are meeting my family, so it's just me and her. She smiles at me and we watch the nurse leave the room, shutting the door. I get up and sit on the side of her bed, and I place my hand on her cheek. I lean down and kiss her.
"I love you Jess." I say, cupping her cheek and looking into her eyes.
She places her hand over top of mine and smiles. She pulls my face closer to hers and whispers, "Stop worrying."
I move back, laughing. "You know I'll always worry. It's my job. I care about you Jess."
"I know you do, but come on Darcy. I'm not scared. I've come to terms with it. I could be dead in a matter of hours…"
"Don't you dare say that." I interrupt angrily, hopping up.
"Darcy calm down…" Jess says.
"No Jess. Don't Darcy me. You don't understand. I'm scared out of my mind that you'll be dead and I'll never see you again or talk to you. So don't tell me to calm down or say you could be dead because don't you think I'm trying to stay calm! Don't you think I know you could die!" I yell. I see her pale face with tears welling up in her eyes. I sit back down on her hospital bed. "There's a 45% chance that there will be a complication. 25% chance of death. Complications include brain bleeds, strokes, the anesthetic being too strong and it stopping your heart, lung strain… Jess wrong one move with a utensil and you could end up brain dead. So I'm scared."
Jess looks down. "I should have never told you."
"Come on Jess don't be like this."
"Go Darcy." she says without making eye contact.
"Jess…"
"I said go and I mean it." I begin to protest again. "GO." I look at her in defeat. She has tears dripping down her face, but I listen to her and leave. I close the door and feel hot tears streaming down my face.