Hello friends!

Warnings at end of chapter

I repeat

Warnings at end of chapter

VIRA, PARADISE

"What the hell happened here?" Ace asked.

What had most likely once been a lively albeit small town had been transformed into a battlefield. Bodies littered the ground in ways that showed that the civilians had obviously been trying to flee their attackers. Nearly all of them showed wounds that must have come from swords and many of them were missing limbs. Many of the buildings had burn marks and shattered windows. Everything was covered in blood. It was also clear from the color of the blood that soaked the ground as well as the scent in the air that these people had been slaughtered a few days ago.

"Pirates." I said. While it was clear that this was the first time that the others were seeing anything like this I was more than accustomed to scenes like this.

Not like I had a choice after all given all the times that I've been on the other side of this situation…

"Why would pirates do something like this?" Ace asked. I looked over at him and saw that he had gone pale.

I shrugged before saying, "Why wouldn't they? Ransacking a village is one of the easiest and most common ways for a pirate to make money."

"But why would they kill all of these people? It doesn't make sense." Ace asked angrily.

"Again, why wouldn't they? It's easy and it's fun for them. And if they kill everyone here then there is no one left alive to tell the Marines who attacked them."

"She's right Ace. It's not pretty but this is the reality of what most pirates in the world do. Pirates like us are actually pretty rare." Deuce said while looking pointedly away, he was starting to go a bit green.

Ace pulled his hat down so that it shadowed his eyes before saying, "We should go see if there are any survivors. We might be able to help them."

Why bother? If they were too weak to defend themselves then they brought this upon themselves. But somehow I don't think Ace would see it that way…

Ace started walking into the town and the three of us followed. Once we made it to the street my eyes started to water from the strength of the scent of death and decay in the air. Skull and Ace were also having a hard time and tried to block out the smell with their shirts.

Ugh I will never get over this smell. Seriously if these people had to be this pitiful then the least they could do is have the common decency to not stink up the place after they bit it.

Our progress through the town was slowed by the need to step carefully over the bodies that littered the ground. We also had to pause when Deuce threw up. We continued on our way through town without seeing anyone left alive. After about half an hour of looking my haki picked up on a single person hiding on the other side of town.

"Hey Ace I think there's a survivor a half mile west from here." I said.

"How do you- whatever doesn't matter. Do you know exactly where they are?" He asked.

"More or less. Once we get closer I should be able to point out where they're hiding. They're actually doing a pretty good job of hiding themselves which is why I didn't sense them until now."

Ace nodded and we started walking towards where I sensed the person. The side of town that we were walking through was becoming more residential and as such there were a lot less bodies scattered about. Compared to the sea of corpses that the rest of town had become this place looked almost quaint. That was until we turned the final corner to where the person was hiding and were confronted with a school yard. There was a cheerful little picket fence lining a large section of grass that was so green it was almost blinding. There was also a picturesque little school house that was bright red with white trim sitting in the middle of the yard, and surrounding the building were the corpses of dozens of small children. Before I could look away I locked eyes with a little girl who had bloodied blonde hair and was staring unseeingly towards us.

No…

BOOM

"SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"NO!"

"IT BURNS! PLEASE SOMEONE!"

"ANYONE!"

My heart started racing and my body immediately broke into a cold sweat and all I could hear were the sounds of explosions and scream of agony accented by pleas for help.

"RUN HE'S COMING!"

"DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! HELP ME!"

"Oh god where are my legs? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LEGS!"

Why is this happening? I want to go home. Mommy please save me. I don't want to be here. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Why is everyone dying? I can hear everything. I can feel everything. They're all dying. Everyone is dying. WHY?

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME! GET OUT HERE AND FACE ME YOU BASTARD!"

I felt air rip past me as a wave of compressed air sliced through the ground and everyone in its path. I saw the people in its path be turned into nothing but a spray of blood.

I have to run. I have to run but I can't move. Why can't I move? WHY CAN'T I MOVE?

I felt my body shaking and could feel myself starting to hyperventilate.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe. Am I dying? I'M DYING. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I WANT TO GO HOME! MOMMY PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE THIS STOP! ANYONE!

"Ari are you okay?"

I jumped and screamed when I felt something grab my shoulder and immediately whipped around while creating a water whip to fend off my attacker.

NO!

"Fuck! Ari what the hell?"

Ace? Why would Ace be here? No he can't be here…

"Guys back up she's having a panic attack and I don't think she recognizes us. Just give her some space."

Is that Deuce? Wha-

"Ariadne you're okay no one is going to hurt you. You're safe."

Safe? NO I'M NOT! I HAVE TO RUN HE'S COMING! HE'S-

"See? No one here is going to hurt you. You're here with us. Your crew. It's okay." He said in a calm voice.

"Deuce? What happened? No I- I" I stammered out while I felt tears starting to stream down my face.

"It's okay. You're okay." Deuce said as I felt myself come back to the present. I looked around and saw Deuce standing in front of me and Skull and Ace on the ground a little ways away.

What happened? No I was just at- I had a panic attack. Oh fucking course I did. Because I'm pathetic. Fuck they saw that didn't they? Oh no no no I have to get out of here.

"I just need a second. I'm going to head back to the ship." I choked out before I turned and started sprinting back toward the ship. I could hear them calling after me but I ignored them and just kept running.

As soon as I made it back to the ship I ran to my cabin and slammed the door. Then I immediately collapsed against it with my knees pulled up to my chest and my head buried in them.

FUCK! Why am I so weak? I'm supposed to be over this shit! It's been 11 years already so what the hell Adne? And you lost your shit in front of the whole crew! Nice going there bitch! Now they are going to know how much of a fucking weakling you are! Damn it! You know better!

WEAKNESS IS NOT TOLERATED!

At that moment I felt myself break and was reduced to sobs.

I don't know how long I sat there sobbing but eventually my tears dried and I was left sitting on the floor staring blankly at the wall in front of me. I jumped when I heard a knock at my door.

I ignored it at first but when they knocked again I figured that they wouldn't be going away.

Well guess I should get this over with. Fortunately I don't have too much to pack so it shouldn't take me too long to leave. After all why would Ace want someone as worthless as me on his crew after that spectacular meltdown?

I stood and slowly opened the door to see Ace standing in the hallway.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I said with a croaky voice.

Nice Ari even your voice is pathetic at this point. You just can't stop being pathetic can you?

"Yea I don't buy that. You really had us worried. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked while shuffling awkwardly.

I sighed and said, "Look Ace, I'm sorry alright? I apologize. Just give me half an hour to get my shit together and I'll be on my way."

I have to get out of here. The sooner the better. It was nice while it lasted but obviously I have worn out my welcome...

"What? Where are you going?"

"Obviously I need to leave the ship so just let me pack my stuff and I'll be gone alright?"

"Huh? No! Why would you leave? Fuck Air what is going on?" He asked while pushing his way into the room and shutting the door behind himself.

"Why would I stay? Why would you want me to? Did you not see what I just did? I'm fucking pathetic!" I shouted.

"No you're not! Ari talk to me! What the hell happened out there?"

"It's none of your concern."

"You're a member of my crew so yes it is."

"Oh please. Don't try and act like we're friends."

"I thought that we were?"

"Well we aren't. Because I'm a fucking mess who can't keep her shit together because of some dead kids. So if you don't mind I'd like to be alone so that I can pack my things and be on my way." I said quickly as I felt my breathing speed up and my heart start to race again.

DAMN IT NOT AGAIN! STOP IT! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ALREADY!

I felt my body turn traitor as tears welled up in my eyes again and I started to shiver. Ace looked panicked for a second before he hugged me. I tried to resist but after a second I grabbed him tightly, buried my head in his shoulder and started sobbing once again. He guided me to sit on the floor with him without letting me go and just let me cry.

We sat together on the floor for a while before my tears stopped and my breathing evened out. Once that happened I pulled back from him and wiped my eyes on my jacket sleeves.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

Ace kept his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer before saying, "It's okay. Do you want to try and tell me what is going on now? I'm not really good at the whole comforting thing but I'll do my best."

I thought about it for a moment before quietly asking, "Do you remember what happened when Roger was arrested? What happened at Marineford?"

"No, not really."

"Um, well there was this one pirate who really hated Roger and so when he was arrested he went there to try and kill him personally. He ended up attacking the base."

"And you were there?"

"Yea. Um, I told you about how I went to school in Marineford right? Well I wasn't really supposed to. Apparently I was a special kid or something I don't really remember, but basically I was picked special to go to school in HQ instead of in the base on Sabaody. So the school there was having an assembly for the start of the year and to welcome all of the Sabaody kids into the school. I remember me and some other kids were all standing in a little clump laughing and doing stupid little kid stuff. Our teacher kept telling us to be quiet because someone was giving a speech but we didn't care. We were just happy. But um, while our teacher was telling us to be quiet a galleon crashed into the plaza. I-I don't mean it hit the docks. I mean it was floating above our heads and then it just dropped into the center of the square. That's when it started. It's all pretty hazy but I just remember everyone screaming and running. And there were explosions and things were breaking and there was blood. So much blood. It was everywhere. And I just- I just ran as fast as I could. I had no idea where I was even going or what to do but I just knew that I had to run. Not that it mattered though because everywhere I went, everywhere I looked people were dying. There were so many cannons firing and gunshots and it was horrible. I found a little crater that I think was created by an explosion actually but I found it and just sat in it trying to keep as quiet as possible. I was just sitting there and I could hear everything. Everywhere people were screaming and crying for help. They just kept screaming." I finished with another strangled sob.

Ace was quiet for a minute before asking, "How old were you?"

"I'd just turned 5." I said with a sniffle. "Yea that's actually when I met Sera. She fell into my crater and we just held onto each other until everything went quiet."

"Holy shit. So that pirate just killed a bunch of kids in order to get to Roger?"

"I don't think that was his plan but that's what he ended up doing yea. The town on Marineford is actually pretty big so all of the kids that lived there as well as the kids allowed to go to school there made up about 1,000 students, I think. And they were all gathered in the plaza for that stupid fucking assembly."

"How many kids, you know, made it?" He asked.

"I don't know how many survived but only 9 of us kept going to school there after the attack. A lot of Marine families moved out after that also."

"Fuck. So that's why the kids…"

"Yea that's why I can walk through a field of dead bodies without batting an eye but the second I see a couple of dead kids I lose my shit. Well, that and I'm just a super mature person who has excellent control over her emotions. Of course." I said while roughly wiping my face.

Damn it why can't I stop crying?

"I don't think maturity really matters in situations like that. I mean I'm not a doctor but it makes sense that you would react like that to seeing those kinds of things."

"Sure."

"I know it's not the same thing but for a while my little brother had a hard time being around fire and would get a little freaked out if a fire got bigger than a campfire."

"Why?"

Ace took a deep breath before saying, "Basically, there used to be this huge garbage dump on the island that I lived on. One day the nobles decided that it was an eyesore or something stupid like that and they decided that they could get rid of it by burning it all. Luffy and I were there at the time along with everyone who lived there and we almost died. Guess it's kind of funny that I can control fire now after almost being killed by it." He said.

"Yea funny."

"But what I mean is it doesn't make you weak if you have things that bother you even if they make you freak out. Luffy used to freak out but he got over it and now he's fine. But even before that he wasn't weak because he was scared of fire. Besides Luffy and I both got a lot stronger after that so you must have gotten way stronger after living through that!"

What? He thinks that shit made me stronger? He thinks that after watching me lose my shit?

"I guess." I said.

"Great so yea we'll just avoid dead kids, ugh that better not be hard to do. I mean seriously who just goes around slaughtering kids? That is seriously fucked up. That guy must have had several screws loose."

"Well he did have a big chunk of a steering wheel lodged in his skull."

"That explains it!" Ace said.

We both chuckled a bit before I asked, "So you really don't think I'm super pathetic after seeing that? You don't want me to leave the crew?"

"Obviously not. You are crazy strong Air. Man I haven't had my ass handed to me like you did the other day since the last time Garp decided to 'train' me. Hey how 'bout this, you keep helping me with my devil fruit and I'll try and help you with this."

He doesn't think I'm weak? He wants to help me? No one has ever said that before. Is he being serious? Why would he be? But then again, why wouldn't he be? He helped out Kotatsu and Deuce didn't he? So maybe he could actually...

"But I- I- thank you."

"For what?" He asked.

"For not calling me stupid I guess." I said with a shrug.

For wanting to help me. For not kicking me off the crew. For listening to me. For being here...

"Seriously? Come on Air you are obviously the smartest person on the ship."

I laughed and asked, "Just on the ship?"

"Well I haven't been to that many islands so I can't really judge the average intelligence of the whole world but once we conquer the seas I'll get back to you on that." Ace said with a huge smile on his face.

There he goes with that smile again. Ugh stop it Ari you know you should go down that- wait. Why shouldn't I go down that path? He's by far one of the best men I've ever met. He saw me freak out and he isn't laughing at me. He isn't super weak, stupid, old or gross. So why not? You know what? Fuck it.

FUCK.

IT.

I am a pirate and I take what I want. And what I want right now is him.

But how exactly do I get him to be mine? I'll have to think on that…

"Ok good talk! I'll be right back!" Ace said before getting up and running out of the room.

"Okay?" I said to the empty room.

I wasn't left to wait for too long because a few minutes later Ace kicked the door open with his foot and struggled into the room with his arms full.

"Ok so I'm guessing you don't want to be around the rest of the crew right now. So here is a bowl of hot soup courtesy of Skull and here is a cat to cuddle with." He said while handing me the bowl of soup and dropping Kotatsu on the floor.

"Meow." Kotatsu rubbed his body against Ace's leg while walking over to head butt my arm. I lightly scratched his head in return.

He brought me soup and a cat...

"So do you want me to stay or do you want some alone time?" Ace asked.

I set the soup down on the floor so that I could hug Kotatsu's neck tightly before burying my face in his soft fur. "You can stay I guess." I mumbled.

Ace sat down on the other side of Kotatsu and started petting his back. I had to keep my face in his fur for a few more minutes so that Ace wouldn't see my blush.

Damn it I've got it bad don't I?

Warnings:

-PTSD flashbacks
-Severe panic attacks
-Poor management of panic attacks
This is a very dark and intense chapter and there are aspects of panic attacks and self hatred through out. So if you may be effected negatively by those things then it would be best to skip this chapter. If you do skip this chapter then here is a basic summary of the plot points so that you can still follow the story.

The crew lands on the island of Vira and find that it has been ransacked by pirates. They find the remains of a school and Ari has a very bad panic attack as well as flashbacks to a horrific event that she witnessed when she was younger. She goes back to the ship alone. Then later once the crew returns to the ship Ace goes to talk to her. She tells him that after Roger was arrested Shiki attacked Marineford and she was there. She tells him that she was only 5 when the attack happened and that a lot of her classmates were killed. While he doesn't understand the intricacies of PTSD he is understanding of having a hard time and tells her not to worry about it. Through out the chapter Ari has been hating herself because she had a panic attack as she feels it makes her weak. But Ace tells her that it doesn't. Ari decides that Ace is a sweet cuddle bean and that she is a pirate so she is going to take what she wants and what she wants is him. Then Ace is extra soft and he brings her soup and Kotatsu so that she can have something to eat and a kitty to cuddle to help her feel better.

Next chapter is warning free and should hopefully be out soon so if you skipped this chapter then you should be able to pick back up there.

Soooooooooooo that was... fun? While I do not have PTSD I am very familiar with panic attacks and may have actually given myself one while writing this wHiCh WaS fUn! Anyways I hope you enjoyed the chapter even if it wasn't very cute or fun!

Also I am still looking for a beta so if this chapter didn't scare you off and you would be interested in helping me out then feel free to send me a PM!

Also also I just posted a new fic for drabbles that I'll be writing about Ari and Ace so if you want to read something fluffy then feel free to go read that :)