I made this one-shot in honor of those who know what it's like to go through virtual, physical, mental, and verbal bullying, and even abuse. I made this is honor of those who have gone through the thought process of not wanting to be here, as myself can finally admit, I'm suicidal, and it's not a place I want to go back to. It's a struggle daily, and mental disorders are something that need to be addressed. For someone who denied her depression, anxieties, and everything, this is to those who are doing the same, saying you're not alone, and I'm here, and there are others too. I sadly know what's it's like to be depressed, anxious, suicidal, stalked, harassed, bullied, constantly in my head, wanting to be in my head because its better there then in reality, and the list can go on and on. However, I also know what's it's like to function normally so no one notices my pain, function so no one notices my slip ups, so no one notices my failures, and just keep myself buried in my school, work and head. I am here to tell you, if you're like me, you're not alone, and this story is for you. And I got a lot of inspiration from songs I Love Me, Warrior, It's Okay Not to Be Okay by Demi Lovato, Fake Smile, Breathin, POV by Ariana Grande, Workin' on it, Genetics by Meghan Trainor, and more. Enjoy.
I love Me:
I have gone through most of my school years alone. I only had one friend. She was a blonde, who if I am being honest, wasn't well liked at all at school, and left me to go to mid college because she was super smart, and was going places. Not to mention, she knew her exact career path, to the point of how she was going to get a secure job, several promotions, 401K, investments, might have a hobby or two with books, get into politics, and know her retirement fund and program through and through. She had her whole life mapped out. It was kind of crazy. We aren't even done with high school yet, and she had her life completely planned. I was baffled. It made me anxious. Should I be as planned? Should I be as coordinated? I always wondered did she have time for me? She was so busy. I never wanted to bother her. Sometimes I felt I did when I came over. She was always working on homework, and I just quietly read or look through my photos. I…I didn't know what else to do. Was I always a bother to everyone? In elementary school, no one liked me, even when I was moving around, I knew that.
People constantly made fun of me for how much taller I was than them. Although, now it doesn't apply. I'm not shorter, rather average. Though, I am still called a twig. Shamed all the time for my body. Do I eat enough, or should I eat? I would hear the girls' comments about me.
(*)
"Look it's ugly Jackie."
"Don't you mean fugly Jackie." A girl snickered. I looked down.
"Wacky and stupid. It surprises me she just doesn't wear a paper bag over her head to cover up that hideous face." One of the other girls sneered.
"I wish she wouldn't come to school anymore." The first remarked.
"I know, she's weird, makes everyone feel uncomfortable, it's creepy, she's creepy, ugly to look at, has no fashion sense what so ever, the list can go on." The other agreed. I swallowed walking away. I walked out of the locker room. I held my books close to me. Why did the world feel so small? Why did everything feel so tense? It felt like everyone was just looking at me with the same hateful eyes. The same judgmental eyes. 'Maybe…maybe I shouldn't be here…'
(*)
Nothing ever made it better either. Sadly when I would go to Kick's stunts to do photos for him, I felt even more judged. He didn't even talk to me much, nor Gunther. It hurt. It felt like I imagined a friendship all in my head. When we were younger it felt like we were the closest of friends, but maybe that was all a lie.
What…what if my friendship with Kendall…what if that was a lie too?
I hated this.
Why couldn't I be normal? Why couldn't I be fucking normal? Why did I have to be wacky? Why did Gordie have to make fun of me for my clothes, and his goons copy every word he said to emphasize his point? Why were those points directly aimed towards me? Why did all the girls at the school talk behind my back? Why did they hate me for my clothes, my weight, my teeth, my face, my hair, my everything, and anything in between? Why wasn't I enough?
Would I ever be enough?
Why….why? Why…why was I here?
Why do I have to go through this torture? I shouldn't have to…
I am alone.
I'm friendless.
I have no one.
No one likes me, so why put myself through this?
I…I'm nobody.
I….don't need to be here….
I'm not worth being here….
So why am I here…
I made up friendships…. I made up friendships….didn't I?
(*)
"She is so stupid."
"I know. I can't stand her." I saw their stares aimed at me, as I got my stuff out of my locker. I swallowed, closing it and holding my stuff closer to me.
"She's so ugly." Another spoke.
"Too skinny, like a fuckin twig. Bitch needs to eat a hamburger." One laughed. "Hell I'll shove 100 down her throat."
"Can probably shove a few things down her throat." Another snickered with a devious glint in her tone.
"No thigh gap, she's too fat… needs a diet." I heard another girl comment. "Plus her hips are too wide and her ass is huge."
"She's just hideous, glasses, braces, frizzy short hair, horrible clothes, and is fucking wacky. She's a freak." I walked by the last who was talking to another girl. It seemed like all these girls could do was gossip, all I could hear, were these girls' comments. I looked down. I…I just wanted it to stop. I just wanted it to end. When were things enough! When was I enough….when…when was I…enough?
(*)
I looked in the mirror. I hated what I saw. They were right. I wasn't beautiful. I wasn't even pretty. I had horrible dull brunette hair that was short, with a little wave to it at the end. It was frizzy. I had braces that had yet to come off. Thick black rimmed glasses that covered my face. I looked like a laughing stock. I was a twig with nothing to boast about, and even if I could I wouldn't because I had no beauty to flatter it with. My hips did not compliment my shape nor did my butt. I…can never be enough. My closet was filled with awful clothes that offered nothing and I just wanted to shatter the mirror further.
I…I wasn't enough…
(*)
I was helping out with Kick's stunt again. It went off flawlessly. He always was amazing with them. He had real skill. Plus his friendship with Gunther. I…it was…inspiring. I wondered what it would be like to have a real friendship like that. One that wasn't in my head and a fantasized imagination. One that could be real. Inspiring and hopeful like others I saw. I glanced down, my camera still in hand. But I…I wasn't enough.
I was Wacky Jackie.
"Jackie!" I hadn't noticed Gunther and Kick running up to see me. I glanced at them. "How'd they turn out?"
"Yeah are the pictures awesome enough for my website?" Kick continued to question.
"Ah…yeah." I spoke showing them the photos. "Awesome as always." I wondered why they even bothered to ask me to do this. Why they bothered to be around me? Their eyes showed it all. They hated me, just as everyone else did. They judged me like the rest. They were no different.
"Awesome!" Kick shouted as he looked through my camera, although I think I was too preoccupied in my own thoughts to really hear the rest of the conversation. I simply just nodded if I needed to and that was that. I guess one has to get used to the hate. Use to the torment, judgements and…well everything.
(**)
I was over at Kendall's again. She was working on some college course that I think had her baffled, although I wasn't really listening and still caught up in my own mind. I was mindlessly looking at my notebook. It had a few notes in it from my photography class, however I could barely concentrate on it with how the day went. Like always I was constantly the topic of the girls' gossip, plus let's not forget their judgmental stares. Then of course there always has to be one or two girls who have to shove and push me around because of the wacky, creep factor. Not that anyone cares, I was Wacky Jacky, it's normal to show me hate in so many ways. I won't even get into the few guys who thought it would be fun to knock my books and journals out of hand or make crude comments about my body. Hell, they were just as bad as the girls. The day I thought, though, couldn't get worse, but it did as some kids thought it was funny to follow me into the bathroom and mess with me, before locking me in. Yeah, can't forget that. Can't forget a lot… I have to wonder why me? Why am I there obsession? Can't they just hate me from a distance? Can't they just glare or say their fucking comments and leave me alone…. Just….just why me?
Admittedly, though, I guess I was thankful it was Friday, it meant for at least two days the only torment and judgements I had to deal with, were my own. None of the other shit, until Monday, and then it's back to usual routine. I let out a small sigh, wondering when will it end, if…if at all. When…when do I matter? When…does it just all end…
My finger tapped quietly against my knee as I just stared at the page, wondering what the hell I was going to do.
"Jackie….Jackie….Jackie!" I hadn't noticed at all Kendall trying to get my attention. I glanced at her, getting out of my daze.
"What's wrong with you?" She questioned. "You've been spacing out a lot when you come over. Everything ok?" She continued to ask, sitting close after shutting off her laptop.
"Umm…yeah." I lied. "Just…just too much in my head I guess…" What could I tell her? Not like she's really my friend right….? I still don't know why she lets me come over. I glanced away.
(*)
She stared at her friend, noticing for a while a change in her. She was concerned as she glanced at her.
"Jackie, are you sure?" Kendall asked again, this time really wanting to know if her dear friend was ok. Jackie merely nodded, with her simple response.
"Yeah…don't….don't worry about it." She spoke, looking down now at the page, not sure how to make things better. Kendall stared at her.
"Jackie….Jackie look at me." She guided the girl to look at her. "What's wrong?"
"No…nothing…it's nothing…" Jackie replied. "Just…just get back to your work. It must be really important." Jackie softly waved Kendall's hand away. "I…I should go, don't want to distract you." Jackie went to place her notebook in her bag and leave.
"Jackie, wait." Kendall grabbed her hand. "You're important too, you know that don't you?" She was worried. Jackie again nodded.
"Yeah…later Kendall." She slipped her hand out of Kendall's grasp and left. Kendall just stared, unsure of what was wrong.
"Jackie…"
(**)
The sound of someone pounding at the door woke him from his nap. Normally his best friend would come and wake him, especially with some new ideas for ramps or other stunts his friend knew he had yet to perform, although it was unlike him to knock.
"Kick, who's at the door?" He heard his sister call from upstairs.
"I'm getting it, don't worry." He responded.
"If it's Chris send up him will ya?" She spoke. He had some slight annoyance with that.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He rolled his eyes opening the door, suddenly becoming surprised at who was there. "Well this is a nice surprise." He smirked. "Finally going to…" He started.
"Not now Clarence." She walked past him into his house. "I'm in no mood for your teasing, I need answers." She folded her arms, a serious look on her features. He shut the door.
"Answers, aren't I the one who needs answers here, Kendall?" He still had a teasing smirk, an amused eyebrow raised. He liked it when she got feisty quickly, he wanted to fix that though, to see if he could get her flustered just as fast.
"Clarence, seriously. I need to know what's wrong with Jackie." She countered. This caught him off guard, halting any ideas he had, and making his mind go blank.
"What? What do you mean what's wrong with her?" He questioned.
"Hello, earth to the dare devil here, you go to school with her, plus didn't you say Gunther has this serious ass crush on her." She brought up, getting a little peeved. "You guys see her at least five days a week, if not more, so what the hell is wrong with her?" Kendall not only was concerned, but getting serious.
"I…I have no idea what you mean…" He confessed trying to understand Kendall's questions.
"You mean you haven't noticed her behavior at all?!" Kendall was getting a little pissed.
"What behavior? Kends are you sure you're okay here?" He asked. "That trip to come here rattle you a bit?"
"No that little fucking drive did not rattle me." She retorted. "I want to know what the hell is wrong with my best friend! She isn't acting like herself, and I sadly don't go to school with her. I'm not here as much as I want to be with her, so tell me what the hell is wrong Clarence." She pointed, demanding some answers. This took him a back as he stared wide-eyed at her. He never seen her get this heated or serious ever.
"I…I don't know…" He admitted, "I haven't…. Haven't seen her act strange." Kendall had a slight glare with him.
"Really?" She questioned with a small attitude starting to form. "Gunther hasn't done something stupid and/or tried to do something, or you haven't said something idiotic to her?" She further interrogated, as he just shook his head, never seeing Kendall this fired up before.
"Kick is one of your fan…" Brianna came down. "Oh Kendall. Surprised to see you here, what's up?"
"Brianna maybe you can answer some questions for me, since your brother right now is being no help." She pointedly glared at him, then glanced back at Brianna.
"Uh sure." Brianna shrugged.
"Have you noticed, like at all, any changes in Jackie?" She asked still just as concerned.
"What's this about Jackie?" Gunther walked in, closing the door behind him. "Kick you're up from your nap?" He glanced at his friend surprised.
"Yeah, Kendall came to visit and banged on the door, demanding answers as to why Jackie's apparently different." Kick answered.
"Jackie's different? Is something wrong?" Gunther was also now worried.
"That's what I'm trying to find out if someone would freaking notice her actions and tell me since she sadly isn't sharing anything with me." Kendall was getting frustrated now.
"Actually I think there might be a few reasons why for her sudden change in behavior…but I didn't think they were true…" Brianna thought about it, coming in.
"What, please tell me." Kendall pleaded. The boys also glancing at her.
"Well, I haven't heard much, but Ronaldo and Chris noticed she was acting off, Chris told me, and I asked if he had any ideas as to why." Brianna began. "And given with Chris's reputation, finding out things isn't that hard."
"Brianna the main point." Kick was now getting peeved. Brianna just gave him a look.
"The main point is Chris said he overheard there's some bad rumors spreading around about Jackie, that she's skipping classes to screw around, that she is taking guys to the photography room, and that many of the girls are hating her for stealing their boyfriends." Brianna explained.
"What?!" Kendall and Gunther exclaimed.
"Jackie would never do any of those things." Kendall added.
"That's what I believe too," Brianna admitted. "But I heard was it, last Friday, Penelope Paterson," Brianna had a disgusted face. "Talk about a girl who went into the bathroom with a bunch a guys, sadly I think people are saying it was Jackie." She confessed. "I didn't want to believe it, but I think now after hearing all this, and thinking about Ronaldo's and Chris's comments about her change in behavior…"She started.
"Jackie is not like that!" Kendall immediately defended. "She wouldn't have sex at school, let alone like that." Kendall spoke. "Hell, if I'm being honest I think she's still a virgin, which I mean at this moment doesn't matter, but if this is causing people to hate her and harass her…"
"I haven't heard anything about her being harassed, hell I don't think that's what Chris or Ronaldo meant, but..." Brianna commented, thinking about it.
"Yes, but something must be up if she's not telling Kendall anything." Gunther brought up, coming in.
"I think we need to get to the bottom of this." Kick said.
"Agreed, I think I'm going to head to her place, I need to know if she's okay and talk to her." Kendall stated, heading for the door. "I know these rumors are wrong."
"We'll go with you." Kick added.
"I rather go by myself." She told him. He had a curious look. "Besides it's clear you guys didn't even notice any of this. I barely see her and I noticed she was changing a few visits ago."
"Then why didn't you ask us about it then? Why wait, especially when it could have been something like this." Gunther questioned.
"Simple, she didn't tell me anything, and said she was fine, plus I figured since I didn't get a call about it from this idiot, I figured things were working themselves out." She pointed towards Kick. "The only things you would call about were your stunts, which I assumed Jackie was going to." She mentioned.
"Well yeah she was at them, but she seemed fine when she was at them." Kick explained.
"True, but she was a bit spacey at them." Gunther commented.
"You mean you saw her being that way and didn't think it was different?" Kendall asked.
"We thought it was because of her classes." Kick spoke. "We knew she was taking time out her own schedule to come to the stunts to help us, I mean she's like you were, the top student at school." Kick brought up. "We just thought she might be stressing about finishing her work and college stuff."
"Well that wasn't the case." Kendall stated.
"I think it's best you guys find out what's going on." Brianna informed. "And see what's up."
(**)
They searched for Jackie all over being that she wasn't home. Kendall was getting concerned being that they searched the town and couldn't find her. They were currently walking past a park that was near the boys' high school.
"We searched her home, the neighborhood, BattleSnax, Food 'n' Fix, and all over town." Kendall had her arms crossed as her mind wondered more, worry filling it, as she held herself as the three walked. "Where is she?"
"We'll find her Kends." Kick assured. "She couldn't have gotten far." He added. "We tried even our favorite spots to hang out, she must be somewhere." He glanced back at Gunther, who was just as worried.
"You guys…you guys don't think…I mean…" Gunther was trying to find the right way to ask this question. Kendall glanced back.
"What?" She stared at him. He gulped, looking away.
"No…nothing." He let out. "Nothing, never mind." He shook his head. Kendall narrowed her eyes.
"No." She stopped. "No." Walking up to him. "What were you going to ask?" She had a hard stare aimed at him, Kick looked between the two. Gunther, was finding it hard to swallow.
"Kends, I'm sure he's just worried about Jackie." Kick tried to reason with her.
"Really?" She started to get pissed again. "Because personally I'm doubting that."
"That's not true." Gunther countered immediately. She shot another look at him, this time he didn't back down.
"Then what were you going to ask?" She questioned again, Kick glancing at him, the tension rising again. Gunther let out a breath.
"I sadly was just…thinking what if she is seeing someone else." He glanced away. Kick shook his head, whilst Kendall glared harder.
"You think those sick rumors are true! You think she seriously would do those things! Seriously!" Kendall couldn't help but shout at him.
"No!" Gunther had a hand on his forehead, quickly retorting. "That's not….I didn't." He was trying to respond. "I didn't mean it like that!"
"Then how the hell could you have meant it Gunther?!" Kendall interrogated. "She's not some slut or something." Kendall continued, defending her friend. "She doesn't go around skipping class to have sex in the bathrooms or photography room with other girls' boyfriends, damnit!" She continued. "She's my best friend who is being wrongly accused of some fucked up shit, and you have no right to think low of her."
"I don't think low of her!" Gunther argued back. "I would never think low of her!" He countered. "I love her too much to think that, and think she is too fucking good for me alright." He admitted. "I just thought maybe she might have a boyfriend that was it." Kendall stepped back with that one. "I would never, and I mean never ever think lowly of Jackie, she is too sweet, amazing, funny, beautiful and kind alright." He told her. "And I feel fucking just as bad as you for not noticing sooner this shit." He mentioned. "But I would never think those rumors to be true. She's an amazing person and any guy would be fucking lucky to have her." He glanced away. "Admittedly…I just want that guy to be me." He whispered that last part, however the other two still heard it. Kick placed a hand on his shoulder. Kendall let out her own breath.
"I'm sorry…I didn't mean…" Kendall tried to apologize, knowing that got pretty heated.
"No, it's…" Gunther shook his head. "It's okay. I know you meant well, and care about her a lot being you two are really close." He explained. She nodded.
"We'll find her." Kick came in. "There can't be that many places left to look." He stated as they started to walk down the park's path again.
Jackie came jogging from some trees, out of breath as she glanced back. The others became surprised.
"Jackie!" Kendall yelled, running over to her, the boys following behind. Jackie flinched, not expecting them to be there, nor call her out. "We've been…"
"Where'd you go Wacky Jackie?" Kendall was interrupted. Jackie gulped when the two guys came out looking for her. They were surprised to see Kendall with the boys, Gunther immediately glaring.
"Yo, it's Kick Buttowski!" One shouted with excitement.
"Dude this is so cool!" The other replied. The first one noticed Jackie near Kendall, to which Kendall was glaring now.
"There a problem?" Kendall questioned, as she stood in front of Jackie more protectively. The two guys glanced at one another before looking back at Jackie then Kendall.
"Nah." The second spoke.
"Just something we'll finish later." The other continued, with a chuckle. Jackie looked down at that, which Gunther and Kick noticed. Kendall's glare hardened more as she stared at the two ready to speak her mind at them.
"I doubt you need to finish anything." Gunther spoke up. The boys looked at him. "Trust me." He had a harshness in his tone that was threatening. Kick folded his arms.
"I'm with him, messing with our friend is not okay." Kick added. "And will not continue."
"So there's nothing to finish." Kendall harshly spoke. Jackie just looked at the three, surprised. She wasn't sure if she was hearing things correctly, going crazy or what. She couldn't believe it. The boys had their own mixed expressions with this.
"What was that bitch?" The first directed towards Kendall, which Kick didn't like one bit as he was about to do something. "You don't even…" Kendall, though just narrowed her eyes further, stepping forward, interrupting him.
"You heard me." She commented. "You're not going to do anything anymore to my best friend." She stared them down. "And all this shit going around about her ends now." She continued, "Along with whatever else you asses are putting her through, got it." She was threatening and harsh in her tone.
"And we're not taking no for an answer." Gunther added with just as much seriousness and roughness. Jackie couldn't believe they were defending her. She stared in disbelief. 'Don't….I thought….this isn't….I don't…understand…' She thought, glancing down slightly, holding herself. The boys just stared back. They for a brief second glanced at Jackie then each other, before the second scoffed.
"Yeah. Well, whatever." He rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't have been worth it anyway." He muttered loud enough. "Since she's fuckin wacky anyway." He and his friend started to walk away.
"Yeah, fuckin Wacky Jackie." The other agreed with the second guy. Kendall got pissed.
"Her name is just Jackie!" She yelled at them as they walked away, but Kick stopped her from following any further. She looked at him.
"It's not worth it with assholes like them." He commented.
"Yeah, but…" She wanted to defend.
"Trust me as much as I want to kick their asses as well, leave them." Gunther also came in. "Let's just get Jackie home." He told her. Kendall nodded, letting out a small breath, before turning and walking over to Jackie.
"You okay Jackie?" She placed a hand on her shoulder, Jackie was still in her thoughts, unsure of all that had happened. She wasn't sure if this was real. 'Am…am I dreaming…having an actual dream?' She thought. 'A good one…not a nightmare…no this…I…this…it…it's not…it can't be…can it?' She was just lost in her mind from everything. Kendall noticed her how she was, which made her all the more worried. "Jackie." She called, trying to get her attention. "Jackie." She shook her slightly, saying her name a bit more loudly, which got her friend's attention. Jackie looked at her. "Are you alright?" Kendall was concerned, as the boys were now behind, looking at her just as worried. Jackie just nodded.
"Uh…yeah…" She tried to say. "It's…it's nothing…" She looked away. Kendall stared at her, guiding Jackie to look at her again, which surprised her briefly.
"Don't lie to me Jackie." Kendall's voice was quiet, but still filled with concern for her friend. "You can tell me anything you know." She informed. "I just want you to know that you're important to me Jackie and my best friend." Kendall assured. "And you don't have to be ok, all the time." She added. "I'm here for you. Here to listen, here in any way you need me to be. I'm your best friend, hell you're like a sister to me." Kendall spoke as she was reassuring Jackie.
"I…I just….I…." Jackie started to have tears stream down her face before she fully broke down, Kendall holding her, comforting her as she cried in her arms on the floor. Kick and Gunther even tried to comfort her as she broke down further, everything finally taking its toll on her.
(**)
After a while, they finally were able to get Jackie home, where they talked for a few hours in her room about what had been going on. Jackie explained that for the past year and half, if almost two years, many of the girls at the school started to be cruel to her because she was getting unwanted attention from Gordie and some of the guys. Since then it's been nothing but pure torture of pranks, constant harassment, rumors, the girls and boys trying to do things, plus making her feel alienated. She admitted she started to believe it because of her how brutal it got, how alone she felt, and her worst enemy probably being herself. Kendall hated hearing this, as did the boys, especially Gunther. They all wished she told them, so they could have helped sooner or done something. But, because of how bad everything got, Jackie admitted that for some reason she started to believe what the other students were saying, that Kick and them hated her, and that might have never have even been their friend in the first place. She didn't know what she was going to do, but mostly she was just waiting out to the end of senior year, which was too far away.
"It's…it's okay…" Jackie waved it off, looking to the side.
"It is not okay Jackie." Kendall pointed, she let out a breath. "Had one of us been there to help or something, much of this could have been avoided." She commented. "No one deserves to go through this and the fact they did that to you is completely horrible and just…"She was at a loss for words, shaking her head.
"I agree." Gunther added. "I feel horrible that we didn't notice." He said. "But you don't deserved to go through any of that." He spoke. "Mental, verbal or any type of bullying or harassment is unacceptable." Kick nodded with his statement.
"You didn't tell your mom?" Kick questioned. Jackie shook her head.
"No. She's been stressed and so busy, plus with her being sick and everything…" Jackie glanced to the side. "I didn't want to add on to it, besides like I said it's not like I was going to go to college, or have the same career path as these people…" She continued. "I mean I just…I don't know….I didn't want to bother anyone…"
"Jackie you matter you know that." Kendall brought her close. "Your mom would not think this is an added stress or anything, if anything she has probably been as concerned as much as us." Kendall assured. Jackie had a small smile with that.
"I…I didn't mean to cause…"
"Jackie you're mot causing anyone any trouble, you're not doing anything." Kendall interrupted. "All we're asking is that you be you. Is that you tell us if something is bothering you or if you just want to talk." Kendall told her. "You mean so much to all of us, and no one here will tell you otherwise." Kick and Gunther nodded. "We love you Jackie and you are so important to us." Kendall hugged her.
"Thank you…." Jackie cheeks pinked a bit. Kendall nodded.
"I'm going to go make us some cocoa, warm us up a bit given that it was cold outside, and cocoa always makes things better." Kendall smiled, getting up.
"I can help." Kick offered also getting up. Kendall him a raised eyebrow.
"You?" She folded her arms as she was at the frame of Jackie's bedroom door. "I highly doubt Jackie's kitchen needs to be blown up with your kitchen skills." Jackie and Gunther couldn't help but snicker lightly at that.
"I will not blow up the kitchen." Kick countered. Kendall rolled her eyes.
"Uh huh, right because you didn't blow up the culinary kitchen back in elementary school what like five times?" Kendall retorted.
"It was six, and none of those times are highly fair." Kick argued. Kendall gave him a look.
"I think that proves enough that you and kitchen should not mix." Kendall pointed out. Gunther was chuckling at their small banter.
"I can be in a kitchen and cook just fine without any explosions, I've done it before several times." Kick informed. Kendall still had a look aimed at him.
"I think the fact of Kick Buttowski in a kitchen, leads to a higher chance of an explosion happening." Kendall commented, Kick pouted. Jackie gave Kendall a knowing look, as she lightly laughed, enjoying this moment.
"She has a point there Kick. Even without a kitchen, explosions and you do happen often." Gunther agreed. "In many ways." He muttered that last part, which only Kick heard. Kick shot him a look. Kick cleared his throat.
"I am not going to blow up the kitchen, I'll just help okay." Kick let out, starting to get exhausted with this teasing topic. Kendall rolled her eyes.
"Fine, but no going near the appliances or touching anything." She pointed at him. "I seriously don't want anything exploding in there." He chuckled.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He replied. "I got it, let's just go already." He followed her out of the room.
"Don't forget the mini marshmallows and whip cream." Gunther called, Jackie smiled at that.
"Got it." Both called as they went to the kitchen. Jackie also got up, looking at herself in the mirror. Gunther glanced at her.
"You okay?" He questioned. She glanced at him then down.
"I will be…it's…" She looked at the mirror. "Just going to take some time." She admitted.
"I'm sorry you had to deal with this and go through so much, alone." He apologized.
"It's not your fault." She assured, looking at him. "Although, I think the worst part of all it wasn't the other students." She stated. He stared at her. "It was me. I was my own worst enemy." She stared at the mirror. He went to stand behind her. "I hated looking at myself, believed everything they said, and worst really, and thought worst things of myself." She continued. "Even now…I….i hate looking at myself….it's hard…" She looked away. He had a saddened look.
"Can I ask what it is that you see when you look at yourself?" He asked. She scoffed.
"Simple." She looked back at the mirror. "A failure." She started. "Someone who is ugly, wacky, never enough for anything, too many imperfections from my hair, body type, eyes and more, I just….there so much I…" She glanced down. "I'm a complete wreck and a mess." She told him. He listened, staring at her than her reflection.
"Want to know what I see?" He inquired. She looked up at him.
"Sure."
"I see a brilliant girl who is kind and always willing to help. She is creative loves art of all kinds and has a beautiful mind. I see that she has a bright smile that can make anyone's day better when she wears it and has eyes that are a beautiful shade of green and topaz mix that I have never seen before." He started to tell her, as he looked at her through her reflection. "I see a girl that is unique and flawed, but that's okay because nobody is perfect and we're all allowed to be flawed. I see a girl who is so much more than what others say, and I hope one day she realizes she is enough, and that she can say I love myself." He smiled as finished. She blushed. She turned around.
"Ah…Gunther…umm…well….umm…I…." She let out a breath. "Umm…thank you…" She wanted to say something, she wanted to say so much more, however, she also wanted the confidence in herself and the love for herself to be worthy to say what she wanted. He nodded, finding her reaction cute and curious in the back of his mind.
"Of course." They sat on her bed. A few more minutes going by.
"I hope one day to admit that I can say that you know." She admitted. He glanced, curiously.
"Huh."
"That…that I love myself." She spoke. "Although, when I finally can do that and have that confidence I hope to admit something else as well." She blushed. "I just hope that person will wait…" She muttered to herself, but Gunther heard. He had a small knowing smile.
"I'm positive he will." He commented. She glanced at him with shock, her cheeks growing redder, as he smiled at her. Kendall and Kick then came in with the cocoa giving the two their mugs so that everyone could enjoy the warm, rich taste. Jackie enjoying knowing she wasn't alone and had friends that would always be by her side.
(**)
I wonder when I love me is enough…
Well it's enough.
I love me is enough.
Yeah. I love me is enough.
END.
I made this fic for many reasons and hoped you enjoyed. I know it's not meant for all. I'm not asking for reviews as I don't want any, all I ask is you read it and make someone's day by talking to them, whether that be a friend, family, or stranger online. There is no excuse for harassment of any type and we need to stand up against it. We need to stand up against all types of hate. This means all types. Online, physical, mental, verbal; all of it. We need to stop the hate. We need to stand together and stop this. We need to stand together speak up against these pressing issues, whether this is hate against someone's body type, race, religion, politics, sexuality, gender, or whatever. We need to speak up against all this hate and stop the harassment, bulling, and discrimination. So please help me do it. This is for the voices who want to speak out, the voices who want to stay silent, and all in between. Because we are all enough, we are own worst critics, and don't need anyone else's approval, but our own. So this is for you. Help me stop the hate. Thank you for reading and pass on the message.
Happy Early Thanksgiving! I'm getting back into what I love, as should others. So let's make this world better, bring less hate and keep doing what we love and stop giving into harassments, intolerance and more. Stand up for justice. against injustices, and speak your peace, speak your mind. WE ARE ALL FREE.
WE ARE ENOUGH.