Shizune hurriedly went to the hospital to carry out the request given by the Hokage and the daimyo. After Shikamaru's reassurance that he'll handle the remaining paper works, she made her way to a pottery shop. She purchased an urn big enough for the ashes. She can have the expenses reimbursed to her later.

She made her way to the hospital and, carefully going down the morgue, she knocked on the door and was greeted by the masked face of Chihiro, their resident pathologist.

He smiled behind his surgical mask, "Ah, Shizune-san! Come in, come in. To what do I owe this visit?"

She smiled dryly as she set the urn on the thankfully empty operating table, "Stop being so formal with me, Chihiro. I'm not used to it."

The man laughed heartily as he held out a box of surgical masks, to which she took one and wore over her face.

"Why don't you ever humor me, Shizune-san?" he said, mocked hurt and a hand over his chest.

She raised her eyebrows at him, "Because you're not being funny."

He sighed in a morose way, "Fine, fine, I'll stop. I'm serious now. Sooo… what is it?"

Shizune turned serious as well, "You remember that rogue nin Yukigakure?"

He nodded and knocked on the metal door of one of the bodies, "Of course. He's still sleeping in one of these."

She nodded, "All right. The daimyo of the Land of Snow is here and they want to take the remains. But since the journey to their land will be long, they requested that the body be cremated instead."

Chihiro rubbed his chin, thinking, "Well, we can have some of our fire users to have the body cremated. Though it's not a common process in our village, no? The ones I will call may become scandalized."

"You're right but, apparently, it's common practice to cremate their dead since the land is cold most year and the soil remains hard. It's practical for them to have the deceased cremated and put in a jar for the family to keep," she explained, gesturing at the urn on top of the table.

She didn't miss the shudder that ran through the man at that, "Having the ashes of your loved one under the same roof as yours 24/7? That's some spooky funeral rites."

She chuckled at his reaction, "Yeah, well, that's what needs to be done. Go ahead and call your boys. You need to put the ashes in that urn by tomorrow."

He gave her a mock salute, "Yes, ma'am!"

She smiled and made her way out of the morgue, throwing the mask in the trash can by the door and rubbing disinfectant on her hands. After doing a few rounds at the hospital and answering inquiries from her fellow doctors, Shizune left the hospital to return to the Tower.

She was out of the door when she saw Kakashi with Koyuki, just passing by the hospital. He's giving her a village tour as part of their hospitality. Her three escorts was trailing after them, eyes alert for any threats. Kakashi probably told her something funny because the young leader suddenly laughed, her head thrown back and a hand covering her mouth.

Shizune couldn't stop the jealousy that arose from her chest at the sight of them. To add to that, Koyuki is a young, attractive woman with blessed… chest which Shizune wouldn't wish to compete with. They even looked so comfortable with each other. But…

She couldn't do anything about it now. They're not in a relationship and he's free to do what he wants to do. And with what he's going through right now, she must not let her insecurities and jealousy get the better of her. She promised him that she'd be at his side and do her job.

She shook her head at her unwanted thoughts. She had to go back to the Tower now and help Shikamaru with the paper work.

However, when she got to his office, the paper work was already halfway done, with only a few handful remaining.

"Don't worry about it, Shizune-san," he declared, "I can handle these ones. You have night shift at the hospital tonight, correct?'

She nodded, "Uh, yeah. Are you sure you don't need help?" she asked uncertainly.

He grinned, "It's only a few ones anyway. I can handle it. You go and catch some sleep. Oh, I remembered. Kiri and Suna already sent their available books and scrolls. I had Kotetsu and Izumo deliver them to the Senju compound so Godaime-sama can study them."

She smiled gratefully, "Thank you very much for your help, Shikamaru."

Shizune decided that she should sleep in her apartment today so she can shower and change her clothes immediately after waking up.

But when she laid on her bed, sleep didn't come as quickly as she hoped. She stared at her ceiling, thinking about Kakashi. Though they've both agreed that they should start from the beginning, Shizune couldn't help but feel like a piece of her heart was chopped off every time she sees him. She couldn't stop the hurt that occupied her when she thinks about the fact that he may never remember their memories together, that she may no longer experience the love that he showed her just few days ago.

And then seeing him so comfortable with Koyuki-sama… I can't help it…

When Kakashi moved in with her, she'd often see him awake in the middle of the night, doing exactly what she's doing now.

Is this how Kakashi felt whenever I caught him in this position?

But Shizune is used with sacrifice. She can love him and be happy for him at a distance.

Shizune walked to the hospital with a spring to her step. In a spur of a moment decision, she made a bento box of sushi, egg rolls and a ball of onigiri for Kakashi and had left them on Kakashi's desk, along with a pot of chamomile tea. She forgot something in her office and quickly took it. As she was about to leave, she noticed that the door to the office of the Hokage was slightly ajar. She peeked in just in time to see Kakashi staring at the contents of the box with his behind the mask smile. She stayed for a little while longer, watching as he sat down and cracked apart the chopsticks, dragged his mask down and dug into his food.

She smiled and left, not wanting to be caught by anybody stalking the Hokage. She knew that, while it could be tiring to work the night shift, she's not really expecting an influx of injured shinobi to arrive. She can catch a few hours of sleep in her office at the hospital before she had to go back to her apartment and report for work at the Tower tomorrow.

The hospital was deserted when she arrived, only a few nurses and doctors were seen checking in on their patients and some of the nurses were already dozing at their station. Those who noticed her arrival had waved at her in greeting, to which she waved back.

She decided to check on Chihiro first and went downstairs. There was only the attendant when she got there but he told her that they had finished the job and that the convoy from Yukigakire can come over anytime to get the urn. Satisfied, she went back upstairs to her office, keeping the door open as she began to review the profiles and vitals of some of their confined patients when the door to one of the private rooms opened and revealed a pink-haired kunoichi. Sakura must also be working tonight.

Sakura grinned when she saw her and entered her office, "Shizune-san! I see you're working tonight?"

Shizune smiled back, "Yes. You too?"

The pink-haired shook her head, "Oh, no. I'm just doing some final check-ups on my patients before I go home. How are you?"

In a weird state of heartbreak and confusion, "I'm fine," she replied automatically, smiling reassuringly.

Sakura's smile faded and she looked hesitant as she sat down on the seat in front of her desk, "I haven't been able to ask you and I don't mean to pry, but how are things between the two of you?" she asked, looking at her sympathetically.

Shizune sighed and leaned back against her seat, looking at the lights, "To be honest, Sakura, I don't even know what to feel."

Sakura nodded, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Shizune couldn't help but chuckle tiredly, "I don't want to take up your time, Sakura."

As a response, the young woman looked at her for a moment and stood up, closing the door to her office and locking the door.

"You can tell me what happened," she said as she sat down once more.

Shizune stared around her hospital office, stalling, before she sighed again and spoke, "When he woke up, I decided to tell him the truth about our relationship. I told him the truth that we're a couple and that he's living at my apartment with me. And I know that he's not really comfortable with that arrangement anymore so I'd deliver his things to his living quarters at the Tower."

"How did he react?" Sakura inquired.

"He was shocked, of course. And I didn't visit him again for the rest of his stay here, even though I've been camping here at my office every night," she said, then laughed without mirth, "I didn't imagine that on our anniversary, I'd be spending it on that sofa bed, crying my eyes out.

"Tsunade-sama demanded that I should be with her while she examines his condition and I had to comply, of course. After the examination, he asked that I stay to talk, and I agreed."

"What did you two talk about?" Sakura asked.

Shizune picked up a pen and fiddled it between her fingers, "Well, he wanted to know about his governance, his accomplishments in the past year, the likes. He also opened the topic about our relationship."

Sakura nodded encouragingly, coaxing her to continue.

She dropped the pen and swallowed, "He said that he doesn't think that both of us are ready to continue the relationship from where we left off. And it's true, especially on my part. I don't want to force him something that he has no way of accepting. But, he said that we can start as friends, and see where the wind takes us."

Sakura began to smile, "That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah, that's how I felt too. At first," she said, taking a deep breath, "When I lay awake in my bed, my doubts begin to creep in. What if he never remembers again? What if he never recalls the time that he loved me? What if he doesn't develop the same feelings for me again? What if, what if, what if… it's actually endless, Sakura, and I'm getting tired of it. And I can't help but be jealous when I saw him giving Koyuki-sama the village tour. They look so comfortable together! I know we're no longer together but I still have the right to be jealous, right?" she asked Sakura desperately.

"Of course. You have feelings, Shizune-san," the younger woman quickly reassured.

Shizune sighed before continuing, "But, this afternoon, I resolved that with myself. I told myself that I love him, and I will always love him, whether he remembers our relationship and how he felt about me or not. I will be by his side as his friend, assistant and advisor as long as he wants me to. I will be happy for him, even when it's not with me. I will love him, even if he doesn't love me back," she finished with a small smile.

Sakura was silent for a long while, just staring at her in awe. After absorbing what she said, she reached out and held her hand, squeezing lightly, "You're such a martyr."

Shizune smiled wryly, "I know."

A/N: fun fact: author doesn't actually know how daimyos work xD