Hello Friends! Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it! And happy Thursday to those of you who don't! So here is the final chapter of The Siren! Thanks for reading and thanks for giving it a chance! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I have had writing it!
1/25/21 This chapter has been edited by WyrdFyre! No major changes but it is a bit more polished now.
Set List:
You Don't Know, Katelyn Tarver
I Scare Myself, Beth Crowley
Home, Catie Turner
Warnings at end of chapter
No seriously go check. If anything in the earlier chapters has bothered you then this chapter might be a bit rough.
But I would once again like to state that no one should ever blame themselves or others for being victims of assault. YOU did nothing wrong and you do still have worth as a person. I have no desire to spread victim shaming ideology, I am simply attempting to depict the psyche of a very damaged and hurt person who has never had help in coping with her traumatic past. Nothing shown here should be taken as a healthy coping mechanisms or advice on how people with mental health problems should feel or think about themselves.
THE NEW WORLD
The wind blowing across the sea and onto the deck was frigid. My cheeks began to burn with the sting of it as I let my hand trail along the railing, gently trailing through the salt that had gathered there. As I walked along the deck, my eyes were on the black sea surrounding it.
"I'm so tired of sitting here waiting. If I hear one more 'just be patient'. It's always gonna stay the same." I sang softly under my breath.
I paused at the back of the ship, watching the hint of white in the wake of the ship as the wind whipped around me. "So let me just give up. So let me just let go. If this isn't good for me, well I don't want to know. Let me just stop trying, let me just stop fighting. I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright. You don't know what it's like."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The air was rough in my lungs just like the salt on the railing. I opened my eyes once more and looked out on the never ending blackness of the sea and the night. I couldn't make out where the sea ended and the sky began, it was almost like the entire world had been transformed into a never ending sea. Entirely dark, entirely cold, entirely unforgiving.
But hasn't it? When has the world ever been anything more than cold and cruel to me?
I closed my eyes again and let my head droop.
When have I ever been anything else in return? Why should I expect any kindness or care from the world when I am incapable of putting anything beyond misery into it?
I looked down at the harsh wake.
I wonder if it would be possible for me to drown? I mean if I didn't use my fruit then surely it would be.
Right?
I shook my head and stepped back from the railing.
No. Even if it were, Ace still needs me.
So long as he needs me I need to keep fighting.
I can't rest yet…
I turned my back on the sea and walked towards the rest of the ship.
"When everything I touch will break, loving you is my escape…"
"Hey Adne, you mind washing those dishes?" Thatch called from the other side of the bustling kitchen.
I tried to ignore him as I sat on my stool in the corner of the kitchen. But he wasn't deterred and just kept calling my name repeatedly. With a dramatic sigh I looked up from the journal I had been flipping through and moved my gaze over to the overflowing sink and then to him. "I do actually."
"What the fuck Adne?" He said while walking over. He handed me a dirty spoon. "You could at least try and look like you're here for a reason."
"Yes I could." I put the spoon in his pocket. "But these hands don't do dishes."
"Yea yea, I knew it was a long shot. But hey can you go refill the ship's water reserves at least?"
He doesn't mean-?
I froze. "Down in the hold?"
"Where else would they be?" He asked with a laugh. "After all that devil fruit of your has to be good for something, right?"
He walked away to get back to work making dinner and I turned to walk out of the kitchen. As soon as the door closed behind me, I turned my back to it and took a deep breath. I had to clench my fists to stop them from shaking.
Ok, it'll be fine. Just run down there quick, get it done, and get out of there.
Easy. No need to freak out.
Don't freak out.
STOP FREAKING OUT!
I rubbed my suddenly sweaty palms on my pants and started to walk as briskly as I could to the stairs that would lead down into the hold.
Ok, maybe you could stop running and just walk normally, but it's fine.
This is fine.
I stood at the top of the stairs and stared down into the darkness below. My body broke out in a cold sweat and there was no way for me to stop my body from shaking.
No.
Nonononononono-
STOP IT!
Ok calm down. You're fine. This is a massive ship and so there is no way he is down there of all places. You've managed to avoid him so far so why would this be any different?
STOP BEING WEAK!
Ok, just grow up and take the first fuck step. Come on we've been over this a million times. You decided to be weak and now you have to deal with the consequences. So just go down there do what you have to and get it over with. Just stop-
"Boo!"
I screamed and whipped around to see Haruta laughing behind me.
"Oh man I did not think that would actually work!" He said while laughing harder.
"Yea… You got me." I said shakily.
FUCKING STOP FREAKING OUT! DON'T YOU DARE LET HIM SEE YOU LIKE THIS!
You are such a fucking weakling but don't you fucking dare let him see you like this.
He wiped his eyes and was still chuckling slightly when he asked. "Sorry about that Adne. But what are you up too? I don't think I've seen you without Thatch since you got back."
I ran my still shaking hands through my hair and tried to look calmer than I felt. "O-oh nothing much-" I paused.
Wait…
Haruta isn't one of the ones that was always making fun of me.
He isn't actually a dick. One of the few.
He wasn't friends with him…
Maybe he could...
I started again. "A-actually I need to run down to refill the water reserves. Devil fruit and all, you know. But I don't… remember exactly where they are. Would you mind going with me?"
Oh wow Adne such amazing acting. Yea your voice didn't shake at all. Why don't you just scream that you're on the verge of a panic attack next time and save yourself some time?
"Oh sure, no worries." He said as he started walking down the stairs.
But apparently it worked?
I took a deep breath and followed closely behind him.
He kept talking as we walked through the hold as well. "Yea we rearranged a lot of stuff down here. But we haven't moved the reserve tanks. That would be a massive job that I don't think Blamenco cares to do."
"Y-yea I'm sure." I said while keeping close by him and looking around.
Ok it doesn't look like anyone else is down here. So just get to the tank, fill it up, and get out.
Easy.
"Well here we are." Haruta said as we walked up to a massive tank that was meant to hold fresh water. "I have some stuff I have to take care of so I'll see you later!"
NO! Don't leave me down here!
As he started to walk away I grabbed his sleeve and said. "Wait! I haven't had a chance to talk to you yet since I got back."
Please don't leave me alone down here…
Please!
He paused and a slightly confused look came over his face. "Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about? I know you aren't usually the most talkative person."
Well that's because you don't know me.
Whatever. Doesn't matter. Just bring up something random.
"I noticed that you're a commander now." I said with an awkward laugh. "When did that happen?"
Guys like bragging about stuff like that right? Right?
Just please don't leave me here.
"Oh right! You were already gone when that happened weren't you?" Haruta said with a smile growing on his face as he started to talk about how he was chosen to lead the 12th division.
Ok good he's rambling now. So just get this bullshit task done already.
As he talked I opened the massive tank and began to use my devil fruit to fill it. Creating pure water was a task that barely even required thought for me anymore so it was only a matter of minutes before I had created enough water to fill the massive tank. Once I had finished with that, Haruta had somehow drifted into a story about a honeycomb and a brothel that I just could not be bothered to follow. I turned to walk with him out of the hold.
Ok nearly done. Just keep walking and you can get out of here no worries.
Relax you're with a commander no one is going to bother you.
But then again he is friends with all the commanders and is even one of the Old Man's favorites...
We finally reached the stairs that led back out onto the deck and started to climb the stairs out of the hold. I could already hear the seagulls above. We were nearly to the top of the stairs when a figure stepped into our path on their way down the stairs. I glanced up to see who it was and my mind immediately shut down when I met his eyes. Every muscle in my body froze and I felt my throat begin to close. I tried to gasp for breath but all that came out was a muffled whimper.
No.
Not him.
Oh please no anyone but him.
NO!
Haruta was the first to react as the man stared me down. "Oh hey man how's it going?"
No Haruta please!
Nonononononono!
The monster smiled as he looked down on us. "Just fine Commander. I was just looking for our little Ariadne here. I've been meaning to talk to her since she got on board but she just keeps avoiding me. Don't you?" He said with a sadistic smirk and pure hatred in his eyes.
"I-I-I" I tried to speak. Tried to get anything to escape my petrified throat but it was in vain. My body was completely unresponsive and my vision began to narrow.
No…
Please…
Just go away...
It continued. "But you're here now so why don't we go have a little chat? Unless you still need her for anything Commander. Wouldn't want to get in your way."
Haruta smiled, indifferent to my terror. "Nope we were just catching up but I need to go do some things so she's all yours. I'll see you later Adne!" He smiled and jogged up the rest of the stairs.
"Well then. Now that he's-" The man started to say as he reached out a hand towards me.
NO!
"NO!" I screamed finally breaking free from my frozen body. "No."
"What do you mean no?" He sneered, finally dropping his false smile.
My hand shook, I clenched them into fists. "I mean I am no longer a child for you to use and abuse anymore. I am-"
Faster than I could even blink his hand lashed out and grabbed me by my throat. I clawed at his hand and arm but he simply laughed as he lifted me up to his face.
"Did you forget our little agreement? You don't get to tell me no." He laughed again. "Besides, you should really watch your back better now little bird. You've brought me an even softer target to use against you. Do you really think that little fire brat could stop me?"
Everything in me burned. My blood boiled and my skin raged against where his touched mine. I kicked and clawed at him with every ounce of strength in my body.
I WILL KILL YOU!
I AM GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU!
But even still…
It wasn't enough…
He simply laughed on and on as I thrashed in his hold. Then he leaned in closer to me and with the most sadistic smile to ever haunt this planet firmly on his face he said. "You can fight me all you want Ariadne. But just don't forget that you belong to me. You will never escape me."
no…
My hands fell to my sides as my blood suddenly ran cold. He laughed again and released his hold on my throat. He kept laughing as I fell to the floor and down the rest of the stairs into the darkness of the hold once more. As I laid there on the floor staring up at him all I could see was the glint of his teeth. All I could hear was his laugh. All I could feel was cold.
"I think I'm going to let you think about how you should respond to me next time I come see you. Just don't forget how fragile you are Ariadne." He turned and walked up the stairs.
As the door to the hold slammed shut I forced my body to roll onto my stomach. I felt my stomach heave as I vomited onto the floor.
I'm too weak…
After everything. I'm still too weak.
I couldn't tell where the heaves ended and the sobs began as I laid the floor of the hold that had been my own personal hell for years. I was trapped here once again by my own incompetence and weakness.
I'll never be enough...
I kept my eyes down as I walked through the hallway while on my way to the galley. I heard someone coming towards me and drifted to the side in order to avoid them. But it wasn't enough apparently as the person still ran into me. I looked over my shoulder as they walked past, uncaring of how I had been pushed into the wall.
"Skull?" I called out softly.
He stopped. "You've got some nerve don't you?"
My lip quivered and I sniffled softly before asking. "What do you mean?"
He turned to look at me over his shoulder. "All it took was a split second for you to betray us didn't it? You know people always said that you were disloyal, but that really doesn't do you justice."
No…
Not him too…
Please…
Just let me rest…
I opened my mouth to try and say something but he just shook his head. "I actually believed that you gave a shit about our crew. That all those rumors about you were bullshit. But all you care about is yourself. You'd really betray anyone just to save your own skin wouldn't you?"
I shook my head harshly as tears welled up in my eyes. "No! You know that's not true!"
Skull please!
He turned to stalk towards me as he ripped off his mask to look me straight in the eye. "The one thing I know is that Ace trusted you. Despite your reputation of being a backstabbing bitch, he trusted you. And you betrayed him. You betrayed him just like you betrayed everyone else who ever made the mistake of trusting you. You disgust me."
He put his mask back on and turned to walk away.
That's not true…
I was trying to save you all…
But that doesn't matter. It never has and it never will.
I turned and walked the other way as my tears streamed down my face.
After my… meeting, with Skull I had made my way down to the aft casting deck as I knew there would be no one around at this time of day. After climbing down the latter to the tiny deck at the back of the ship that was near water level I took a seat with my feet dangling off the edge. I took a deep breath and looked out over the ocean.
I wish I had been born a fish- no, a yagara. Those little guys are always so happy with their carefree lives of just swimming around and eating water water meat all day. And they're super adorable as well.
I chuckled lightly before my smile faded and I pulled my jacket tighter around myself. I wiped my face lightly before I ran my hand over the worn leather and stared into the depths of the sea.
But even if I had been born a yagara it's not like anything would have been different for me now would it? I just attract trouble and misery don't I?
It's all I deserve...
I went to put my hands in my jacket pockets and felt a small book in one of them. I pulled the old journal out of my pocket and started flipping through it absently.
This brings back so many memories…
This journal held so many memories for me. Years of happiness, excitement, pure joy. Such that was only possible for a young naive child. But then on the same pages it showed a world of so much pain and suffering that one could mistake it for the writings of an elder who had known a long and hard life. I paused in my flipping through the pages when the title of a song caught my eye.
"Home." I whispered softly as my fingers traced the letters.
I clenched my eyes shut tightly in an attempt to stop the flood of memories this song brought on. But even still I could still remember my childish voice singing it softly to Sera as she choked on her sobs.
.
And I won't let you go
I won't let you go
'Cause wherever you are is home
Home
Wherever you are is home
Home
I miss you when I least expect it
I miss the way you feel in my arms
And I don't know when I'll see you again
.
So won't you please come home
Home
Won't you please come home, home
Home
.
As the last word had been cut short by a gasp for breath as tears streamed down my face Sera had whispered. "Admi he can't really be gone. He can't be. He said he's come back home. He promised!"
"He promised." I had echoed.
The two of us had held each other and sobbed for hours with all the force our ten year old bodies could muster in the wake of news of our father's death. That was the first and only time I had ever sang that song. I had originally written it in a fit of loneliness brought on by my adoptive father being forced to leave for a mission. But after his death the song had been transformed into a desperate plea for death to return a loved one, taken cruelly and far too early.
Daddy why didn't you come home?
Why did you leave?
I still remember, in perfect detail, the last time I had seen Rosinante, the only man who had ever loved me as a parent should. It had been early morning, just before sunrise. Sera and I had known that he was leaving that day and had decided to try and sneak onto his ship and force him to take us with him. Of course that hadn't worked. Two eight year olds were no match for a master spy after all, even if he was a clumsy one. But he hadn't been angry when he had found us. Instead he had taken each of us aside and told us goodbye.
"Ariadne. My little Admiral." He had said as he knelt in front of me.
"Why can't I come with you? I've been training hard with Uncle Garp just like you told me to!" I had said in a determined voice.
"I know you have sweetheart. But this is a job for grownups. Besides if you came with me then who would keep Sera company?"
I had stared straight into his eyes as I felt tears well up in my own. "But you'll come back right?"
He hesitated. "I promise that I will try with every bone in my body to return."
"A promise to try isn't a promise to do."
He chuckled. "Quoting grandpa Sengoku now?"
"He's not wrong."
"No he isn't. But Admi, you know just as well as I do that we can't always control what happens in life."
"But you have to come back."
"And if I can't?"
I bit my lip. "Then I'll sing. You always say that you can't stand to miss one of my songs. So I'll sing so much and so loud that you'll be able to hear me no matter where you are and you'll be able to find your way home."
"You keep singing sweetheart. You sing your little heart out." He had pressed a kiss to my forehead as his fingers trembled on my thin shoulders. "I promise that I'll be listening."
But he didn't listen. I sang and I sang and I sang…
And he never came back…
I slammed the journal shut and harshly wiped my face of tratorious tears.
Now isn't the time to be crying over a dead man and forsaken promises. I have other things to worry about right now.
I held the journal out over the water as my hand trembled around it.
I should just get rid of this thing. Memories of that time are only good for bringing pain and distraction.
But just as I was about to let the journal slip through my fingers a flash of a memory ran through my mind.
Sera and I running laughing through a living room with a tall blond man chasing us. His foot catches on the leg of a table and he goes sprawling to the floor. Sera and I creep up to him and he grabs us in his long arms and hugs us close as we shriek in laughter.
The memory fades and I hug the journal to my chest.
But there are also so many memories of Daddy in here…
The only person to ever truly love me…
I tucked the journal safely back into my pocket and stood.
I need to go find Ace.
It's time to end this.
I found Ace sitting in a rarely used hallway and went to stand with my back against the opposite wall in front of him.
"How you holdin up?" I asked. He didn't reply and just pulled his knees closer to his chest and left his head down. "Ace we need to talk about what we're going to do."
He lifted his head at that before saying, "We?"
"Yes. You, me, and the rest of the Spades. Whitebeard will let us leave if you ask him. So we need to figure out if we're going or not. Ace, you can't beat him. You must know that by now. But maybe if-"
"The only thing I know is that if you had done your job as my first mate then we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place."
What?
I hesitated. "What are you talking about?"
Oh please not you too. I can handle the entire world turning on me but Ace…
Not you too. Please.
I love you.
He jumped up and stared me in the eye. "You sailed with these assholes for years so I know that you know more about them than you let on. But you refused to tell me anything. You choose them over me."
No. Ace no...
"Ace we talked about that back when we left Fishman island! I told you why I couldn't give you any information about them. You said that it was fine because you wanted to defeat him with your own strength!" I said.
"Yea that's another thing. You're the reason we're on this fucking ship in the first place! You asked that old fart to abduct us!" He shouted.
"Because you would have gotten yourself killed trying to fight him!"
"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!"
"YES I DO! YOU ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE ON ANY OF THE EMPERORS AND ESPECIALLY NOT THE STRONGEST!"
"I'll be the judge of that." He said while stepping back with a glare on his face.
I rubbed my hands over my face and said. "Fine, but that isn't what is important right now. What is, is deciding where our crew goes from here."
A confused look came over his face as he said. "Our crew? No, the Spade pirates are MY crew."
"What are you saying?"
Ace don't do this. Don't you fucking DARE do this.
Please…
I love you...
I need you...
But he wasn't finished. His glare hardened as he snarled. "I'm saying that I should have left your ass back on Sixis. Would have saved myself a world of trouble. So from now on just stay the hell away from me and MY crew."
"Ace, stop. You don't mean that." I said as my voice shook.
Stop it. No please not like this...
"You think I don't? WAKE UP ARIADNE! THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!"
Stop it please…
"Did you ever think that maybe the reason you could never find a place to belong was because you were the problem?"
Ace, no...
"Fuck! You think you are so perfect when really you are just a pathetic little bitch who can't make it on her own. That's why you really came to find me isn't it? You knew that I would be successful and thought you could get a free ride. Well your ride ends here. So just leave already."
"I-"
"Don't bother. I don't want to hear it." He said while turning his back to walk away from me.
My breaths started to come in gasps and I leaned heavily on the wall behind me. When I pressed my hands to my mouth I felt the hot tears running down my cheeks. My legs couldn't support me anymore and I slid down the wall. My breaths kept coming faster and faster as I choked on my tears.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe!
I CAN'T BREATHE!
It can't end like this!
NO!
I can't lose him like this!
I clawed my way up the wall until I stood on shaky legs and was about to attempt my first step when something occurred to me.
He made himself clear didn't he?
I'm the problem here.
All I'm good for is causing problems. It doesn't matter what I want because that's the reality. I can't be with him.
I'll only drag him down…
Suddenly I felt my breathing even out and the tears stopped. My hand fell limp at my sides and I turned to walk the opposite way that Ace had gone.
I really am worthless aren't I?
Everyone I care about tells me so...
So it must be true right?
It's about time I really started to accept that.
Ace is right after all...
I let my feet carry me through the ship that I had once called home and prison until I came to a railing on deck. I watched as the waves crashed against the hull of the ship.
There's no point in staying here...
Might as well see if she'll be kind to me. Just this once.
I calmly climbed over the railing and stared down into the waves.
"Sorry."
I jumped.
End Volume Two
Warnings:
Ariadne is suicidal and her desire to die is mentioned multiple times through out the chapter. She is also dealing with the effects of depression, self loathing, panic attacks, as well as being confronted with the man who sexual abused her when she was a child. Unfortunately if these topics are triggering for you then it would be best to skip this chapter as they are mentioned in some capacity in every scene.
Oops it's a series? But yes this is only one part of Ari's story and I already have the rest of it planned out. Volume One most likely won't be written for quite some time but that is just going to be Ari's life from childhood until she met Ace. But the prologue for Volume Three is already up if you would like to check it out! I am working on that one but I am taking a bit of a break from the Siren for now. But as soon as I say "don't expect vol. 3 any time soon" I'm gonna post it in like 2 days. But if I give myself a deadline then I'll smile and wave as it sprints past me soooooooooo. I'm working on it? XD
Thanks again for sticking around and I hope to see you in the next one!