The next few weeks passed by swiftly for Shizune. She and Kakashi had somewhat fallen into the professional routine and friendly dynamic that they used to have when she was starting as his assistant. Often times, she'd be cooking meals before she go to the Tower and bring him lunch and dinner so he wouldn't eat ramen all the time. She still prepared chamomile tea for him every night before she left the Tower. Though she still slept at the hospital most nights, she found that she can actually spend some nights in her apartment without crying her eyes out every time. Perhaps their rekindled friendship and her acceptance of their situation had brought peace within herself.
These past few days, however, it seemed that Kakashi is anything but at peace. Every morning, Shizune would notice that the bags under his eyes would be a shade darker than it was the day before. She never heard him complain of anything but Shizune can see that he's not feeling and sleeping really well.
Sometimes, she'd see him rubbing his fingers against his head. Wordlessly, she'd walk closer to him and try to ease the obvious headache that he's having. Tsunade had informed her that it would be a common effect to the victims of head trauma to have recurring headaches. She also posits that it may also be triggered by his memories trying to surface but was being repressed by his condition.
On one occurrence, she entered his office to see him dozing, one hand still hovering over the mouse and the other hand laying flat on the keyboard. She walked closer and saw his finger stuck on the 's' key, filling the document he's making with 's'.
"Kakashi-sama?" she spoke. He jolted awake, his hand on the mouse almost jerking away from his grasp.
"Shizune! Don't startle me like that," he chided as he turned back to his monitor only to blink confusedly upon seeing all the 's' on the screen.
He chuckled and dragged his mouse, "Heh, I must've dozed off."
Shizune doesn't want to pry. She knows he'll come if he's ready, "Can I get you anything, Hokage-sama?"
He sighed and rubbed his eyes lightly, "Maybe a cup of coffee would be good."
She nodded, "Right away, Hokage-sama."
She returned shortly with his hot cup of coffee, which she set near his hand. He smiled gratefully.
"Thank you, Shizune."
"No problem, Hokage-sama. Is there anything else I can do for you?" she asked.
Kakashi hesitated, staring at his desk, before speaking, "Um… well, I have a headache."
She smiled as she walked towards him, "You don't have to be so shy about it, Kakashi-sama. I'm here to help you. I'm your assistant, after all."
She bent slightly and gently placed her hand on the either side of his head, keeping a respectable distance between them, and let her iryo chakra flow to him. He closed his eyes as the soft green light of her chakra began to treat him. She kept her eyes focused on his head as she continued when his eyes fluttered open.
"Why is it," he started, an almost lazy tone in his voice, "that every time you do this to me, it feels so familiar? It's as if you've done this a hundred times before."
Shizune merely smiled, fighting down the blush the crept up her neck at his intense gaze, "That's because I've done this a hundred times before. You usually get headaches when there are a lot of work and I'd always help you out."
"I see. So that's why," he sighed and she can see the smile outlined on his mask.
"Is everything alright, Kakashi-sama?" she inquired.
"Yes. I'm okay now, Shizune. Thank you," he replied with a smile. She smiled back and went out of his office.
It's obvious that he's having nightmares again and his solution to avoid them was to evade sleep. She knew that too well. He had done it the year before and she had been a witness of the way his dreams eat his desire for sleep. Shizune remembered his ragged breathing, the way his fingers clenched the sheets, the names of the dead muttered in the night air and she couldn't stop the guilt that rises within her chest at the thought that he had to endure it all alone.
That night, after leaving a pot of chamomile tea for Kakashi, Shizune decided to visit Tsunade at the Senju Compound. She wants to know if the older woman had found any treatment for the condition of the Hokage. Hopefully, she's not yet drunk, Shizune thought to herself and she grimaced.
To her surprise, the older woman was awake and, most shockingly, sober. She was in her living room, scrolls and books scattered across the center table. The woman herself was sitting on the couch as she read one particularly thick tome.
Tsunade looked up from her literature, "I see that my guard let someone in without warning me," she said dryly as she went back to reading. Shizune smiled as she removed her heels.
"Oh please, Tsunade-sama. Kasumi-san already knows who I am," she replied as she sat herself on the floor in front of her former master, lifting one book to read the cover.
They were silent for a moment before Tsunade sighed, her hand going to the nape of her neck and massaging lightly, "All this reading is making me stressed again," she said with a sigh. She closed her eyes for a moment and then looked at her, "You want something," she stated.
Shizune squirmed, "I just… I just want to know if you found anything?"
Tsunade sighed again as she put a bookmark on the page she's reading and closing the tome, "To be honest, all of these are not very helpful."
Shizune raised her eyebrows inquisitively.
"From what I've read so far, it appears that Kakashi's experiencing Retrograde Amnesia. It's a form of amnesia where the victim can't remember an event or a general time of his life that occurred," Tsunade explained as she stood up and took a pot of tea from her kitchen. She poured Shizune and herself a cup and continued.
"Amnesia is caused by damage done to either the thalamus or the hippocampus in the brain. Kakashi experienced a cranial trauma and, from what we can observe, it appears that it's a Temporally Graded Retrograde Amnesia. It means that only the most recent memory of the patient, usually a year or two before their diagnosis, were affected and forgotten. Since his memories from childhood until his inauguration were safe and were remembered clearly, the risk of him losing more memories are now minimal.
"Unfortunately, there is no known cure for amnesia in any books that I've read. All we can hope for is to wait and see if his memories will return in time," Tsunade finished. Shizune's heart sank to her stomach. Even though she already accepted the fact that he may never remember again, she still held on to hope that she can do something for him.
She blinked her tears away and smiled bravely at Tsunade, who's looking at her with pity in her eyes, "I see. Thank you very much for your effort, Tsunade-sama."
The older woman knelt in front of her and drew her into a comforting hug, "We can find something, alright? We can hope that his memories will come back soon."
Shizune pressed her face against Tsunade's neck, closing her eyes tight as tears began to form behind her eyelids, "I hope so, mom. I hope so."
The following day, Shizune had to work night shift again at the hospital, so she had the rest of the afternoon off from the Tower. She's confident enough that Shikamaru's abilities will suffice to help the Hokage with his needs for the remainder of the day.
She only stayed long enough at her apartment to shower and change her clothes and she went to the hospital. It's far too early but it's still unbearable for her to stay long at her apartment. She can sleep at her office, anyway. She did a few rounds, visited some of her patients, inquired about the current state of the hospital and socialized with her fellow medics before making her way to her office at the first floor, locking the door and settling on the sofa bed.
It was dark when she woke up. If she had to guess, it would be around eight in the evening, almost time for her shift to start, and she wondered what woke her up. She was immediately answered when a knock sounded from her door.
Must be the other doctors waking me up, she thought as she fixed the sofa and folded her blanket, quickly putting it away at her desk drawer. Her stomach grumbled. She decided to forego lunch this afternoon. From the urgency of the knock, it seemed that she had to forego dinner as well. There must be an influx of patients tonight.
Another knock was made, sounding more impatient. She ran to the door, her knee almost hitting the corner of the table and she opened the door, ready to face the long night ahead. What she saw on the other side, however, made her blink.
"Good evening," the Hokage greeted, a bag of take out boxes on his hand. He pushed the door wider and let himself in, sitting down on the sofa. Shizune stood frozen by the door, her hand still holding the knob as Kakashi took out the boxes from the bag and laid them on the table. What is he doing here?!
"Shizune? Do you want Tempura or Chicken Teriyaki?" he asked and he opened one box containing Gyoza, unaware of the stunned kunoichi still standing.
She snapped out of her daze and let go of the door knob but didn't move away from the door, "Oh! Um, chicken sounds good."
"Teriyaki it is," he mumbled absentmindedly. He pushed the box with chicken on the other side of the table, presumably Shizune's side, and put the chopsticks on top of it.
"K-kakashi-sama! What are you doing here?" she finally exclaimed, watching as he opened his box of food and cracked the chopsticks apart.
He looked up, looking confused, "Eating for tonight. Come on, food's going to get cold."
She doesn't want to refuse. She is hungry. But…
"Kakashi-sama, I'm sorry but I need to get to work. My shift's about to start and…" she protested but he interrupted.
"Don't worry about it," he assured her and drew his mask down, revealing his handsome face, "I already asked the doctors out there. They said they can handle the patients for a while. Besides, they said there aren't many patients yet."
Shizune could only blink and gape at him. Kakashi noticed and scratched his cheek, a gesture she long ago figured out as nervousness.
"Well, I thought you've been bringing me lunch and dinner these past few weeks and I figured I'd bring you dinner for a change," he explained and gave her a grateful smile.
Shizune was suddenly reminded of the numerous times that he did this. He would come when it's her lunchtime and bring her food since she usually skipped eating when she's working at the hospital. She could only smile back and stop the tears from dripping from her eyes.
Kakashi patted the space next to him, "Come on," he repeated and she finally gave in, sitting next to him, separating the chopsticks and opening her food. They ate in comfortable silence for awhile and Shizune was grateful that there weren't many patients tonight.
"I remembered," Kakashi muttered between bites of food, "Why are you not in your apartment? I thought you'd be there. And you obviously just woke up when I got here."
She stopped in the middle of her chewing and fought the blush of embarrassment that crawled up her cheeks. She scrambled for a response.
"Oh! Um, well… you see – I mean I just want to be… you know… on time! Yes, I want to be on time for my shift!" she replied hastily. She couldn't really tell him that the reason she's camping in her office is because she can't bear to stay in her apartment most nights just yet.
Kakashi looked like he doesn't believe her but lets it go.
"So, um… what are you up to?" Kakashi asked uncertainly, putting down his chopsticks and empty box of takeout.
Shizune stared at him, surprised. Is he trying to make small talk?
Noticing her odd stare, Kakashi laughed awkwardly, "I'm sorry, I'm not usually good at this thing."
Since he didn't put his mask back yet, she can see the telltale sign of a blush across his cheeks. Shizune was quick to reassure him, "Don't worry about it, Hokage-sama! Well… you can see I'm working here at the hospital tonight."
He chuckled again, "Yeah, yeah," he paused, "What's your favorite food?"
"I like brown rice."
"I'll get that next time," he muttered, "Hobbies?"
"Well, I like to read. I also like cooking and tending to my garden."
"Really? What do you usually read?"
"Hmm, well I often read medical or laws books but I sometimes read about fiction."
"Makes sense," Kakashi quipped, "What do you wish you knew more about?"
"I wish I spent more time with Uncle Dan. Maybe I could've learned his jutsus," she replied with a chuckle.
"You're already skilled as you are and trained by a Legendary Sannin," he commented, "Why do you want to learn his jutsus?"
She laughed heartily, "You can always learn something new, Kakashi-sama."
"That's fair," he concedes, "What are you absolutely determined to do?"
She smiled, "That's easy. To assist you the best way I can during your reign," she paused, "Are we playing 20 questions again?"
He gave her a smile, "In a way, yes we are. I'd like to know more about you, Shizune."
She was left speechless again, staring at him in a stunned silence. What is up with him? Why is he doing this to her? Shizune doesn't know how to reply to his statement.
She was saved when a knock came from outside the door.
She turned her head towards the door as Kakashi drew his mask up, "Come in!" she said, her voice higher than usual.
One of the medics came in and bowed, "I apologize for interrupting, Hokage-sama, but we need Shizune-san at the emergency room."
Kakashi raised his hand and smiled behind his mask, "Don't worry about it."
Shizune sat up straight, "Thank you, Kaoru. I'll be right there."
The young woman bowed again and left the room, closing the door behind her.
Shizune stood up and bowed before him, "I'm sorry, Hokage-sama, but I should go help them," she said, though she was a little relieved that she doesn't need to answer what he last said.
He waved his hand dismissively and stood as well, standing in front of her, "Well, we can continue this some other time, Shizune," he said, making it sound like a promise. She can only smile and fight the blush that threatened to rise up her cheeks.
There's an outbreak of flu in Amegakure and Kakashi thought that it would be a good idea to send someone to help them out of their crisis to finally bring Ame into the fold of villages. Shizune stayed behind him as he conferred this objective to the other Kages, who all agreed to send a medic nin to the ailing village.
She and Kakashi went straight to his office after the conference, with a look of contemplation on his face. Once he sat down, he began to draft the mission assignment.
"Shizune, what do you think about going to Ame?" he asked without looking up.
She's not really surprised that he'd send her. Sakura was already on a mission, as well as most of their medic nin, "I'd be prepared, Hokage-sama," she immediately answered.
"I'll have Aoba and Raido accompany you to Ame. They're not in any mission, anyway," he answered, still scribbling.
She nodded, "Shall I call for them?" she asked to which he nodded.
She went to her office and called the front gate, where the two of them were stationed for guarding duties. They arrived a few minutes later and was briefed for the mission. The three of them will depart first thing tomorrow morning so Kakashi gave them the rest of the day off to pack their gear and rest.
Since Shizune already have a backpack full of her gear enough for a week back at her apartment, she decided to go to the hospital and check on her patients. She gave instructions to the remaining doctors and nurses about the care for certain patients, to which they reassured her that they will do.
"Shizune-san! What's with the orders?" a cheerful voice behind her asked. She turned around and was greeted by the grinning face of Chihiro.
She smiled, "I'm going on a mission tomorrow, Chihiro. A medic is needed in Ame."
"Oh, really? Do you need a bodyguard?"
She scoffed, "Oh, please. Besides, I already have Aoba and Raido to accompany me."
Chihiro laughed heartily, "Alright, alright! Have a safe trip, Shizune-san!" he waved at her and left the hospital.
"Thank you, Chihiro!" she called out after him. After doing a few more rounds, she got back to her apartment for some rest. On a whim, she started to gather ingredients for Tonkatsu with Gohan rice as dinner. As she was beating the eggs, she decided to make some for Kakashi, well.
She smiled and lessened the sugar for the sauce. He doesn't like foods too sweet anyway.
"Come in," called the voice inside the office. Shizune entered, carefully balancing the tray on one hand as she turned the doorknob with the other.
"Shizune," Kakashi sounded surprised but not displeased when she walked in, "Isn't it your day off?"
She smiled, "Yes, thank you for that. But I figured that you'd be eating ramen again if you don't have other options," she explained as she set down the pot of tea and the bento box. Kakashi eagerly opened it and grinned behind the mask.
"Tonkatsu tonight, huh? Thank you very much, Shizune!" he said as he covered the box again.
"No worries about it, Hokage-sama," she commented. She likes taking care of him in the ways that she knows.
"Shizune," he turned serious, "Did Tsunade-sama find anything?"
Shizune was actually dreading the moment that she had to tell him what Tsunade had found. She sighed and stood up straight, gathering her courage.
"Tsunade-sama said that you most likely have Temporally Graded Retrograde Amnesia, wherein your most recent memories were affected and forgotten due to cranial trauma."
Shizune sighed before she continued, "Unfortunately, there is no known treatment or cure for amnesia. It's either you remember them on your own or you never remember your lost memories. We can only hope that you do recover them."
Kakashi sat silent for a while, looking down at his desk. After a moment, he looked up at her and smiled genuinely.
"Well, as I said before, 'I may have lost the memories that I had from last year but that doesn't stop me from creating new ones'. Right, Shizune?" he repeated the words that he told her at the hospital. Shizune remained rooted from where she was standing, tray clutched tightly against her chest.
"Shizune," the Hokage called for her and she snapped out of her daze as he removed his gloves.
"Yes, Hokage-sama?" she asked. Kakashi waved her over, motioning for her to come closer. Even confused, she complied until she's standing right in front of his desk. He stood up and placed his ungloved hand against her cheek.
Shizune suddenly flushed red, her whole face heating up as she felt his bare palm lay flat against her brightly blushing cheek. She wanted to speak but no words came out of her mouth.
Kakashi merely smiled, "You take care of yourself on the road, eh?"
She can only nod her head. She was shocked even more when he leaned in and pressed his masked lips against her forehead. When he pulled away, there was a faint blush splashed on the exposed part of his face and he was obviously grinning behind his mask. He let go of her face and sat back down. She stood there, dumbfounded at his actions.
"You have a mission tomorrow, right? I think you need your rest," he said as he picked up his chopsticks and cracked them apart.
"Y-yes, H-hokage-sama," she stuttered and turned, almost tripping over her feet in her haste to leave.
"One last thing, Shizune," he said before she can step out of the room and she reluctantly turned back. He had already dragged his mask down, exposing his immaculate face, "Drop the 'sama' part."
A/N: is kakashi a little too forward? O.O