"You truly are a great hero, sir. Excellent!" Darkness's face split in a smile. She carried her broadsword over her shoulder, jovially marching behind him.
"It's the legendary hero, Kazuma!" Some assholes sniggered as they walked by. Kazuma simmered in anger, holding back to prevent his naive wannabe crusader and useless self absorbed goddess from noticing.
His party was in the process of returning from their latest mission, which was only a success in the most technical of terms. A pack of demonic rats had invested some farmland on the outskirts of the city. They were low level monsters and they were all tired with the toads. It was such a disaster Kazuma wished for the toads back.
When they entered the scene the rats suddenly swarmed them. Darkness's small body was buried under a pile of rats. He was chased around by rats only able to take a single swing at his pursuers every other minute. Aqua just cried. She still was as they trudged back to the guild. Darkness was happy but the little girl seemed too sunny or dumb to bother noticing their current lot. Kazuma did increase his estimation of her as she just seemingly absorbed the bites and scratches of the rats easily enough.
The sun was setting and Kazuma's energy for this game was going with it. His only consolation was they did complete their task. The farmers had offered a substantial reward. He and Aqua should finally be able to move out of that stinky barn stable. It would have to be a single room and they would share a bed, but after sleeping together in a literal barnhouse, it didn't fluster him the way it once would have.
"Lo! Guild Girl!" Kazuma barely kept himself from sighing as Darkness effected a deep monotone. Darkness all but confirmed her nobility; this was likely a convention of importance and dignity she was taught, but couldn't figure out to drop.
"Little one?" Luna gave her a queasy smile and flashed him a look. Kazuma ignored it, refusing to embrace the responsibility of babysitter anymore than he had.
Darkness stopped short of the guild girl with a kneel in an imitation of knight before a king. "Our party has completed our mission. The farmers of Axel may rest easy and provide us with their robust crops and hardy meats. The hero Kazuma-" Kazuma swiped Darkness back by the scruff of her neck.
"We'll pick up our reward money and be out of your hair Luna. Thanks for the quest." Kazuma heard a nervous chuckle escape Luna's lips.
Darkness had the most generous interpretations of all their adventures. Kazuma discovered he had a thicker skin than he realized to put up with all the girl's shenanigans. Everything seemed to be an epic struggle. Failing to defeat frogs: a pitched desperate battle where Kazuma's strategy and insight led them to salvation. Looking for herbs and getting lost: An epic quest where they lose themselves to joy and experience the verdant greens. It was so self-aggrandizing that Kazuma wondered a few times if the girl was trolling him or was really that stupid. He arrived at the latter every time but was always surprisingly disappointed it isn't the latter.
"It seems I have enough points to unlock a skill." His card had notified him as much. The adventurer class was the only one available to him and one of the few advantages was it's adaptability. Supposedly, there were few fundamental skills he couldn't unlock.
"Oooh, do you want to unlock better swordplay Kazuma?"
"Hmmmm." The party could use someone who could use a blade to do something other than induce cringe in their opponents. However, that would require Kazuma to go head to head with dangerous opponents. "Nah, I don't want to compete with you. I'd lose that fight," he lied. Kazuma might not be as durable but he had zero fear of fighting Darkness. She failed to even hit stationary objects.
"Great pity and wisdom there is in that." Darkness remarked, believing Kazuma. "Maybe my friend can give you some advice there."
Kazuma felt really guilty for his surprise. "Friend!?"
"Oh yes, her name is Chris." Darkness completely missed the truth of Kazuma's bemusement. "I've been staying with her during my time here."
"Why aren't you a part of her party then?"
"She's a solo adventurer who contracts her services for other parties in passing. She frequently travels leaving me alone to watch her house."
Kazuma questioned the judgement of a woman who left an embarrassing kid like this to watch her thing but he couldn't cast stones. "I don't see how meeting her could hurt." It would just be awkward which he was already used to before coming here.
Kazuma turned to Aqua for her opinion but furrowed his brows to see she wasn't crying. In an instant her waterworks started up again under his scrutiny. Kazuma just pouted and stomped out of the guild.
Chris turned out to be the most competent person he met since he arrived. He almost wanted to beg her to join his party, if he didn't know he burnt that bridge when he stole her panties and stole every coin on her for it back. Oh well, at least Kazuma finally fulfilled his NEET dream of holding a girl's panties. The completion of one his baser dream probably led to him making, admittedly, a boorish fool of himself. Darkness was staring at him wide eyed while walking beside him.
Kazuma's actions likely shattered her view of him. The NEET wished he hadn't forced a kid to watch that but at least she knew what he was now. He stumbled back when Darkness rushed ahead of him into the guild hall.
"Oh listen! Oh listen! The cunning and clever of Kazuma has mutated the ordinary into the extraordinary! Kazuma Satou outwitted the nimble Chris! He managed to locate the weakness of her femininity to capitulate her into acknowledging him as the superior trickster!" Kazuma threw her arms at his direction for emphasis.
Chris broke down crying in the corner. She told the guildhall the truth in layman's terms: Kazuma stole her panties and money. Kazuma grabbed Darkness and tried to make it to their party's table and away from the disgusted glares being thrown at him.
"We need more money!" Aqua declared.
"You need to stop taking out so many debts."
"Well, I wouldn't have to if you could properly support me."
"Wait a minute," Kazuma's intelligence kicked in. "Couldn't you just go to that cult of your's for more money?"
"I knew you followed the Goddess Aqua. No one else but a devoted member of the axis church would make her their child's namesake."
"Do you have a problem with me," Aqua squawked indignantly.
"Nay, I am simply a follower of Eris." Darkness pulled a pendant necklace from under her shirt. "I respect all beliefs but I simply lack the reverence the followers themselves would give. My apologies."
"Can't you get money from those guys," Kazuma interjected before matters escalated.
"Unfortunately, no. Not in this state." Aqua's eyes briefly flashed to Darkness.
Kazuma could see the logic. The source was surprising but it held. If you see your patron deity arrive in the form of a perpetually drunk idiot your faith would dissolve on the spot. Provided you were even believed in the first place. Aqua was a talented healer but her powers aren't out of the realm of possibility for mortals born in this world; she would most likely be dismissed as a delusional archpriest who let her talent go to her head.
"Couldn't you work as a healer? That's one of the few uses you have."
Aqua pouted at the insult. "I would have to take a test-"
"Never mind," Kazuma sighed. Putting your hope on Aqua is a fool's error. "The only way we could increase our income would be to take bigger quests."
"Then let's do it. We have to take the next step forward to kill the Devil King eventually."
"Maybe when you actually hit something," Kazuma remarked. Darkness, to her credit, looked unfazed. "We need a long ranged fighter."
"Why?" Aqua tiled her head in confusion.
"Darkness is our tank, you are the support, and I'm the skill monkey," Kazuma explained. "In a party there should always be a mage, wizard, or caster. A party member with powerful long range attacks who can direct the battle for the party from a distance."
"Then let's recruit a mage," Aqua declared.
"I don't know the training process for a mage but I suspect it's a lot of work. Which I doubt one would want to climax by joining this team."
"Kukukukukuku," a sultry voice sang.
Kazuma turned and his jaw dropped. He had seen many well shaped women in his time in this world, many who checked different types an otaku would recognize. This woman had a figure that could only have been shaped by the gods; her breasts were so large and perfectly round with such a narrow waist. Her eyes were a deep crimson blood red, and Kazuma's id told him he was a thigh man as his eyes were locked on legs so thicc he couldn't contain them with two hands. Two hands covered with fingerless gloves at the end of very slender arms rested on a wooden staff with a red gem as the orb.
This presumed mage wore a long floor length red skirt with gold trimmings that began below her generous chest with slits starting at the thighs. Her top was barely contained by a dark blouse which peaked out of her skirt that gave up halfway on her breasts; it matched her red sleeves which ended at her elbows with a dark satin material that matched the blouse. The large spheres themselves were wrapped by white tape; her right leg was also bandaged in the same tape which mismatched her other leg that was done in a single dark legging.
Her ensemble was finished by a pointed witch hat with a demonic face stitched on it and a long flowing cloak which could easily wrap around herself;that was probably the most practical piece of clothing on her aside from her brown boots. His hair had been left to grow wild and untamed, seemingly falling like growing moss.
Kazuma rose to greet her, she was a few inches taller than him. "Pardon me, your name is?"
"Kuku," a deep sultry voice laughed. The wizardess tilted her hat to cover her eyes. Kazuma's otaku mind filed her as a mysterious older sister type. He felt his face heat up taking in her. . . form. She flared her cloak behind her with a step and twirled her staff- only to stumble face first first to the floor without it to support her- his blood ran cold. Kazuma began to review his placement of her.
"Ow," she groaned in a much higher voice. Kazuma and his party just stared in confusion. A loud rumble emitted from her body. "I haven't had anything to eat for days, could you spare a little food."
Kazuma daintily helped her up, taking the opportunity to look behind and saw it held up with the front.
The wizardess ate the food they gave her with little acknowledgement of their presence. Kazuma felt some of his lust dwindle seeing her practically eat the food with barely any hands as she just chewed and swallowed. She seemed determined to eat every little bit she could; the wizardess even licked the tips of her fingers for the grease.
After she finished her meal she stood up from the bench and backed up.
"Now then," she settled herself.
"I am the archmage known and feared across the land as the prodigy among prodigies of the crimson demon clan! Megumin!" She splayed her arms, Kazuma was honestly paying more attention to her jiggling assets. She continued her theatrics. "My power is the bane of the gods themselves. The very fabric of creation comes undone with the power I wield. For I am the woman who shall cast an explosion so grand it will shake the entire world. Can you handle me, a dangerous woman with powers beyond man's wildest dreams," Megumin finished her monologue in a low whisper.
Kazuma stared unimpressed at the female's antics. "What do you mean you will cast an explosion so grand it shakes the planet? Please don't give me a theater audition as an answer again."
Megumin briefly glowered at him. "I am an archmage who specializes in explosion magic. Every single point I earn goes to making larger and larger blasts."
"Wait, every point?"
"Precisely. All my energy goes into the objectively greatest spell in existence," Megumin bragged.
Kazuma already saw the holes in her repertoire. "Uhmm, what would you do if you were in a dungeon?"
"I suppose the other party member would have to pick up the slack."
"Me and Aqua can do that."
"The adults are talking," Kazuma snapped at Darkness. He looked at Aqua too to make sure he knew where he placed her. Kazuma turned his attention back to Megumin before Aqua could get offended.
"How many parties have you been kicked out of." Kazuma's tone was flat and bored.
For a beat Megumin went silent. ". . . a few groups might not have been able to properly appreciate-"
"Okay," Kazuma concluded this ridiculous conversation. He was somehow tired of gorgeously delicious witch-type.
"No!" Megumin growled. She grabbed him and spun him around to face her with surprising ferocity that belied her feminine figure. "Absolutely not. I am so not moving back in with Yunyun."
Kazuma had no idea who that was but pitied her nonetheless. "Your powers are useless in a Dungeon! You clearly just want this party to carry to and coddle you!" He nearly spat at her in indignation.
"I've heard the rumors about you Kadzuma or do you prefer Kazutrash?" She asked him rhetorically. "You should be begging me to join you. With the archpriest there I know you aren't a complete pe-"
"THOSE ARE ALL LIES!" Kazuma didn't want to know what would happen if Darkness heard that word, he certainly didn't want to explain. God! He knew his reputation wasn't anything to be proud of but to be that bad? He blamed Aqua.
"Then you should have no problems appreciating my body?" Her red cheeks relieved Kazuma to know she wasn't completely shameless. "I saw you giving me the eye. You totally checked out my butt when you were helping me up too." She pushed her chests forwards into his.
Kazuma felt a horrifying combination of his libido and fear stir; he was running out of time. This wasn't a bright and shiny fantasy world meant to sell figurines. There was no way he was going down like a timid virgin boy- never mind he was two thirds of that.
"STEAL!" A flash of light erupted from his hand. A girly gasp rang out.
Megumin took a hasty step back. Kazuma felt a smile. He looked to see what kind of panties this cougar sported.
"You certainly do not wear your maturity," Kazuma remarked. In his fingers were bright pink panties with a ribbon. Megumin pulled her hat down over her face.
"I'll keep these as payment for the meal," he declared, stuffing the panties into his pocket. "Your mother should have warned you about guys like me. Go find your friend, Yunyun, maybe she has panties a real woman should wear" Kazuma really wasn't this kind of guy; he might have fantasized about being a 'thot slayer' but once again living out his fantasy turned out to be horrifying.
I am so sorry Megumin. Just know Karma already has me in her system.
The NEET's neck snapped to the sound of cloth rippling. His eyes bulged when he saw Megumin's hand reach under her skirt and into her blouse. She had a determined furious expression that made him really afraid.
"I'm sorry I'll-" He barely killed a squeal in his throat when Megumin ripped her bra out with a loud tear.
"Here," the archmage growled. "If my panties were enough to pay for my meal then this should cover my entry, correct." It wasn't a question. Her face stared right down into his. She pressed her large lacy white brassiere into his chest.
"Uhm- miss-" his weak voice was buried under Megumin dropping herself on him.
His back ached at the impact and he felt her butt bury itself into his stomach. Megumin wasted no time pinning him down with her arms.
"I love explosions!" The archmage snapped." You love women and panties it seems. Many would call that such a base obsession. They would say the same about mine, though."
Kazuma looked to his party for help. Aqua simply huffed and pretended like she wasn't seeing anything; Aqua looked vengeful for his earlier treatment. Darkness, the only party member who probably could get the woman off him, just stared like she was seeing a grand show.
"Let's make a deal," she began. "You let me into your party and I guess I'll let you play with my panties every now and again."
"THE DEAL IS IF YOU GET OFF YOU CAN JOIN!"
"Really nothing else?" She looked incredulous, as if she wasn't holding him down to the floor.
"Yes," Kazuma cried.
"Okay," she smiled, it was almost cute if she hadn't been borderline assaulting him.
"Thank you for getting that ass off me. It's the size of a barrel." Meguming looked irritated but quickly shook off his words.
"I look forward to joining your party." Megumin gave a curt bow to Aqua and Darkness.
"Me too," Aqua smiled at Megumin. "That NEET over there is such a creeper. It's about time one of us women turned the tables on him."
"No booze tonight."
Aqua started crying.
"I've heard stories of the Crimson Demon Clan, they say no race has more potential in the magical arts. I'm impressed, you managed to negotiate with Kazuma. Few are as crafty as him." Kazuma wished he watched the stories of their lives from her point of view; it sounded so much better.
"I'll be sure to live up to your expectation. Nay, I shall exceed them." Megumin rustled Darkness's hair fondly. "I have a little sister at home, you're almost as cute as her."
"I'd imagine she'd be horrified to see her older sister prostitute herself and literally throw herself at a guy."
The archmage chortled. "Nothing we haven't done before." Kazuma really didn't want to know anything more. "Now it's freezing on my boobs and ass without anything on them. I'll go change and come back since that set of underwear is now yours." Megmumin stalked off after saying a much gentler goodbye to the girls.
Kazuma gawked at her retreating back before noticing every eye in the guild on him. They were all looking at him in a mixture of pity and disgust before going back to their affairs.
He started off with a useless goddess and then received a wannabe crusader. Now he was saddled with a creepy archwizard.