AN: Enjoy.

I'm really uninspired it's terrible.

Jiraiya considered himself a man difficult and slow to anger and as a matter of fact, he was rarely ever mad. Out of his two teammates, he was definitely the calmest.

Today, however, his blood was boiling with both fury and remorse at the sight of his godson tucked against him under a cover and gripping his left arm in his sleep.

No thirteen years old adolescent should behave like this. For all intent and purpose, he was still a stranger to the boy and the blond should never have felt comfortable enough to sleep like that yet. However, Naruto was so starved of contact that he immediately sought it out at the first sign it was okay for him to do so.

So at this moment, Jiraiya was mad like he had never been before. At himself, at the villagers, at his sensei, at the world, at the Yondaime Hokage, and at himself mainly because he should have been here. Had he raised the boy as he had promised, Naruto would not be this frightened child in an adolescent body.

He was here now but it certainly did not assuage his guilt. He could not help but wonder if it mattered. He was here now so all was good, was that it?

No, not when he had given his word to be there then. He had been wanted for thirteen years, his cruel absence damning a boy he should have cared for like a grandson.

He had other duties, the grief had been too heavy, the Hokage needed him in the field. It had not taken a lot of convincing to sway him away from the one responsibility that should have mattered above the others.

Being seen with Naruto would have put the boy in danger. It had been his sensei's favorite argument. The white-haired man scoffed. He was a spymaster; if there were something he knew how to do better than most, it was to disappear. It would have been enough to spend time with the boy in a remote part of the village. Anyhow, Naruto had inherited the Uzumaki name, a clan three of the most powerful nations had genocided to the last grown adult in fear of their prowesses. Being named Naruto Uzumaki was a danger in itself, the spiral the boy wore on the back of his jacket a perfect target.

Yet, no assassin had ever been sent after the boy. The other hidden villages had lost a war but not their dignity as shinobi. They had endured the defeat and decided that assassinating a babe was below them.

Jiraiya was supposed to be a warrior, a shinobi too. Losing someone was not an excuse to flee, more so when there was someone left. The truth was that he had not lived up to his title. The boy and he could have been a family together and because he missed that, Jiraiya was seeing firsthand that all was not good.

Rotten leaves, the boy had had a break down when he had told him about his mother. No orphan should react like that when told about one of their parents.

The Toad Sage took a deep, slow breath and shifted minutely, careful to not wake Naruto up. He was not going to allow himself to harm the boy any further. He did not swear it, the Kamis knew how little he apparently thought of his words. This time, he was simply going to do it.

It took another hour for Naruto to stir and wake up. The boy scrunched his face before he yawned wide enough to unhinge his jaw. He pressed the palm of his hands against his eyes to clean them from the crust of sleep.

"You slept well?"

The blond startled at the question, the voice coming from strangely close to him. Only now did Naruto realize how he was nestled against Jiraiya. He felt shame coloring his cheeks and scratched the back of his head. He had had a pleasant and restful night free from the nightmares that had been haunting him, it was his first peaceful night of sleep since three days or so.

He smiled hesitantly at his teacher and nodded but his eyes never fully met Jiraiya's. Naruto's features shifted into a frown, his brow furrowed in quiet contemplation.

It was the first time ever he had slept this well. Sasuke was not the first who had encroached and darkened his dreams. Nighttime was the moment his fears surged, free of the control he kept on them during the day.

"Yeah," answered the boy eventually.

The two busied themselves with breakfast. This time, Naruto ate his food with much more enthusiasm than the day before even if still in a subdued manner that was not befitting him. Once they were done, Jiraiya took a deep breath and decided to prod his student once again.

"So, Naruto, what do you want to train in today?"

The boy shrugged - the Toad Sage was more and more certain that it was a reflex - before he looked down at his feet. Jiraiya felt a headache build behind his eyes and he massaged his temples. What had happened to the boy for him to be so incapable of formulating his own answers? It was like the blond was afraid of using his brain to think.

"Naruto?" The tall man asked as gently as he knew how to.

The blond looked up at him and while his face was closed off and defiant much like the day before, his eyes held a pleading light. The Toad Sage knew this look, it was one of fragility and uncertainty.

Jiraiya narrowed his eyes. There was something he was missing, something incredibly important, something that weighed on his godson like a chain. He exhaled slowly.

"I do not want to force you, Naruto," said the Toad Sage, radiating patience, "but whatever you do not want to tell me is stifling you right now. Speaking can help, you know."

Naruto swallowed thickly and nodded, his face pale and void of his usual sunny disposition. A disposition that was becoming less and less common.

Jiraiya looked at the boy intently. "Should I tell you about your mom a bit more?"

The boy immediately smiled at the mention of more knowledge concerning his mother and nodded happily, the downcast look a distant memory. Jiraiya narrowed his eyes further for a second. Weird. The Toad Sage took a deep breath and racked his brain for what tidbits he could tell the boy for now.

He had to be careful not to mention Naruto's father. The blond was too fragile to take the new right now. Jiraiya realized he did not like hiding the truth like that but another shocking truth so quickly would scatter him like ashes in the wind.

"She was hot-tempered," began the Sage with a smile. "You got that from her, I swear. Stubborn to a fault, brash, always ready for a fight."

Naruto beamed. Those weren't exactly qualities a ninja required and usually, they were thrown at his face like insults but he could not be prouder right now. He was like his mother and that was all that mattered.

"Kushina was also most caring to those precious to her. I see that side of her in you, too." Not that your father did not contribute to that.

The smile on Naruto's face widened. It slowly dwindled and morphed into an anxious frown. The boy fidgeted for a second before asking the question that was occupying his mind. "Did she… want me?" He whispered fearfully.

Jiraiya offered him a feeble crooked smile and looked at him with shining eyes. "She was so excited." He breathed out in a shuddering voice. "From the moment she learned she was with you, it was like her birthday was happening every day."

Naruto had to blink desperately, doing his best to keep the tears at bay as they fought to escape. He did not want to cry, it was a happy thing to be so desired by his mother, it was the balm to his one of his most painful wound. He forced a smile on his lips but sobbed in relief instead.

"She had your crib ready the next day," said Jiraiya in a broken voice. "It was orange, for Leaf's sake. An ugly ass orange crib." The man tried to laugh but his throat was tight and hurting and it came out hoarse and sawed.

"Don't… don't diss the orange," answered Naruto defiantly with a sniff, his own voice barely coming out.

"I'm not," responded the Sage in a murmur with tears rolling down his face. "I'm not."

Once the two calmed down, Jiraiya kept telling the boy as much as he could remember. When the morning came to an end, Naruto had a rather clear picture of his mother in his head. She was a beautiful woman with red hair that floated around when she was angry, her sweet violent eyes turning to amethyst if there was an enemy to be slain.

She had been incredibly powerful as well and her legacy was that of a fierce warrior with many talents.

It was past midday when Jiraiya rose from his seat and motioned Naruto to imitate him.

"We're going to go hunting." The Sage informed.

"Hunting? We have food though." Naruto remarked, a bit puzzled but relieved his teacher was taking charge nonetheless.

"Yes but hunting allows for multiple learning opportunities," explained Jiraiya. "Also, fresh meat is better than dried jerky." The man added after a second's thought.

Without further ado, the young boy and the man exited the clearing of the camp to enter the foliage of the Fire Country forest. It took Naruto a few minutes to notice but he soon noticed Jiraiya was somehow moving without making a sound. The blond would cause leaves to rustle with each step, or break a twig, or displace a bush but his teacher was not disturbing the ambient song of the woods in the slightest.

They progressed swiftly, Jiraiya bending every once in a while to touch the earth, take a whiff of the air, or mumble something. At some point, Naruto simply could not fight his curiosity anymore.

"How are you doing that, Pervy Sage?!" He whispered loudly.

Jiraiya winced and stopped. One could count on Kushina's son to be deafening even when murmuring. The Sage turned, mildly annoyed at the surname still and cocked an eyebrow.

"How do I do what?" He asked, leashing his powerful voice to a small stream.

Naruto flailed. "Like, you're totally silent!"

Jiraiya hummed pensively. He really had to test what were the problem's boundaries. "What do you think?" He asked.

Naruto immediately clammed up and looked away. "I don't know," the blond shrugged.

The Sage sighed minutely, too low to be heard. The boy refused to hazard even a simple guess. He asked with enthusiasm, could answer a yes or no question, followed with attention, but for some reason, using his brain to formulate an answer to something that required him to think was impossible. The boy was afraid of doing so.

What in the rotten leaves was happening to his godson?

Shaking his head, Jiraiya decided to let it go once again. He would need to discuss it with Fukasaku. A good ninja was one that followed order but an excellent shinobi was one who could think on their own two feet. Naruto could not stay this way; to survive the people coming for him, the blond had to scale the hurdle of becoming an S-rank menace.

Jiraiya could not teach the boy much as long as he was stuck in this state.

The Sage suddenly pointed at the ground and crouched. "See that here?" The man asked in a low tone. "Those are the prints of a deer."

Naruto breathed out in relief and crouched next to his sensei. "Really?" He answered in his own brand of whispering.

Jiraiya smiled sideways. "Yup but we ain't going to go anywhere near it if you don't tone it down a little."

The blond blushed and scratched the back of his head. "Sorry," he muttered.

"No problem but remember. A good shinobi is a silent shinobi."

The afternoon was spent trailing in the forest, Jiraiya teaching his lone student the ropes of tracking, the way to identify different animals, the name of various trees, the properties of a multitude of mushrooms, flowers, and berries.

Naruto simply marveled at the well of knowledge his teacher appeared to possess and decided to do his best to gratefully absorb as much of it as he could. He doubted his memory would retain the majority of what he was being told but he could admit it was surprisingly interesting. It was no flashy jutsu or awesome special move but even he was not dumb enough to deny that knowing what plan was poisonous, what flower could heal, and what root could be eaten was useful. It was all a matter of if he would ever be capable enough to apply this knowledge.

Several hours later, they stopped their excursion. The deer escaped them but the Toad Sage successfully caught two rabbits. Making their return to camp, the man explained why and how it was necessary to empty the animals of their blood and bowels, how to skin them, what to use to cook the meat and how to preserve it.

The teacher and pupil were back around their campfire and Jiraiya decided now was as good a time as ever to go from theory to application. After all, it was by doing one perfected a craft; he was convinced of it and it seemed to be especially true for Naruto anyways.

Under the focused gaze of his student, the Toad Sage killed the rabbit by twisting its neck and prepared the animal. After a few stretched seconds of hesitation, the boy imitated the motions as best as he could, not completely tearing the hide apart.

"Pretending to be a hunter selling raw hides and meat is a useful cover for a shinobi," said Jiraiya suddenly. "If you ever have to travel without being spotted, you'll need an alibi, a role to play. The hunter is a useful one; it allows you to disappear in the wood without people asking questions about it and it comes with a lot of useful knowledge."

Naruto grunted absentmindedly, observing the blood of the rabbit on his hands. It was already lukewarm, smelled of iron, and felt gross on his skin. He had already seen blood, of course, he had been wounded numerous times. However, it was the first time he had ended a life, of any kind.

He kept wondering if it would feel even remotely the same to kill another man. A hand on his shoulder interrupted his musing and he looked up at the worried face of his teacher.

"Everything alright, Naruto?"

The boy nodded and offered a lopsided smile to the white-haired man who frowned.

"You know you can-"

"It's the first time I kill," blurted out the blond.

Jiraiya internally winced. "Why didn't you tell me anything?" He asked in a neutral tone.

The blond caught himself before he could scratch the back of his head and mumbled something under his breath. The Toad Sage waited patiently for the boy to repeat himself.

"I wanted… I wanted to know if I could do it." Naruto said eventually.

Jiraiya nodded. "How do you feel?"

The blond shook his head. "It's, I dunno… gross. Is it the same?" The boy asked. as Jiraiya did not answer, Naruto clarified his thought in a small voice. "Killing another man I mean?"

The Sage took a deep breath and slowly exhaled the air trapped in his lungs. He hummed for a minute, evidently considering his answer with great care. "It will depend on you," said the white-haired man eventually. "Some do not see a difference, others insist there is one. Killing is killing, it is the most final action you can take toward another living being. It must never become something casual."

A minute of silence settled between the two. "I don't like it," said Naruto.

The Toad Sage gave the boy's shoulder a squeeze. "As a man, it is rather a good thing. However, remember that a good shinobi is a ruthless shinobi. You'll have to kill those your duty points you to."

Naruto shuddered and darkened. "I don't like that." He could still remember this terrifying moment where he had thought Sasuke killed by Haku. This second of pure, unadulterated horror of seeing his comrade lying lifeless at his feet then the sensation something had been ripped out of him. Killing others meant he would make people feel like that.

He also remembered the anger, the boiling rage coursing through his veins, the thirst for the enemy's own blood, the urge to avenge his fallen teammate. That love could morph into hate and fuel it just like that was a truly frightening thought. "I don't like that," repeated Naruto.

Jiraiya sighed. "I don't like it either."

The Toad Sage then demonstrated how to prepare meat to preserve it before he sealed Naruto's rabbit in a scroll. "Storage scrolls distort time but there is no way to stop it truly. That's why you still have to use a generous dose of salt." The man brandished the scroll. "It will be good for a year."

Naruto's mouth shifted into a small "o" of awe and he nodded. "Can you teach me how to do that, sensei?"

Considering his fridge was always out of order, it seemed like a useful skill to have. And he was on the road for now, so it was actually a skill he needed. The white-haired man smiled.

"Will do. Uzumakis were very talented in seal making."

The blond's eyes widened and he beamed happily. If seal crafting was something his clan mastered, then it was another reason to learn it. He had always heard fuinjutsu was extremely complicated though. The thoughts made him frown; he would probably never reach the Uzumaki's level of mastery.

"Let's prepare this one for tonight, shall we?"

Naruto's stomach growled in anticipation and he nodded. Due to going on a hunt, they had not eaten more than a few berries and he had to admit he was famished. He observed with fascination as Jiraiya busied himself around the various pans he had disposed over the fire like he actually knew what he was doing. The blond's initial disbelief morphed into respect when a divine smell rose and tickled his nose, making him salivate.

The rabbit stew, accompanied by a few roots Jiraiya called potatoes and some wild leeks put stars in the boy's eyes.

"You know how to cook, sensei!" Naruto exclaimed after the first mouthful, his face displaying his admiration for the world to see before he focused back on his plate. "This is so good," beamed the blond happily.

Jiraiya simply chuckled, the bemused smile he had on his lips masking his internal frown. Naruto was acting like he never actually had a decent meal in his life. The only thing the boy ate with nearly as much enthusiasm was ramen. Suddenly, the truth of the matter, simple and obvious and incredibly ugly, crashed on Jiraiya.

Naruto never had had a decent meal in his life before apart from ramen.

A dark shadow passed in the sage's eyes. Konoha definitely had to answers some questions of his and he would make sure it hurt if people did not comply. He might not have been there, he was guilty many times over and he could have supported Naruto way more despite his duty to the village. Naruto, however, had endured more neglect than he first thought and someone would answer for that.

Not doing anything was one thing, going out of one's way to make his godson's life miserable was another.

Dinner was finished quickly despite Naruto eating his way through nearly the entire marmite. The blond boy then helped wash the various pans, insisting it was only fair he did it given Jiraiya had cooked. The Toad Sage allowed it, giving occasional pointers here and there to the boy who did not even know how to properly wash kitchen utensils.

It took a good amount of willpower to the white-haired Densetsu no Shinobi to not run back to Konoha with his sword drawn out and ready for blood.

The rest of the evening was spent exchanging stories around the fire, Jiraiya once again regaling Naruto with tales about his mother, mixing it with some of his own achievement. The sun slowly settled westward, coloring the sky in hues of orange and purple as the symphony of the wilderness turned to something different, more mysterious, more threatening.

"You stole the Tsuchikage hat?" Naruto exclaimed at one point, pointing a finger at his sensei and wearing a proper expression of awe on his face.

Jiraiya chuckled. "It was a warning. After Kyuubi, Konoha seemed fragile, an easy prey. Iwa had weathered a very nasty blow during the war and they weren't in any shape or form to launch another one. But facts are, the death of Minato could have made them bold and we could not have that so I reminded them that Yondaime was not our only S-rank menace."

The boy sat back down, laughing heartily at the thought of his teacher actually infiltrating Iwa in order to steal a hat. It sounded silly. It was also undeniable proof that Jiraiya was probably the best infiltrator in the Elemental Nations.

"You're really, really sneaky, huh, Pervy-Sage?"

Jiraiya scowled in mock anger but then smiled. "I heard you aren't too bad yourself."

"Huh? What do you mean?" Naruto asked, his visage sporting a puzzled expression.

"Well, all your pranks,' clarified Jiraiya. "I asked around and some of them were quite impressive actually."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "They were pretty stupid," he mumbled. "No use making fun of-"

"I'm not." The white-haired man interrupted with a strong tone, looking at his student dead in the eyes. "I heard about you painting the Hokage Monument, in broad daylight, in front of dozen of shinobi. Shinobi who did not see you. Naruto. In a village full of ninja, you could paint one of the most important landmarks in broad daylight and if you hadn't… announced your presence midway, you wouldn't have been caught."

"It was only a prank," protested Naruto.

"It was a sabotage mission that you nearly pulled off."

"What? I'd never sabotage Konoha!" The blond protested.

The Sage sighed and rubbed his eyelids. Arming himself with patience, the white-haired man shook his head. "It's a metaphor - an image," he corrected immediately, seeing the uncomprehending look on Naruto's face. "Imagine your pranks as a mock mission; your goal was to paint the mountain without being caught. In a real mission, you'd have to infiltrate a village and steal something, destroy a place." The man hesitated a second. "Or kill someone."

The boy grimaced but nodded nonetheless in understanding before he fell in pensive contemplation.

"Have you ever… you know?" Naruto asked hesitantly.

"Assassinated someone? Yes." Jiraiya answered grimly.

The blond felt his throat tighten uncomfortably. "And Jiji… the Hokage ordered it."

The Sage nodded. "Always."

"Why?"

Jiraiya winced at the one question that could not be answered as there were too many reasons to give to too many different stories. He did not know whether the weave a pleasant tale for the boy or delusion him now and give Naruto the harsh truth. The man took a deep breath and steeled his resolve. He was not coddling the boy.

"Various reasons. Once, I had to kill a man who was instigating a rebellion against the Fire Daimyo. If the man had been allowed to live, he would have pushed thousand to arms and plunged the northern border in chaos."

Naruto nodded but a grimace was marring his features. He could understand the disposing of one man to avoid a war but was death the only solution? Such methods were reminding him of Gato's. The detestable little man had killed Kaiza precisely to prevent an insurrection and strengthen his power over Wave. Couldn't the Fire Daimyo have discussed with the man? After all, if he was ready to rebel, it meant he had grievances, right?

He asked Jiraiya just that and the man sent him a smile that was hollow of any mirth and joy.

"The man and his little group were in contact with Iwa so it was a risk the Sandaime was not ready to take. But mainly, he was sentenced to death because what he was committing was treason and it was cheaper that way."

Naruto deflated and wondered. Would he ever have the heart to do this kind of thing if his Oba-san - his Hokage, he corrected immediately - ordered him to? He had already failed once, after all, who said he would not waver again? He had shown his inadequacy.

The Toad Sage sighed and once again was gripped by hesitation as he saw the look on his godson's face. The boy was fragile right now, atrociously so. He shook his head. The whole truth would come later.

"Maybe you should rest, Naruto."

The boy nodded but did not look at him, too lost in consideration to do so.

When Naruto settled under his covers, the night was fully there, indifferent to the affairs of mortals and covering everything in her dark yet sparkling mantle. Jiraiya waited for his pupil to fall asleep before he once again created a kage bunshin. Leaving his replica to keep watch over their little camp, the Toad Sage walked away and summoned Fukasaku once again.

"Evening Pa."

"Evening Jiraiya-boy. How was today?"

The man's smile immediately followed by a sigh was enough to answer the toad's question.

"Something is blocking him, Pa. He is afraid of something but I don't know what."

The little elderly toad nodded and hummed, his throat producing a gravely chant as he scratched his goatee. "The boy is crippled by doubts and fears, Jiraiya-boy; you'll have to be a bit more accurate."

"I took him hunting today and he was like a sponge soaking up whatever knowledge I was willing to give him but when I asked him what he wanted to train in, he shrugged and said he didn't know. He said he was the dead last, that he couldn't answer my question."

"I see."

"There is more," said Jiraiya grimly. "He is conscious of it. He frowns and pout and he is all closed off at first glance but his eyes betray him."

The toad hummed thoughtfully once again. "He is on a dangerous path. It is good to confront one's demons but too many at a time and one cannot win." The elderly amphibian scratched his goatee once again. "Let us meet again tomorrow and I'll see the boy. It might be an unavoidable step on his journey to discover himself."

"Yes. Thank you Pa. See you tomorrow?"

The little toad shook his head. "No, I think I'll stay here tonight. It has been a while since I spent some time in the Fire Country's forest."

Jiraiya snorted and chuckled. "Ma booted you out of the house, didn't she?"

"Now, now, Jiraiya-boy, it's rude to assume such things." The toad chastised. "Even if you're entirely right."

"What did you do this time?"

The toad showed the man a candy that he popped in his mouth. "I told to get her own." He answered with a throaty laugh and a hum of satisfaction. "Delicious."

Jiraiya laughed with his master. Toads were weird creatures. The elderly master and his disciple spent the night discussing things and others.

AN: Leave a review if you feel like it, it's always invigorating. "Arc 0" ends next chapter.

To "Guest": thanks for the compliments. It does seem like we're reading the same stuff. :-)