Starsky and Hutch entered their favorite place, THE PITS, arguing about whose car broke down the most. It was not a new argument, and Huggy Bear rolled his eyes as he heard the never-ending battle between his two friends. From their words, he surmised Starsky's striped tomato had broken down on the way to work and then Hutch's battered LTD during a chase of a robbery suspect. Finally, the two stopped for breath and Huggy greeted, "Hello, my feuding brothers. What can Huggy do for you today?"
"Get Hutch a decent car," dark-haired Starsky growled.
"Find a less flashy striped tomato for Curly, here," Hutch countered. "Oh, I forgot, there doesn't exist a less showy car."
"I'll see if I can rent the Batmobile," Huggy joked, and both laughed.
"Wait a minute – who's Batman and who's Robin?" Starsky queried.
"You're shorter than me, Robin."
"Ha, ha, Blondie, you're younger than me, so you're Robin."
"Some days it doesn't pay to get outta bed," Huggy muttered to himself. He was relieved when the two went into their favorite corner booth.
"Hey, Hug, where's Anita?"
"Hey, Curly, I ain't deaf yet. Anita has the flu. I have a new waitress. I'm glad it's a slow night, be easy on her. If she can pass the Starsky and Hutch test, I know she'll be fine."
"If she's pretty, I get first dibs," Starsky smirked.
"If she's pretty, she'll go for me," Hutch retorted.
Just then a girl who looked in her early twenties approached the two. She had brown hair and large black rimmed glasses, green eyes behind them. She kept pushing her glasses up on her face that was heavy with makeup. She wasn't pretty, and to their mutual disgust was chomping on bubblegum and blowing bubbles and popping them.
"You can have her," Hutch whispered to Starsky who shook his head, but smiled when he caught the girl's green eyes.
"Hi, I'm Anna – you know, short for Roseanna," she announced in a nasally voice. She looked from one to another. "Hey, you guys are really cute."
"Thank you," Hutch responded politely. "I'm Ken and this is Dave." Hutch wasn't sure he wanted her to know their full names.
"Nice to meet you," Anna responded, her voice grating on the two like fingernails on a chalkboard. "You want iced tea or water?"
"I think we'll have our usual beer," Starsky replied, trying not to show disgust as Anna blew a large bubble and popped it with her right hand.
"I'll be right back, gorgeous," Anna promised, swinging her hips as she left. Her bright orange t-shirt and baggy jeans did nothing for her figure.
"Boy, I hope not," Starsky muttered.
"Give the girl a break, she's new," Hutch urged. The blond was inclined to be generous in his satisfaction of Starsky's car breaking down.
Neither one saw Huggy smile as Anna gave her order. She was clumsy as she juggled the tray with two mugs and a pitcher of beer. She put the tray down and sloshed some beer on Starsky. "Oh, sorry, I'm new and this is my first day on the job."
"It's all right," Starsky responded, wiping his shirt.
"You are such a doll." Anna proceeded to sat down beside Starsky.
Hutch cleared his throat and Anna turned a smile on him. "Uhhh, Anna, I think we're ready to order now. We're both hungry."
She pushed her chair back. "Oh, sorry. What can I get you?"
"How about two Huggy specials?"
"Coming right up!" Anna hurried off.
Hutch opened his mouth but then shut it, shrugging. Starsky was still grouchy about his beer bath. Huggy came up with a towel. "Sorry, Starsky. Man, you smell like you bathed in it. Good thing you're off duty. Hey, isn't that Dobey coming in?"
To the partners surprise, it was Dobey. He walked over to them. "Hi, Huggy. Hi, Starsky and Hutch. I don't believe you have met Police Chief McCallum. He is visiting from Duluth. Ian, Hutch is originally from Duluth."
McCallum, a tall brown-haired, brown-eyed man of about fifty, held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Starsky, Hutch. Harold has been bragging about his two finest detectives for years. Ken, I have also heard about our hometown hero for years, even though I moved to Duluth just six years ago. You know, baseball is my favorite sport. I used to play catcher back in the years."
Dobey was sniffing the air. "What did you do, Starsky, take a bath in beer?" Everyone snickered but Starsky.
"Oh, I accidentally spilled beer on him," Anna said cheerfully. "Oh, do either of you happen to be Hollywood producers or stars? Someone back home urged me to try acting - or modeling. What do you think?" she appealed to Dobey and McCallum.
Dobey scratched his chin and McCallum choked down a laugh. "We're policeman, Miss, not producers or actors. I would suggest trying acting classes if you are serious."
"Oh." Anna sounded let down. "I was told you could meet famous people everywhere." She glumly went back to Huggy's counter, waiting for the specials to be cooked. She was still pouting as she brought two mugs of beer for Dobey and McCallum, managing not to spill any.
"This day keeps getting better and better," Starsky mumbled. "I hope she gets the special right. You know I can't stand tomatoes on my cheeseburger."
"Yes, I know, the only good tomato is in spaghetti sauce," Hutch smiled. "But you didn't tell her that, so you can't blame her if," Hutch broke off as Anna approached with their order.
"Here you are," she said cheerfully, chomping on more bubblegum. "Double cheeseburger with extra ketchup, mustard, no tomatoes and lots of onions and pickles," she said as she put down the plate by Starsky.
"And you, cutie, regular cheeseburger with everything and extra mustard."
"That's just the way I like it!" Starsky enthused. "But how did you know?"
"Miss Anna!" Dobey called. "Is our order about ready?"
Anna went over to their table. "Yes, Captains, sirs, it should just take a couple of minutes. I'll check with Smoky Bear."
"Huggy Bear," Huggy reminded her.
"Oh, yeah," Anna replied, unconcerned. More bubblegum went into her mouth.
Starsky and Hutch were really enjoying their food. "I still don't know how Anna knew what we liked."
"Well, detective, Huggy probably told his cook." Hutch gave Starsky a smug look.
Dobey and McCallum appeared to be enjoying their food when it arrived and were deep in conversation. "I'm telling you, Harold, it was a sucker's bet. I have every confidence I will win."
"Hmmph," was Dobey's response as he wiped the ketchup off his face. "I still believe I will win."
McCallum shook his head. "Well, we do have thirty minutes to go. I guess anything can happen." But the smug confidence on his face didn't diminish.
Over at the other table, Hutch, who never ordered fries was content to steal a few from Starsky's plate. "Can't you get your own fries for once?" Starsky griped as usual.
"Too much grease," Hutch responded. "So I limit myself to five of yours."
"Five! Five times three, that is, Blondie!"
"Okay, I'll buy you dessert," Hutch suggested.
Anna came up with a piece of apple pie for Hutch and what appeared to be a chocolate sundae for Starsky.
Starsky looked at it in puzzlement. "What's this? There's one cherry, a tiny bit of cream, lots of chocolate syrup, but I don't see any vanilla ice cream!"
"Huggy said you like a tiny bit of ice cream drowned in chocolate syrup," Anna answered cheerfully. "I know there is a spoonful of ice cream in there."
"I don't see it!" Starsky complained.
Anna bent near his head, stirring the syrup as she blew the largest bubble and it popped on Starsky's curly hair. "Oh, see, there it is!"
Hutch, Dobey and McCallum were laughing as Starsky touched his hair. "Anna, you got bubblegum in my hair!"
"Oh, I know how to fix that," Anna reassured him as she went behind the counter. Before Starsky could stop her, she put a large amount of peanut butter in his hair and began rubbing. "Peanut butter helps get gum out of hair," she informed the unamused Starsky.
"Not without jelly," Hutch tried to say seriously, barely managing to hide his smile.
"No!" Starsky leaped up. "No jelly! Huggy!" he screeched. "Your waitress got gum stuck in my hair!"
Not only did Huggy move from behind the counter but Dobey and McCallum walked over to enjoy the scene. And Hutch was doubled over with laughter.
"What a mess!" Huggy pronounced. "It's all over your left side. We'll just have to cut it off," and Huggy produced a large pair of scissors.
"You stay away from me with those or I'll squirt you with this mustard!" Starsky threatened.
"Now, Starsk, be reasonable, hair will grow back," Hutch soothed.
Anna joined the chaos, wailing, "Now I'll get fired and never get to be on television!"
"I don't know, I think you'd be great on Candid Camera!" Huggy laughed.
"That mean I still get good tips?" Anna said hopefully, still popping gum.
"Good tips! After what you did to me? How am I gonna get the gum outta my hair! How am I going to explain this to the guys? And you think you deserve a tip? Here's one, sister! You're the worst waitress I've even known! You pop bubblegum with your hands and handle food!" Starsky couldn't stop raving as Anna's wails grew louder.
Hutch grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket and Anna noisily blew her nose. Hutch gave her a five.
Dobey and McCallum couldn't stop laughing, and just then the clock chimed nine o'clock.
McCallum was laughing the hardest. "Here, Anna, twenty bucks for the most enjoyable show I've ever seen! Right, Harold?"
Dobey suddenly went glum.
Huggy formally presented McCallum with a blue ribbon. "The winner of the bet today goes to Captain Ian McCallum of the Duluth Police Department! Sorry, Captain Dobey. You lose."
"And you even had the advantage, Harold. Your two detectives versus my one. Are you sure they're the best?"
Starsky and Hutch were staring, Starsky forgetting the gum and peanut butter mess in his hair.
Dobey went over to the two. "Well, Starsky and Hutch, I would have bet on you every time, but tonight you caused me to lose my bet with Ian. Now I owe him dinner in the best restaurant in Bay City, a trophy, and tickets for him and his wife to the Theater."
Huggy was laughing. "Don't forget my $50 win as well, Captain Dobey."
"You mean you didn't bet on us?" Starsky exclaimed.
"And it's a good thing I didn't, my bros, or I would have lost."
"Who did you bet on?" Hutch asked.
"Me." Anna had transformed into a pretty, long-haired blonde with blue eyes, no glasses, or awful outfit. And the nasally voice was gone as well.
"Mickey!" Starsky and Hutch both exclaimed.
"Good job, Mickey," McCallum said. Even Captain Dobey shook her hand while Huggy bent over to kiss it.
"I believed in you, my blonde sistah."
Hutch and Mickey hugged, but Starsky was still miffed from the mess in his hair and losing a bet.
"Don't worry, Starsky, we have a hairdresser in a salon who will fix you up as good as new," Mickey assured him.
"Wait a minute, what do you get out of this bet?"
Mickey smiled, beautiful white teeth showing. "Only a small joke on you and one on Ken. I'll come down to the station and tell you tomorrow."
"Oh, I'll be there, too," Huggy promised.
"I wouldn't miss it," Ian said cheerfully.
Later, at Betty's Beauty Salon, and after Betty had worked her magic and removed the gum without cutting Starsky's thick and curly hair, Starsky's thoughts turned towards tomorrow. "Mickey really wouldn't do anything bad, would she?"
Hutch shrugged. "How should I know?"
"She's your sister!"
"Sometimes I think she has your sense of humor."
"Oh, no!" Starsky groaned.
After tossing and turning all night, Starsky and Hutch reluctantly entered the squad room the next morning. Dobey, McCallum, and Huggy were in Dobey's office. Mickey was missing. Starsky's first call was from Merle, who said his precious candy red Torino had been delivered in front of the station.
Starsky, Hutch, Dobey, McCallum, and Huggy walked out. The first thing that hit them was a bad smell.
"Pheww!" Hutch said, holding his nose. "What is that smell? Smells like a skunk!"
Starsky stared at the car in front of him. It was a grand Torino painted black with a white stripe. Starsky's mouth dropped as he saw the license plate was his. "My car! My beautiful car! Someone painted it!"
"Looks like a skunk now, Starsk," Huggy said helpfully while the others collapsed in laughter, despite the smell.
It seems the whole precinct was howling at Starsky's beloved car looking and smelling like a skunk, and of course, pictures were taken for future amusement.
After several minutes of trying to persuade Starsky to come inside, the others left him to mourn. He thought to call up Merle and give him a piece of his mind, but Merle couldn't stop laughing long enough for Starsky to make his point. At least the smell was dissipating.
After another fifteen minutes had passed, Starsky spotted a tall blonde with long curly hair approaching him along with Merle.
"Mickey!" he yelled. "How you talked Merle into tarnishing my beautiful car I don't know but Merle, you will fix this car back to normal or I'll sue you, and make sure all of your customers know what a no-good rotten fraudster you are!"
Merle finally stopped laughing long enough to say, "Chill, man, just chill! I can't fix this car because it ain't your car! See!" Merle pointed to a red Gran Torino with a white stripe pulling up to the curb.
Starsky forgot to be mad at Merle and Mickey as he happily examined his baby. There was not a scratch on the car, it even had been polished, waxed, and vacuumed.
"Okay?" Mickey asked, smiling.
"All forgiven," Starsky agreed. Then, "Hey, what about Hutch? Does he get away without a punishment because he's your brother?"
"No, probably have an even better joke for him," Mickey responded. "Excuse me a moment."
Five minutes later, Mickey reappeared with a white scarf shielding her face. Starsky waved goodbye to Merle and walked with Mickey into the squad room.
"Hey, everyone," Mickey called out cheerfully. "I'm Mickey Hutchinson, Ken's little sister!" She unfurled the scarf, and several gasps went around the room. Mickey had on a hideous wig that closely matched Hutch's longer hair (think Season 4) and a moustache!
Loud laughter again filled the room with everyone but Hutch laughing.
Hutch, with horrified eyes and his face red with embarrassment, asked, "Mickey! What are you doing?"
"Looking like a twin to my older brother," she responded. She then went to everyone, introducing herself again as Kenny's little sister.
Dobey stuck his head further out of his room, barking, "Now remember the Chief and some reporters and photographers will be here this afternoon, so I want all of you clowns on your best behavior or else!"
Once back in his office, with his door closed, Dobey asked McCallum. "How long will she keep this up?"
"Believe me, she won't stop until Hutch shaves his moustache, at least. She said everyone hates it but Hutch and the hair makes him look ten years older."
"He's had some back problems, and with the steroids, he's put on several pounds. He could probably wear Starsky's clothes."
"I don't think it is that as much as Starsky has told her he seems defeated and depressed, hiding behind the hair and moustache. She's trying to get him to snap out of it. Of course, as you know, Hutchinsons are very stubborn Norwegians."
"You wanna bet on who can out stubborn who, Ian?"
"No thanks, this one I wouldn't bet on."
To Hutch's dismay, Mickey had permission to ride with Starsky and her brother and took every opportunity to introduce herself, and even now as Kenny's twin.
Hutch didn't know whether the Kenny, twin, or Mickey's appearance was worse. Stopping at Huggy's for lunch, he hissed at her, "Will you stop with this nonsense! You look ridiculous!"
"Just like you do, Hutch with that awful, porn star moustache," Starsky backed Mickey. "And your hair used to be so golden and beautiful."
Eating her salad, Mickey added, "Kenny, you are two years younger than Dave and now you look ten years older. I know you've had back problems, but you need physical therapy. Don't give up on yourself."
"Oh, so that's what this is about! You are trying to force me into shaving the moustache and cutting my hair!"
"And taking off those fifteen or is it twenty pounds you have put on. The more extra pounds, the more your back is stressed. Joshua and I have talked to several doctors and physical therapists."
"It won't work, Mickey. You can't blackmail me into doing as you say I should."
"Blackmail, Kenny? You're accusing me of blackmail? Yes, you have the right to keep your moustache, weight, and hair that makes you look older. This isn't blackmail. But I have the same rights you do." Mickey, more upset than Starsky had ever seen her, got up. "See you both back at the station." But after a few steps she turned around. "This wasn't just a bet or a joke. It was a test of my undercover skills. If I could fool my own brother and his friend, I would be given the green light." She then left.
"Mick," Hutch started after her, then stopped. He frowned as he fiddled with the rest of his salad.
When Hutch looked at Starsky, he just shrugged. "She loves you, Babe, and wants the best for you. You can't deny that. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face."
"You think what she said is true?" Hutch accused.
"Yes, I do. Again, it's your choices." Starsky shrugged. He was hoping little sister Mickey could do what he wasn't able to do.
Late in the afternoon, with the Chief and a couple of reporters and photographers at the station, Mickey reappeared to shake hands with Dobey sans wig and moustache. She was dressed sharply and after explaining her earlier appearance as a joke she owed her brother, she sought out Chief McCallum.
"I'm catching an earlier flight back to Duluth."
"No photos of the Duluth Duo?" Dobey asked.
"Maybe next time," she smiled a bit thinly. She met Starsky near the front door and he gave her a brief hug.
"You won't be so lucky next team, Detective Tracy."
"Where's Kenny?"
"He said he had an errand to run. Don't leave before he comes back."
"My flight leaves shortly. I can wait for fifteen minutes."
Ten minutes later, Hutch entered the building and smiled widely at his little sister. Mickey and Starsky were delighted to see he had shaved the moustache and had his hair cut. The Hutch Starsky was more used to seeing was back.
"What changed your mind?" Starsky asked after Mickey left for the airport.
Hutch pulled out a snapshot of himself at Mickey, posing after the College Baseball Championship, hugging each other and smiling brightly at the camera.
Dobey and Ian came out of his office, and Ian told everyone good-bye. "Now I can brag that my detective is better than yours, Harold."
After shaking hands, Starsky and Hutch looked after him with a frown. "Sorry for letting you down, Cap. He'll probably pick the most expensive restaurant and I know tickets to the theater are very high."
"No worries," Dobey patted his pocket. "Your cousin Rosamond is playing Myra in Deathtrap and Mickey gave me two tickets. In the fourth row. I think she didn't want me to be too angry with you two. But next time I bet on you," Dobey wagged his finger.
"Tell you what, Cap, we'll split the price of the expensive dinner so you won't be out that money. Least we can do for Edith cooking us those marvelous dinners." Hutch soothed.
"As long as you two step up your solve rate. I could get Ian to trade Mickey for you clowns. Nah, I'd miss the aggravation you two cost me, and Edith and Rosey would never forgive me. Now get back to work!"
THE END