Chapter 4

Mac turned around, when she heard Will's voice, and gave him a nervous smile. „Hello Duncan, right on time."

„Still, sorry for making you wait."

„That's okay, I've only just got here." She appreciatively let her eyes run up and down and was pleased that he had apparently borrowed one of her favourite suits from wardrobe for this evening. Or, seeing that it was a Saturday, maybe he had acquired the identical garment for his private collection. „Thank you for the flowers."

„You're very welcome. I hope you like them." Will-Duncan raised his arm to signal the bartender.

„I do. Actually, lilies are among my favourites." She decided to push him a little and went on. „Funny, though, I don't remember us talking about my taste in flowers."

He blushed slightly, but tried to cover it with a smile. „I guess I was lucky."

When the bartender came over to them he ordered a Bourbon after making sure that Mac's glass was still almost full. „So, how was your day, Morgan?

She would not let him know how nervous she had felt about this date, so she just smiled. „Good. I got to exercise a little and finished up some work that was long overdue."

He nodded approvingly. „I watched your show last night, and I actually liked it."

Mac's smile grew. „Thanks, but don't sound so surprised."

„I thought this McAvoy-guy was good, you didn't promise too much."

„He has his moments." Her reply was dry. Was he really fishing for compliments?

Duncan smirked and raised his glass in a toast. „I'm sure he does. I hope it's not to difficult to keep him in check."

Before Mac could answer a waiter came to guide them to their table, and she used the moment to compose herself for the rest of the evening. She had a feeling that something could happen, and not knowing what clearly made her feel the disadvantage she was at, leaving part of her tense and cautious.

Once they were seated Duncan, after having checked whether she would prefer red or white, chose a bottle of wine, and then they were left with the menus. It took neither of them long to make their choice and place their orders, followed by a moment of silence when the waiter had left.

Finally Duncan took a deep breath. „Well, I'm really happy that you agreed to go out with me tonight… Can I assume you are currently not in a relationship?"

Mac let out a laugh, that sounded more bitter than she had intended it to be. „No, I'm not."

„Bad experience?" Duncan managed to sound empathetic, and Mac closed her eyes for a second. What did he want to hear from her?

She decided to keep playing it safe. „Let's say, I don't really have a good track record in that respect."

„I can relate to that."

Mac, who had just picked up her glass, put it back down on the table, surprised that he apparently wanted to go deeper. Although, maybe she shouldn't be, considering the events of the last couple of days. „You do?"

Duncan nodded, but didn't say anything else, so after a moment's hesitation she decided to push him even more. „The paralegal you have been talking about last time? Is there something going on between you two?

„No…" His gaze fixed on the amber liquid in his glass, as if he was asking it for courage. Then he jumped. „We used to be a couple, but she broke my heart a long time ago."

Mac's own heart shattered once again at the pain in his voice, and she had to use all her willpower to not instinctively apologize to him and ruin this whole scenario they were playing out. She took several gulps, finishing her drink, before she dared to say something. „So how come you are still working with her?"

Duncan shrugged. „I didn't really have much of a choice; my partner hired her without my knowledge."

The slight amusement showing in his voice caught her off guard once more. Not that she had really expected anger or bitterness after the time that had passed and what they had made of the show, but humour definitely wasn't an emotion she would have anticipated to be part of Will's take on the situation. „Oh… How did that make you feel?"

He huffed. „What do you think, Morgan? Of course I was angry and pissed, but it's been years and we are doing okay now."

Slowly nodding Mac played with her empty glass. „So… during your break-up you never thought about… talking to her? Seeing her again to maybe work things out?"

Duncan was quiet for a very long time, and just when he wanted to speak he was interrupted by the waiter, who brought the wine and a platter of antipasti with ciabatta bread. With an apologetic smile Duncan lifted his glass in a toast, which she returned, and after they both had taken a sip of wine he cleared his throat.

„It wouldn't have been easy for me to see her; she left the country after our break-up. I guess I could have called her, but no..." he shook his head. „I wasn't ready back then."

„I imagine it must have been a very difficult time for you?" When Mac saw the pain flickering in his eyes, before he bowed his head in agreement, she couldn't hold back anymore. „I'm sorry."

These two sincerely spoken words gave him the option to take them as nothing else than sympathy from a stranger or more, if he wanted to, and she saw that he knew exactly what she was apologizing for.

She was grateful that he didn't show any resentment or even got upset, but he also did not reply, so she went on. „How is working with her then? Did it get better over time?"

She watched as Duncan chose a piece of bruschetta from the platter between them and took a bite, before answering. „Yeah, it's good. It was pretty difficult and weird at first, but we manage to make it work. Almost better than before, I'd say."

„That is great, I'm happy for you." Mac smiled widely, but didn't say anything more.

Both of them picked up their fork and took a few bites from the starters without any further talk, but then Duncan continued the conversation. „What about you? You've said it hasn't been all smooth sailing in your relationships?"

Her fingers clenched around her fork, before she forced herself to relax. „Yeah… I have been in several rather unhealthy relationships. And when I finally…" Mac went quiet for a moment before she swallowed and continued more hesitantly. „When I had found the right man, I messed it all up."

She saw that Duncan wanted to speak, but the words seemed to get stuck in his throat. After almost a minute of silence he shook his head. „Excuse me for a moment."

Fuck, had she said the wrong thing?

She'd had the feeling that Will really wanted to talk, and after all it was him who had started on the subject of relationships… And now he already walked out on her, although they hadn't even gotten down to the details of what had happened back then?

She watched him walk to the men's room and refilled her glass that she had emptied minutes earlier. She knew that normally Will would take care of that, but he had obviously been too distracted to notice, not that she could blame him.

Finally, the main course had been served in the meantime, Will-Duncan returned and sat down, looking at her, while his posture was definitely more tense than it had been before. „What happened?"

„Are you sure you want to…?" When he nodded, she took a deep breath. „Okay… Well, in the beginning, when I had just started dating Will, that's his name, I… I cheated on him."

Duncan's hand gripped the knife in his hand tighter, but he didn't look away. „And you've told him?"

„Not right after, only later, when we had gotten much more serious. And then everything blew up." Mac's voice was quiet. Will knew the story, but Duncan would react like anybody who heard it for he first time, and she knew, that it was all on her. She was the cheater, she had ruined everything, so she had to accept any judgement of her behaviour and herself.

He was quiet for a while and Mac saw that he tried to compose himself. Swallowing hard he finally asked. „Why did you do it? What was your motivation? I can't imagine cheating on somebody I love."

Okay, this was it. He had never wanted to know before, so no matter what came from this, it was progress. Now it was up to her.

„That's the point, Duncan... Back then I had still been hung up on my ex." She tried to catch his eyes, but he was looking at some point behind her head, so she went on. „I'm not saying this to vindicate myself, I absolutely messed up big time and it's the biggest regret of my life, but, you know, I had just gotten out of another, very unhealthy relationship, and I hadn't really…" She sighed. „I wanted to make my ex jealous, so I used Will to do that. And then, later, I realized that I had fallen in love with him, and from there on I never looked back."

Duncan, still averting his eyes, answered with a gruff voice. "People don't cheat in good relationships."

„But we weren't in a real relationship back then. We were dating. At least that's how I had seen it at that time." ´Mac forced the lump in her throat down, that threatened to suffocate her. „I had never intended to hurt Will..."

„So why did you tell m… him?" For the first time since this part of the conversation had started, Duncan looked at her directly, and his voice carried the pain he still felt. „Did you want to break up with him?"

„Of course not!" Mac forcefully shook her head. „I Just… I had never been in a relationship like it. It had never gotten that serious before, and I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I learned the hard way that I was wrong."

She sighed again and lowered her eyes to her plate. She didn't know if anything she had said would make Will understand or maybe even help him down the road of forgiveness, but she had to try. In the end it was his decision how they would procede from this role play, and all that was left for her was hope.

Will was feeling a mixture of emotions, and while one part of him had to fight down the visceral anger that was threatening to break free at the thought of her cheating, Mac's sad and fatalistic expression also tore at his heart. But he had to stick to his adopted personality, so he forced himself to put Duncan front and center again.

„I'm sorry. It must have been hard." He was surprised that he hadn't actually choked on these words, and Mac's startled glance confirmed that she hadn't expected to hear them from him either.

„Thank you. But it's not that I didn't deserve it…"

„Mmmh…" Duncan decided to not comment on this remark for now. „Are you… Are you looking for somebody new?"

Mac shook her head, not needing to think about her answer. „No, not really. What about you? You must have women throwing themselves at you."

Duncan mirrored her movement. „I surely had my share of dates and…" His face took on an almost embarrassed look. „...not long ago I ended an attempt at a relationship that was… Let's say, it was a huge mistake."

Feeling a wave of relieve running through her, Mac managed to utter that she was sorry as well, and although she could see in his eyes that he didn't believe a word, he stuck to his role and thanked her.

Mac noticed that they both hadn't even touched their food yet and picked up her fork. „We should eat, before it's getting completely cold."

Duncan agreed, but before he took the first bite he spoke contritely. „I apologize for all my questions. Hopefully I did not ruin the evening?"

When Mac smiled and shook her head, his returning smile was geniunely hopeful. „Then..l Would it be too presumptuous of me to ask you out for dinner again? Maybe next week?"