The red health theme from Pokemon Black and White started playing as everyone started to panic. The sphere was the size of the buffed booyah bomb in patch 4.2.0 and Sir Francis looked like M!Grima from Fire Emblem Heroes. "Guys!" Acrayran shouted leaping over a chair and tripping onto the floor. "Do something to stop it!"
As it was his turn Cyrus grabbed the Ranger's gloved hand with his bare one, the Knights Ardante trying to make a defensive position around their 5 guests with some fleet formation from The Fire Emblem Three Houses First Trailer. Suddenly a 2017 Lighting Purple Ford Focus fell from the sky, the Mage standing on top of it.
"My Focus is unparalleled! Nothing will quiet the Storm!" he shouted as used Thunderbolt on another Pokemon with Volt Absorb, doing nothing. Tressa, Alfyn and Primrose were trying to use all of their brain power to think of sometime to do in their turns.
's Core just grew in size and Silver appeared saying "It's no use!" and that just pissed everyone off as the room became hotter than Bowser's balls. Giving up on his turn the Apothecary just pulled out a tall can of Coors Light and starting chugging like the Smash DLC Hype Train.
He tossed it to Primrose who took a swig before throwing it to Tressa who finished that shit. The Dancer then glanced at her Ranger, who was shaking their staff kinda like polaroid picture, Hey Ya playing the back of her own head. "Here Acrayran, I know you don't like drinking so have a pomegranate!" She said shooting it like was a lay up, straight into the young teens hands. They chomped it like Pac-man.
As it was her turn the Merchant clenched her fists and laughed. Her face was starting to get red as she was not as drunk as Alfyn. Her Aura turned blue and she raised her hands.
"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!" Then Belefelgan's Bounty hit the carbon, causing buckets of leaves to fall onto the floor, everyone getting buried in the coins. "Woah, that's a lotta damage but with the power of flex seal we can repair it in no time." she marveled drunkenly.
Full of boost power Acrayran had to trudge through the piled leaves like it was snow to reach the area below Sir Francis and pushed Tressa out the way. Like a badass they pulled their staff from the ground and watched as the Knights tilted their shields like wiimotes to let the golden wind roll like a bloody stream. Or maybe it was fighting gold, no one was sure.
The stellar shell didn't grow this turn it just started blasting the invincibility theme from Super Mario Galaxy. Since they had used Defend last turn the Ranger was given the green light. After waiting for like 2 minutes Dumb and Dumber were became restless, and drank some new Budweiser bottles, straight from the Apothecary's chilled bag.
"Lend me your stats and I will turn them into something to end this!" Acrayran slammed their staff which was glowing golden onto the ground. Then that same glow passed by the 4 coin covered travelers like smoke and combined into one, surrounded the core and suppressed it.
Then Sir Francis was released from the energy. "Blazes, that was a slug, sorry everyone wait, where did all this money come from?" He asked before smiling. The leader walked up to Cyrus and patted him on the back. Well actually he slapped it pretty hard, enough to shake the shorter man.
"By Brands Thunder, that was a mighty mini storm my man!" The leader turned to Acrayran and tugged on their sleeve. "How'd you all get so powerful, and what in Osterra was that special move you did?"
Half Cleric, half Scholar looked up from his bible and put his hand on his chin. " Well after studying the book of Psalms, I learned how to how to use more powerful electrical magic."
While the other Knights were either looting or shoveling money into large bags two of those helpless bastards had to took keep Primrose and Alfyn from ruining furniture and ended up frustrated as your mom last night. "Please sit down my guests. You two are are drunk." Stated the 3rd female of the knights, her name was Bridget, she had Therions white hair.
Octopath's favorite two drunkards shook their heads, with goofy grins on their faces. "Nooooo, you're drunk." They whined as they giggled and laughed. This pissed off Patrick, the other knight.
"You need to sit down, be humble," yelled the other guardian before Alfyn was getting a little too excited. "BITCH SIT DOWN, BE HUMBLE, BITCH SIT DOWN!" The other Knight had pulled up two chairs for the drunk to cool off in but they weren't complying. "Lord Acrayran come get your stupid ass- I mean frustrating companions!"
With fury the Ranger yanked their belt off and teleported behind the drunks. " Yare yare daze. Bakada Omae Wa mo shindeiru!" Acrayran had inhaled the belt and became whip Kirby, spamming every attack combo.
While the younger teen was paddling the shit outta the perverted idiotic team members with their belt, Tressa was being praised by Sir Francis. Well she was more being harassed, by her impatience . "Don't worry too blue Lass, our scribe is almost finished."
Left alone with a tried Cyrus, the Merchant gazed over at her leader and beckoned them over. Acrayran looked up with blood red rage in their eyes, and ignored the request. " Eh, worry blue about what? And, what does blue mean, do I look worried or anything?" She asked as her older friends passed out for a second.
"Hmm I guess you wouldn't have anything to get blue per say but doesn't Befelgan use the patrons sexual energy, or potential…. Or was it something else?" Francis put squeezing the girls shoulders and that woke Cyrus up.
"Doesn't it have to deal with rockets or jet fuel melting steel beams?" Tressa stared at the man with such confusion and used the force to grab and put on her huge ass backpack, moving out the way to prevent the chair from getting smashed.
She looked down and waved over to the Scholar. "My name is Cilan and its evaluation time professor!" He took out a magnifying glass and had it front of the younger traveler's fists, they were near her shorts.
"Well unfortunately, my good gentleman I have some news to report." Tressa closed her eyes and turned her head towards Primrose and Alfyn getting their spanking. "Although she may be a dog at heart and constantly at the space coast, I have not seen this elusive rocket take off." Cyrus laughed, using his hands to make a ruler and shrinking it down.
The Merchant pulled out a bunch of SpaceX model rockets and smiled. "Yeah Befelgan grants us funding power not fucking power, just like NASA, we didn't run outta funding tho."
Sir Francis flew to the nearest wall and slammed his head against it till he bled. While he was doing this he glanced back at the travelers. "Go, pretend this didn't happen, it appears I haven't had my daily dose of mental shock." Silently the two of them agreed and then Sir Francis was hauled off to another room.
By the time this had finished the scribe was finished and tapped Acrayran with the scroll like 5 times before they turns around. "I have done everything with your paperwork as a Ranger Milord, you and your party may be on your way."
The Ranger put back on their belt and picked up their 2 travelers, worn out beyond science. For some reason the Commie and the Knight with the carving knife were at the doors. "Oh what is it now, do you need to check these knuckleheads to see if they stole anything or whatever?" Spat the green cloaked teen, Cyrus hiding behind their back, trying to use Harden to protect his dick. Both Knights shook their heads, opening the big ass star doors from Kirby.
"We've been assigned to accompany you 5 to Quarry Crest." Said the female knight bowing her head. "And just before you fools ask, my name is Ivana."
When he got his chance, the other knight moved close to the travelers and showed the Dancer-Huntress his carving knife and smiled as she read the handle. "I was afraid House Azelhart had fallen while we were away, I am Morningglory Azelhart, your cousin Primrose."
"Lies, lies, lies, LIES! They're all lies!" She shot back the Playstation 2 starting theme ring in her head. The Dancer had turned into Berkut when upset and was taking it out on a new victim. "I knew Mother had siblings, but Father never mentioned anyone besides his parents!"
But Morningglory was handling the rage like a champ as his cousin pressed on."I had no knowledge on my aunt's and uncles so I translates to not knowing you Morningglory."
The taller Azelhart shook his head. "Your father disowned my mother as a sister after she was raped and had a child out wedlock. The damn bastard never contacted her again even after she married a lesser noble and had more children." He said as the other travelers were being nosy.
Primrose was just quiet so the conversation ended just as a flock of Angry Birds flew out of some basically dead tree. The travelers had to pull out their gear and weapons.
Alfyn walked up to one of them slowly. "Ah shit, here we go again." Then he beat the hell out of them with the crew. Since they didn't have thief as a subclass they ventured underneath the pass into The Great Cave Offensive, the monsters were apparently having a rave solo free exp and level ups.
Ivana and Mo Double G were not worried till as the team passed the shrine of Thieves. "Hold a moment, something or someone is approaching." They demanded, standing in front of the Ranger quickly, knocking over Primrose and Cyrus in the process.
"Yeah, I'm gonna take my horse to the old town road, I'm gonna ride till I can't no more. I'm gonna take my horse to the old town road, I'm gonna ride till I can't no more! I've got the horses in the- what are in tarnation?" Two cowboy looking men had horses pulling some empty cart and had to brake before running over everyone else like this was GTA.
Acrayran somehow managed to convince the yeehaws to let them defense pair up like this was Fates and get a quick trip up the cliff. "Don't worry y'all hearts any bit, we fellas jus' want'n to 'ead down to them there mines to play minesweeper." The red wearing one said "Ur, was it Minecraft or was it Apex-"
As soon as they made it QuarryCrest their horses were spooked by the giant bar that said Cyrus and Tress had business here and threw everyone out. "Team Rocket's blasting off again!" Screamed Tressa and Cyrus soaring like this was Mario 64, while the other travelers and knights crashed onto the floor like this was Kirby Super Star. "Wooooobefffet!" the Townspeople looked at everyone and then went back to their shit.
While Cyrus opened his eyes he was on the roof of someone's home. The door to the house opened and someone was looking at him. " Professor of the Atlasdam Academy, Cyrus Albright?" The Scholar was asked from a familiar voice.
"Yes. Odette, former Professor of the Prestigious Royal Academy located in Atlasdam of the Flatlands?"
"No shit sherlock, ya fucking dumbass. Now get off my roof, however you got on!"
He held his aching ribs and crawled forward. "My sincerest apologies Odette but I've McFallen and I can't get up!"
Acrayran knew where they were going and lead the Knights Ardante to the house. Odette looked at them suspiciously, then pointed up towards her roof.
She stared down the Ranger and crossed her arms. "Is this clown with you all? If so I feel sorry for you, Cyrus is a daft punk." The house next door, slowly crept open right before the teen could start their sentence, the figure preparing something.
"Yeah he is fortunately, I always need a red mage in an RPG, so I decided to bring him along." Acrayran groveled as a lightbulb went off on Ivana's head. "Well technically, uhh anyone can be a Red Mage but not on this save state, this game is so linear." The golden eyed teen trailed off before realization hit .
Buried in Ivana's forehead were several pieces of glass, blood leaking out slowly. Everyone else panicked, looking left and right in this chaos Cyrus fell off the ladder that was on side of the house and landed hard onto his former colleague. "Aw, I'm your preferred Red Mage? I am truly flattered my dear Ranger, but RPG?"
In pain Odette groaned as she pushed her former colleague off her body, her bones rattled. "You fucking brickhead, get up or you'll have to face my boot up your ass, unless you like that shit!"
Ivana pulled the glass out of her forehead and had eagle eyes on the window of the house next door just as her fellow Ardante. With worry Acrayran and Cyrus watched as Odette dodged another bulb and Morning Glory had one shatter onto his armor plated figure at the door, a woman took out a machine gun and unloaded a crate into the chamber. The crate was full of fucking deformed proto lightbulbs, some filled with geodes to the brim, others with thick glass.
The former Professor brushed off her dark cloak and faced her guests. "Thanks bud, the glassmaker has staying late in the shop for me so his wife is a little fucking pissed at me, isn't getting her daily dose of dick." Morning G blushed as she winked at him and then he started looking down at his bags.
Meanwhile on the other side of town Alfyn and Primrose followed Tressa to where she landed. It next to an illegal fruit stand. "Woah, ya alright Tress?" asked the Medic, actually prepared to do his job. The Heavy/Scout of the team nodded her head. Team Fortress 2 was never this slow.
"Grrr, you're ruining my sales again Tressa Colzione!" Barked the lady running the stand. The mentioned Merchant stared at the mysterious woman. Primrose and Alfyn were more interested in the faulty pricing for the produce. "Don't think I'll forgive you so easily for what plagues my body after my run in with you, it still throbs and burns to this very moment."
Tressa rubbed her chin and adjusted her hat. "Wait a minute, who are you? Do I know you from somewhere? Goldshore? Stillsnow? Did I sell you a bad tampon or something like that -" the stand owner slammed her hands against the makeshift counter to shut the younger woman up.
Then she put an arm over the parting and pulled Tressa over and kissed her. Not on the cheek like the Europeans but on the mouth. Alfyn and Primrose gasped loudly and when the other Merchant let go, their friend fell backwards onto the floor. Her face was completely red and lips on actual fire.
The Apothecary kneels down to use his Ice powers on his hands, then on turned it into lip balm. "Oh dear, guess I accidentally used my power on you baby, I hope you'll forgive me cutie." The psycho-lesbian started before Tressa stood up again, this time flustered at the things Prim whispered in her ears.
"Lady my friend asked you a question, and if you don't answer we are gonna report you to the FDA." Demanded Alf, putting on a 'I'm going to speak to the manager hairstyle'. He wasn't aware of what his female adventurers were saying and a part of him was fine with that, he was focused on the unfamiliar Merchant.
She smiled and ruffled her white hair, gazing down at the young woman she stole a kiss from. "My name is Esmeralda and try not to forget it darlings, bye now." then she vanished like Thanos had snapped and she was part of the 50 percent.
The 3 travelers shook their heads and decided to play Xenoblade Chronicles 2, following red footprints along the dirt and sand to reach the upper part of town, towards Acrayran whom they have a tracker on. On the way there they past another young merchant, this time with a legal sale.
He had a boombox right beside his carpet, blasting 'Whales and Beetles' by Botanic Sage. When Tressa glanced at his wares he turned the volume down to say something. "Only stop by if you make a better sale than Ali's rocks green pea, don't even bother trying! You're ten years too young!" Then he continued to jam out with his customers, some eeiery gaze placed on him from afar.
"Green pea, who the hell is that?" Asked Alfyn as they were out of Ali's range. "No one in our party is a peapod, I've made sure multiple times because some people to hide things from their Apothecary."
"What? What do you mean peapod, and who is hiding things from you? I know for sure it wasn't me-" started Primrose trying to be seductive, before she cringed at the their boots crunching on debris.
Tressa, Alfyn and Primrose had followed the trail to Odette's door, noticing the fallen shingles from the impact of Cyrus's landing. The glass shards on the floor were perplexing as the leer from the blinds of the house next door. Terrified they all bang banged on the door till Ivana and Morning Glory noticed them, outside the Love Shack.
The Merchant-Warrior dusted off her shoulders and gave her friend a grin, just as the door opened, Acrayran at the entrance. "About earlier I'm not sure who that is but, I don't know whose ten years too young either. This Ali fella will soon know our wares quality are much better than his, I just need to go mining."
Her Ranger was not as amused as the other travelers and planted a foot down. "In what mineshaft? Never mind, come on Tressa, we don't have all day for you make up your mind, just get in here!" They yanked the 3 later party members inside, Morning G closing the door.