A/N: This one took me a while and I ended up almost completely rewriting it. Hope you like it :)
Ben lay in the cot, his eyes open but unfocused, his arms folded against his chest, his chin tucked down. He was entirely lost in memories, hardly aware of the murmur of voices from the cockpit, his mind dragging him through his years as Kylo Ren, all the atrocities he had committed. Burning the temple, torturing rebels, murdering innocent people, murdering his own father, terrorizing entire planets, destroying entire systems. The memories piled on, thick and fast, until he could hardly breathe. You should have died long ago. He shook his head, trying to displace the merciless, unrelenting thought, but it caught like a burr. Darkness seemed to seep into the edges of his vision as the agony of all he had done bore down on him. It's hopeless. I can't come back. Not after all I've done. Everyone wants me dead. Maybe they're right. Maybe it's better that way, before I can do more damage.
Not everyone. The voice seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once, light and clear as a bell, piercing him to the very center. And he saw Rey. Her tearstained face begging to be told she wasn't alone. The tips of their fingers brushing. Her eyes, pleading and commanding at the same time; piercing and intense; and absolutely, unshakably certain. He saw Snoke's distorted maw open in shock as the lightsaber sliced straight through him, Rey's hand reaching up to snatch it, looking up at him with awe, with respect, with trust. He saw her limp form, ghostly white against the blue-black stone, saw his own hand, torn and bloody, resting on her stomach, breathing life back into her. And her eyes: confusion, then surprise, then understanding. Her smile: bright and unexpected in that dark place. Her lips: warm and soft and real.
She had seen the good in him, had believed in it, when no one else had. She had trusted Ben Solo when Kylo Ren was all anyone else saw. When he was with her, he felt complete, strong, capable, powerful in a way the dark side had never offered. It suddenly hit him how heavy the burden placed on her shoulders was, how much she expected of herself. She wants me by her side. She had said as much before, but it hadn't reached him until that moment. He had asked her so often to join him, had been so fixated on her need to let go of what held her back, that he had never noticed her asking him to join her. Every time she called him Ben, every time she stared him down, every time she put her trust in him, she was asking him to join her. And in the end, he had. He had chosen her over everything else.
He could not fail her now. He would not.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up, wincing as his head pounded and his vision darkened. He took a deep breath. In, out. I will not fail her.
Rey sat down heavily against the wall of the cockpit, elbows resting on her knees. They were safe for the moment, but she sensed that many more challenges lay ahead. She sighed, her eyes gazing off into the middle distance.
After several long moments of silence, Poe spoke. "What's on your mind?"
Startled from her thoughts, she glanced up at him. He was looking back at her steadily. For a moment, she considered brushing him off, saying she was fine, but the look in his face was so open and earnest. She sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. "There's so much to be done. There's an entire galaxy that needs rebuilding and protecting, and there are so few of us. Defeating the First Order is one thing, but coping with the aftermath is entirely another. Somehow I've got to start the Jedi all over again, almost from nothing, when Luke Skywalker himself couldn't even do it." Her shoulders slumped as she stared into her lap. "I never wanted this." Her voice was quiet, almost inaudible over the sound of the engine. "I didn't choose to be who I am or who I've become, it was all chosen for me. It's always been about what everyone else needed me to be, and now they've all gone and left me here to sort out their problems on my own." Tears began to choke her voice. "I thought I'd at least have Ben, but he's not at all well, and I can't get him to tell me what happened on Dantooine."
She stopped, her jaw working as she considered her next words. Poe and Finn waited patiently for her to speak. At last, she did. "I'm afraid he's losing himself to the dark side again." The words came out in a rush, as though they tasted foul on her tongue. She had hardly voiced that fear to herself, much less to anyone else, but it had gnawed at her since she'd left him on Dantooine. She had tried so hard to believe in him, to put her absolute trust in Ben Solo's ability to overcome Kylo Ren, but her faith was quickly crumbling. She felt so lost, so alone, so helpless.
"Hey," Poe said, coming to crouch in front of her. "I don't know what's going to happen to him, but I can promise that you'll always have us. We'll stick with you through whatever happens."
He glanced meaningfully over at Finn, who said, "We've got your back."
She glanced between them, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. "Thank you," she said, though her tone and expression was still drenched in hopelessness. Poe opened his mouth to say more, but was cut off.
"Incoming!" Finn screamed, scrambling to get out of his seat and to the gunner's port. He had one leg over the arm when the first blast hit. Rey, halfway to her feet, was shoved into the wall by the impact; Poe had already leapt nimbly into the pilot's seat and was quickly taking control; Finn nearly fell on his face, one foot still hooked on the chair. Rey helped get him up, and they rushed off to the gunner's ports, her heading up the ladder and him heading down.
Ben felt the impact from his seat on the bed, and his head jerked up. He got to his feet and went straight to the cockpit.
"What is it?" he asked Poe as he bent to enter.
"Star Destroyers," Poe replied tersely, his hands busy adjusting the concentration of the shields. "What remains of the First Order fleet."
Ben climbed into the copilot's seat to get a better view as another blast shook the ship. Three Star Destroyers loomed over them, but only one was at a good enough angle to fire on them.
"Dammit," Poe muttered under his breath. "I knew I should have taken another ship, this one's too recognizable." His brows lowered in concentration, he slammed the mouthpiece down on his headset. "Ready?"
Ben could just hear their crackling responses. "Ready!"
Another laser slammed into the ship.
Poe shoved the joystick forward, sending the Falcon into a steep dive and just dodging another series of blasts. Rey got in a few solid shots at the closest Star Destroyer, but there was no way the Falcon could beat all three before she got blown to pieces herself. Poe knew their only chance was to run. He leveled the ship, aiming at the empty space between two of the Star Destroyers, and prepared to make the jump to hyperspace.
"Wait," Ben said.
"You got any better ideas?" Poe snapped.
"I know those Star Destroyers like the back of my hand," Ben replied, his eyes fixed on the nearest one. "They have a lot of firepower, but they're slow."
"Thank you for stating the obvious," Poe replied. "Anything else you'd like to contribute before we make the jump?"
Another blast shook the ship, and Poe placed his fingers on the button.
"If we weave and dodge between them, their blasts will hit each other," Ben said. "Their cannons can do a lot more damage than ours can."
Poe and Ben locked eyes across the center console as Poe considered. Then another impact made his decision, and he nodded.
"Fine, we'll try it your way." Ben put the copilot's headset on as Poe rolled the ship to a diagonal and threaded between the two Destroyers on the left, coming out clean the other side. Laser blasts flashed past them as they pulled through, and they could feel the turbine exhaust buffeting them.
Poe held to his course, straight ahead, hoping the Destroyers would make their ponderously slow turn to follow. "Rey, Finn, are they following?" he shouted.
"Can't tell yet," Rey responded, and then a moment later, Finn's voice came through. "Yes! The first one is starting to turn!"
The Falcon, by then, was out of the range of the Destroyers' cannons, and Poe decided it was high time to make another pass. He pulled the Falcon into a tight turn, the corner of his mouth lifting at how well the old ship handled. The first ship's nose was lifted, turned about a quarter of the way towards them, the others not far behind.
He pushed the joystick forward gently, nudging the nose of the Falcon down, making his second pass just under the belly of the middle Destroyer, nimbly weaving in and out of the laser blasts. Rey took aim and gunned down one of the cannon towers. Her cheer nearly deafened Poe. As he exited the shadow of the Destroyer, he yanked the joystick back, bringing the nose up until they were flying vertically. He twisted as he leveled out, giving Finn a chance to take out two of the towers, which he made quick work of.
Poe skimmed just above the surface of the Destroyer, intentionally pulling the throttle back to slow their progress. As he had hoped, the cannons of the other two Destroyers swiveled to fire on them. Just as the laser blasts came too close, he shoved the throttle forward, and the blasts struck where he had just been, raking the topside of the Destroyer.
Poe cheered and pumped his fist, grinning from ear to ear as they shot clear of the Destroyer. Ben couldn't help but smile a little as their eyes met for a split second. A few half-hearted laser blasts shot past them, but not a single one hit.
Ben flipped his mouthpiece down. "As we make this next pass, aim for the spaces just outside of the engine exhaust ports, they're weaker there. Rey, aim for the one on the right, Finn, take the one on the left."
"Ben!" Rey's voice came through over the headset. He could almost hear the smile in it. Finn's head snapped up when he heard his name coming from that voice instead of his number.
Poe's eyes darted over to Ben, and he saw a secret, fleeting smile cross his face. Filing that away for later, he swung the Falcon around to make another pass. The center Destroyer's nose was dipping, veering towards its neighbor on the right. The one on the left, however, was nearly halfway turned around, its attention fixed on the Falcon.
The moment they came in range, Rey and Finn let loose on the Destroyers, firing burst after burst of lasers into the Destroyers. Nearly every shot hit its target, exploding against the Destroyers' skin. One exhaust port on the right-hand ship flickered and died, followed by one on the other ship and then another on the first ship. Both Rey and Finn let out a whoop as they flew over the Destroyers.
Poe turned the Falcon hard to the right and made a loop around the middle Destroyer. A few shots from the other two Destroyers zoomed around them and made contact with the middle Destroyer, but for the most part, they seemed engaged in getting their engines back up and running. The center Star Destroyer's nose was still dropping, the ship veering dangerously close to its neighbor, which was also losing altitude. Poe drove the Falcon straight towards the narrowing gap between the two, his brows furrowed in concentration. They pulled through with inches to spare just as the nose came crashing into the flat upper side of the ship. The explosion pushed them forward, and Poe cheered. Even Ben cracked another smile. The Falcon swept around to measure up the third Destroyer, but it had gotten its engine back and quickly disappeared into hyperspace.
Poe sat back in his seat, his forehead glistening with sweat, and loosened his grip on the controls. He and Ben looked over at each other, expressions still guarded, but with a newfound respect.
"Now we better get out of here before anyone else catches up to us," Poe said, fingers nimbly adjusting the calculations for a jump to hyperspace. The starlight stretched and blurred, and before they knew it, they were headed for the rebel base, free and clear.
Rey and Finn burst into the cockpit, just as sweaty as Poe and grinning from ear to ear.
"We did it!" Rey cheered.
Poe tore his headset off and leapt up to hug the other two, leaving Ben to stand awkwardly beside his seat.
"Did you see me take those cannons out?" Finn said.
"Yes, that was amazing!" Poe replied, clapping him on the arm.
"When you slipped right between the two Destroyers, I wasn't sure we were going to make it, but you pulled us through!" Rey said.
"I know!" Poe cried, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt.
They all hugged again, and then seemed to become aware of Ben's presence again.
Poe took a step over to him and said, "Well you should know that the whole maneuver was his idea. I was about to turn tail and run."
Ben ducked his head, shrugging his shoulders.
Rey beamed at him. "Well done, Ben." She glanced at both Poe and Finn as if to say, "See? I told you so."
He looked up at her, and she could see in his eyes the boy he had once been, vulnerable and shy and so, so hungry for praise. The corner of his mouth lifted a little. Finn's eyes were fixed on Ben, his expression still guarded, but his mind clearly processing what they had just gone through together, how Ben had stepped up, how he had called him by his name. When he looked at him, he couldn't help but see Kylo Ren, but tiny fragments of Ben Solo were starting to show through.
Poe eyed Ben with a small smile on his face. For the first time, he could see just how much Ben cared for Rey. He could see an inkling of their profound connection. He did not understand Ben yet, but he could give him a shot.
Ben could sense their shift in attitude towards him, and it surprised him and even made him a little uncomfortable. He was so used to people hating and fearing him, it was all he'd ever known. But now he stood among equals and even friends, perhaps, for the first time in his entire life. It was entirely new to him, and a flutter of fear pulsed in his chest.
The ship snapped out of hyperspace, revealing the jewel-toned blue and green planet below. Poe sat down again and guided them down to the surface.
The flutter in Ben's chest only grew as he contemplated facing the rebels again, and he could feel his hands grow clammy. Rey stepped forward and took his hand in hers, squeezing it lightly. He felt her strength flow into him, and he took a deep breath. Everything's going to be all right.