"I'm bored!" declared Lord Tempo, whilst chatting to MOID one day. "I have an idea: I've been time-travelling through many centuries, and I've noticed a few people, living nearly a thousand years from now, who would probably get on well with the Terrahawks. I'm going to do a fun experiment: bring them to the present day, and see what happens…"
So the crew of X-Bomber were startled to find themselves entering a wormhole, then emerging just above a South American forest. They landed, feeling completely bemused; they exited, and approached a large white house, the nearest prominent landmark.
"We have a contact!" announced Space Sergeant 101; shortly afterwards, Tiger Ninestein answered a knock on the door, to come face-to-face with five humans, a large furry grey creature, and a little yellow robot. The group's bearded leader greeted Ninestein, assuring him that they were friendly, and lost. "Welcome to Hawknest!" said Tiger. John Lee, without waiting to be invited, went over to a table, and began tucking into a plate of Dr. Ninestein's mouth-watering crab-claws.
"I am Lamia, the F-Zero-1," murmured the sole female newcomer. Hawkeye and Hiro were thinking how luscious she was, with her chocolate-brown hair, and a face that could surely launch a thousand space-ships; and Zero was the most smitten of them all: his mechanical eyes became heart-shaped, and nearly popped out of their base!
"I'm Sergeant Major ZERO!" he introduced himself.
"We're meant to be together!" gasped the princess, thinking how adorable he was. Granted, he was too metallic to be cuddly; but never mind, he was so irresistibly cute! She was glad that in her day (nearly the year 3000) it was legal, even commonplace, for humans to marry robots; although she didn't know if that was already the case in the 2020s (she'd noticed a calendar in Hawknest).
"Elle est très jolie!" exclaimed Dix-Huit. "Patron, you should take her to Paris, la ville de l'amour! And read her Le Roman de la Rose."
As Lamia kissed Zero on the mouth, 101 made a retching noise, and said, "How soppy! Excuse me while I barf!"
"SHUT UP! You're just jealous, lad!" bellowed the Sergeant Major.
"Sorreee, Mr. Crankypants!" replied 101.
Shiro felt rather peeved: it was bad enough having to compete with that jerk Captain Halley, for Lamia's affections; but now, it seemed as if he was going to lose her to a small, spherical robot! How depressing, not to mention humiliating! Dr. Ninestein, observing Shiro's expression, approached the youth, and muttered, "These infernal machines are getting above themselves, aren't they?"
PPA opined, "She should at least go for a perfectly programmed android, with arms and legs, like me!"
Mary Falconer was also more than a little upset, because she had always hitherto been Zero's favourite lady. She glared at Lamia, planning to paint an unflattering caricature of the princess, perhaps with Zelda's face; Tiger hastened to Mary's side, to give her a comforting cuddle.
Barry Hercules, meanwhile, only had eyes for Kate Kestrel; and vice versa. She burst into song, a cover version of the Sinitta classic So Macho; followed by a rendition of her own record with the lyrics "You're the one that makes me feel alright." She was glad she'd decided to wear one of her very best wigs (the purple one) that day!
They all adjourned out to the garden, only to have the peace disturbed by a familiar, malevolent, feminine voice, blasting from the sky: "Relinquish the F-01, or I shall annihilate you all!" The Terrahawks initially thought it was their wizened old adversary….but no, something wasn't quite the same! The voice was very similar to Zelda's, but it sounded much younger. They looked up, and saw a large, catfishlike vehicle. "That damn Makara!" groaned Hercules.
"Expect the unexpected!" exclaimed Ninestein.
Returning inside, they saw Commander Makara's face filling a screen. Hawkeye almost wolf-whistled, before remembering that this lady was probably no more kindly disposed towards "Earth scum" than Zelda was.
Mary, hoping to befriend her, asked, "Would you like some mascara, Makara?" (Thinking that the Imperial alien might like to enhance the eye that wasn't covered by a patch.)
But Lord Tempo then teleported Commander Makara's battle-cruiser to Mars, where Zelda lived. The Imperial Alliance were met with a cordial reception: Cy-Star made a beeline for Captain Orion (a villain with hair as long and blonde as her own), announcing, "I'm going to choose you to be the father of my next baby! Wonderful!"
It didn't take Zelda long to declare, "Commander Makara, you're the daughter I never had!" Yung-Star was drooling over Makara, and he presented her with a gift: a box, full of granite crunchies, tied up with the most decorative ribbon on the planet.
"She's not interested in a slobbering cretin like you!" snapped Zelda.
"But Mother, if I marry her, you will gain her as a daughter!" protested poor Yung-Star.
"Just be quiet, you fool!"
Yung-Star turned away, muttering mutinously. After about an hour, he was shocked to hear a lot of shrieking and yelling: a cat-fight had erupted between Makara and Zelda, and they were pulling at each other's hair. The Imperial Master's booming voice intervened, ordering: "Stop that at once!"
"I've had enough of this, now!" decided Lord Tempo, returning the X-Bomber gang and the Imperial Alliance back to the future. A few weeks later, Zero was moping, still missing Lamia; but then a new consignment of zeroids arrived, including the lipsticked, long-lashed 35…