A second chance.
What happens when you lose the person you love the most? Would you be willing to accept a second chance? Would you be willing to forgive to love again?
A week ago from Evie's birthday, a week ago from the unexpected meeting with Niklaus and it was a week ago that the calls started and with some indifference Bonnie avoided each of them.
Especially her father's.
For the past five days Bonnie has been ignoring all his calls. She knew she was being a coward, but for now she decided it was best for everyone to take time to better reconsider things.
Besides, she didn't want to have to start the same old conversation and talking about the same thing again was the surest thing that would happen if she agreed to answer her father's call.
No... she didn't want it.
She wasn't ready yet, she knew she had to face her parents very soon and more after how rude she had been to her mother, but god... she didn't want to.
Bonnie snorted through her nose and ran her hands over her face, rubbing her head a little with her fingers, recalling once again the conversation she had with her mother six days ago.
"Honey, I know this has been difficult for you, but Bonnie, you are my daughter, and seeing you like this is also very difficult for me, for your father. No one was prepared for this, honey. What I mean is... . We are your parents and we are here for you... Give us the opportunity to help you. You don't have to do this alone, baby. You are not alone, you have me... and your father..."
A sigh...
"...Rudy and I... saw Niklaus in the cemetery... he was so devastated."
"Mom... please... I don't want to talk about him."
"Baby listen, I know you don't want to talk about this, but Bonnie, you need to reconcile with the past to live the present -"
"I do not care."
"Of course you care, but you don't want to accept it. You don't want to accept that and..."
"Mom... I don't -"
"just listen to me, I know Niklaus made a terrible mistake, but that doesn't make him a bad man..."
Abby was quick to correct before Bonnie got upset.
"And... I'm not defending him. I'm telling you because I know..." a much-needed pause. "I know you still love him baby, you can't keep denying it... and I know he loves you too, I saw it in his eyes, Bonnie, and he's blaming himself for what happened, it's not fair that -"
Bonnie had heard enough.
"I'll tell you what wasn't fair, Mom. Niklaus wasn't there when Evelyn left because he was with another woman while I was dealing with the terrible news of her death. Niklaus wasn't there when she died. Evelyn needed her father, I needed him... but Niklaus preferred to be somewhere else instead of being with his family!"
Abby couldn't respond to that.
"Now tell me mom, for whom was it not fair? Stop defending him! Why can't you understand that I don't want to talk about him? What happened between us is over! Please... Stop getting into my life!"
A silence...
"You're right I'm sorry..."
Bonnie closed her eyes and cursed inside her.
"Mom... I'm sorry I didn't want to yell at you..."
"Don't worry... you're right, I'm just worried about you. I feel like I lost my daughter too..."
Bonnie closed her eyes as she heard her mother sobbing.
"Mom...?"
"Listen to me... no matter what, your father and I are always going to care about you, darling, and we will support you in whatever you decide to do. You are our daughter and that's what parents do. I love you."
Abby hung up the call and Bonnie didn't have the courage to call again.
That had happened about a week ago and since that day Bonnie hadn't spoken to her mother again and now she was just avoiding talking to her father.
She just needed a little more time, that was all she wanted...
But how much did Bonnie need to deal with her pain and learn to live with it?
That question never had an immediate answer and more so now that the painful memories of the past had returned to stagnate in her head.
During that week Bonnie had not stopped thinking about Niklaus and her mother's words.
Was that perhaps the reason for her overloading herself with so much work? So as not to have to think about him?
But Bonnie's attempts to get Niklaus out of her mind were a total failure when she hadn't even gotten him out of her heart.
The tension and stress of the past few days were wearing her down. Her mind was forced to remind her that nothing she was doing was right.
Bonnie knew it, but she didn't want to accept it. She didn't want to agree with her mother.
She didn't want to accept that she hadn't stopped loving Klaus. As much as she tried... she still loved him... but... unfortunately, things in her life didn't turn out as expected.
The family that she once had... no longer existed.
And Bonnie blamed Niklaus for that.
Something inside her kept seeing him as a culprit and that was perhaps the reason for her bitterness.
Damn resentment that didn't let her live in peace.
The words Abby spoke six days ago not only brought up those thoughts, they also brought back painful memories.
Because maybe she was the one to blame for pushing Niklaus away and taking him right into the arms of another woman...
Her green eyes betrayed that little fear, because until now Bonnie did not know what she had done wrong for her husband to leave their house to seek comfort with someone else.
The lump in her throat was hard to swallow.
Bonnie didn't know for sure, but the truth was, she too felt guilty about everything and she only faced the situation with the quickest solution.
A divorce.
With all the pain in her soul and guided by the worst of feelings, Bonnie preferred to divorce.
Now what she thought would bring her peace of mind was the opposite.
Bonnie hadn't told anyone, but loneliness wasn't always a good friend, especially loneliness in her new home.
Her new home was small, but sometimes it felt so big and empty.
It was like this since Evie died.
The home that she once shared with Niklaus felt just as lonely and empty after their daughter's death.
Getting divorced and getting away from everything that reminded her of the pain of losing her little girl had not been the best idea.
Running away from the pain so she wouldn't have to face it hadn't been the sensible thing to do, but that was what Bonnie chose.
Being so lonely of her own accord was counterproductive for her. Bonnie knew it, she knew that even though there was a better way out, she simply didn't want to or couldn't get out of the dark place where she herself had entered and of which almost no one had noticed.
Until now people thought that she was really fine and that she had gotten over her pain... but no.
The reality was different.
Bonnie just pretended to be strong and okay.
She did not want people to see her with pity and less to feel pity for her.
After Evie left, Bonnie just blocked herself.
The pain of losing her daughter was hers and no one else could opine on it.
Bonnie didn't give that right to anyone, not even her own mother, and to this day she hadn't discussed it with anyone and she didn't want to.
Being in absolute denial and immersed in a lonely depression was something that Bonnie decided in her life and she did not want to accept anyone's help to change it.
Unconsciously or not... Bonnie was not prepared to continue moving forward in the way that many expected and more in the way that her mother wanted.
She wasn't ready... not yet.
Bonnie let out a weary sigh and dipped back into her computer.
During the last days she was staying late in her little shop, advancing the work of the following days.
Probably on the inside, Bonnie just didn't want to get home early.
Again she was fleeing from the reality that she herself chose to live.
She was fleeing from depressing loneliness.
With a yawn, Bonnie looked at the time on the wall clock, it was past ten at night and before continuing to move her fingers over the keyboard her cell phone rang.
It was strange, it was really strange because, who would call her at this time of night?
When Bonnie saw her cell phone screen, she simply made a face of annoyance that reflected nicely on her lips as her cell phone kept ringing in her hands.
Bonnie didn't want to answer, but if she didn't answer, surely the person on the other end of the line would call again and wouldn't rest until she answered the call.
She had no choice, so she only responded by feigning a bit of surprise.
"Mrs. Berenice, how can I help you?"
Bonnie continued to stare at the computer screen as she finished typing on the keyboard with the phone to her ear, supported by her shoulder.
"Oh... Bonnie dear, I noticed you didn't come home, I didn't see your car."
"Ahhh?, no... I haven't arrived yet. Why?"
The eighty-year-old woman paused strangely before speaking again.
"I don't want to scare you, but there's a man with long hair outside your house. He looks like a bum... He's been there for a few hours, I was going to call the police-"
Bonnie squeezed her eyes, It can't be...
"No-no it's not necessary, Mrs. Berenice."
"Are you sure, because I don't-"
"Don't worry, he's a... a... You know, I didn't call anyone, okay? I'm going there, thank you very much for calling, bye."
Bonnie hung up without waiting for her answer.
Dammit!
Bonnie drove carefully, a mortified expression on her face, feeling her heart leap out of her throat as she wondered...
Why Niklaus was doing these things? Why right now? Why just when she was in a huge conflict between her feelings and she didn't have the strength to fight it? Why couldn't he just leave her alone?
It had been a year... a year since everything officially ended for them and now only he wanted to appear in her life just like nothing?
Damn... Bonnie snorted indignantly.
Unlike her... Niklaus had enough reasons to move on with his life and ironically, they were the same reasons that for some reason prevented Bonnie from living a quiet life.
Selfish idiot... as if all of this hadn't been difficult for her.
Bonnie sobbed as she remembered the real reason that separated them.
Little by little her tears spilled down her cheeks and she had nothing left but to suppress the next tears and wipe the rest with the sleeve of her sweater.
No... she wouldn't cry about it again.
Bonnie refocused on the road.
Since she left her store a sudden rain was falling and it was definitely the last thing she needed to complete her terrible day.
Large drops of water fell hard on the windshield, making a dull sound and blurring her vision.
It took her longer than usual time to get home. The rain kept her from going any faster, but finally she had arrived.
And there Bonnie saw him, sitting on the steps of her house completely soaked from head to toe as she slowly parked her car in the parking spot.
Both hearts pounded when they saw each other once more.
When Bonnie turned off the car, Niklaus was already on his feet.
What was he doing here?
Neither of them had the answer to that question, but what they did know was that Niklaus was again breaking the rules.
Bonnie took her time getting out of the car not caring that the rain was covering her too.
Getting wet was the least she cared about.
She was upset and she was nervous.
Bonnie believed herself capable of handling this situation in the best way.
But... who was she kidding? all she wanted to do was hit him and hit him until he felt a small part of the pain that she was feeling right now.
Yes...
And deep down... she also wanted to hug him with all her strength, forget everything and think that it had all been a terrible nightmare and that they could both wake up next to each other as they had once when nothing bad touched their lives.
But none of that would happen.
Bonnie closed the car door and from there she asked without even moving, trying to raise her voice above the sound of the rain so that he would hear her.
"What are you doing here?"
But Niklaus did not reply.
He didn't know what to say, what he could say... that he was scared ... that for the last few days he couldn't sleep. That all he wanted to do was hold her with the hope that she would return the hug and with that to be able to drive away the terrible memories of the past.
What could he say while she was there so close and so far? That he was dying to see her, that he needed to see her... That he missed his daughter and that he blamed himself every day because he had not be by her side. That he felt like a wretch and that all he wanted was a hug and that's why he was here...
Because he still loved her and that he was regretful for everything he did it...
No, Niklaus did not dare to say any of that and was completely silent.
A silence that was ridiculously awkward between the two of them as drops of water clouded his vision and hers.
Bonnie exhaled and looked around her before taking more courage and walking past him to go straight to the entrance of her house.
If he was just going to ignore her then she would do the same to him.
But Bonnie stopped midway.
She was nervous and furious at the same time, didn't she understand why Niklaus was there? and she didn't want to know either, but she didn't want to see him there... because once again it hurt Bonnie to see him... she wanted him to leave. She wanted Niklaus to leave so she wouldn't have to deal with her feelings... because Bonnie just didn't want to accept the truth.
Because every time she thought of him, she blamed herself and punished herself harshly.
How was it possible that she loved him and hated him at the same time?
No... she didn't hate him... but she wanted to hate him so much.
"Go away Niklaus... you have nothing to do here!"
She waited.
And nothing... Niklaus was silent again.
"What are you doing here? Won't you tell me what you're doing here? Will you stay there quiet?"
Bonnie didn't want to scream, but her screams came out with desperation as she saw how expressionless he was being to her.
His behavior made her walk towards him completely angry and hysterical, because this was her house, this was her place and he had no right to come here, he didn't have that right.
With all pain hidden in a shell of rage and helplessness, she reproached him, forcing him to turn around so that he looked into her eyes and he didn't have a chance to refuse to respond.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
Niklaus gulped. He didn't dare to respond as he saw in Bonnie's eyes the resentment that she was trying in vain to hide.
But his hand acted out of the simple desire to feel her like the last time and he only had the audacity to touch her wet face.
Bonnie avoided the urge to close her eyes, but she didn't have the strength to stop that little movement.
When Niklaus's fingers brushed the skin of her cheeks, Bonnie inevitably closed her eyes.
"I know you love him..."
Abby's words echoed in her mind, words Bonnie didn't want to admit.
Bonnie opened her eyes realizing her truth.
Being so close to each other they both met eye to eye for a long moment, until Bonnie lowered her head.
No...
Bonnie refused to accept it, she did not want to accept her mother's words.
She tried to back away and before taking a few steps back, Niklaus stopped her by taking her hand.
"I'm so sorry..."
Niklaus's soft whisper hit all of her senses because Bonnie knew what he meant... but that wasn't enough for her.
"Forgive me..."
Niklaus repeated again...
And Bonnie looked up once more and she was met with the same sadness that she knew so well, and that made her heart break.
"He still loves you..."
Abby's words echoed again and all those walls that Bonnie had built all this time to forget Niklaus were brought down.
Her eyes fell with the unavoidable understanding, but she didn't respond.
Then with more courage Niklaus spoke a few last words.
"I haven't stopped loving you Bonnie-"
Bonnie blinked a few times.
That was perhaps the last thing she wanted to hear.
The walls were armed again and anger, resentment and all disappointment invaded her wounded heart once more.
"If you had truly loved me... you would never have done what you did to me... you left me... when I needed you most... you left me... you preferred to be with another woman... my daughter needed her father... but you weren't there when she asked me if you would come to see her... all she wanted was to see you and... you were late. Evelyn closed her eyes without seeing her father!. I needed you for a long time. I couldn't do it alone and you were never there for me... you left me and Evelyn, for her! And now my daughter is not here and now Evie is not with me... I am alone... I'm so lonely now... I lost my daughter and my husband. Instead you! You won a daughter with that despicable woman!"
The silence spread as did the pain and stubbornness.
The water droplets intensified, wetting them both.
Bonnie didn't move from her place and Niklaus didn't let go of her hand either.
"...You come to my house and you dare to say that you love me? You don't love me... you never did... I loved you for a long time... but not anymore. The only thing I feel for you now is just contempt... I despise you both... you for letting her into our lives... and her for destroying my family..."
Each word was spoken with all the pain that afflicted Bonnie. Each word was expressed with all the disappointment and resentment that lived in her soul and in her heart.
It wasn't her speaking this time...
It was the pain and anger behind all those words and Bonnie didn't mind saying them because she was hurt.
And although she did not want to feel any of those things, the pain led her to that dark place and held her captive without being able to live in peace.
Bonnie was punishing herself by not being able to forgive and somehow she was punishing Niklaus by not being able to forgive him.
Niklaus nodded gently and gave her one last squeeze before releasing her hand.
He felt a sharp pang in his heart when he heard everything Bonnie had said.
This was the first time she had said all those things and it was overwhelmingly painful to hear her say how she felt because of fault him.
It was all his fault.
Bonnie was right in everything she said.
And with that... Niklaus couldn't stop his tears from mingling with the raindrops.
The seconds that passed after that perhaps felt like an eternity before Bonnie taked a decision.
She couldn't forgive him... It didn't matter if he loved her or if she... or if she still loved him... she couldn't forget what he did. She just couldn't.
Bonnie pursed her lips and walked back to her car.
She couldn't stay here another second.
Before getting into the car, she stopped, she didn't even look up at him. She couldn't do it, this time Bonnie couldn't look at him.
It was a moment of hesitation, Bonnie hesitated, she hesitated for a few more seconds before telling a big lie.
Taking all the encouragement she needed, Bonnie spoke the infamous words with much resentment knowing that she was going to hurt him, even if it was a lie, her intention was only one.
Hurt him like he did her.
Before Bonnie started her car and drove away from there.
Niklaus heard perfectly well...
"I hate you..."
Hey guys... I dared to write one more time and I don't know what the reaction will be to this chapter, but I hope you liked it.
This story is a bit sad.
Klaus and Bonnie not only face the loss of their daughter, but also the consequences of the decisions that Klaus made in the past. The two of them love each other, but there are other feelings that prevent them from being together.
Resentment, guilt, disappointment, pain, and anger need to be released in order to find healing.
And only time will help them heal the old wounds and only then will they decide if they can both give themselves a second chance in their lives...