Cordelia's Audition
This is a crossover with Angel and the play Bad Auditions… On Camera. It's a pretty funny play, so I recommend you check it out. If you don't want to and haven't seen it, the basic premise is the Casting Director needs to find someone to play a lawyer in the hit TV show Crime Court and all the actors are bad and/or weird.
Disclaimer: Angel was created by Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt and Bad Auditions... On Camera is by Ian McWethy & Carrie McCrossen. I'm not any of them. The first few lines were taken from the play.
Timeline: An AU Angel Season 3 where Doyle never died (so Cordy doesn't have the visions)
Important Note: I named the Casting director Carol. (Note: she's a girl)
Carol sighed as Uma left the call. How was she supposed to find a replacement for the main character of a hit TV show if all the actors were so bad? Her assistant Roger's screen popped up.
"Hey!" he said. "How did it go? Did she get it?"
"No. She didn't. What are you doing? You're supposed to be watching the auditions with me!"
"Uh. Sorry," he responded. "I was working for my commercial agent. Also I was playing mahjong with my uncle. And I was practicing a dance for a Tok I wanna do later. Wanna see?"
He started quietly singing while he danced. "Don't let my moves . . . make you sad or sick . . . I'm dancing . . ."
Carol interrupted him. "Roger! Please stop dancing! You have to find me some more actors! Because these will not cut it."
Roger frowned and looked at his folders. "Yeah… I think I'm… Nope! Never mind! I have one more that I forgot about."
"Seriously!" Carol said excitedly. Hopefully this one would be good. And her ticket out of Arizona. "That's great! Can you get them to come?"
"Sure!" he said. "Give me… One second…" He started typing on his computer. A few seconds later Carol heard a buzz sound.
"Wow!" Roger said. "That was fast! Anyway, she says she's available now to audition."
"Great! Send her in."
"Alright, here's Cordelia Chase straight from Los Angeles."
Roger's screen disappeared as a new one with a dark haired girl took his place. Thankfully without a weird costume.
"Hi!" the girl said. "I'm Cordelia and I'm supposed to be auditioning for Crime Court."
"Hi there!" Carol said. So far she seemed normal. "I know you didn't get time to go over the sides, so if you want to look at the limes while you read, that's fine."
"Thanks!" she said. Cordelia picked up the paper and started reading.
"Your honor, I'd like to request that the last remarks be stricken from the record…" She was doing good. She wasn't doing a commercial side or going to the sewer at any rate.
"... The prosecution has repeated demeaned…`` She was interrupted by a man stepping into the room she was in.
"Cordelia, have you seen my…"
She didn't give him a chance to finish. "Wesley! I'm in the middle of an audition!"
The British man saw Carol on the computer and went red. "Sorry! Didn't mean to interrupt! I'm just going to leave now…"
After he left, Cordelia turned back to her computer. "Sorry about that. I'm still at the office…"
"No, it's fine," Carol said. She could handle an interruption. "Just go again."
"Your honor, I'd like to request…" she was once again caught off, but by a different male voice.
"Cordelia! Do you remember where I put Connor's bottle?"
Cordelia took a deep breath. "I'm doing an audition right now, Angel!"
The voice paused. "Sorry!" A second later he asked again, "But do you know where it is?"
"It's on the main desk!"
"Just go again," Carol said, before she could ask.
Cordelia took a deep breath. "Your honor…" Carol heard some stuff falling in the background, but Cordelia ignored it. "... I'd like to request that the last remarks be stricken from the record. The prosecution has…" she was once again cut off by a man entering the room. Carol heard other people in the background that sounded like they were going somewhere.
"Cordy," the man, this time with an Irish accent, asked, "Is my Advil in here?"
Cordy sighed, very annoyed and handed him the bottle on the desk, while continuing the monologue. "Repeatedly demeaned," the man left. "My client throughout this hearing. But when they demean her family?" A baby started crying. "Her children? That's, going too far! Too far!" There was a sound of glass breaking and Cordelia looked behind her, but did not stop speaking. "I will not stand idly by," Behind Cordelia, Carol saw some men that looked like they were in robes getting into a fight with the man that asked for the Advil, but couldn't see exactly what was going on.
"As justice is corrupted."
"Cordelia!" the man interjected.
"Because I care too much!" she finished. It had barely been a second before she started talking, this time in a rushed tone. "I'm sorry! I have to go! If I can reschedule, that would be great! Bye!" Her screen went black.
Carol looked wide eyed at the screen, unsure of what had just happened. Roger popped in.
"How'd she do?"
Carol opened her mouth, but no sound came out at first. "... I have no idea what just happened..."