Author's note: Remember, Damerey endgame. Don't hurt me!

Disclaimer: Nope.

Chapter 15

November 2017

Rey and Poe waited backstage with the other competitors, watching the final pair's scores. Their programs were complete; they'd done everything they could. Their fate was in someone else's hands now. Rey paced, unable to keep still. She was certain they'd done everything humanly possible; she hated just waiting around. The top twelve couples got to move on to Nationals. It was all or nothing.

"Rey, I'm sure everything's fine," Leia assured her.

"Easy for you to say. Ugh, I hate this!"

Poe was only half paying attention. He was used to the waiting around. He glanced up at the TV; they were calling in the final marks. "Rey! It's time!"

She dashed over and slipped her hand in his. He blinked, startled, but he squeezed. Whatever happened, he knew they'd done the best they could. He was proud to have her as his partner. It was too loud backstage to hear the announcers; they relied on the graphics that flashed across the screen. For maximum dramatic effect, they displayed the final list one at a time. "Come on, come on, come on," Rey muttered. They were solidly in the top ten after the short; there was no reason they shouldn't make it. But Rey knew better than to take anything for granted.

There, finally, the screen read: 5 Kenobi/Dameron.

"We did it?" Rey asked, not sure she wanted to trust the evidence of her eyes.

"We did it!" Poe cried. He wrapped his partner up in a bear hug, spinning her around. Rey's joyous laugh was contagious; Poe was still laughing when he put her down, holding her against his chest. Around them, Leia and Sabine hugged and accepted congratulations from some of the other skaters and coaches. "We really did it."

Rey grinned. "We did." Her hazel eyes sparkled; he'd never seen her this happy before.

Leia broke the moment, demanding her hug. "I am so proud of you," she said, kissing them on the temple. "You were fantastic out there."

"We're going to Nationals, Leia," Poe said, still a bit shocked. "We actually did it."

"See what happens when you have a little faith?" she replied, a twinkle in her eye. They accepted hugs and congratulations from Sabine and a few others; Poe heard his dad calling.

"Over here, Dad!" Kes and Zorii emerged from the crowd, twin happy smiles on their faces. Poe realized belatedly that he was still holding Rey's hand; he dropped it like a hot potato. Zorii didn't seem to notice, thankfully.

"I'm so happy for you, mijo!" Kes said, hugging his son.

"We're not to the Olympics yet," Poe reminded him.

"After tonight, there is no doubt in my mind. I'm having my assistant booking our lodgings as we speak."

"Let the man breathe, Kes," Zorii said, gently easing Kes out of her way. Poe accepted her hug, but his eyes drifted to Rey. Kes was hugging her now, but her smile no longer reached her eyes. "You were amazing, babe."

Poe flushed. "Thanks. But I have a great partner, right, Rey?"

Rey seemed startled by the sound of her name. "What? Oh, right. Yeah. Partners."

To mark the occasion, Kes insisted on taking them all out to dinner. Chicago was a place Kes often visited on business; he decided to take them to his favorite restaurant. Poe thought it was a bit late—it was after 9:00 pm—but he knew better than to argue with his dad.

"Kes, we'll catch up," Zorii said, holding Poe's hand.

"We'll keep the car waiting."

Rey looked at Poe, who shrugged. She grabbed her bag and followed the others out to the waiting car. It took Poe and Zorii a long time to catch up; Rey forced herself not to think about what could be keeping them. If she did, she might be sick.

She had to get a handle on her emotions. She was elated they'd made it this far, but it came at a cost. But it was too late now. She'd made her choices; now she would have to live with them.

"You okay?" Leia asked quietly.

Rey tried to smile. "Yeah. I'm fantastic actually." She softened. Leia had taken a tremendous chance on her. She felt like she didn't thank her enough. "Thank you. For taking a chance on me. It means a lot."

"We're not finished yet," Leia pointed out.

"I know. But I still wanted to say it."

Leia squeezed her hand. "You're welcome."

Poe and Zorii arrived a little bit later, Poe looking a bit shell shocked and Zorii all smiles. What the hell was that about? It's none of your business, Rey reminded herself for the hundredth time.

She hardly heard most of the mindless chatter on the way to the restaurant. It was up in a high-rise, surrounded by glass. It looked like they were about to close, judging by how empty it was. Kes knew the owner though; he assured them it was fine if they stayed late. They got a window seat, which granted them a great view of the city below.

Kes ordered a bottle of wine; Poe stuck with water. Rey snorted behind her menu; she wondered what he would be like drunk. Poe Dameron without inhibitions? No, don't even go there, she scolded herself again. You'll just make things worse for yourself. She stared even more intently at her menu, keenly aware of Zorii sitting to her right, looking like the cat that ate the canary.

Once the wine arrived, Rey started to relax. She ignored Zorii as much as she could and focused on Sabine, who sat across from her. Talking about their performance instantly put her in a better mood. "Looks like all that ballet training paid off," Rey said, clinking her glass with Sabine's.

"Once word gets out about your transformation, Rey, I'll have clients lined up around the block!" Everyone laughed.

"Just remember, whatever they pay you, I'll double it!" Kes joked.

After a few sips of wine, she was feeling much better. "I'm telling you; Poe gets me any higher, they're gonna need a putty knife to scrape me off the ceiling! Are we ready for Nationals or what?"

"We will be," Sabine said.

"Celebrating?" Leia asked. "We haven't won yet."

Zorii held up her glass. "To you, Rey." To Rey's shock, everyone held up their glasses and clinked them together. As Rey took a sip of her wine, she wondered if she'd misjudged Zorii somehow.

"Who's ready to order?" The waiter went around the table and took their orders; Rey was starving. She probably ordered more than she should have, but if Kes was buying, then she was getting the good stuff.

"Five weeks to go," Rey observed. "Everything's clicking. We are gonna kick some ass!"

"Slow down, champ," Poe chided. "We've got a long way to go."

"Trying to rain on my parade?"

"Don't let him beat you down," Sabine said.

"If it hasn't happened by now," Kes said matter of factly, "I think she's in the clear."

While all this was going on, Rey missed the fact that Zorii had left her seat and pulled up one right behind Poe. They were whispering together. "Zorii, no," Poe muttered. "Now is not the time!" But Zorii had this determined look in her eye. "Zorii, no."

Zorii ignored Poe's protests and picked up a fork, clinking one of the glasses with it. All conversation ceased. Poe stared down at his plate, clearly embarrassed. "Everyone's in such a great mood. I think I'll throw another log on the fire."

"Zorii, now really isn't the time for this!" Poe hissed.

"They're going to find out sooner or later." Poe couldn't believe this was happening. How could she do this to him? Things were happening so fast, too fast. He hardly had a chance to breathe. Zorii plowed on ahead, ignoring his protests. "The fact is, I've asked Poe to marry me…finally. And he's accepted." All through the announcement, Poe couldn't stop looking at Rey. Her eyes flew wide; her hand tightened on her wine glass.

Kes was the first to react. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Dad," Poe replied automatically. He tried to smile, but he couldn't stop looking at Rey.

"Yeah, congratulations," Rey mumbled, taking a healthy sip of her wine.

Poe accepted the good wishes of Leia and Sabine; he couldn't stand to see the fake mask of happiness on Rey's face. "I was wondering if you two would ever get your act together!" Kes cried, clearly thrilled. "I'm glad you took charge, Zorii. That's the kind of thing I pay you for!"

"Your son was taking too long, so I took matters into my own hands."

"Excuse me." Rey's chair scraped on the floor as she stood abruptly and made a beeline for the bathroom. She slammed the stall door a little too hard, but she didn't care. She pressed her hands flat against it, her heart racing as she struggled to breathe.

It felt like she'd been punched in the gut. She was all twisted into knots; it hurt. She felt like she was drowning, gasping for air, as the world continued to spin around her. She knew the truth now, the one truth she would never allow herself to even think until the moment she realized Poe was lost to her for good. He'd never been hers, but foolishly, stupidly, some dark corner of her heart held out hope. Hope that—against all evidence to the contrary—Poe would choose her. She held onto that hope because she loved him. Oh god, she'd gone and fallen in love with him, the one person she could not have because he belonged to someone else.

A sob constricted her throat; pain lanced through her heart. She slowly sank to the floor, fat salty tears streaming down her cheeks. She buried her head between her knees and just…sobbed. Rey hadn't cried like this since she was very small. She cried so hard her stomach hurt. She learned early in life that the world was a cruel, cruel place; she needed to protect herself. Poe had made her forget that.

God, she hated him for it.

Great hiccupping sobs shook her thin frame; she didn't know how to make the pain stop. "Why?" she demanded, her eyes raised to a deity she was now certain didn't exist. "Why him?"

She might as well have asked the toilet seat for all the answers she got. She grabbed at the toilet paper roll; she needed to wipe away the tears and snot. She was a mess. She needed to get herself together before anyone realized that was something really wrong.

If Zorii came through that door, Rey would not be responsible for her actions.

But was she really upset with Zorii? Rey certainly didn't like her, but could she blame her for wanting to seize her future? She must love Poe; they'd been together for years from what she could gather. Poe clearly loved her too or he wouldn't have said yes. Right? No, Rey couldn't go down the trail of what-ifs. Poe was marrying Zorii. That was a fact. She'd just have to learn to accept that.

It wasn't like he knew how she felt anyway.

She needed to keep her mind on the job. That was all that mattered now.

Rey heard the door open; she held her breath, ready to lie if it was someone she didn't want to speak to. "Rey? You still in here?"

Rey let out a sigh of relief. It was Leia. "Just a second!" She blew her nose again and quickly used the toilet. She got a look at herself in the mirror when she emerged from the stall; thankfully, her waterproof mascara held up. She splashed some water on her face and washed her hands.

"Oh Rey," Leia said gently.

"I'm fine."

Leia's hand stilled Rey's as she dried them with a paper towel. "It's okay to not be okay."

Rey felt another sob creeping up her throat; she took a deep steadying breath. She refused to cry anymore over Poe Dameron. "Not with them it's not," she said softly. "I won't give her the satisfaction."

Leia nodded in understanding. Her heart broke for Rey, who clearly loved Poe very much, even if he was too blind to see it. The fact that she was willing to put on a brave face and pretend she was happy for him proved that she was much better for him than his fiancé. Zorii would stifle Poe's spirit the first chance she got. She almost dragged Poe aside to give him a piece of her mind, but it would probably only make things worse. They were five weeks away from Nationals; ten weeks away from the Olympics.

This was the worst possible time for love triangle drama.

Leia pulled Rey into a hug; Rey soaked it in. It had been a long time since a mother type figure had comforted her. She hadn't realized how much she missed it. "You might want to take a few more minutes," she whispered. "I'll make your excuses if you need to leave."

The prospect of seeing Poe and Zorii being the happy couple was more than she could handle right then. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, Leia."

Leia returned to the table, alone. Poe frowned. "Where's Rey?"

"She's not feeling well," Leia replied. "The lights in here…I think the poor thing has a migraine."

"Oh. I hope she feels better."

"A good night's sleep should fix her up."

Dinner was mostly a blur; Poe answered questions when asked, but he wasn't consciously forming words. It was like he was on automatic pilot. Rey had never complained about migraines before. They spent three-quarters of every day together; he would know. Sudden onset wasn't impossible, but something didn't feel right. He was worried about her.

Zorii fawned over him the whole way back to the hotel. She was thrilled about the engagement; Poe couldn't decide if she'd been planning it or if it had been a spur of the moment thing. He and Zorii had been together for a long time; this was the next logical step in their relationship. People had been expecting them to get married for a while, especially Kes. Poe assumed he'd get around to it eventually, but Zorii surprised him. Right there in front of everyone who was left in the dressing room. Poe was mortified.

He'd been too stunned to say no. Not that he wanted to say no necessarily, but with all those expectant eyes on him, his performance instincts kicked in. How often were the gender roles reversed? He might have been hounded out of the room if he hadn't given her an answer. People had their phones out; it was probably all over social media by now.

He expected to be happier. He knew he should be happier. Zorii had been patient; they'd done the long-distance thing for a long time. He didn't blame her for wanting more from their relationship. He assumed all this second-guessing was anticipation for the Olympics. They were so close now; he needed all his focus for that.

"You coming to bed?" Zorii asked.

"Um, in a little bit. I'm gonna go check on Rey."

"I'm sure she's sleeping off whatever she took for her migraine. That's what I do," Zorii said, waving her hand dismissively.

She was probably right, but Poe walked down the hall to Rey's room anyway. He knocked as loud as he dared. "Rey? It's Poe."

He heard some shuffling, then the door opened. "What are you doing here?"

She definitely didn't look herself; she was dressed in pajamas and her eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. "Leia said you had a migraine."

"Oh, right. Yeah, migraine."

"Feeling any better?"

Rey touched her forehead. "A little. Though the lights out here are killing me."

"Oh! I'm sorry!" He looked around helplessly. "I'll just, um, go. I hope you feel better." He got a handful of steps when Rey called his name. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for coming to check on me."

"We're partners, Rey. That's what partners do."

Poe arrived at the rink early that morning; he needed some time to himself. Zorii was monopolizing every minute he wasn't training; it was exhausting. He didn't have time for her; he needed to focus. He did his stretches, then spent the next twenty minutes just going through his half of both their programs. They'd come in fifth at Finals; they needed to really put in some work if they were going to make it to the top two. They only had four and a half weeks to do it.

He was gliding over to the start point for their long program when he heard an all too familiar voice. "Still dropping that shoulder." Poe turned; Amilyn Holdo was walking into his building like she owned the place. "I thought you'd retired."

"I changed my mind." He wasn't about to justify himself to her.

Holdo leaned against her old desk—the one that was now Leia's. "You know what I think is the saddest thing about sports? People who stay too long at the party."

Poe crossed his arms over his chest. "What are you doing here, Holdo?"

She had the audacity to smile. "I'd like to see you go out a champion."

Poe smiled back, though it held no warmth. "That's my plan."

Holdo didn't seem convinced. "If you wanted to skate so badly, why didn't you come to me? I know we made some mistakes…"

"Mistakes?" Poe spat. "You spent the last ten years tying me into knots."

Holdo smirked. "You were always difficult."

Poe was done with her "help." "Do you know what the first thing you said to me was? I was nine, and you came into my building. And I was skating. When I was finished, I turned around and oh my god, there was Amilyn Holdo." He exaggerated her name, trying to convey the awe that his nine-year-old self held for her, once upon a time. "And you know what you said? 'Boy, do we have our work cut out for us.'"

Holdo wasn't impressed. "Still blaming Sochi on Jannah?" When she got no response, she tried a different tack. "You meant a lot to this sport, Poe. You still do. But Nationals? After all this time? I just hate to see you…humiliated."

Poe snorted. "Humiliated?"

"Oh, come on! This girl! This hockey player? Let's face it; trusting partners was never your strong suit."

Poe wrapped his hands around the railing, fighting the urge to punch Holdo in her stupid face. "This girl, this hockey player, is the best skater I've ever been on the ice with! She's gonna make you cry, she's so good." Before Holdo could get in another word, he grabbed his water bottle and took a long pull. "You know your way out."

Poe watched Holdo's retreating back; god, it felt good to kick her out of his building. He'd wanted to do that for a long time. He felt pretty pleased with himself until he turned and saw Rey stepping onto the ice. How much did she hear? He'd told her plenty of times that he thought she was a great skater but saying it to Holdo was different. Instead of being gracious, he fell back on snark. "You let me down and it'll take them a month to count the blade marks up your back."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Do me a favor and turn off your phone. Your bridezilla is distracting me."

Poe winced. He didn't argue; he skated over to his bag and dutifully shut off his phone. Truthfully, Zorii was driving him nuts too; he would be glad to have some peace and quiet for the next few hours. He couldn't think about venues and dresses and colors and cakes. He needed to be focused on getting back to the Olympics, otherwise, the last two years would have been for nothing.

"Hey babe," Zorii greeted him when he entered her room. She was bent over her laptop, typing furiously.

"Hey." Poe ducked into her bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush and razor.

"What are you doing?"

"I am a month away from Nationals, Zorii. I need to focus. I can't do that, staying here with you. I'm sleeping in my room."

Zorii looked put out. "Is this about Rey?"

Poe frowned. "Why the hell would this be about Rey?"

"Because…nevermind."

"She is my partner, Zorii. She's worked just as hard as I have, maybe harder. I owe it to her to be completely focused."

"Sure. I need to get some work done too if I'm going to be spending a week in San Jose."

He didn't say good night; instead, he slipped out quietly. Poe went through his nightly routine, showering, brushing his teeth, flossing. Once he was finished, he crawled into bed. He had another early day tomorrow, he needed to get to sleep. He stared up at the darkened ceiling, trying to coax himself into falling asleep. Eventually, he got frustrated, twisting Shara's ring around his finger. Everything happened so fast. That night in Chicago, he went from celebrating with Rey to being ambushed by Zorii. Looking back, he really did feel like he'd been ambushed. Why did she choose that moment? Couldn't she have waited until after the Olympics? He felt compelled to say yes; he knew what was expected of him. Not just from Zorii, but his dad. Kes very much approved of Zorii.

Poe wondered what his mother would have thought.

He wore his mother's ring, not just in her memory, but with a specific intention. He'd made a promise to himself to give it to the person he wanted to spend his life with. That should be Zorii. She was his fiancé now. Or was he hers? He'd lost track. But the idea of his mother's ring on her finger didn't sit right in his craw. He couldn't explain it, even to himself. Fortunately, everyone else thought it was his good luck charm for skating, so no one questioned why he still had it.

Until he could figure things out, Shara's ring would remain safely around his neck.