Author's note: Important: The element that is discussed in this chapter is illegal in modern figure skating. I am aware of this. But it's a big plot point in the movie, so I left it in. Don't try this at home! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't try this at home!

Chapter 18

Leia leaned back in her chair, surveying her skaters. They had not spoken to each other since they left San Jose. She didn't know any details of what happened, but obviously something had. Not even a blind person could miss the simmering tension and hurt between them. Poe and Rey stood on the ice, ten feet apart, their backs to each other. Leia adored them; in many ways, they were her children. But she could not be a mother to them now. They had five weeks until the Olympics. They needed to prepare.

She needed to break the bad news that she must demand more of them than ever.

Yet, she would not take the step she was about to take if she did not believe in them completely. Poe and Rey were among the most gifted skaters she'd ever coached. She'd seen a lot in her day; the sport had transformed. Leia was famous for always being one step ahead of the trends; it was one of the reasons Kes begged her to come coach his son.

That said, she would defy Kes Dameron if she thought for one second Poe and Rey couldn't accomplish this task. No matter what, their safety came first. As did their choice. She would present the problem and its solution, but the final decision was theirs. If they chose against it, she'd respect that.

First, she had to get them to focus on the problem and not whatever drama they'd created.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "So, we have a little problem, yes?" No response. She repeated herself, louder this time. "So, we have a little problem, yes?" Again, neither spoke, confirming the "little" problem. "Good. We'll skip the little problem and go straight to the big problem." Leia stood and took her notebook out of her bag. She stepped into the ice. "And what is the big problem, coach?" she asked herself. She paused for dramatic effect, then answered her own question. "Ren and Phasma." She dropped one loose sheet onto the ice. "Who?" She dropped another sheet beside it. "Ren and Phasma. Last night, they won the European Championships. Perfect scores." She dropped two more sheets. "Everyone's been blown away. Contest's over. Ren and Phasma are unbeatable." Leia dropped the final sheet. "Hello, Russian surprise. Goodbye, gold medal." She saw Rey raise her head; Leia was pleased she had her attention. "Of course, there is a possible solution. But it's probably too dangerous."

Rey turned and glided down the row papers, coming to a stop in front of the last one. With grace she could not have mustered two years ago, she bent down and picked up the sheet, examining it closely. "Where did these come from?"

"For twenty years, I have been working on this. But to have skaters with the right situation and the desire…it wasn't ready until now."

Rey examined the diagrams again. For two years, she watched Leia sketch in her notebook; was this what she'd been working on? "What is this? A bounce spin into a throw?"

That finally got Poe's attention. He skated a circle around them. "You can't do that."

Leia focused on Rey. "The key to this is release. There can be no halfway."

Poe shook his head. "No. No. It's illegal."

Leia was undeterred. "It's a gray area."

Rey still seemed interested. "Bounce into a throw twist. Then he catches me?"

Leia made a face. "Sort of."

Poe was having none of it. "We can't do this!"

"Why not?" Leia asked. "We have all the pieces."

That wasn't the point and Leia knew it. Poe growled. "We have five weeks!"

"The Organa twist," Rey said, smiling for the first time.

"Absolutely not!"

"Do you expect us to name it after you?" Rey demanded.

Leia hated herself a bit for this, but as their coach, it was her duty. "No, no," she conceded softly. "It's a mistake."

Rey immediately protested. "Wait! This is good stuff! I can do this!"

Poe ground his teeth. "What are you saying? I can't?"

"Hey, if the shoe fits."

Poe stood up to his full height, glaring at Rey. "I've been competing for thirteen years! No one tells me what I can or cannot do!" He skated off in a huff, lest he say something he regretted.

"Don't quit your day job!" Rey yelled.

As much as Leia appreciated Rey's enthusiasm, she did take her aside to fully explain the dangers. On the spin, Rey's head would be dangerously close to the ice; if it wasn't executed perfectly, she could get a concussion or crack her skull. She would need to trust Poe completely.

"Look," Leia said softly. "I don't know what happened in San Jose…"

"I don't want to talk about it," Rey said quickly. She was still angry at Poe; she wanted to hang onto her anger for a little bit longer. It kept her from missing the way things used to be, at least that's what she told herself. She just didn't understand why he'd think she was remotely interested in Finn. She thought her feelings for Poe were painfully obvious, but he still seemed to be Captain Oblivious.

Or he just didn't care.

She wasn't sure which one hurt worse.

Still, this was important. She knew the stakes. She and Poe had come in second at Nationals. They needed something big to get them on that podium. She'd come too far to quit now. "I know we can do this, Leia. I can do this."

"You'll have to convince him."

Rey nodded. "Already on it." She squeezed Leia's elbow and headed over to where Poe stood. "Look, Poe…"

"Save your breath. We're not doing it."

"Why not?"

"Why not? Why not?" Poe blew out an exasperated breath. He stood there, hands on his hips. "Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? There's a reason it's a 'gray area.'" He glared in Leia's direction. "I can't believe she'd come up with this!"

"Poe…"

He ran his fingers through his curls, leaving them a mess. "I won't do it. I won't let you get hurt." Because if this went terribly wrong, then Rey would pay the price. As heartsick as he was, he didn't want to see her hurt. Never her.

She rested her hand on his shoulder. "You think I don't understand? Poe, I've got a blind spot because my head got smashed into the boards without a helmet. I know the risks. But we've worked so hard. Let's just try it. If I take a bad fall or it's too much, we'll stop. I promise. What happened to kicking a little ass?"

He stared at her for a long moment. He could see the determination in her eyes. She wanted to take this crazy risk, even after what happened in San Jose. Just thinking about San Jose made his chest hurt, but when he looked at her, he knew he still loved her. He might have lost his chance to be with her, but they still had a goal. "You'd trust me like that?"

"I've trusted you this long, haven't I?"

"The minute it's too much, we quit, okay?"

She held out her hand. "Deal."

Poe swallowed, but he took her hand and shook. "Deal."

The next five weeks were some of the most grueling Leia had ever experienced as a coach. They spent a whole day just going over the dynamics of the element in a classroom setting, complete with whiteboard and colored markers. Poe and Rey both asked probing relevant questions; Leia answered them honestly. She didn't sugarcoat what they were trying to attempt. Adding a new element into a program at this late stage was a little bit insane, but Ren and Phasma were the favorites. If they wanted to win, they needed to up the ante.

Leia was very hands-on, working closely with both skaters. Poe's job was the hardest; he needed to spin Rey high enough and fast enough to keep her head off the ice and give her momentum into the twist. They studied angles and velocity; it was a lot of math.

Once she was certain they had the basics, they moved to the ice. The day was split into two sections. They were freshest in the mornings; they devoted that time to learning the new element. Afternoons were spent rehearsing their programs. Eventually—if they mastered the Organa in time—they would add it into the long program. That was where it would carry the most weight.

"Again." Leia watched Rey pick herself up, brushing ice off her clothes. They tried the spin again. And again. And again. And again. Poe and Rey fell back into their old snarky banter; Leia was relieved they'd put aside whatever was going on with them to focus. Still, she could see that Poe was holding back.

"You have to commit, Poe," Leia said as he rubbed his sore arm. "You have to commit totally."

"You think I don't know that!" he snapped. He sighed. "What if she gets hurt because of me?"

"She's going to get hurt if you're not all in on this. There is no halfway, Poe. Halfway is bullshit."

"Why is she so damn stubborn?"

"Perhaps you're a bad influence." That got Poe to chuckle. Leia smiled. "Now are you in or out?"

He glanced at Rey, who was rubbing her shoulder. "In."

"Okay."

They were still working on it a couple of weeks later when Kes came to visit. He observed for over an hour as the pair continued to struggle. It was getting better; the spin was high enough, but Poe struggled with the release. Rey took a few hard hits; Poe always helped her up.

"Are they gonna get it?" Kes asked.

"Eventually," Leia replied.

"Before they kill each other?"

That was open to debate, but Leia refused to say it out loud. She had faith in her skaters. They just needed to have some faith in themselves.

Poe leaned against the desk, staring at the empty box. Kes bought that box just before Sochi, convinced that they'd be bringing home gold. That box silently tormented Poe for the last four years. Every time Kes tried to coax Poe out of retirement, he did it with that box in sight. Poe hated the damn thing; it was one of the reasons he rarely entered his father's office anymore.

He couldn't sleep; for some reason, his feet carried him here. It had been another grueling day. Poe never realized his arms could hurt this much. Yet his pain was nothing compared to Rey's. She had bruises on her shoulders and hips. Last week, she took a knock to the head. Each time she got back up; Poe nearly pulled the plug on the whole thing when she hit her head. The doctor came out and examined her; he declared her well enough to train. Poe pushed himself harder after that; he was determined that it would never happen again.

All their hard work did pay off though. It was starting to come together. Whether they'd have it mastered in time to use it in competition was anyone's guess, but it wouldn't be for lack of trying.

His eyes drifted to a picture of his mother. What would Shara make of all this? Poe couldn't help but wonder. Would she be proud? Would she like Rey? Poe sighed. He wished he could stop thinking about her, but he accepted that was a lost cause. She'd burrowed into his heart without him even realizing it; he had no hope of getting her out. He deserved this pain though. He knew that. He'd been so confused and gotten everything so wrong. He didn't know how to make it better without sounding insincere.

Even if he told her how he felt, she'd never believe him.

If she wanted to be with someone else, he had no right to stand in her way.

He just wanted her to be happy.

Kes appeared in the doorway. "Poe?"

Poe nodded toward some of the pictures. "I was just looking at the pictures of Mom."

Kes entered the room, smiling. "I can just hear her now. The Olympics." He looked at Poe. "It's what she always dreamed of."

Poe stood, walking over to the hated glass box. "Look at this thing. Just sitting here empty."

"We're almost there, mijo. I can taste it."

You or me? Poe thought. "What if it stays empty?"

Kes shook his head. "Not this time." He patted his son's shoulder. "Go to bed. You need your rest."

"I'm not tired," Poe snapped.

"Poe."

"No." He turned to face his dad. "Why are we doing this?" he demanded. "Why am I doing this?"

Kes seemed confused. "It's what you always wanted."

Poe arched a brow. "Always?"

"Poe."

He sighed. "I know. I'm going." He pushed past Kes. "These little pep talks can be so exhausting."

Rey rolled the video back again. She was sore and tired, but she needed to know for sure. For weeks, something Poe's old coach said stuck with her. Especially after San Jose. She'd watched Jannah skate; Jannah didn't seem like the type to just drop the ball in the high-pressure moments. All Rey heard from Kes was how badly Jannah had fucked up, but she was starting to wonder if it was really true.

They were due to leave for South Korea in the morning.

She'd first looked at the video after Leia asked her to come to Connecticut. At that time, she didn't really understand what she was looking at. She'd seen plenty of figure skaters fall on TV; it seemed like a pretty standard accident. However, after figure skating for two years, Rey could study it with a critical eye.

There was Poe, pulling Janna into the lift. Their hands didn't quite lock; Jannah's blade scraped Poe's costume. Even then, it looked like it could have been saved until Poe's toe pick got caught.

She rewound it again. And again. And again. Each time she focused on Poe. The moment was small, but it was there. A shift in his weight that sent them both to the ice.

Rey performed that very lift with Poe a thousand times. He knew exactly what he was doing. There was no greater student of the sport than Poe; he knew that shift would send them tumbling down. Was it on purpose? Or was it an accident? After working so hard for two years, would Poe just throw all that away? Why? She didn't want it to be true. She couldn't imagine why he would do such a thing. Sure, Kes was pushy, but Poe loved skating.

More importantly, if Poe had done that to Jannah, what was stopping him from doing it to her? They'd already hurt each other so much; Rey wasn't sure what she believed anymore. He fought against doing the Organa, claiming he didn't want her to get hurt. But what if he didn't want to do it because he secretly didn't want to win?

Her heart wanted to believe the best in him, but then she remembered how quickly he assumed she'd slept with Finn. She couldn't deny the evidence in front of her eyes. What was she prepared to do about it?

"Isn't that my seat?"

Rey frowned, confused. "Huh?"

Poe flashed his ticket. "According to this, that's my seat."

"Does it matter? I prefer the window."

"So do I."

"I guess that means we have a problem."

It was a fourteen-hour flight to South Korea; he was too tired to fight with her. "Just take it."

That only confused her. "No sass, no snark? Just take it?"

He tucked his satchel under the seat in front of him. "Do we need to get you a hearing aid? Yes, just take it."

"Hmm, there's that Dameron snark. I was wondering if you'd been replaced by a pod person again."

Poe rolled his eyes at her. He hoped she wasn't planning on chattering the entire flight. He hadn't slept well the last few nights; he was exhausted. He had trouble sleeping on planes, but this flight was so long, he hoped it would be the exception. Kes, Leia, and Sabine sat in the row across from them. Sabine already had her sleep mask on.

Poe got out his AirPods and his neck pillow and leaned back, waiting for them to taxi. The flight attendants did the standard safety spiel; once it was over, Poe put in his AirPods and closed his eyes. One way or another, he'd either come home an Olympic champion or a failure. Again.

Rey stared out the window as the plane ascended. As usual, her feelings were all over the place when it came to the man beside her. She desperately missed the way things used to be. On the flight to San Jose, they watched movies together. They played games. They laughed. For those few short hours, Rey could pretend Zorii didn't exist and Poe was her cute sexy crush. One night shattered all that.

She didn't know if anything could be salvaged now. She didn't know if it was worth trying. Being around him but not being with him hurt. She was still so pissed at his presumption about Finn, but she was too stubborn to tell him the truth. What she did or didn't do with Finn (or anyone else) wasn't Poe's business. They weren't a couple. They never had been.

But it felt like they were.

That was why her attempts to move on were half-hearted at best. She loved Poe in the big scary way they talked about in books or movies. Even though he hurt her, she still loved him. That was why she'd drawn boundaries. He might have been just as confused and scared as she was, but he fucked up. It was on him to make it right.

Until then, she was doing her best to guard her heart.

Poe groaned and stretched his arms over his head. How long had he been asleep? They'd had a meal at some point; he remembered that. He also remembered the conversation between him and Rey was stilted and brief. He didn't know how to talk to her anymore. He had so many things he wanted to say, but she probably hated him now.

He'd ruined the best thing in his life because of his own stupidity.

If these days were the last days he and Rey would spend together, he was going to do everything in his power to win them a gold medal. He didn't even care about it for himself. He wanted to get it for her. She deserved it after putting up with him for two years. He wanted to give her at least one happy memory of their time together.

He already had a lifetime's worth.

Tired but not ready to go back to sleep, Poe got his book out of his satchel. He flipped on the light above his head, pausing to see if he'd accidentally woken up Rey. She was fast asleep beside him; she looked so peaceful. The pain she tried to hide from him was gone; it twisted his stomach because he knew it was his fault. Seeing her with Finn broke him in a way he never imagined. It took seeing her with someone else to realize how much he loved her.

Even now, he still wanted to tell her. He wanted to say the words out loud. He wanted to beg her forgiveness. He'd said and done so many awful things over the last two years; it was a miracle she stayed with him as long as she did.

Somehow—before all this was over—he'd find the right time. He'd apologize and tell her how he felt. He'd find a way to make things up to her. Even if she didn't want to be with him, at least he could say he tried. He would make amends and be the kind of man he always wanted to be.

She made him want to be better.

Rey shifted in her seat; Poe glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She was still asleep. Thank goodness she didn't snore. Her head lolled; she let out a little noise of complaint until she found a new place to rest it.

Which just happened to be Poe's shoulder.

He heard her sigh and snuggle closer. Poe knew he should wake her and let her find a more comfortable place to sleep, but this might be his only chance to have her beside him like this. "I miss you, Sunshine," he whispered softly. "I am so, so sorry." He hoped he had as much courage when she was awake. Poe brushed a kiss to the crown of her head; his heart squeezed. He would find a way to make this right. He had no idea how, but he refused to give up. He needed her too much.