AU! No war.
Written for Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
House: Thunderbird
Class: Charms
Task: Protego: protecting someone from the truth
Bonus Prompts:
2. (word) lies
6. (character) Luna
15. (food) cake
Word Count: 1323/4500
Recipe For Disaster
Fortunately, Luna rarely baked cakes, but when she did, it was always a terrible idea to eat her baked 'treat' without a few dozen Poison Antidotes and an unoccupied toilet around — like Ron had once been unlucky enough to go through. And because Ron loved her so much, he refused to ever tell her the truth that she was a terrible baker. The number of lies Ron had told her about her baking had been piling up ever since he had found out about her ineptness after they had started dating.
Ron flailed his arms when he noticed Luna walking over with a large cake in her hands. "Places, everyone! And remember —"
"Yes, we remember," Harry said, interrupting him before he could start rambling again about what they needed to do to keep the truth from Luna. "Calm down, Ron."
Ron took a deep breath in, relaxed his face and turned to look at Luna. "Yay! Look, everyone! My wife made us a cake! Isn't that just great? I bet it's amazing!"
Harry and Hermione winced at Ron's high-pitched tone, which sounded incredibly fake to them both, but Luna didn't notice. She beamed with pride as she set the cake down on the table in front of them. She stepped back and tilted her head back to kiss Ron's cheek. "You're so sweet, Ron. Would you like to try some first?"
Ron looked at the large cake with silent trepidation, stuck in a conundrum. The cake was brown, had bits of radishes and raisins visible on top, and he shuddered with fear when he saw that the frosting was made of whipped cream and something yellow he couldn't quite place.
Now, he loved Luna — he truly did — but there was one thing he — or anyone alive on earth — sucked at doing: eating Luna's homemade cakes. He knew she made them with so much love, but the cakes were… absolutely indigestible. She often added unnatural ingredients to her creations, trying to be as innovative as possible, that the cakes always lost their appeal during the first bite.
Fortunately, Luna rarely baked cakes, but when she did, it was always a terrible idea to eat her baked 'treat' without a few dozen Poison Antidotes and an unoccupied toilet around — like Ron had once been unlucky enough to go through. And because Ron loved her so much, he refused to ever tell her the truth that she was a terrible baker. The number of lies Ron had told her about her baking had been piling up ever since he had found out about her ineptness after they had started dating.
"Well, aren't you going to eat it?" Luna asked him hopefully, staring up at him with her large silvery eyes, and Ron melted on the spot. Merlin, he would do anything for her. He could jump off a skyscraper for her, dive to the bottom of the ocean without a Bubble-Head Charm, and even fight Voldemort without a wand… but he could not tell her the truth about her baking.
"Of course! Why wouldn't I eat it?" he asked her rhetorically, picking up a small plate and fork. His hands shook as he reached for the cake. Before he could slice it and take some for himself, he blurted out, "What are those interesting-looking things near the frosting?"
"Eyes of newt!" Luna exclaimed with pride, picking up the knife and slicing the cake carefully. "It's delicious!"
Harry tried not to gag, but they had used eyes of newts in Potions class at Hogwarts, and he knew how gross those were. He stared at Hermione pointedly, trying to beg her with his eyes to save them from the physical torture Ron had asked them to undergo with him.
"Relax, guys, it's not actually eyes of newt — it's just mustard seeds," Luna explained, grinning at them with amusement. "You got so scared! You should have seen your faces!"
Harry and Hermione tried to hide their nerves behind their laughter. Hermione cleared her throat and said, "Luna, why don't you sit down and I'll serve the cake? You must be so tired after working in the kitchen. The stress isn't good for the baby, you know."
Luna smiled as she patted her belly and sat down. "Thank you, Hermione. It's so wonderful to see you all enjoying my cake! I can't believe you've never even allowed me to eat a bite of my own cake!"
"Well, it's so good that we just can't help ourselves, can we, guys?" Ron asked, staring at Harry and Hermione pointedly, who quickly nodded and vocalized their agreement. "Now, why don't you just relax while we eat this wonderful cake?"
"Ooh, do tell me what you think of the smoked salmon inside!" Luna exclaimed, and the three silently whimpered in terror. "Oh, and I also added some hickory smoke powder to the salmon to give it this amazing smoked flavour. Tell me how that tastes too."
"We will," Hermione said quickly, piling her plate high with the cake. There was no way they would be able to ingest anything, but they would pretend to do so. "This looks delicious, doesn't it, Harry?"
"Of course, Mione," Harry said, understanding what she was attempting to do. Stalling had gotten easier ever since Luna had gotten pregnant. If they could praise her cake for a few more minutes without raising her suspicions, they would be able to Vanish it as soon as Luna left for the toilet. "This has got to be your masterpiece, Luna. It's a work of art, it is!"
Ron nodded along and claimed, "I bet the flavour will be out of this world! And the way you've decorated it is… what's that word, Mione?"
"Excellent? Superb? Magnificent? Stunning? Remarkable? Fabulous? Terrific? Extraordinary? Phenomenal?" Hermione listed off as many synonyms as she could think of in the little time she was allotted, and Luna burst into tears.
"Oh, you guys! That's so sweet of you! I cannot tell you how much this means to me!" she sobbed, covering her face with her hands.
"Well, you always make our confection dreams come true with your spectacular creations, love," Ron cooed, inwardly relieved that she was overcome with tears. Her reaction meant she would soon be waddling off to the toilet, and that would be the moment for them to strike hard.
"Oh, Ron, I love you! I love you all so much!" Luna wailed as she threw her arms around Ron's abdomen and placed her head on his stomach. Ron patted her head, waiting impatiently for her to go to the toilet soon. And then… "Oh, I have to pee! Out of the way, Harry! The pregnant lady needs to pee!"
She hurried off to the toilet, and Ron called out, "We'll eat this cake before it melts!"
Once Luna was out of sight, the trio whipped out their wands. They had their routine down pat so there wouldn't be any room for error. Hermione made sure to cast a spell on the cake to figure out the ingredients before they Vanished its traces. Harry was in charge of leaving a few measly crumbs on their plates. Ron grimaced as they smeared a little bit of the mustard frosting on their faces, and then, they waited for Luna to come back.
When Luna returned with a bit of toilet paper stuck to her shoe, she sniffled again at the sight of the empty plate. The others sat on their chairs, rubbing their bellies and groaning loudly. "You finished it all?"
"Oh, yeah! You were right," Hermione said, licking her lips. "The smoked salmon and hot peppers perfectly complemented the sweetness of the peanut butter and jelly. And the tomato soup added the exact amount of moisture to it! Great job, Luna!"
"She's right," Harry said, nodding along with Hermione. "Thanks for the cake! Too bad you didn't get to eat it."
Luna beamed at them through her tears and said, "You guys are so wonderful! Tell you what? Next week, I'll make us another cake! What do you say?"
At the terrifying prospect, Ron immediately shot to his feet and began to herd Luna away. "It's time for bed, honey. We'll discuss our plans to have cake later." He mouthed a quick 'thank you' to his best friends, and they grinned as they left.
Luna was Luna. What could they do except love her just the way she was?
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