Author's notes: Here's the continuation of the previous fic "Good enough" and last part of the NicoMaki series' "You are more than good enough" ;P
One day
Cheerful laughs fill the air as you observe the group of girls that became your family chattering in a lively way while you sit in the peacefulness of the shadows, resting against the wall, away from them.
You smile sadly at the view in front of you and close your eyes to take a long sigh, trying not to think on how much you desire to be as free as they are, wanting to stop feeling like a caged bird but you simply can't.
The more you observe them, the more you envy them to the point it hurts you.
It hurts to have to be or pretend to be perfect all the time. It hurts to have to fulfill everybody's expectations and pressures all the time: be the perfect young girl winning every single piano contest without any mistake to not ruin your reputation as a pianist; be the perfect daughter with the best grades to one day heir and run the family hospital and brag around the Nishikino surname; be the best composer of the group to be able to win the Love Live…
It never matters how you feel or what you want to do or be, it doesn't matter if the pressure of being perfect hurt, exhaust or oppress you, no, your feelings never have a place on the matter. Nothing matters except being perfect.
- One day – you hear a quiet voice saying by your side, bringing you out of your self-absorption
- Eh?
- One day – you glance up to see Nico offering you a water bottle with a soft smile upon her face, repeating at you those two words cryptically.
- What do you mean? – you ask her confused, accepting the bottle.
She just shrugs her shoulders and winks at you before skipping back to the group, leaving you alone with your thoughts, immersed in deep confusion wondering what those words meant or what she was trying to tell you.
You sigh for the umpteenth time and go back with them to continue with the rest of the practice, hoping that would help you to hush those thoughts for a while, even if after the whole day they come back to pay you a visit at night, just like almost every night.
And just like that, at night, you lay down exhausted on your bed covering your closed eyes with your arm while enjoying the quietness and solitude of your dark room, only dimly illuminated by the moonlight. You open your eyes, sighing and glance up at the window, getting lost admiring the moon's beauty while unconsciously your hand tries to reach for it, to catch it… if only you could be free and spread your wings out to dance around it bathed by its light but you really can't...
A dull pain settle in your chest, making it hard for you to breathe as tears start to pour down your eyes, clouding your view of such beautiful and magnificent moon until everything slowly and completely darkens.
Next morning, you wake up with a light weight on your chest and red eyes hard to be dissimulated from have been crying yourself to sleep the previous night and for the first time, you think about skipping classes and µ's practice but as soon as that thought starts to take shape on your mind, it quickly fades away with the voice of your mother calling you for breakfast and the pressure of having to be the perfect little daughter.
- We're going to be late again for dinner sweetie – you absently hear your mother tell you.
- It's okay – and it's really okay, after all you already grew used to be alone at home since you were a kid and eat by yourself.
- Be good and study hard, the Nishikino hospital needs somebody as clever as you to run it – she tells you with a happy smile on her face while winking at you and ruffles your hair before she leaves the house giggling.
As soon as you hear the door closing and silence taking over the house again, you bang the table with your fists as tears start to fall onto it.
You hate it. You hate this, the constant and oppressive pressure of having to be the perfect little daughter, of having to do whatever they want you to do, of having to live up their expectations. You hate this heavy feeling of being caged, of not being able to, at least, enjoy a little of freedom doing whatever you want or like. You hate to be chained in a cage called perfection…
Classes pass by between taking notes of very uninteresting and boring lessons and absent-minded glances through the window admiring the clear sky inviting you to fly over it, until practice time finally arrives.
- One, two, three, four… Maki, you're dancing out of time – claps Eli then yells at you with a stern and serious look upon her face and you feel a pang in your chest, afraid of have disappointed her.
You focus back on the rhythm, trying to not make any mistake again but the soft and innocent giggling of Rin in the background laughing at your wake-up call, throws you off balance making you trip over your own feet and fall onto the hard floor.
- Maki-chan! – you hear Hanayo's and Rin's voices shouting your name worriedly as Eli starts to talk again and rushed steps approach to you.
- Okay girls, let's take a break – she says calmly, also approaching to you.
- Did you got hurt? – Nozomi asks you tenderly while offering you her hand to be taken and help you to stand up again and you don't know why but you feel humiliated by it.
- I'm fine – you quietly blurt out at her without accepting her hand and bite your lip to stop the tears peeking out your eyes from falling.
- Are you sure? – she tenderly asks you again, not bothered by your rude answer.
- I said I'm fine! – you yell at her, seeing her retreating her hand with a sad smile on her face.
You close your eyes for a second and take a deep breath to calm yourself down and look away, only to find Nico's and Eli's stern looks aimed at you while the rest of the girls look at you with nothing but concern and you hate to be like that towards them.
You sit up again and sigh heavily, pinching the bridge of your nose.
- I'm sorry Nozomi, girls, I just… I didn't sleep well last night – you apologize without looking at them, ashamed of lie to their faces.
- It's okay – Nozomi tells you with a soft smile upon her face and pats your head, giggling at your blush.
- I'm sure it was because she was thinking on new songs ideas, nya! – says Rin happily with her arms behind her head, teasing you and winking at you, making your blush more profound.
- Rin-chan! – Hanayo scolds her and you can't help the shy smile spreading across your face.
You hear them laughing all together and you smile contentedly at it, feeling your heart burst with joy at their compression.
- Oh, oh, I know! – you hear Honoka suddenly yelling excited while raising her hand – Maybe we could help Maki-chan with a brainstorm in another training camp!
- I'm in, nya!
For a second, you don't know what to say as you hear Umi scolding Honoka and Rin while Kotori and Hanayo try to contain her. You glance at Eli in time to see her placing a hand across her face, shaking her head while Nozomi giggles and claps happily. Then you turn your gaze to Nico, seeing her smiling and winking at you while you feel your cheeks burn at it and your heart flutter at that simple gesture and smile.
You smile, feeling a light warmth in your chest at the thought of the girls being a family to you and how they always manage to make you feel protected. With them, you can be a little more yourself and a little bit more free even if you have to restrain yourself due to the pressure of having to pretend to be perfect no matter what.
- Guess we can do that – you say quietly, faking a heavy sigh but smiling at them, hearing some squeals at your words then find your back onto the hard floor after being attacked by Rin's and Honoka's excited hugs – Let go of me!
You hear them laughing all together again and wonder how you're going to tell your parents about it. Sure they won't be mad at it, they don't mind you being an idol but you know they aren't especially thrilled with it either, making you feel as a disappointment to their eyes.
You're walking back home alone when you sense the presence of another person by your side.
- You're a terrible liar, Maki-chan – says Nico, walking next to you while linking your arms.
- Excuse me? – you answer to her agitated.
- You heard me, you're a terrible liar. You've been crying tonight, aren't you? – she turns to look at you with a knowing smirk and you wonder how she could know about it, is it so noticeable?
- Of course not! Stop talking nonsense! – you half yell-mumble, not looking at her while untangling yourself from her.
- One day – you hear her mumbling quietly with a sad smile on her face.
- What does it mean? – you ask her confused, wondering again what those two words mean.
- One day – she says again mysteriously and smiles at you mischievously before you see her crossing the street and waves goodbye to you, running towards her home while you stand still there alone in the middle of the sidewalk, opening and closing your mouth like a fish, completely confused at her words.
At the end of the day, your parents give you permission for the training camp and you can't help but feel strangely happy and excited for the incoming camp.
And just like that, the desired day sadly comes and goes in a flash between games, laughs and a little of practice, aside from some little help from the girls to try to compose new songs until night arrives, illuminating the camp and you with the moonlight.
You watch with a smile on your face how each sub-unit leave to their spots and leave Eli, Nico and you alone by the fire, a déjà vu of the past training camp.
- Here – Eli's voice brings you out of your self-absorption as she offers you half baked sweet potato with a tender smile then hands up another half to Nico – Any song ideas yet?
- Not yet, sorry – you say quietly and with regret and look at the sweet potato, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes.
Truth is that among all the girls, you consider Eli and Nozomi the most important ones in the group for you. You admire them and the kind way they always take care and protect each one of you as if they were your own parents.
You blush at that silly thought and feel the light shove of somebody.
- Don't worry, the number one idol is here to inspire you with her magnificence – you hear Nico saying proudly while Eli giggles at her words.
- Yeah, she'll inspire you with her "Nico Nico nii" masterpiece – says Eli, teasing her.
- Hey! Take that back Elichika! – she yells at her offended while Eli sticks out her tongue at her.
You giggle at their antics, feeling happy and in calm to have been paired up with them and end yawning a little, seeing them looking at you fondly while you blush under their gazes and your heart flutter at the warmth and care their eyes reflect at you and for the first time in days, you fall asleep quickly and peacefully, embraced by their affection.
You wake up in the middle of the night to find Eli hugging Nico tightly by the waist, afraid of darkness while Nico frowns and grumbles incoherent words in her sleep. You find it so cute and amusing that you can't help but carefully take a picture of them to send it to Nozomi, knowing she'll appreciate and enjoy it and probably tease them a lot with it.
As soon as you end taking the picture, you get lost admiring Nico's cute faces while she mumbles and the way her hair slightly falls over her face, reaching out to carefully pull those rebel locks away from her beautiful face, wanting nothing more than caress her cheeks but restraining yourself from doing it afraid of waking her up.
You keep observing the way the dim light that goes through the tent illuminates her when suddenly some lyrics come to your mind.
Quietly, you leave the tent to go back to the house, content that the music room is soundproof so you can freely compose new music inspired by what the girls make you feel and especially, thinking about Nico and what she makes you feel and how special she ended being to you.
It's curious how out of everybody, strangely and against all odds, the most precious and special one for you is the petite girl who is constantly fighting and bickering with you yet you still come to love that dynamic, knowing that no matter what, she's always there for you with a tender or knowing smile, with encouraging words or in any other possible way.
You smile contentedly with the song and look through the window, admiring the landscape in front of your eyes and feel somehow free and in peace.
You chuckle at the remote thought of being free and sit on the floor to rest for a little while, thinking about the training camp and the girls, only to end falling asleep again.
When you wake up, you feel warm and on top of something fluffy, enjoying the cozy sensation and its sweet scent while you nuzzle it and hear a quiet giggle.
You mumble and open your eyes groggily, finding a blanket sheltering you from the cold and the legs of somebody under your head. Abruptly, you try to sit up only to be stopped by a hand pushing you back down.
- It's okay – says softly a voice you know all too well and you turn around over her legs to take a look at her face – I found you sleeping uncomfortably on the floor – she says, shrugging her shoulders as if that explained everything.
- Sorry – you apologize and turn around again to hide your blush from her while enjoying the feeling of resting your head on her lap and your heart flutter at it.
- Did you got an idea for the songs? – she says stroking your hair, grazing delicately your face with her fingertips, sending shivers down your spine.
- Yeah – you whisper quietly to her, only hearing the wild beating of your heart drumming loudly in your ears.
- Are you okay? – she asks you calmly, never stopping stroking your hair.
- Yeah.
- For real? – she asks you again and you feel a lump in your throat that make you hard to breath as some tears slide down your face, falling onto her lap.
You sit up with your back facing her and quickly wipe your tears away with the sleeve of your pajamas, hoping she didn't see it.
- It's okay Maki-chan – she tells you, stroking your back with affection and you can't help but cry even harder than before, throwing yourself into her arms while she happily holds you against her chest – Shh, shh, I've got you. It's okay Maki-chan, everything will be okay.
You grip her pajamas tighter as she pronounces those comforting words and you feel her wrapping you in her arms tighter, making you feel warm and somehow in peace like everything is okay for real.
- It's not – you tell her crying, choking with your words – I hate it.
You feel her hold tightening more around you as her head comes to rest above yours, nuzzling it and she leaves a light kiss on your hair.
- What do you hate?
- Everything! I hate the feeling of not be good enough and disappoint everybody! I hate the pressure of having to be perfect all the time! I hate not be free, having to live chained in a permanent cage! I fucking hate everything! And I just, I just can't take it any longer… – you vent, crying and yelling at her, angry at the world while she holds you tightly and strokes your back in a soothing, almost in a motherly way.
You hear her sighing heavily before talking.
- One day. One day, maybe not today or tomorrow but one day I promise you that you'll stop feeling like that. Just know that to us and especially to me, you're more than good enough and we, I, love every single one of your imperfections and flaws because they're part of whom you are, they make you special and unique so you don't need to pretend to be perfect all the time, at least not with us, not with me... One day, you'll be free for real but until that day finally comes, I'll help you to spread your wings out and fly as much as you want and can – she tells you with a dazzling smile on her face and you can't help but cry hard again, this time of happiness at her encouraging and comforting words, holding onto her tighter while you feel the weight on your chest lift and the chains that restrained you come loose.
- All this time… How did you know? How could you know what I felt all this time? – you ask her perplexed at her knowing how you felt all this time and what those cryptic words really meant.
- I might be a bit self-centered and abrasive but I could see your swollen eyes, the pain in them all this time and that sad gaze you always wear – she tells you with a sad smile upon her face.
You look at her even more dumbfounded, feeling your heart flutter and warmth spreading out in your chest at the thought of her paying such close attention to you and taking care of you in the shadows all this time.
- Thank you Nico-chan, for everything – you thank her between sobs, smiling back at her and try to lift the corner of her lips with your fingers so you see her smiling at you happily while she wipes your tears away with her thumbs and caresses your cheeks.
- What is the number one idol for? – she says cockily, winking at you.
- Idiot – you insult her lovingly and in a playful way and kiss her nose, gaining a loud shriek and an adorable profound blush from her.
You watch her averting her eyes, mumbling something you can't understand and you lay back on her chest, hugging her tightly while you enjoy her warmth and soothing cocoa scent calming you completely even though your heart flutter and beat wildly, only something she manages to make you feel.
This is why after all she's your most precious person, because she always manages to push aside all your demons and insecurities and helps you to feel better and be okay again aside from make you feel loved and cared for.
- Thank you – you repeat to her again, grateful by her love, closing your eyes to rest a bit more.
- You're welcome silly – she quietly whispers back at you, kissing your forehead tenderly.