New York-Pilar-Lake-Felix-Benji-Mia-Andrew-Armando and Isabel-Aftermath

Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

New York Part 3 – Ivy:

Ivy's Perspective

"Whoa, guys," Simon approaches us with a disappointed expression, "I think Benji has a boyfriend."

"Who's Benji?" Justin asks confused.

Simon replies, "I think he's a guy Victor has been crushing on."

"Aww," I say, sorry to hear the news, "poor kid. I hope he's okay."

I'm not really sure why, but I feel a connection to Victor. Something about him just seems to resonate with me and my experiences. I definitely struggled as a kid when I was trying to figure out who I was. It took me a long time to be able to work up the nerve to come out to my parents. They were supportive, and they still are. But my step-parents don't know. They barely even know anything about me. They never really played significant roles in my life, especially since they didn't enter it until I was in college.

"Simon, are your parents still coming up this weekend?" Bram asks him.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Simon says as he finishes writing his reply to Victor.

I hang my head. Bram looks at me with sympathy.

"Hey," he addresses me, "what's your status?"

Bram knows that I don't see my parents much. He knows that for fear of running into each other, they haven't visited me the entire time I've been at NYU. I've lived in this apartment with Bram and Simon for a year and a half now, and we've now been through freshman year and most of sophomore year together. Still, if I ever want to see my parents, I have to travel to meet them. My mom lives back home in Indiana with her husband, and my dad lives in Vermont with his husband.

I sigh. "Well, I asked both of them if they wanted to visit this weekend, but neither have replied yet."

Bram attempts to comfort me by putting his hand on my shoulder and softly smiling, "Well, if they don't come, you're welcome to spend the day with me and Simon and his parents."

I look over at Simon for confirmation of the invitation to make sure it's okay with him. He nods.

"Well," I try to detract, "I think maybe at least one of them will be here. I have a better feeling about this time."

This is eating me alive. I'm seventeen years old, and I feel like nobody really knows me. My friends don't even have a clue about the secret that I've been keeping for years. I've spent so much time trying to figure out if I was sure it was actually true. And I know for sure now. Now, as I prepare to accompany my best friend on her weekend church retreat in a small town in the middle of Indiana, I have to bottle up my feelings. And it's eating me alive.

I can't take it anymore. I can't do this. I can't continue to keep this secret. I can't go on this trip. I packed last night, and I came home to my friend's house after school so that we could leave together.

"Jenny," I tell her as we're about to leave from the church, "I need to go home."

"What? Why?" she asks me.

I don't want to tell her the truth. Not yet. And definitely not here.

"I just – I have a lot of school work to do this weekend, and it's stressing me out," I lie. "Agreeing to come was a mistake. I'm sorry."

In an effort to avoid having to say any more, I quickly gather my things and start to head home before Jenny gets the chance to ask any more questions.

This is too much of a burden on my mind to keep it to myself. I take a bus home.

I burst through the door.

"Ivy!" my dad greets me. "I thought you had that retreat this weekend?"

"Yeah, look, I need to tell you something-"

I notice that we have company. There's a man sitting across the table from my dad. It's someone I've never met before.

"Who's this?" I ask.

"Uh," he pauses, "Ivy, this is Marcus."

His nervous pause captures my attention. I start to pick up on some more of the details present in the house. There's a candle on the table. The lights are dimmed. I look over to the kitchen counter and see a bouquet of flowers. To make matters even worse, I look down the hall to see that my dad's bedroom door is open, and there is a box of condoms sitting on the bed.

"Wait," I say as I slowly start to awaken myself to the scene, "What's going on?"

"Ivy-"

"Are you – are you having an affair? In our house?"

"Ivy, look-"

"Where's mom?!" I demand. "What on Earth is going on here?"

My dad's face drops. He exchanges a look with Marcus.

"Maybe I should go," Marcus says awkwardly as he starts to get up and my dad nods.

"Yeah! Get out of our house!" I yell at him as he leaves.

"Ivy, please-" my dad tries to plead with me before I interrupt him.

"Please what?! Who is that man? And why haven't you been honest with mom?"

"I have!" he shoots back immediately, much to my surprise. He's calmer now, "Ivy, I have. Yeah, I – I told her a while ago. It took me a long time to figure it out, and – Ivy, we were waiting for the right time to tell you."

"Tell me what?" I demand, as my mind is full of conflicting thoughts and feelings at this point.

My dad hesitates for a moment, but then says, "About the divorce."

My heart sinks in my chest. No. This can't be happening.

"Ivy, we've been talking to a lawyer for about a year now, and-"

"A YEAR?"

"Ivy, we wanted to know what was going to happen before we told you. We didn't want to leave you with all that uncertainty. Now that most of the paper work is done," he exhales, "we were going to tell you after you got back from your trip."

I shake my head in disbelief. "I just – I don't understand. W-why do you want a divorce?"

My dad's shoulders drop right before he tells me his truth, "Ivy, I'm gay. I'm attracted to men. I didn't realize it for so long. I married your mom and had a kid because that's what I always thought I was supposed to do."

I start to tear up in the moment. Does he not want me?

"Ivy, I love you," he continues. "You are my whole world. That's never going to change. But I've finally figured out who I am, and I have to be true to that."

We stand in silence. I understand. I've faced my own battle for years. I love my dad. I can't deny him the chance to be who he is once he has finally figured it out. But why wouldn't he tell me? Why would he and my mom just keep me in the dark like this for so long? If there's something this significant going on with my family, don't I deserve to know about it?

I nod, my mix of emotions growing deeper and ever more confusing.

"So," he adds on, "The divorce will be final within the next couple of weeks. The judge ruled that you're going to stay here with your mom to finish high school, but we worked it out so that you can come visit whenever you-"

"Wait," I interrupt. "You're leaving?"

"I can't stay here," my dad tells me. "Until I can figure something else out, I'm going to go stay with Marcus in Bloomington."

I can't believe it. I'm losing my dad now, too? I wanted tonight to be about me and my coming out. Not about my dad's coming out and my parents' divorce. I can't tell him now. It just wouldn't be right.

"Ivy, I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

"I'm gonna go to bed," I say.

"Wait, you said you wanted to tell me something?"

"Just that I had too much work to do to go on my trip," I lie. "That's all."

He nods. "Good night," he says.

I don't respond. I turn around and go upstairs to my room.

A couple of weeks go by. My mom knows that I know. It's super awkward. I don't talk to my parents much. The divorce becomes final. I say goodbye to my dad as he moves away.

I have trouble talking to my mom about anything at this point. I'm upset at her, too. She also kept this from me. I felt like I was finally at a point in my life where I was ready to open up, and suddenly, I now feel like I have no one left who I can trust.

I attempt to remedy that by doing what so many other teenagers do to solve their problems - I look online for a solution

I type into the search bar, "support groups for teens with divorced parents."

I click on the first result that comes up – "National Kids with Divorced Parents Support Network".

I read their website. It's an online networking site where kids with divorced parents across the country can openly share their experiences and seek advice from each other. I need someone to talk to, so I make an account.

I start to read through some of the posts. One catches my attention right away. It's a post by some guy in Atlanta. It reads:

This past fall into winter has been a crazy time for me. My dad visited me a month early for Hanukah, like he always does. I never really get to see both my parents on the holidays. I live with my mom, but I still miss my dad. I savor the time I get to spend with him since my mom has custody. And here's the craziest part – when my dad visited, I came out to him. And I guess I'm coming out to this discussion board, too. Navigating my identity and still trying to deal with my parents' divorce has been so draining. But once I said it to him, I felt freed. Not only that, but just last night, I shared an amazing kiss on top of a Ferris wheel with an amazing guy, everyone watching us. It felt so great. People actually cheered us on. And when I came out to my dad, he was supportive. It seems like it's still going to take some time for my mom to come around to the idea of me being gay, but I'll just consider myself lucky that it could be a lot worse. It's not very often that someone shares a positive story on here, so I thought a change of pace might be nice. And I just want everyone on here going through a difficult time to know that sometimes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Bram

Whoa. I need to know what this guy did to get to where he is now. I need to know how I can recover from all that I've been through over the past few weeks. Mainly, I just need someone to talk to. And this is the guy.

I open the private chat box, and I start to type:

Bram,

You have an amazing story. I'm new to this support group, and yours was the first post that I saw. And I'm so glad that I did. My parents just separated. I found out when I was about to come out to my dad. The divorce was finalized last week, and I still haven't come out to either of my parents. I've been holding onto this secret for so long, and now I'm afraid that if I tell them, they're just going to think I'm acting out or want attention. Especially my mom, who I'm living with now. We seem to have a lot in common. So it's refreshing to see that you got a happy ending. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But my problem is that I don't know how to find it.

Ivy

Much to my surprise, Bram replies right away.

Ivy,

Welcome to the group! Obviously, I say that as a little bittersweet, since you probably feel like your situation sucks right now. And you're justified in feeling that. But we're still glad to have you! Don't worry, you'll find your light. Even if you don't see it yet, you just have to keep pressing on. There are a lot of people on here from all over the country, so it's broken up into smaller groups for video sessions. I can add you to ours. We video chat as sort of a group therapy session every Wednesday evening if you're up for it. I'll also look out for your messages in case you want to talk.

Bram

I agree to be added to Bram's chat group. As the days go on, I remain angry at my parents. I have a visit with my dad coming up soon, and I'll go, but I'm not looking forward to it.

I have my first online session with our therapy group. It's about eight people, and there's a therapist to moderate the discussion.

"Before we get started today," the therapist says, "I see we have a new group member. Would you like to introduce yourself?"

"Hi, I'm Ivy," I say somewhat nervously. "I came across the web page and started messaging Bram, who suggested the group to me."

Bram smiles.

"Well, my name is Teresa," the therapist says. "What brings you here, Ivy?"

I hesitate. I have a lot on my mind, and there are a bunch of random strangers here that don't have any business knowing what my life is about.

"Just so you know, this is a safe space," Teresa assures. "You can choose to share or withhold whatever you please, but everything you say here is confidential."

Confidential. Okay. I can do this.

I start to tell the story, "My parents just finalized their divorce. One night, I was supposed to go on a weekend retreat, but I ditched it so that I could come out to my dad. But I walked in on him having some sort of romantic dinner with some man that I didn't even know. My mom wasn't home that night. It turns out my dad is gay, and that man was his date. And my mom actually knew for a while. So they had been planning a divorce, but they kept it from me for about a year."

"Hmm. And how does that make you feel?" Teresa asks.

"Angry," I say with a cathartic exhale. "I wish they would have told me."

"And do you think that would have been better?" she inquires.

"I mean, I don't know," I admit. "At least I would have seen it coming."

"Why do you think they kept it from you?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Does anyone else here have a similar experience they'd like to share that might help Ivy?" Teresa opens up the floor.

"I do," one girl says, and she raises her hand.

"Go ahead, Emma."

"Hi, I'm Emma," she says nicely before telling her story. "My mom figured out she was gay a few years ago, and she and my dad separated. She didn't tell me what was going on. But when I finally talked to her about it, she said that she was scared. She didn't know what her daughter would think about her mother liking women. I live in Mississippi, so it's not something that people tend to be very open about. Maybe your dad was just scared."

"Thank you, Emma," says Teresa.

"I guess," I say. "But I'm his daughter. Why would he feel like he can't tell me?"

"Well," Teresa chimes in, "you said that you were going to come out to him that night, right? Did you tell him as soon as you figured it out, or did you wait a while until you were ready? After all, he is your father, right?"

I guess she has a point. I let my guard down a little bit for a second, but then have another thought. "But what about my mom? She kept this from me, too!"

"Maybe it was difficult for her," someone else in the group says.

"But it's difficult for me, too!" I interject. "I haven't even really been able to talk to them! And why are you defending them?"

"Ivy," Teresa cuts in, "I'm not going to make excuses for your parents' actions, or in this case, inactions. But I want to ask you something – do you love your parents?"

"Well, yeah, of course," I say back.

"Okay," Teresa says softly, "I know it's hard. And you have the right to feel angry. But try to separate your anger at your parents from your love for them."

I release the tension from my shoulders and take in Teresa's advice. I look at Bram on the screen when she says this. I see the corner of his lip twitch upward as he has an understanding look in his eye. I stay mostly quiet for the rest of the session, and I take in what everyone else has to say.

Bram messages me after the session is over:

You okay? I know that was kind of intense right off the bat.

I reply:

Yeah. I know what I need to do now.

The following week, my dad meets me at a restaurant instead of meeting directly at his apartment. We sit down. I stay quiet.

"How are you, Ivy?" he asks as we sit down to our table.

I nod nervously.

"Ivy, I know this is hard with me and your mother. And I'm sorry that-"

"Dad, I like girls," I cut him off quickly.

He pauses and looks at me. He lets out a soft chuckle.

"So, you're gay?" he asks me.

"Actually, no," I correct him. "I like girls and guys. I'm bisexual."

He nods.

I continue, "I wanted to tell you the night that I walked in on you and Marcus. That's why I came home early. I didn't want to hang onto it anymore."

"Oh," he acknowledges the reason for the tension that night.

"I understood where you were coming from, and I was just mad that you didn't tell me. Dad, I love you, and I want you to be happy."

At this point, we're both crying.

"I love you, too, Ives," he says before hugging me.

We both wipe away our tears.

"So," I try to lighten the mood a little bit and say with laughter, "How are things with Marcus?"

He laughs. "Uh, that didn't really work out."

"Oh."

"But I did find a place to live," he assures me, "and I'm doing okay right now. So no need to worry."

We enjoy a nice lunch together, and for the first time in a long time, I actually feel connected to my dad again.

I come out to my mom on the same day. She tells me she loves me, but it's bitter for her. Her husband left her because of his newly discovered sexuality, so the subject is a bit hard for her to handle. It takes me a couple more group therapy sessions to figure that out, but I eventually get there.

I find out just how hard my parents' divorce was on them. My dad thought of my mom as a best friend, but my mom's heart broke. Over time, they grow even more apart from each other. They don't hate each other, but it's painful for either one to see the other. So much so that eventually, they go to whatever length possible to avoid crossing each other's paths.

I continue to message Bram, and we become close friends. In April, we figure out that we were both accepted to NYU, and that we're both looking for a place to live. Since rent prices are so high, he offers for me to share an apartment with him and his boyfriend so that we can split the cost. I accept.

Simon's parents show up for parents' weekend. I still haven't heard from mine. I still hold onto the hope that maybe the divorce isn't fresh enough anymore to keep them away from me just so they can avoid seeing each other. Throughout the day, though, neither of them show up.

I still want to have a good time, though. I make the most of Bram and Simon's company as well as the company of Simon's family. They're good people.

As we walk outside to another street vendor, I feel something light and cool fall on my arm. I look up to see the sky quickly turning gray.

"Does anyone have an umbrella?" I ask.

We all look around. The rain starts suddenly, and we see people scrambling for shelter. Simon's parents cover their heads with their hands in a futile attempt to keep themselves dry. The rest of us just laugh.

"Simon, how is it that wherever you go, you always seem to bring the rain with you?" I ask somewhat rhetorically.

"I don't know," he responds humorously, "Maybe it likes me."

We find a place to go inside so that we can wait out the rain.

"Hey, Simon," I say. "When was the last time you messaged Victor?"

"It's been a few days," he realizes.

"Maybe reach out now? You know, just to let him know you're still there." I add somewhat solemnly, "I know I would have appreciated that."

Simon puts his hand on my arm and smiles to comfort me. He nods, and he takes out his phone to message Victor.

AN: National Kids with Divorced Parents Support Network as described in this chapter is not based off of a real search result or group. It is included for purposes of plot.