New York-Pilar-Lake-Felix-Benji-Mia-Andrew-Armando and Isabel-Aftermath

Disclaimer: I do not lay claim to existing characters, familiar plot points, nor anything that may be considered intellectual property of the creators of Love, Victor or other content related to this story. I do not intend to use this story for commercial purposes, nor shall any other party be permitted to do so.

New York Part 5 – Kim:

Kim's Perspective:

"Victor and Mia are official now?" I ask Simon after he reads his latest message from Victor. "Like, they weren't already?"

"Guess not," Simon replies.

"And he's happy with the kissing?" Justin asks skeptically.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything," I add on, "but do you think maybe he just isn't being honest with himself?"

"Or maybe he's bi," Ivy says.

"Right," I respond to her, "Sorry. I didn't think about that."

"I don't know, though," Bram chimes in. "Everything he has said so far has made it seem like he knows he likes guys but is still trying to figure out if he is attracted to Mia. He could be bi, but let's let him figure it out."

Simon's phone dings.

"Well," he says, "based on this last message, it seems that he's going to figure out really quickly whether he's attracted to Mia or not."

I gasp, "Oh my. Do you mean-"

"Yep," Simon confirms, and we all look around at each other, preparing ourselves to help Victor through this next wild step.

I remember back to an earlier time.

Carly sits by me as we share in our glorious first date. I met her on a dating app. I've always been skeptical, but it's hard for people like me just to find love wherever we go. There aren't exactly a lot of people who are willing to be out and open about their dating life. My identity tends to confuse some people to the point where they start to question their sexuality, get confused, and run away.

"This was nice," I say to my date, as I offer to pay the check for our lunch.

"Yeah," she agrees with a smile.

I smile back.

"Can I tell you something?" she asks.

"Sure," I say. "I'm loving getting to know you."

She chuckles. "Well, I'm gay, but I've never actually had a girlfriend before."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. But I feel really connected to you. And I was hoping you could be the first?"

At first, I'm not exactly sure how to respond to the question. I'm flattered, but you see, I'm not a girl. I'm not a boy either. I don't really identify as any particular gender. Over the past few years, I've never felt like those labels really fit me. But if I tell Carly that, will it scare her away? She says that she's gay, but I'm not a girl. If I tell her that I'm not a girl, then does that mean she won't like me anymore? Does that mean that she'll stop being attracted to me? She says she wants a girlfriend. But I'm out to my friends and family as non-binary. I don't want to drive her away. I like her.

In the moment, I know I need to say something, so I simply say, "Yes."

We both smile. Maybe this will be okay. Maybe I can be the right person's "girlfriend" and be fine with calling us that. As long as we make each other happy, what's the harm, right?

We go out with each other for a few more weeks. It's nice to get to spend time with someone who actually likes me.

"So," she says to me on one date, as we get more comfortable with each other. In a rather suggestive manner, she asks, "Do you want to come back to my place, and we can get a little spicier?"

I'm quite caught off guard by the question. I didn't quite expect us to get to this level this fast.

"Umm," I say as my face turns red, "I don't know."

"Oh come on," she says, "It'll be fun."

"Maybe," I hesitate. "It's just that I've um – I've never really – well, you know."

"No, I don't know!" she presses.

I give her a look, and it seems to clear up the confusion she has left.

"Are you serious?" she asks. "You're nineteen years old and you've never had sex?"

I shrug, confirming her suspicion.

"Why?" she asks.

The truth is that I've always been pretty self-conscious about my body. My image of myself is not exactly the greatest. I don't exactly have all the most feminine or all the most masculine features. Some people seem to get really perplexed, and sometimes even turned off by that. Plus, the idea of sex just isn't something that crosses my mind very often.

"I don't know," I say in response to her question. "I guess I'm just not the most confident person when it comes to that kind of thing."

"What?! That's crazy! You're one of the most attractive girls I've ever met!"

I don't like being called a girl.

"Thanks," I say anyway. "But maybe we should wait."

"Wait for what?" she asks. "We've been together three weeks now, and I feel like I know you better than I know myself."

"You haven't even met my friends yet!" I laugh.

"You want to introduce me to your friends before we hook up?"

"Look, I have insecurities about my body that I'm just not ready to deal with yet." I offer a compromise, "Maybe soon we can do something. Just not today."

"Okay," she accepts. "We can wait if you really feel like that's what you need."

"Thank you," I say with a smile, and she kisses me.

"You are too amazing a girlfriend to say no to," she says.

I'm not a girl, but I accept the compliment anyway.

"I kind of want to meet your friends now," Carly says with a laugh.

"Well, that can be arranged," I smile.

After our date, I call my friends up and arrange a time to meet together. I live with four of them, so they're easy. I also really like Carly enough to want to introduce her to a couple of my friends from back home in Chicago. We're kind of scattered, so it's a little hard to all meet together. Evan goes to a community college back home, but Claire goes to USC. It's not exactly easy for either one of them to get on a plane and fly here, especially since we all live in different time zones. Luckily, they are both able to fly in for Thanksgiving weekend, which isn't too far away. We offer them our couch and sleeping bags to sleep on because of our already full apartment and lack of extra bedrooms.

A couple of days before Evan and Claire arrive, I meet up with Carly for another date.

"I'm really looking forward to meeting your friends!" Carly says excitedly. "Do you think they'll like me?"

"Well, I like you," I tease, and we both laugh.

"Hey, so I wanted to ask you something," Carly says.

"Go ahead."

"Well, I know that our relationship so far has been meeting for short periods of time in bars and restaurants. But my sister is getting married upstate in January for a winter wedding. And I'm allowed to bring a plus one. Would you like to come with me?"

I am honored by the invitation. However, there's just one problem. There's a reason why I don't spend more than a couple of hours at a time with Carly when we go on dates. And there's a reason that when I spend more time with her, I typically pick the location. I want to avoid asking the question, but the situation calls for it.

"Does the venue have gender neutral bathrooms?" I ask.

"I don't think so," she responds.

"I'm not sure if I can go, then."

"What?" she laughs as if I'm joking. "You can't be serious."

"I am serious," I tell her.

"So you won't go to my sister's wedding because they're not, like, 'woke' enough for you, or whatever? That's pretty shallow."

"What? No! I just feel more comfortable using a gender neutral bathroom."

She looks at me in confusion. "Why don't you just use the ladies' room? You're a lady."

I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I don't want to have this conversation right now. I've been reprimanded for going into the ladies' room because some say that I look too much like a man; I've also been reprimanded for going into the men's room because some say that I look too much like a woman. I try to avoid places that don't have gender neutral restrooms because I just don't want to deal with that drama. It's too much work to try to explain that I'm neither a man nor a woman. And when I do, it just confuses people, and they don't want me to go into either of the restrooms. And right now, it's too much work to explain it to Carly.

"I just don't feel comfortable, okay?" I say to her.

"Why?"

"Because I don't!" I raise my voice, but I quickly lower it again because I don't want to upset her. "I'm sorry for raising my voice. But can we just leave it there? Please?"

"Okay," she agrees. "Fine. But just think about it, okay?"

"I will," I promise emptily.

Carly smiles, "You're the best girlfriend in the world."

There's that word again. Girlfriend. It was fine for the first couple of weeks in our relationship, but now it's kind of getting on my nerves. If it makes her happy, though, I'll deal with it.

Claire and Evan get in the night before Thanksgiving. The seven of us have a Thanksgiving meal in the apartment, and I invite Carly over to join us.

"Kim, I did not come all this way for you to be dating a dud!" Claire says with a light-hearted laugh as she and Evan help me and Ivy set the table for dinner. "She better be a good one!"

"She is," I laugh back. I hear the knock at the door, "Oh, here she is now."

"Hey!" Carly greets me as I open the door. "Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Hi! Happy Thanksgiving!" I say back. "Come in! Come in!"

My friends and roommates gather around the door to meet Carly.

"Well, now that everyone's here," I say with a laugh, "I'll introduce you. Guys, this is my girlfriend, Carly. Carly, this is Simon and Bram, Justin, Ivy, Evan, and Claire," I point them out in the order that they stand.

"Nice to meet all of you. I know that Kim has such amazing friends. She talks about you guys all the time!"

"They," Evan corrects Carly.

Before she can notice, I quickly clear my throat and gesture towards the food on the table. "Shall we eat?"

"Sounds good to me, I'm starving!" Bram interjects.

We sit down to eat.

We enjoy some nice conversation over dinner. At the end, in true Thanksgiving spirit, we go around and share what we are thankful for. It gets to Carly.

"I'm thankful to have met my wonderful girlfriend, Kim," she says.

As Carly says this, the other six people at the table all exchange looks with each other in between their glances over at me.

Carly continues, "She is so sweet-"

"They," Evan interrupts her again, this time quite a bit more sternly.

"They?" Carly laughs. "I'm just dating Kim. No need to refer to her as multiple people."

Bram takes a breath, as if he's about to talk, but I cut him off.

"G-Guys, it's fine."

They look at me, and they let it go. The rest of the dinner is kind of quiet and awkward. We're all too full for dessert.

"Well, it was nice meeting you all," Carly says on her way out.

"Nice meeting you!" they all say in an asynchronous chorus, or at least they all say something similar.

"So," I ask somewhat nervously as Carly leaves, "what do you all think?"

The response I get from my friends isn't exactly what I expected nor hoped for. They stand quietly, and none of them seem sure of what to say.

Simon breaks the silence, "Kim have you told her how you identify?"

"Um," I hesitate. "No."

"Why not?" Justin doesn't waste any time pressing the question.

"I just – um, she's just so happy about having a girlfriend, that I figure why bother? You know?"

"And you're okay with her referring to you that way?" Bram asks.

"I guess."

"How serious are you two?" Claire chimes in.

"Pretty serious," I tell her. "She um – she wanted to take our relationship to another level. I mean…" I suggest, still kind of dancing around the topic.

They slowly begin to realize what I'm hinting at.

"Oh!" Ivy interjects. "That's – that's a big deal for you."

"Yeah," I say. "I mean, we haven't done anything yet, but – I don't know."

I am met with more silence.

"Okay, what's with you guys?" I say after a few moments lacking any conversation. "I thought you would be more supportive."

"No, Kim, we're really happy for you," Simon assures me. "It's just that we're a little confused."

"How?"

"Well," Evan bounces off of Simon's comment, "It's just that you've spent so much time trying to figure out who you are and warming up to it, that it just seems a little weird now that you wouldn't even tell the person you're dating how you identify."

"Why is that any of your business?" I ask, now a bit irritated.

"Kim," Bram says, "We just want you to be able to be comfortable being yourself around the person you're with. Can you do that around Carly?"

I dodge the question. "Look, I've found it so hard to meet people. I found Carly, and she wants a girlfriend. So if she wants a girlfriend, maybe I can be that for her."

Before I can go on, Claire chimes in and asks, "But Kim, what do you want?"

At this inquiry, I drop my shoulders. What do I want? Huh. I guess I hadn't really stopped to consider that before. I want someone who makes me feel like I can freely be me. Do I have that with Carly? Maybe it is time for me to figure out what I want.

"Guys, I think Victor may have just figured something out," Simon says as he reads another message.

"Like what?" I ask.

"I'll read it out loud," he says, and then proceeds to do so. "I really do like Mia. But what if that isn't enough?"

"Oh, honey, he's gay," Justin says wittily.

"Justin, c'mon," Bram tries to reason with him.

I feel bad for the kid. He doesn't seem to know what he wants.

"Hey, Simon," I get his attention, "Maybe it's time to be a little bit more straightforward with him?"

"I don't want to push him too hard," Simon responds.

"I know," I say. "But remember what you told me that night when I introduced you to Carly? You were blunt with me. Maybe that bluntness is what he needs."

"You knew who you were, though," Simon rebuts. "I'm not sure if Victor does."

"I think I know what to say."

"Alright," Simon hands me his phone. "Just don't make any assumptions that he hasn't already told us."

"I won't," I assure him.

I type the message:

Simon:

Hey Victor,

I know you really like Mia and you've been trying to figure out if you're attracted to her. It sounds like tonight you realized that you're not. And that's okay. But maybe it's time for you to really figure out what you want, before someone gets hurt.

"You don't think that's too blunt?" Simon asks.

"I think it's what he needs to hear," I say. "It was certainly what I needed to hear at the time."

"I still think I'm gonna send him something else in the morning. Maybe be a little more casual."

"Suit yourself."

We don't have any classes the next morning, so we all spend some time in the apartment together.

"Kim, you might want to read this one for yourself," Simon tells me as he hands me his phone.

Victor:

I choked. Big time. But honestly Simon, is sex such a big deal? I mean, everything else about our relationship is picture perfect. I know you probably think I'm grasping at straws, but if there's a chance for me to be happy and normal, why not try? Happy and normal – I can do that.

Normal. I hate that word.

"Seriously, Kim, what does it say about our relationship if my girlfriend won't come to my sister's wedding?"

I've just about had it at this point. Now that I've had time to figure out what I want, I need to tell her.

"Carly, I'm not your girlfriend."

"What?" she says in astonishment. "So you're breaking up with me?"

"What? No! No, I'm not a girl."

She gives me a confused look. "So you're a boy?"

"No," I say.

"I'm confused."

"I'm non-binary," I admit. "I've been out as non-binary for a long time. I use they/them pronouns. That's why my friends were correcting you on Thanksgiving. And that's why the absence of gender neutral restrooms makes me not want to go to the wedding."

"Why didn't you just tell me that?" she asks.

"Because you kept referring to me as your girlfriend," I admit somewhat grievingly. "And you just seemed so happy."

"So you just haven't been honest with me?"

"Carly, please-"

"Wow. I can't believe that we've been together for almost two months now, and you've kept this huge secret from me about who you are."

"I was just doing it because I thought that you wanted a girlfriend."

"I did!" she says. "And I do!"

"But what we have is good, though," I plead with her. "I don't want to be called your girlfriend, but I can still be your partner."

She looks at me with a rather displeased expression. "Ugh. Why can't you just be normal?"

My eyes widen. Normal? Did she really just ask why I can't be normal?

"You know what," I say. "What we have isn't good. And I am breaking up with you. Goodbye, Carly."

I leave before she can say any more. As bitter as the breakup is, it somehow gives me the most freeing feeling in the world.

"Kim," Simon snaps me out of my reminiscence.

"Yeah?"

"How should we respond to this message?"

"Honestly," I say, "I think we just need to see how this plays out."

"Are you sure?" he asks. "You did say that we should be blunt with him."

"Yeah, but like you said, we can't come to conclusions for him. He's going to have to do that on his own."

We wait. We want Victor to come to his own conclusions about who he is.

Late on Saturday evening, the five of us are at Messy Boots, a gay club that we like to attend every once in a while on the weekends when we have time. We are all having a great time.

"Oh shit!" Simon says out of nowhere, as he looks at his phone.

He startles all of us, and we try to figure out what is going on.

"Shit just got real," Simon says grievously.

"What is it?" I ask, trying to get to the bottom of the urgency in Simon's tone.

He looks up at us and pauses before saying, "Victor kissed him."

AN: Hey, guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I do have an announcement. Lately, I have been getting more into fanfiction and getting more involved with that community. I have decided that doesn't really work for me anymore, so I am moving this story to Archive of Our Own. The first few chapters are up on that site already. I will finish out the New York perspective (which is two more chapters after this one) on here, and then I will only post the rest of my story on AO3. Here is the link: /works/27583115/chapters/67474946

Thanks for reading, and I really hope you continue in spite of the change!