So hey y'all, I read a couple of reviews saying that my writing was hard to follow I made a few changes in this chapter to make it more digestible. If you read the original, you can skip re reading this. I'm sorry, I got lazy I'll do better next time.

Anyways, read and review !

Also babies, please understand that I will not be updating this story until a while, probably around January. I have just started writing the next chapter. I got a few ideas from your comments so thank you for contributing. Again, don't hesitate to comment, I absolutely want your feedback. I will do my best to update you sooner. I am very happy with the ideas I got and it all thanks to you

- You're late, he said from afar in that semi childish semi ironic tone that was so typically his.

She recognized the anger in his voice disguised in the irony. He was wearing a black tuxedo, his tie was loose. He was sitting on a tree, his arms were crossed behind his head, his faced was relaxed, he was looking up. She stayed still, looking up at him.

-Well? He asked.

She remained silent.

-Huh? What is it Misa-chan? Did a cat eat your tongue?

Why does it have to be like this? She thought. You were mine once, how did you… Why did you switch sides? I just don't get it.

Misaki's POV

Who cares if he is angry anyways? Are we still pretending he didn't literally trick me into coming to celebrate him marrying my own flesh and blood? The worst part is I loved him; I am so embarrassed... No, the worst part is that I think that… I might still love him.

I don't know when I realized he didn't love me anymore; I can't even remember him acting any different. How could I not see that he was falling for someone else? Maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I've known him for ten years. He is the only man I've ever loved. I guess I was just in denial.

When I saw them together that Christmas, that's when I knew for sure, not that they were in love, but that they were more than just friends. We were still "together". We were talking, he was still coming to see me regularly. We would go out, talk, he'd cook me dinner and come nighttime, he would kiss me and we would spend the night together. I wasn't seeing anyone else, because he was in my life. He was… my life. For four years, I let my love life be ruined by what we have…had.

I don't know what changed or when it changed, but he stopped wanting me. He stopped calling, making himself available for me, he stopped showing up. When I became a senior associate, I celebrated with my colleagues and he didn't come. Even though he said he would. It was in September of last year. It didn't even register with me. I just thought, he was probably busy being a doctor so, I didn't say anything. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, or even bring it up, because it would have forced me to see that he had abandoned me too. So, no, I'm not sure, when their relationship started or even when he fell out of love with me.

"Marry me" he whispered in her ears as he held her tight.

We had barely spoken since the last time he visited, because I was… busy and, he was busy as well. So, I thought, I'll go home for Christmas, that will be the perfect excuse to see him again. I hadn't been there since my mom let him come back. My "dad" I mean; although I wouldn't call him that as he has never been a father to me.

So I'll admit it, loud and clear: I came back to see him, not to visit my hometown, or see my my friends and family. I wanted to see him, hold him, tell him I didn't want to be with anyone else, that I was ready for him, for us, for our life to finally start.

I knew he'd be there. My mom told me so in her unusually cheery voice… I should have known that something was up. I just could not… not see him.

*He kissed her naked back, making her whole-body shiver*

During the flight I was nervous, excited, nauseous. I wore the red dress I had on at his graduation ceremony where he and I… celebrated privately, the heart shaped necklace he got me in highschool, and a full face of makeup… I never put so much effort into my appearance, but that day was supposed to be special. I wanted him to notice me and tell me I looked pretty. You know that face a man makes when you look cute, that smile. I wanted that.

"Why can't it ever be me? Why can't I ever be your priority?"

I arrived home. My mother's husband picked me up *not him*. When I saw Sakuya at the airport my heart twitched. Part of me hoped, he would surprise me as he always did. Apparently, my "father" insisted on driving me, that's what he said but I didn't believe it. I'm sure he only said that because I looked disappointed and distressed. At least he said I was pretty.

"I just need some time to work on myself, to figure me out! My career is just starting I need to focus on that." She pleaded.

He was a nervous wreck his hands were shaking when he asked to take my luggage. He talked throughout the car drive. He opened his own restaurant chain: a Japanese style restaurant with a bakery. It was doing great. He offered a great variety of meals and dessert. People from all over Japan came everyday just to taste his famous recipes. He was finally taking care of his family, which was a relief to me. I had been worried about them especially since my mom told me to stop sending money and to focus on my life. He then, talked about Takumi… for a really long time. He told me that he admired him and always had, that he was a handsome young man, and that would make a great husband. Apparently, Takumi was the main reason Sakuya's businesses were thriving. He lent him the money to buy the appliances he needed. He also guided him through the process of founding and growing his business. He also helped test out recipes and make a menu that would appeal to a vast group of people. He-He said "I always thought you and Takumi-kun would end up together". He told me the story of how Takumi asked his permission to date me back when we were 18. He said it made him happy and forced him to finally show up and be a man worthy of being called my father.

When we got home, I couldn't help but smile. There were all sorts of decorations outside. The house was illuminated by Christmas lights. Instead of reindeers, we had pandas… her favorite animal. The lights were yellow and blue instead of red and green, her favorite color. The house was in excellent shape. It didn't look like the dump I grew up in. I knew he was behind this. He's just the kind of guy that goes all in for the people he loves.

Sakuya rang the bell, a Christmas song came on, it was his voice, I couldn't help but let out a laugh. My "father" looked at me with a puzzled face and before I could say anything the door opened. My mom threw herself at me. She held onto me for a few minutes, told me how much she missed me.

The whole thing felt like a scene out of a Hallmark movie. You know the ones, career driven lawyer returns home to save Christmas, meets her ex-boyfriend then love conquers all, as it does. As she loosened her grip, I recognized my friends and neighbors. He wasn't there. My mother led me to my room as I greeted everyone. My dad brought my luggage. I sat on my bed. My room stayed exactly the same as I left it. I stood up, looked around and picked up the Umemishy album Sakura had gifted me a few years ago. I started reminiscing of all the events that had happened in this room, in this house. I became teary thinking of all the time that had passed. I was a kid when we moved here. Suzuna was not born yet. My mom was my age. She had a full time job, a kid, and a baby on the way. What was I doing with my life? I whipped my tears away.

-Are you okay? My mother asked.

-Yeah. I'm just feeling nostalgic.

- Time flies, doesn't it?

- It sure does. You remember when Suzuna would come sleep in my bed?

-That was so cute!

- Then dad left, and we all slept in your room.

- It was a hard time.

- It really wasn't. They were the happiest years of my life. Those I spent with you and my sister. I never thanked you for bringing me so much joy.

- Oh Misaki… I'm sorry I burdened you with my own problems. You were such a good kid. You didn't deserve all of that.

- I'm sorry I didn't visit earlier.

- It's okay.

- By the way, I didn't see Suzuna.

-Oh your sister went to buy groceries, she'll be back soon… Takumi-kun is with her *giggles*.

She accompanied me to the living room; I exchanged some pleasantries with my friends. I would glance at the door from time to time to see if he was back. And then I started to hear laughs… no giggles. The door opened, I turned my head, and I saw them. Something felt off, right there and then. The way he was looking at her, laughing with her, teasing her… it felt familiar. He turned his head and saw me then almost immediately looked away. My smile immediately faded. He barely acknowledged my presence. She on the other hand was inexplicably joyful, which, if you know my sister is very uncharacteristic. The only times she smiles or expresses any form of excitement is when she collects coupons and gets great deals. So, yeah, I spent the night watching my ex flirt with my sister. Her squeals and giggles are forever imprinted in my brain.

I'm not dumb. I was a little delusional before getting there, but one look at them was enough for me to tell that something was off with their dynamic. He was so clearly trying to impress her, get her attention and she was definitely responsive. You know before we started officially dating, he used to tease me that way. He would try to lift my skirt, ask me personal questions, mock me, as a way to get a response out of me, that's how he shows affection. That's how he flirts. That was so frustrating for me, because back then I was so shy and inexperienced. Love was embarrassing. I would become so flustered that I'd react violently, either yelling or hitting him. She didn't. She was always more poised than me, more lady like, more refined. I remember when she enrolled in my high school people could not believe that she was my little sister. She is this cute, petite girl, with a warm smile and impeccable manners; she cooks, sews, has great taste and she does those feminine things that make her the perfect woman in the eyes of men.

They went to the kitchen and spent most of the afternoon cooking together, then cleaning the dishes together. During dinner, they were sitting right across from each other at the end of the table. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but they seemed incredibly close. I felt my heart get tighter at every playful glance they sent to each other. It was like being a passerby on their date. I looked at his face, analyzed every inch of it, every micro expression, every smile, laugh. I had never seen him so happy. I had never seen him this comfortable with anyone, not even me. The way their conversation was flowing, it felt as if they had finally found each other. Afterall, they shared the same interests, they both had a difficult childhood, they were highly intelligent, and reliable and they both loved to joke around and tease people they cared about.

Worst of all, he never once acknowledged my presence. I felt completely abandoned in the cold. I think that's when I started feeling overly anxious, almost nauseous whenever I thought of him or her.

I tried to pretend I was fine. I kept a smile for the entirety of the day. The pain I felt in my cheeks was a relief. It kept from going insane and it helped me survive the evening without shattering. I watched as they joked around, ate from each other's plate, fed each other. I felt sick. No one was batting an eye. My mom looked at them with glee. She encouraged them to spend time together alone. I didn't get that. I still don't get it.

What killed me was what happened after dinner. When people started leaving. Takumi took his coat and said he was spending the night at his hotel. Suzuna got up and said she had to leave too because she was staying in her own apartment with a roommate. He jokingly said that people might assume they were spending the night together which made her giggle. She said her roommate wasn't home as she went home for the holidays therefore he was welcome to spend the night if he wanted. I looked at him in disbelief. He bowed his head, never meeting my eyes, and just said "let's go".

As they were leaving, he opened the door for her, she turned looked at him, smiled and said "what a gentleman" as she put her hand on his arm. He smiled back, then gently put his hand over hers, lightly squeezing it. I felt destroyed. I felt a painful, gut wrenching, overwhelmingly depressing blow in my stomach. My eyes teared up immediately. As soon as they left, I ran away in the bathroom then cried until I couldn't produce any tears anymore. I moaned in pain like an injured beast caught by a trap. My faith was sealed, it was over.

The hand thing, as I liked to call it, is not a mundane thing in Usui's love language. He shows love through physical touch. He won't touch you if he doesn't like you. And if you touch him, even if you're a friend, even if you're male, he will recoil. He will try to get you away from his personal space. He might even punch you.

The way he caressed her hand, squeezed it, then gently placed his arm around her waist… those were things he did to me when he loved me. When you see the man you love treat another woman the way he treats you, look at her the way he looked at you, you understand what betrayal means. He betrayed me. He betrayed our relationship, he betrayed everything he ever said to me: every promise, every kiss, every I love yous. It never leaves you, this bitterness. It takes over you. How can you love again? How can you trust again? I had to accept that we were done without closure. He didn't have the balls to end our informal relationship. And then, he parades around, dangling around his newfound happiness with my own damn sister. How do I recover from this? How do you heal a broken heart when there are pieces missing?

Normal POV

- … She remained silent, her body was stiff, she wanted to run away. She knew she would receive his full wrath.

He jumped out of the tree in a perfect pirouette, landing on his feet. He readjusted his suit. Then stared at her with cold piercing eyes.

- You were supposed to be here at 10, what's kept you ? He scolded in a dry tone. His face was closed.

- I was here for business, not for this charade. She said clearly annoyed at his reaction. She looked away and rolled her eyes. "Who does he think he is" she thought.

- Everyone's waiting for you. He added, taking steps towards her.

- I don't care what everyone is doing, I want to go home.

- Your sister needs you-

- Don't! She interrupted. She felt her heart get tighter. It was a sneak attack, one she had not prepared for. "Your sister needs you" Who the hell are you? How the hell do you think it's okay to say those things to me! You don't get to tell me what I can or cannot do. She said defiantly looking at him with a determined look which took him by surprise.

- You will attend the ceremony, even if I have to carry you myself. He said as he raised his tone, matching hers.

She held back tears, he was strong enough to lift her up, if she kicked or screamed, she'd only embarrass herself. She stayed silent and looked away in despair. Her defiance had left her body. What was there left to fight for? Not their relationship, that's for sure. Her dignity had jumped out of the window when Suzana and him announced their engagement.

Once he got close enough, he took her hand and squeezed it hard, almost crushing it. She squealed from the pain. He lead her to a car door. They sat next to each other in complete silence. His hand was still holding hers throughout the drive, he had loosened his grip but it felt as though her hand was trapped in ciment. Her heart was beating fast and she was having a hard time breathing. Her anxiety was taking over. She could hear every heartbeat in her ear. She felt trapped by his grip, she wanted to break free, jump out of the moving car then make a run for it.

Once they had arrived, Misaki was ushered to her seat by two maids. Most of the guests were already seated. She stayed there with a blank star as people made her way to her, asked her pointless questions about her job. Her friends, and acquaintances came to congratulate her on her work prowess and express their disbelief at the news of Usui Takumi marrying Suzuna instead of her. She simply nodded, laughing awkwardly from time to time. It felt like a nightmare. It was as if the clock turned back in time and brough her back to 2010, all these familiar faces getting her into the darkest place of all, an alternative version of what her life was ten years ago where she was the villain, the victim and the executioner. How could she be dumb enough to fall for this cheap trap? She could have easily refused the ride that was offered by the butler sent to escort her here.

The music started playing, the groom made his way to the altar looking handsome as always. Soon after, the bride followed. She wore a traditional Japanese wedding gown, she looked stunning, and poised. Her heart swelled up, she could feel her face turning red. She didn't comprehend this feeling, was it rage? sadness? depression? jealousy? She felt a wave of emotions overtaking every breath she took. She wanted to run, but she was unable to make the slightest move. She felt blood rushing through her veins. Her face was turning redder by the second. Her heart was hammering inside her chest as if it was trying to break free. Tears started forming in the corner of her eyes.

The minister started his speech about love and commitment. Misaki listened as he described the foundation of a healthy relationship. "Love? she thought, are you kidding me? That's not love, what we had was… truer".

-As we gather here to celebrate the union of these truly amazing people, that life has brought together.

"Will you be my girlfriend"

Her blood was boiling. She was struggling to breath. She felt dizzy. She was gasping for air, her limbs ached, her mind was completely distorted. She felt like she was dying.

-Do you Takumi Walker…

"He used to look at me with those gentle eyes. He used to hold my hand. He used to whisper in my ear « I love you ».

"I will never leave your side"

LIAR! LIAAAR! She internally screamed.

-I do. Suzuna said with a kind smile on her face.

Takumi slowly lifted her veil, leaned in then kissed her. He put his arm around her waist, stared into her eyes, caressed her face as if she was made of silk.

"It's over." She murmured in her breath.

She remained completely still, as they walked away.

"He loves her. He doesn't love you. He never loved you. He doesn't want to see you again. He loves her. He loves her. It's over. It's done. You lost him. You are pathetic."

The usher instructed the guests to go to the room where the celebration took place. She was able to articulate "bathroom" once she arrived there she completely collapsed on the floor screaming in pain, tears flowing down her cheeks. She was fighting for every breath she took. She crawled to the toilet, then threw up multiple times. Her body was shaking, her heart was racing, she was not okay.

The rest of the day was a blur, she doen't remember how or when she got out of the bathroom but eventually, she did. Once she cleaned herself and fixed her makeup, she joined the celebration all smiles, looking perfect in every photo taken of her. As the day started to end, she slowly became more and more inebriated desperately trying to numb her feelings.

Fast Forward

-You fainted; didn't know you were so weak.

-Tora? Igarashi ?

-You still remember huh? yara yara… You are in such a bad state, the groom was worried about you…

-Takumi … I don't care, I just want to go home.

-Impossible! My duty is to make sure you stay until the end of the wedding. The happy newlyweds have planned a three-day celebration. And after all, you are the sister-in-law, he said with a mischievous smile.

She looked away.

-We're all having breakfast together with the newlyweds, it was their weeding night, you know what it means… they're probably starving.

She turned red, bowed her head down and put it in her hands. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

- What is it maid-sama, are you just now realizing that Usui is a perverted beast? He grinned.

-Who the fuck… do YOU think you are? If I want to leave, I will leave, even if I must rip off your smug disgusting, DISGUSTING face. Is this clear? she said in a menacing tine

He was taken aback by her newfound strength, then he started laughing

You're just too funny, you know that? Hahaha hahaha. They already left for Japan. He was very upset that you didn't stay longer. I heard she was already pregnant, that's why they rushed the engagement.

- Wha-

-You know what we could do to fix you? He would lose his mind if I took a taste of you, he said as he licked his lips suggestively as he moved closer to her.

-Huh? okay? Go ahead, take a taste, she pushed him down on the bed completely overpowering him. Go ahead, what are you waiting for? Oh, that's right you're all talk and no action. We both know you're married, and you wouldn't do that to that woman. She let go of him and sat back down.

-You're pathetic. Letting the man you love be stolen by your own sister?

- Shut up.

- In front of your own eyes. Was he in love with her while he was doing you?

- SHUT UP! He smirked.

-You're so easy to fluster. Did you know that he wanted to end things with you long before he ever did? The Boston thing? That was just an excuse, he already had his eyes on her long before you even left Japan. He was longing for her, he told me himself.

-Liar!

-Am I lying or are you just trying to find excuses to still long for him? Huh, he doesn't really love her? Our love was truer?

- Stop it!

- And you're still thinking "he loves me". He doesn't, he told me so.

- Please! Stop it !

- Even if he's married he'll still do me behind her back? Is that honestly what you think? PATHETIC!

- SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

- You're not so tough anymore huh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA

The images faded, Tora's laugh persisted into the room, a shaken Misaki woke up, teary with the urge to throw up.

6 weeks after the wedding

-And then what happened? The woman asked as she adjusted her glasses.

-And then I woke up sweating profusely.

-And that was the next morning? Right after the wedding?

-No, it was two days after. It's when I came back home.

-The very first night of you sleeping in your home here in New York, is that right?

-Yes.

-So, you had this dream every day since.

-Mostly. I often dream about the wedding, or about Takumi abandoning me at the altar, or rejecting me.

-What else do you remember from the wedding?

-I was nervous, and sweaty.

-In terms of events.

-I remember not being able to breath, getting drunk. I don't remember who I talked to and what I talked about after the ceremony.

-Do you often do that?

- Do what?

- Numb your emotions with alcohol?

- is this a joke?

- Do I look like I'm joking?

- I'm not an alcoholic. I never drink.

- Except when you need to numb yourself at your ex's wedding?

- Doesn't everybody?

- Well, everybody doesn't attend their ex's wedding ?

- I was tricked…

- You did mention that. But how come you didn't leave when you realized it was set up?

- I didn't want to embarrass myself.

- I see.

- Dr Rosenberg, I didn't come here to be judged or psychoanalyzed. I came here because I can't sleep.

- No, you came here because you had two panics attack at work and haven't been able to focus.

- I was just nervous –

- Those are called panic attacks. It feels scary and overwhelming, but you don't need to be ashamed. What you described during the weeding, your strong reaction, that was a panic attack. And if you do nothing about it, it is going to happen again. Help me help you.

- I'm not a drinker. I only drink at social events, not when I'm alone, or sad.

- Do you think you can abstain for the next 30 days.

- Yes.

- Let's talk about sleep. Not more than one cup of coffee per day, try decorating your apartment, make it relaxing, comfortable. Buy candle, fluffy pillows, anything that brings you joy. I'll ask you monitor you sleep with this app. It will track your sleep and help me determine your quality of sleep.

- Ok.

- Do you follow your ex on social media?

- Neither he nor I have any social media.

- Good. As for pictures, items belonging to him, an/or reminding you of the relationship?

- I have a few of those.

- I'm gonna need you to store them in a place where you can't access them easily. Try avoiding triggers. I will write you a prescription to help you sleep better and another one to calm your nerves. Do not take them with alcohol. Try to get as much rest as you can, exercise, eat healthy, make new friends. Focus on you right now, and your healing.

- That sounds like a plan.

- Great, because our session is over. I'll see you next week, bring your feelings journal as we discussed.

I'm ending it here. So, if you didn't catch it, "Misaki's POV" was basically her session with her psychiatrist

As I said, I just started writing the next chapter, a few "spoilers": it will center around Misaki, her healing, and her job as an attorney. Usui will not appear in the next chapter, but I noticed that a lot of commenters ship Suzuna and Takumi, let me know if you want me to develop their relationship, and maybe even center a chapter around them.

Take care of yourselves, we are going through a tough time because of COVID. I hope you and your loved ones are safe. Be careful and respect the guidelines.