6.

So. That had happened. After Ienzo left (and Demyx cleaned himself up), he sat for a long time trying in vain to sleep. He was weirdly awake, and weirdly alert, and he could still smell Ienzo on his sheets.

What did this mean? Were they just seeking comfort in each other? And what if it went badly? Awkward enough to have to live through that too…

Demyx wished he'd stayed. His heart was fluttering weirdly, and for a moment he was concerned until he realized this was a feeling of some kind. He'd never have imagined being with Zexion, physically or emotionally.

Zexion wasn't quite Ienzo. Demyx wasn't quite Demyx. Not anymore. Was there a future for them? Was he thinking too hard about it? Kissing him had probably been the only natural, nice feeling he'd had so far.

He lay on his side and prayed for sleep.

For a few weeks, this life found a sort of normal. During the weekdays, he worked. Once he got the hang of it, the job was easy, though it did have its busy days. He got sort-of friendly with his new coworkers, skirting questions about his past like the plague. Refugees were common in Radiant Garden, but so were painful pasts, so gradually they stopped asking. It was nice to see the accumulation of his work, and to a degree, give people what they needed, even if it was just mail.

Am I doing it? Am I helping?

He went through a few odd periods of wooziness, where his heart would race and he'd feel nauseous and he'd have to sit down. Even believed it could just be one of the long term effects of the trauma he'd experienced, and gave him more medicine. The medicine, too, made him feel foggy.

"I suppose it's good you're still here," Even said absently, taking the blood pressure cuff off of his arm. "Best to keep you monitored for a few months." He was still cooler than usual since the hug incident, but at least he was no longer avoiding him.

"Another thing to worry about," Demyx murmured.

"Indeed . Some days all this life feels like is new small worries." He shook his head. "But a normal life is our reward… we must adjust to it."

"Is being human strange for you?" Demyx asked.

Even seemed startled. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Feelings. The new routine. Being back here after so long."

He paused, considering. "It is overwhelming to feel after so much numbness," he admitted slowly. "But yet, what I feel… is very much earned."

"Guilt? Atonement, or whatever?"

He nodded. "Quite. Without guilt, I don't think I would be nearly so driven to put things right. I've wasted so much time exploring my own petty desires for the future. No more."

"What will you do?"

His eyes glinted, and he cocked his head a little. "Since when are you so invested in our goings-on?"

"Since I live here. Since some mad scientist convinced me to join the good guys."

Demyx thought he saw a ghost of a smile. "First I will do all in my power to help the guardians of light find Sora. If that ever happens-or more likely, when they accept that he is gone-I will do my best to help others. I have a diverse skillset, an education. That can go far in a reconstruction."

"Would that make you happy?"

"My happiness is not important," Even said shortly.

"I think it is."

He looked horrified for a moment. Then, composing himself, "I should be getting back to the lab. Let me know if the fogginess doesn't pass in a few days. We can adjust the dose."

"I mean it, Even."

He turned just slightly. "I know," he said, and left.

It was still tricky to navigate this new reality with Ienzo. Finding time to be alone together, in inconspicuous places, was hard. Their rooms were free during the day, but they were busy during the day, Ienzo especially. So during nights… odd moments off… Ienzo would take him to places hidden across the castle. Old storerooms, alcoves of the library. Places that, if they were not quite clean, were at least private.

Demyx loved being with him. Even if they were just making out, holding another person made him feel less alone. Grounded. Like he might be worth something.

Sometimes they just talked. About their days. Their work. Demyx saw pieces of Zexion creep out from time to time.

"Even refuses, as usual, to admit he's wrong," Ienzo said, with a scowl. "Seriously, thinking the Homily Principle applies in this situation? Kairi's a teenage girl, a princess of heart , and we found the Homily Principle only applied to men - "

Demyx nodded like he knew what that was.

"And when I pointed that out he pulled the experience card on me. So I misplaced some of his papers." A smirk. "I didn't get rid of them. And he's too prideful to ask. The only way to get anything done."

"Doesn't sound like you enjoy any of it."

Ienzo shrugged. "Doesn't matter if I do. It's necessary work. We owe Sora much to… our being here."

Demyx flinched.

Ienzo took his hand. "I know you have bad memories of him. Forgive me."

Demyx sighed. "When push comes to shove, I attacked him first."

"You did?"

"Yeah." He swallowed. "I just… I dunno. Something in me broke at that moment. I knew I was sent there to get killed. To buy time. Seeing him… hearing what they were calling me… it was a buildup of a lot of things. A lot of insults. Somehow it felt like one more jab by the Organization."

"Yet you joined them again," Ienzo pointed out.

"What was I supposed to do?" Demyx asked him. "What would you have done if you were me, with no memories-nothing?"

"You have a point," Ienzo said softly.

"And anyway I regretted it. But by then it was too late. Part of why I jumped ship."

"I'm glad you did."

He said it so earnestly. Demyx smiled. "I am too. Things suck right now, but at least I have a choice. I can't remember the last time I did."

He nodded. "Me too, in a way." He leaned forward and kissed him, and Demyx kissed him back.

"I often wonder if this is a bad idea," Ienzo said. "Yet… to feel good for once… to feel normal- " His gasped; Demyx had started to kiss at his throat. "Why should we suffer unreasonably?" He worked to pull off Demyx's flannel, easing his weight on top of him. The floor below him was carpeted, at least.

"...Is this suffering?"

Ienzo pressed his hips harder against Demyx's. "I could make you suffer."

He smirked. "It does not surprise me you're into that."

He smiled wickedly, and Demyx hardened.

Demyx reached off to work at Ienzo's shirt. They hadn't gone this far since the first time. Demyx wanted to know everything about him, what made him work. He pulled Ienzo closer and kissed at his shoulder, down across his nipple, hearing a small, soft moan. "Moreso you love instant gratification," Ienzo muttered.

"Haven't we waited long enough to feel things?"

"I don't know. Have we?"

He kept working the same spot. Ienzo's breath hitched, and his hips bucked a little against Demyx's. Demyx let his hand slide down Ienzo's side between his legs. He glanced up, making sure this was okay. All he could really feel was heat and fabric, but something in Ienzo's face had slackened. "Could I touch you?" He asked. "Like, really-"

His face flushed, and he nodded. "...Quite."

Demyx undid the button of Ienzo's pants. Anticipation made him shake, his cock throbbing. He felt at him through his underwear, trying not to shake. "Tell me… how to make you feel good."

He nodded. He seemed dazed. It took a moment of steeling his nerve before he grasped at Ienzo's waistband. The skin there was feverish. Demyx eased on top of Ienzo and let his hand move down, across the smooth wiry hair. Ienzo gasped.

It almost startled both of them. Actually feeling that skin made Demyx weak. He traced his hand along the outside of it. "You're really, um, wet," he murmured.

"Are you going to do something about that?" Ienzo asked, his eyes challenging.

He felt another shimmer of arousal. He nodded. Demyx felt along him, the opening, trying to find the-

"Here," Ienzo said. He guided Demyx's hand up, until he found the hardened little nub. Demyx took it between his fingertips and stroked it gently. Ienzo's grip on him tightened. "Yes."

"Yes?" A flush of heat shot through him.

His eyes fluttered. Demyx worked it a little harder, gratifying in the change in breath. "Y-you can-"

Demyx teased Ienzo's opening. The warmth of it made him shaky. He wanted nothing more than to feel that tightness around him, but he'd have to settle for this. He kept rolling the clit between his fingers before chancing to slip one inside of him. Ienzo pressed his hips against his hand and moaned softly. Demyx's dick twitched, his pants uncomfortably tight. Making Ienzo feel good… felt good. Demyx kissed him on the mouth, not stopping that motion. "It seems your musicianship… is good for something," Ienzo said breathlessly.

"Do you want me to play you?"

"That-you're already doing." Ienzo's thighs tensed.

He smirked. "What, are you close?"

"You… you wish…" His voice wavered, but feeling his hips buck, Demyx knew better. He pressed another finger into him, less of a tease this time, and the push and pull was almost too much.

"You feel so good," he whispered, without meaning to.

Ienzo took a sharp breath. Seeing him open, and relax, sent another shiver down Demyx's spine. He kissed him again, more deeply, and heard a soft, startled squeak. Ienzo spasmed against his hand, a hot fluttering, and Demyx almost came right then. He eased his fingers out of him.

Ienzo was still breathing hard. "Oh…"

"Guess I did okay."

Dazedly, he nodded. "Yes… okay…" He pressed his lips to Demyx's throat. "Can I…"

"Please. Please." He let Ienzo ease him back. He tugged at Demyx's pants, his underwear, taking his cock out and into his hand.

"You have a beautiful dick," Ienzo told him in a low voice, fucking it with his fingers. "Has anyone told you that?"

Demyx was dizzy. "No."

"How can I make you feel good?"

"Just… along the…"

Ienzo rolled his fingers against the ridge and tip. "Like this?"

"God, yes."

"Is this how you touch yourself?"

He shuddered. "You do it better."

He smirked. "Is that so?"

Demyx reached up to cup his face. Ienzo kissed him, almost indulgently, stroking his cock harder. The pit in his stomach was nearly painful.

"Do you want to come?"

"Please."

"Please?" He kissed Demyx's throat. "Okay. Since you treated me so well." He tightened his grip, and Demyx finished, almost with force. The relief was hot and cold, and he heard himself moan. "Look at you." Ienzo pecked him on the mouth. "So beautiful."

"I want to… learn more about you-"

Ienzo shushed him. "Why don't we relax?" He wiped his hand with a handkerchief and rested his head against Demyx's chest. "Just relax."

It was easy to do so now. Ienzo smelled and felt so good in his arms.

"You know sometimes you're the only person I can bear here," Ienzo admitted, to his chest.

" Sometimes ?" Demyx scoffed a little. "Is this dependent on my ability to get you off?"

He kicked him, but it was gentle. "That is a bonus." A sigh. "I'm being serious."

Demyx stroked his hair. It really was unfair how soft it was. "What about your, uh, dad? And Aeleus? I thought you guys were good friends?"

"We were."

"So what happened?"

Ienzo propped himself up. "The ramifications of the past…"

"What, that he said he couldn't protect you?"

Ienzo frowned. "He said that?"

"I mean I just thought-"

A sigh. "It's a bit more complicated than that. You know I was a boy when I became a Nobody. The experiments happened in the two years before that. But shortly after they began… my father forbade them."

"So why didn't they stop?"

"Because Xehanort convinced the others to send him to the realm of darkness." He sat up, pulled away. "And they told me he'd gone insane."

"Oh, no. Oh, shit." He swallowed. "Zo… that's horrible…"

A nod. "I learned about the lies as Zexion and I didn't care. But now-"

"You do. Because you can feel."

He nodded. "Often I feel I'm walking on eggshells around them. And I rather wish it were the other way around. I want them to…" He looked at his hands. "I want them to hurt for what they did to me. And what does that say about me and my atonement?"

"But you're not acting on that desire."

"...No."

Demyx squeezed his hand. "You can't help how you feel."

"So I'm learning."

He pressed a kiss against his brow.

"Demyx, do you ever think about what you did in the Organization?"

He hesitated. "Not as much as I should. I never… killed anyone?" His voice rose a little. "But at the same time… even just gathering intelligence, we become complicit in… whatever Xemnas decided to do. The worlds that fell because of information I gave him… It's like a house of cards."

"Quite."

"And I just… especially at work, I'm like… should I be doing more to help? I want to help. It's this little voice and it's just getting louder."

"You feel that way?"

His eyes were watering. He nodded. "But I'm not smart, like you, I don't have an education. I only started doing anything because some guy off the street stopped me. And it's kind of scary-" The words were pouring out of him; he hadn't realized how badly he needed to talk about this. "Is this who I was all along? Is this who I could've been?"

Ienzo nodded. His eyes were glinting.

"Just doing whatever I want seems too goddamn…" He grunted.

"Masturbatory?" Ienzo offered.

"Yes! But I don't know how else to build my life because I spent so many goddamn years listening to this or that adult who thought they knew better." In it, a flicker of insight, a memory, and for just a second -

-Fly away to the world outside!

-Rebuild the world.

-The war is going to destroy everything-

- "This is all your fault!"

"Elrena, you don't understand-"

And it was gone.

"Demyx?" Ienzo prompted.

He felt like he couldn't breathe. "...A war?"

"Demyx?"

"Elrena?" The tears were hot on his face. "But isn't that-"

"Larxene's Somebody?"

"Why was she…" It felt like someone else was crying. "Why was she so mad at me? What did I do?"

"Larxene was always mad at you," Ienzo said.

"It wasn't Larxene. We were…" His heart felt like it was breaking.

"...Human," Ienzo finished. "You were human together in the past, weren't you?"

"I think so." He struggled for breath.

"Elrena is complete now, wherever she is," Ienzo told him. "She's fine."

Demyx shuddered. What was so awful that her hatred of him remained through two lives without memories? "I think I hurt her. In the past. Somehow. I did something-bad. But what ?"

It seemed the flash of memory had stopped.

"I wish I knew," Ienzo said. "I'm afraid I don't."

He turned slowly. "Does the name "Strelitzia" mean anything to you?"