We rejoin our heroes as they fall from Skyloft after having evaded Pipit. It seemed hopeless, the team was falling to their early demise. Cawlin, Strich, and Link were saying prayers, making amends with the gods, but Groose toughly braced for impact. The ground was only two short miles away.
Cawlin's life flashed before his eyes...
CAWLIN'S FLASHBACK
Cawlin lived on Skyloft his whole life. He was born in the back of a carriage. When Dr. Beedle first saw him, he told the parents that the baby would not survive the next hour.
Well he didn't. The Cawlin we all know is actually a clone that somehow remembered the original dead one's birth.
Cawlin enrolled in the Knight's Academy in hopes that the training would help him shed his body weight, but right at the start he was being trained for a do-nothing desk job where he would eat too many donuts. There, he was made fun of quite often for his weight and soft appearance; even by his crush, Karane.
After a while of this, he soon met the new kid that everyone was talking about; Groose. Groose took pity on Cawlin and gave him protection from the torment of his peers.
Nobody dared to even look at Cawlin the wrong way again.
ANYWAY...
Back to the fall, just as Link and Cawlin were confessing their love for one another...
"Hey I want a flashback too!"
Well... okay sure, but make it quick.
STRICH'S FLASHBACK
At a young age, Strich was playing in his backyard as his mom and dad were arguing and throwing dishes at each other. Strich was eating bugs, his favorite being the Gold Skulltula, known for causing developmental disorders if consumed by a child.
Just then, a BIG Gold Skulltula came out and attacked.
"AHHHH SAVE ME HERCULES!" Strich cried, frightened by this aggressor and saw his life flash before his eyes...
FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK
What? no. Back to your flashback, hurry up.
Anyway, just before Strich was eaten, the creature was squished by a huge figure.
It wasn't Hercules, but it was something much better.
It was Groose.
Strich pledged his loyalty to Groose ever since.
AH, WHY NOT?
The narrator of this story was just your average greasy, pimple popping nerd that preferred anime over human contact. When he turned 30, his parents finally got tired of him taking advantage of them and kicked him out of the house. He couldn't find a job until he saw an ad asking for a narrator. The pay was $2 an hour and he was given a dog house to sleep in.
He then began contemplating suicide.
OKAY, BACK TO THE FALL. SORRY LINK, WE DON'T HAVE TIME
The group finally collided with the ground, the sudden stop leaving them broken and mangled. Not Groose and Fi, however.
In all his toughness, Groose only suffered a bump on the elbow. On the other hand, Fi simply floated down the whole way.
"That hurt." Groose said casually.
"Master." Fi began. "I'm glad to seed you are unharmed, I thought for sure this would be the end of you."
"Hah." Groose shrugged, as if surviving a drop from such a height was to be expected.
"But what about your friends?" Fi said, pointing to Groose's fallen allies. She could have sworn that Strich was dead.
"Hmm... I suppose they aren't yet man enough. I'll have to work my magic."
After several hours of CPR and five minutes of duct tape surgery, Groose had all of his friends back on their feet.
"PRAISE BE TO GROOSE" Cawlin and Strich proclaimed as they knelt before him.
Groose didn't notice as he was busy fixing his hair. They were lucky he didn't make his pompadour his first priority.
Fi Looked at Link, noticing he seemed oddly familiar.
"Excuse me." She finally asked. "Seeing as we are all working together, might I ask for your names?"
"Cawlin"
"I... I don't know..." Strich replied, obviously having hit the ground too hard.
"Link"
Fi was confused, especially since the question was more directed to the others.
"But your name tag reads 'Gullible...'"
"WHAT?"
Link finally checked his shirt, realizing that it did indeed say that.
"Since when?!"
Groose, finally seeing the fruits of his efforts, informed him "I replaced your name tag YEARS ago!"
"So your name is indeed Link then?" Fi asked.
"Yes, it is."
"I see... You may come along if you wish, but I expect you to pull your weight." She said in a dismissive tone.
"...what?"
And so the five departed to begin the great search.
MEANWHILE, BACK ON SKYLOFT...
Pipit was marching back and forth to the sound of a militaristic drumbeat, briefing his army on the new agenda.
"Alright ladies, we got five suspects here. One being our boy Link, and four others who aided his escape. They have been identified earlier, but I forgot their names. So, we're gonna go down there capture Link, as well as anyone who might be with him. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
No response came since the whole Pipit army was saying the exact same thing.
BACK TO GROOSE
Groose was surveying the new land he found himself in. We all knew it was coming, so ready or not...
"I'll call it... GROOSELAND!" He shouted, awaiting approval.
"Master, if you wish to claim this land as your own, you must first rid it of the evil force that now occupies its depths." Said Fi.
"I see..." said Groose thoughtfully. "Then that will be our second priority."
"What's our first?"
"We are going to rescue Zelda!" Groose said in that beautiful heroic tone.
"Uhh... she would definitely NOT be down here." Said Link hoping to derail this plan.
"Actually... I sense her presence not far from here" Said Fi with her dousing ability on again. "She is to the West."
"ONWARD!" Groose shouted.
The team pressed on to the West, Fi leading the way. They entered a huge forest called the Faron Woods. They knew this because they were inexplicably stopped in their tracks to view a series of establishing shots with a title reading Faron Woods appearing out of nowhere.
"That was weird..."
As they continued deeper into the trees, they noticed the area was strangely devoid of life; no sounds of birds, rodents, or any other type of creature. This seemed a bad sign, but Groose was not willing to turn back. They remained quiet, listening carefully for any signs of danger.
Link broke the silence with "Hey I need to take a piss."
"We're not waiting on you, shrimp." Groose replied, not wanting to waste valuable time.
Link stayed behind a tree and waited until the group was out of sight. He took down a parallel path to get ahead of them. He had to find that body. Fast.
Link searched for Zelda relentlessly, he could not see Skyloft from below, so he couldn't make an educated guess as to where she landed... or where he was, for that matter.
He began to prepare his story: "She was depressed, she couldn't take it anymore, so she jumped! He was there when it happened and saw the whole thing, but he was too late. He couldn't tell anyone, he just didn't have the heart to bear such news."
(Or maybe I can "disprove" I was the last one to see her?)
As he was preparing his responses for every single question he could be asked, he realized something... Pipit wasn't known for being very reasonable, and he especially wouldn't be willing to listen to words after Link had evaded arrest that morning.
While he was thinking, he didn't notice a tall skinny looking demon thing standing before him until he was rather uncomfortably close to it. Link looked up in surprise.
"Hello." It began. "My name is Ghirahim. You must be Link."
"Umm, do I know you?" Link said, not in the mood for whatever it was the demon wanted.
"Don't you remember me? I'm your pediatrician. You haven't visited me in a long time."
Link didn't know what this character was up to, but he was not to be held up when his freedom was on the line.
"Umm, I'm not in need of a check up." Said Link, trying to continue his search.
"I see..." Said Ghirahim, as he disappointedly put his glove away.
Before Link walked away, however, he got an idea...
"Hey" He said. "Have you seen a girl's body- uh... a girl around here?"
"Why yes I have! My super demonic powers led me right to her. It was Zelda, Princess of Destiny. I took her to my master." Said Ghirahim, striking a fab pose.
Link was a little worried now. "Uh, was he mad about her being dead?"
"And just how do YOU know she was dead?" Said Ghirahim jokingly.
Link shot up. "Duh... uh-uh-uh I-I just figured she was, seeing as she fell from such a height..."
"Now then, I suppose you'll want to see your friend now?" Ghirahim said, motioning Link to follow him.
BACK TO GROOSE
After miles of hiking through the forest, the group started to get tired... except Groose, of course. Cawlin passed out on the ground, but the remaining three carried on without him.
"How much farther, Fi?" Groose said, starting to get a little bored.
"Not much farther, master, we may want to speed things up if we are to find her anytime soon. But that would mean we would have to leave Cawlin behind."
Serious moral questioning time. What was more important to Groose? Finding his reluctant girlfriend? Or his two best friends that he has always been there for? He had to think quickly though, Zelda was in danger and Cawlin was gasping for air. He had to choose it, so he did. He was flying solo... or, unless you count Fi, duo.
"Strich!" He called. "Stay behind and help Cawlin, I gotta do this alone... or... with Fi."
"Hmm, I guess my name is Strich then, but... who's Cawlin?" Strich asked, still suffering memory loss.
"Excellent!" Not wasting a further moment, Groose dashed forward faster than Usain Bolt, ready to strike down anythingthat stood in his way, even if it was Zelda. After about half a mile, Groose and Fi finally reached some sort of ancient temple. Groose was ready to go in and kick ass until...
"Master, draw the Goddess Sword. For only it can cut down the evils waiting ahead." Fi suddenly said.
Groose froze. He realized he had left it in his new sword in his room that morning!
He thought for a moment and finally said "Umm... Fi? Is it possible to go back to Skyloft? I kinda left the sword back at home..."
Fi was surprised, but knew what to do. "Yes master, all you must do is use a Bird Statue. There is one near the entrance of the temple before us."
Groose could already see it, so he dashed towards it and...
"Ye who hold the sacred sword, leave proof of our encounter."
"Wrong one, over there!"
Groose went on to the OTHER bird statue, but... HE WALKED INTO AN AMBUSH!
Thousands, or hundreds, or... only two Bokoblins?! there's supposed to be... what do mean we fired the others?! You were the one freaking out that day we only had half of them because the others had jury duty.
As I as arguing with the director, Groose fought the two Bokoblins.
"Master, be careful!"
With one swift jumping kick, Groose knocked their heads clean off, resulting in seemingly infinite amounts of blood spraying out of the now headless 'blins.
Groose returned his attention to the statue, using it, he found himself back in the sky. Even though he forgot his calling whistle, his Loftwing, who sported a well groomed pompadour like that of it's master, happened to be right there and caught Groose. They saw Skyloft in the distance and headed towards it.
Suddenly, however, a whole flock of Loftwings appeared behind him, and he heard it again...
WEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOO