Groose, Cawlin, Strich, Fi, Zelda, Demise, and Ghirahim fled the trembling cave. Surprisingly, they had actually made it outside with ample time to spare; it probably took a solid three minutes until the entrance finally collapsed.
"Huh, that seemed a lot more serious on the inside..." Cawlin commented.
Finally over the panic, Zelda came to her senses and started wondering...
"How exactly did you find me, Groose?"
Ready to make an impression, Groose struck his trademark pose and spilled the beans.
"Well, after you disappeared, I met Fi over there. She led me down to this dark treacherous world so we could rescue you. We fought many monsters, conquered much land, and spent very little time doing random irrelevant things!"
Cawlin, Strich, and Fi cleared their throats at that last part.
"Oh..." Zelda said, turning to not Groose, but Fi, "Well thank you Fi, I don't know what could have happened without you."
Deflated, Groose accepted that he lost this round and decided to check on his hair. When he pulled out his mirror, he was shocked to see that some strands of hair had been moved out of place. He pulled out his comb and got to work.
"You would have been the key to her defeat." Demise interjected "Your bloodline, Zelda, carries a fragment of Hylia's essence. She strengthens her presence in this world by using you as an anchor. By removing the link between your two souls, we could have crippled her power..."
Groose dropped his comb when he remembered that Demise was still a threat. He drew his sword, ready for an epic fight.
"Alright foul demon, the situation has passed! you will-"'
Groose nearly screamed when he realized his beloved comb was now on the filthy ground. As he dove to retrieve it, Demise decided to just continue.
"As I was saying, our magic would have been able to sever the spiritual connection that Hylia uses as her source of power; but with our laboratory now gone..."
"It was our intention to stop you from using Zelda anyway!" Fi stated "You are our enemy, and we will eliminate you as we have been ordered!"
"Didn't you get fired?" Strich added.
These words pierced Fi like the rubber band she had taken to the sternum earlier that day; she had almost completely forgotten what had happened earlier. How could Hylia fire her after all these years of faithful and excellent service? What will Fi do for a living now? She couldn't go back to that fast food shack after that big show she made...
Customer service and God service were all she knew how to do, and there was no way she could go back to either.
"Don't cry, little one..."
Groose was frantically disinfecting his comb while Fi was lost in the classic "what am I going to do with my life now?" crisis. Meanwhile, the discussion on what to do with Zelda had somehow derailed into an argument as to which of two brands of orange flavored soda was superior.
"It goes flat in literally ten seconds." Cawlin asserted.
"Yes, when one uses a polystyrene cup, any soda would!" Demise shot back.
Groose had finished sanitizing his comb and placed it safely in his bag before rejoining the others to get the conversation back on track.
"I hope you understand that you now have a choice to make." Said Demise "Heed me, hero, your next decision will affect the fates of those who stand about you, as well as your own."
"Will you fight us..." Said Ghirahim "...or join us?"
"Why would I fight alongside you?"
Groose was appalled that these fiends would question his honor with such an absurd offer, but nonetheless allowed his adversaries a just opportunity to explain their side of the conflict.
"The battle that looms ahead has far more at stake that you realize." Said Demise "If Hylia has her way and reigns supreme, the very balance of nature will be in jeopardy; her very contempt for the creatures of this Earth will drive them to extinction."
Groose simply shot a steadfast eye at Demise, clearly not convinced.
"Sigh... Very well, I suppose it would be best to start at the beginning..." Said Demise as he summoned what appeared to be a portal.
"This will show you the truth."
As the magic conjuration was in process of formation, Cawlin and Strich decided to bail.
"Hey Fi, Strich and I are planning to open a new casino near the mountain, we could employ you there if you are interested."
Fi sighed and accepted; maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
"With Groose's permission, we can begin our project." Strich said looking towards Groose.
Still observing the scene that was developing before him, Groose made a small gesture to indicate their dismissal. Cawlin, Strich, and Fi were then on their way.
"Good, we needed a split up anyway; we were tripping over each other to get lines." Said Zelda.
"There. It begins now."
The portal, which truly served as a window through time, was then completely formed and began it's presentation with a macabre image; in the midst of a corpse ridden battlefield, Hylia flew high above the deceased masses.
"The world was once a diverse place, populated by many unique creatures." Demise narrated. "It was a vast and delicate ecosystem that required constant care from us who would oversee the balance of nature."
"Us?" Groose asked.
"Indeed." Said Demise "Hylia and myself, it was our duty to ensure the stability of life. Our work came in a pattern; what she helped create, I would destroy, and from the ashes of my fires, she would build the next generation. We were life and death."
Our heroes were then taken to an extravagant temple, featuring an enormous statue of Hylia with many worshipers at it's feet.
"I remained impartial to the events that transpired on the mortal plane, but there was one race that gained Hylia's favor, and these were the humans - your ancestors. In her eyes, the likeness they bore to the gods distinguished them from all the other creatures, whom she believed to be uncouth and disgusting."
"Regardless, this order was well kept for many years, but it was only until the living, with their fear of death, began to despise me and my work. They looked to Hylia as their savior, their protector; rather than a necessary piece of creation, I was made a villain."
The setting then changed again, this time to a scene of multiple armies surrounding a mountain.
"With her reverence among the living, Hylia's arrogance grew by the day. She would soon begin to seek a world dominated by humans, or Hylians, as they called themselves; an eternal empire for her to rule without opposition."
"Gorons, Zoras, Mogma, Kikwi, they all joined her cause; they fought for her against my demons, under the promise of a world free of death and destruction.
They received no such reward, for they tricked, led into a senseless battle only to die in place of her chosen ones."
Demise paused for a moment, mustering up the courage to admit the following piece of the tale.
"I begged for the assistance of the Golden Goddesses, but my cries were unheard; they... abandoned me, choosing instead to turn a blind eye to Hylia's madness. My demon armies and I were defeated. We were pushed back into the Underworld and cut off from the Earth."
"...And that brings us to where we stand today. Humans, safe in the clouds to worship Hylia in ignorance while the beasts linger in squalor on the surface."
The time rift began to close, taking Groose and Zelda back to the present.
"Are you finished boring my people with your stupid lectures?"
Just as soon as our heroes returned to the entrance of Ghirahim's collapsed lair, they surprised to see Hylia waiting for them overhead.
*SLAM!*
Before they had any time to react, Demise and Ghirahim were telekinetically lifted into the air and thrust into the ground with enough tremendous force to ignite the grass beneath them and leave a burnt crater where they laid incapacitated.
"AS FOR YOU!" She roared "First, you interfere with my plans, and now you conspire against me?! I'm solving this myself, ONCE AND FOR ALL!"
Hylia conjured a radiant sphere of hot energy in her hands, prepared to vaporize everyone in the vicinity, but Groose rose to the occasion.
"I will vanquish you, Hylia!" He declared.
Groose leapt towards Hylia with his sword, slashing it straight across her throat, leaving a trail of bright sparks in its wake. To his utter surprise, Groose saw that his mighty blade left behind no wound; it had simply grazed right off her skin.
"HAHAHA! You stupid idiot!" Hylia laughed.
Hylia knocked Groose back to the ground with one swipe of her hand.
"Perhaps you are in need of a reminder; I AM YOUR GODDESS!" Said Hylia as she summoned many bolts of lightning to rain down on Groose.
"GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!" Zelda screamed.
Demise and Ghirahim were horrified; they saw great promise in Groose, yet he was so easily cast aside. As their champion lay on the ground, bloodied and beaten, Hylia then turned her attention to the two fallen demons.
"Was THAT your champion, Demise?" She scoffed "Maybe you should have spent these years preparing a better attack. NOW DIE!"
Zelda, Demise, and Ghirahim braced for the next hit, surely the one that will end them.