15

Thank you so much for your kind reviews, JanetM74, islandsandstars and Minimam - it keeps me motivated to continue writing for sure!

Jeff was getting stronger, by the second day since waking from his fever his full appetite had returned and he was bright and alert. He had even been able to join Tin-tin and Kyrano in the living room his leg propped on a foot stool whilst sat in a chair for short periods.

Jeff wasn't sure what it was about Kyrano but they seemed to have an instant connection. Both of them revelled in being in each other's company. On the surface they seemed so different and with not knowing Jeff's history it was hard to determine if they had anything in common but it didn't seem to affect them in the slightest. Kyrano had been trying to teach Jeff Congkak, a strategy game in which the aim of the game is to get as many shells into your 'storehouse' as you can. It was safe to say Jeff was addicted and determined to beat Kyrano. A clearly competitive but good-natured dynamic was forming between the two men.

"Right take me through it again Kyrano, I'm still confused at points." Jeff frowned in concentration through the reading glasses he had borrowed off of Kyrano.

Kyrano gestured to the board that had seven holes on each side and two larger holes on the outer edges. "We each have a side of the board closest to us with seven houses and one large storehouse each at the end. Each 'house' has seven shells in. The storehouse to left of you is yours and the aim is to get all the shells into it first or more than your opponent." Kyrano adjusted the board so it was within Jeff's reach. "When it's your turn you can pick any of your houses and grab all the shells; you then deposit each one in a clockwise motion into each of the houses except your opponent's store house."

"But I can put one in my storehouse?"

"If you pass it on your turn then yes. If you your last shell lands in one of your houses you may take another turn by scooping up another set of your stones and 'sowing' them. if you land in an empty house on your side, you can then take my shells opposite and place them in your storehouse. If you land in one of my empty houses, you miss a turn."

"Ok, ok I've got it this time I'm sure!" Jeff flipped the coin Kyrano had given him. "You call it" Jeff instructed.

"Tails"

"Well would you look at that! alright then you first." Jeff gestured at the board.

Tin-tin smiled at the two men engrossed in the game across the room. Mr. Tracy would be lucky to beat her father, he had played the game in the classroom many times over the years. It was nice to see her father have company. Since their mother's death and returning to his home village he had become very withdrawn and quiet. Jeff was bringing out a playful and companionable side to her father that she had not seen for many years. She hoped that whatever happened with Mr. Tracy they could remain as friends even if it was at a distance. She returned to her laptop and tried to focus on the university applications she was trying to complete. She was applying for the university of London and the university of Tokyo. She hoped one of them would accept her but it was very much dependent on if she could secure at least two of the bursaries she had applied for. She was waiting for an answer any day now and it had been making her very anxious. Jeff was a welcome distraction.

"Ah I've almost done it!" Jeff exclaimed his face animated in a smile.

"Don't count your chickens just yet Mr. Tracy" Kyrano replied just as he scooped up another one of Jeff's houses.

"Oh well; I almost felt like a millionaire!" he chuckled at the irony of his words.

"Time for some tea I think." observed Kyrano as he swiftly brought the first stage of their game to an end.

"I'll get it father." Tin-tin could do with stretching her legs. She headed to the kitchen.

"Is she still looking at university applications?" Asked Jeff.

"Yes, but she's worried she may not be able to secure the funding for the course she has her heart set on but she has applied for several bursaries I am confident she will secure at least one."

"I can imagine her applications were strong contenders." The praise in Jeff tone was clear. He had spoken to Tin-tin about her engineering interests as it was a topic that seems to fascinate him too - although he couldn't explain why. She was already incredibly knowledgeable it would be a waste to let such talent go uncultivated simply because she couldn't afford the fees.

Kyrano smiled. "My daughter has grown into a beautiful and intelligent woman; I am already proud of her no matter what happens."

The pride radiating from Kyrano seemed familiar somehow to Jeff like he had experienced that kind of pride before for a child…. A child of his own? But that couldn't be could it? He wouldn't forget he had children surely?... a wife. For some reason he suddenly felt overcome with an overwhelming sense of loss and sadness which was ridiculous; the only thing he'd lost was his damn memory. He frowned and shook his head.

"Is something wrong Mr. Tracy?" Kyrano looked concerned. For a moment Jeff had looked grief-stricken, his expression pained.

"I'm not sure, I don't think so…. I thought I might have remembered something but I didn't. Whatever it was has passed."

"Hmm." Kyrano pondered as Tin-tin set the tray down on the coffee table next to them. "Thank you"

Tin-tin nodded and settled down again, she had come back in just as Jeff seemed to experience some sort of brief episode. Whatever it was must have been awful, there had been such sadness in his eyes. Even if it was only fleeting; something had haunted him.

"Maybe now you are recovering we ought to think about contacting the embassy to see if anyone is looking for you? I am sure you are being missed." Kyrano said gently.

"I'm not sure…I'm not sure I'm ready yet. I… I don't know why; I can't explain it. Maybe just a couple more days till I'm more mobile?" Jeff tried to cover his anxieties that he could suddenly feel creeping up on him, ready to expose him. What was this?

"Very well, only when you are ready. As we said you are more than welcome to stay for as long as you need."

"Thank you Kyrano you are most kind. Tin-tin you have a wonderful father."

"I know Mr. Tracy I am very lucky indeed." She smiled over the top of her laptop.

Jeff returned the smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Would you like to lie down for a while Mr. Tracy, you have coped really well but you must be tired. Your body still has a lot of healing to do". Jeff felt relieved, he didn't want to seem like he needed a way out but Kyrano offering made it seem less like running away but that's exactly what Jeff was itching to do.

"That would be welcome, I do feel tired all of a sudden." Kyrano lifted the side table away as Jeff leant forwards to get up. He still needed a lot of assistance from Kyrano to stand from sitting but he managed with the staff to get himself across the short distance to what had become his room. Kyrano only checked in to make sure Jeff had managed to get into bed ok before placing Jeff's coffee next to him and leaving.

He sat upright in the plush pillows nursing his coffee. What on earth was that just now? That torrent of rising despair and anxiety seemly stemming from nowhere but it had to come from somewhere. He was sure he had almost remembered something but as soon as he was on the cusp of realisation it was like his mind had pre-empted him and shut him out like a door caught in the wind that abruptly slams shut. Jeff was confused and anxious as to what he was missing. He only sipped a small amount of coffee if he actually wanted to sleep, he better not have it all. He settled into the pillows first, initially struggling with the light of the day (Even though the were blinds drawn). Eventually he settled in to a semi restless sleep.

"I wonder what upset Mr. Tracy so much." Voiced Tin-tin softly when her father returned.

"I think as he starts to recover physically, he is starting to gain a stronger awareness of his memory loss and the fact it has not yet returned. It was almost like he remembered something but it is important not to push with these things. Time is a great healer." Kyrano reasoned.

"Well I hope a rest will do him some good at least, he had been making wonderful progress. He was almost panicked by the suggestion of checking in with the embassy." Tin-tin wondered why. A man like Mr. Tracy didn't seem like the fugitive type or a person that would be of a concern to the embassy.

"Yes, I noticed that too, I think it has less to do with fear of the embassy and more fear of what he may find out about his real life. It must be terrifying not knowing who you are and having to find out from other people second hand. Imagine suddenly finding out you have an immediate family that you know nothing about. Sometimes ignorance is bliss."

Jeff tossed and turned in bed as he started to visualise a door with mixed feelings of intense curiosity but interceded with trepidation. He was in a long white corridor but there was only one door right at the end. It looked like it was miles away but he could see the jet-black door quite clearly. He looked over his shoulders but there was just another long expanse of corridor. He was the only soul here. He swallowed and took a cautious bare footed step forwards in his borrowed bed clothes. He shakily touched the walls next to him at arm's length, they felt solid and cold. He walked onwards; it seemed the only way to go that was when he noticed the whispers. He cocked his head as he continued. It sounded like more than one voice but it was hard to tell, they were so quiet and indistinct almost like white noise but he felt that they wanted him to follow. He was drawn further down the corridor, the jet-black door increasing in size, or was it coming closer? The incoherent whispers were getting louder and louder, Jeff realised they were coming from the door. He was now suddenly a stone's throw in front of it. He reached out to place a tentative hand on the ornate gothic looking knocker, the metal icy to the touch. As soon as he touched it, it was like he had been sucked into a vortex. The whispers thrashed in a frenzy becoming louder and louder as a pain like Jeff had never known shot though his arm and every fiber of his being. He fell back like he was burned, terrified. Whatever was behind that door he didn't want to know! It was full of darkness, despair and self-loathing. The door started to rattle on its hinges the noises sending Jeff into a terror. He couldn't be here when that door opened! He had to get out of here now! He picked himself up and started running, tearing away from the door. Screaming to be let out, the screaming turned to crying, the crying to begging as he hammered on the wall. Please! Please don't make me open it! I've suffered enough…. ENOUGH! LET ME GO!

Tin-tin burst into the room, Kyrano rushing behind her. Jeff was trashing on the bed in pure anguish. He was still asleep but obviously in the throws of some kind of nightmare. "We have to wake him; he'll damage his leg further!" Tin-tin cried.

"Careful he may lash out! I will try to wake him, stand back a moment." Kyrano quickly reached Jeff's shoulder and placed a hand carefully on him. "Don't make me, don't make me, don't make me." Jeff uttered over and over.

"Mr. Tracy! Wake up its just a dream, you just need to wake up." Kyrano rubbed his shoulder quickly, he didn't want to shake him awake if he could help it, Jeff was already terrified.

Jeff was on his side curled inwards his hands over his ears and his eyes squeezed shut, he just wanted this to end! The voices continued to entice him towards the door, seeping through his fingers. It took him a few moments to notice a different voice, one that sounded familiar…. "All you need to do is wake up, it is only a dream. Listen to my voice, focus on the sound and open your eyes" ….. Kyrano! The voices hissed like they had been burned at his realisation, the black tendrils retreating from his hands; blowing away to nothing more than dust.

Jeff flew forwards eyes wide open, yelling in shock. Kyrano swam before his eyes and he realised he was safe. Kyrano was sat on the edge of the bed, Jeff was reeling he didn't know how to feel or react as the racking sobs took control of him. He tried to force them to stop but he couldn't. "Tin-tin could you see to the lunch I left please?" She nodded and swiftly exited the room; she understood her father was seeking privacy on behalf of poor Mr. Tracy.

Jeff lay back and looked towards the window, he couldn't bear to have someone witness this weakness, especially when he had no explanation for it. Kyrano sat patiently a constant but unobtrusive presence which Jeff realised was just the type of comfort he needed. After while the racking sobs stilled as Jeff gained control. He sat up against the headboard.

"I'm sorry" His voice was fractured. He couldn't look at Kyrano so he focused on the painting behind him instead.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You have been through a terrible ordeal; memory loss is a terrifying experience on its own, let alone surviving a plane crash."

"Its not normal though is it? you must think I'm crazy?" Jeff looked anxious.

"I think you're a normal man that's experienced extraordinary trauma recently. You are not crazy; your feelings are quite valid." Kyrano replied calmly.

"They are?" Jeff quirked an eyebrow.

"Tell me what you saw, only if you can. There is no pressure."

Jeff ran a hand across his face. "I don't remember a lot but there were all these voices and a door, they seemed…... connected somehow - intrinsically linked. When I touched the door, it was like I'd been burned but not in fire; in grief. I ran but I couldn't leave. Then I heard you telling me it was a dream."

Kyrano was quite for a moment contemplating. "I am no doctor but I think now you're physically recovering your mind is trying to heal too but something is holding you back. Some deep-rooted anxiety or concern. There is not a lot you can do but if you would like I could teach you some mindfulness. I think it would aid your recovery."

"Mindfulness?" Jeff sounded unconvinced. What even was that?

"Mindfulness is about feeling the present moment mind, body and soul. It's about learning to be fully aware in the moment but in a non-reactive manner."

"Like meditating?" Jeff said bluntly still not comfortable with the idea.

"It can start that way…. but it can become far more intuitive if you are open to the concept. At least have a think about it and if you would like to, we can try it."

"Ok, I haven't got anything to lose I guess." he shrugged.

"Good" Kyrano looked pleased. "Right let me go and get your lunch, would you prefer it in here or in the living room."

"Here would be good, my leg is throbbing."

Kyrano nodded before turning to exit.

"Kyrano?"

"Yes Mr. Tracy?"

"Thank you for not thinking I'm crazy."

Kyrano smiled.