When their bond breaks it is not instant. Instead, as she watches in dawning horror as Ben begins to fade away, that incorporeal connection pulling taught where it's end is buried in her chest. It's tethered to her soul itself and there is pain that rips a gasp from her throat. Everything inside of her grasps at it tight as she can, refuses to let go of the thread of their Dyad as panic encroaches when that thread begins to fray. No! Please no! They had finally found their way to each other, had fought through the galaxy's worth of Bantha shit between them only for him to abandon her at the end just like everyone else.
Then the anger comes and is an all consuming tide. The force had bonded her to a monster in order to save the galaxies and she'd suffered for it. It wouldn't now deny her the ending she'd damn well earned. Reckless abandon coupled with desperate anger fuel Rey as she dives into the force and further into their fraying bond. She can feel the power bubble in her veins and spreading fire under her skin and it's too much but nothing compared to losing him forever. Ben is the other half of her soul and the frayed strands weep in agony from where he's being ripped from her. In passing she tries to soothe them but the headlong rush doesn't slow. Where he should be there is only silence but it's still tethered somewhere, somewhere so very far away but she'll find him. Even as she loses track of time and space itself she refuses to stop.
The power scorches her veins but pain no longer concerns her. Rey throws everything she is into the bond and follows the call of his soul until finally, finally there is an echo, a discordant hum but it is familiar and gives her the direction she needs. Suddenly it becomes like swimming through sand, thick and suffocating but she would suffer anything to find him again.
As time passes she becomes dizzy, her spirit untethered as she's gone much too far into the force itself. All she can focus on is that thread she grasps so desperately and as everything spins out of focus she feels a whisper of response from him, wherever he may be.
Waking is slow and painful. Her body throbs and screams from the strain she's forced it through in her desperation. When she whimpers involuntarily she realizes she's parched and sore as if she's been screaming and maybe she has. Rey isn't sure of anything at this point. What she's done was reckless and irresponsible but the hum in her chest is better than the horrible silence. It's only when she tries to move that she realizes she can't. There are cuffs on her arms and legs that hold her to a tilted surface she would recognize anywhere. But it's not possible. Shock and hope war as she struggles to gather her remaining courage, to open her eyes and see the interrogation room. How? When she dares to stretch her senses it is difficult but she can feel him and heaves a gusty sigh.
She shouldn't be afraid of him. Not now, even if he doesn't remember and is still the monster not the man. That is if she's even right. But scared she is because this is impossible and everything she is hoping for except that he won't know her. A sob bubbles from her lips as she scrounges her defenses and looks up. Impossible it may be but there he is, the monster she's fallen in love with. The first time they'd done this she had been afraid and he lost but now all she wants is to touch him, assure herself he wasn't some force vision sent to torment her.
Their bond is off, like a radio tuned to the wrong frequency, but it is there and firmly seated at both ends once more. The tears flow freely and her voice comes out with a hoarse sob. "Your mask. Please, take it off."
"And why would I do that?" Even modulated by the helm he wears that dark voice races through her to soothe her battered soul and not even his smarmy tone can ruin it for her.
"I'll give you what you want. Please." Before, she'd never have lowered herself like this, would beg no one and especially not him. Now she just wants to see his eyes, feel their Dyad roar to life. Their connection will change the fate of the galaxy but all that matters to her is Ben.
The imposing black clad form considers her for a time, giving her the impression that he is confused by her. Good, she herself is confused so least they are together in that. It ceases to matter when he rises fluidly and with a dramatic flourish removes the mask he wears. Those wet soil eyes speak to her in ways she struggles to fully understand.
"Tell me about the droid." Ben's voice is a velvety burr but the menace from last time is missing.
"We both know you can take what you want. Let me show you." Her hazel gaze holds his own steadily, a challenge but one she knows he won't understand. He seems wary but soon power brushes against her, force power so distinctly his and Rey opens herself wholeheartedly. It may not be wise to show him everything that she's lived but she will not muddy their connection again. Will hide nothing from the man who owns the other half of her soul. Her Dyad.
At first he skims for the information he wants but when she shows him glimpses of himself Ben delves deep to watch memory after memory from the life they had lived once before. Watching it all again makes her sad because they had both been so stubborn and foolish, made so many mistakes. All that keeps her from breaking all over again is the feel of him anchored to her once more. It may be muted but it is there.
She doesn't focus on watching her future (past?), can't relive some of those moments so focuses instead on him as he devours her memories. It seems like an endless tide until at last he reaches their final battle on Exogol and another whimper tears from her when she watches him be wrenched from her and thrown down the pit, torn from her side where he'd always belonged. There is pride watching herself defeat Palpatine once and for all but seeing herself die is disconcerting. Ben's shock reverberates around them in the sudden silence. Then she's suddenly just...not dead. Rey knows logically that he'd healed her, had felt his power drag her back into her body like a command she couldn't help but obey.
She had been flooded by awe and joy for only a few precious moments before he'd been ripped from her again. That one small moment, on desperate kiss filled with relief and love she'd only just begun to come to terms with leaves this Ben stunned stupid until horror blooms as she watches him fade away. Her last memories are jumbled and frantic before power explodes from her before darkness and then this. He's finally seen all there is to see and gently she nudges her power against his own until he reluctantly retreats so she is alone in her mind once more.
"It's not possible." But he doesn't sound convinced. It takes her a few moments before she can pry open her eyes. Exhaustion drag's at her but he's just seen the impossible and she needs to know how he will react since the bond does not sing between them yet. To her shock when she finally looks up he is already watching her without the suspicious anger she expects. In that dark gaze instead is startled wonder, hIs full lips parted to drag in heavy lungful's of air as he looks her over. Clearing her parched throat she croaks back at him.
"I know it seems impossible but I swear to you Ben, it's the truth." He startles badly at the name and she wishes she could return his memories but she has already pushed the limits of the force and she'll be glad to take what she's been given. "I don't know how it happened. I grasped our bond and all I wanted was to find you. It had begun to fray so before it could snap I threw all I had into the force to follow you."
"Rey. You're Rey." It's obvious but a start and she nods frantically.
"Yes. Rey, from Jakku."
"Why...how...you don't...Rey if what you've shown me is true do you realize what you've done?" He seems rather adorably befuddled and she cant help a tired grin.
"Found you again. That was all that mattered." A flush rises to his cheeks and across his nose as she watches, fascinated. It's a truly delightful reaction.
"You've manipulated time! You. A scavenger from Jakku."
"Our souls are bound Ben, two parts of a whole. You are a prodigy in the force and I, you're equal, so together our power is limitless. When we fought together it was like finding balance. Palpatine called us a Dyad in the force, a power like life itself. I wanted to find you and the force guided me."
"You came for me." It isn't a question yet still sounds like one. They'd both been alone, so afraid for so long.
"How could I not? You came for me first." That seems to stump him. "I never even considered something like this could happen though."
"I offered you my hand. You didn't take it." This is incredulous, as if he cannot believe he would have done such a thing.
"Oh of course that's what you'd focus on. Yes Kylo Ren, you offered me your hand and everything that comes along with it. I wanted to take it, Ben's hand. But you were lost to Palpatine for so long, were so far gone and I could not follow." It had been the hardest thing she'd had to do, turning him down. Leaving him there. He hadn't been ready then. Now. Whenever it was. "Kriff we are both so stubborn. Were so foolish not to see what we were to one another. But I wanted to. You saw that."
"Yes. I did." This is more familiar, the aura of a male secure in his power, smug with it even. Confused though he may be he is still haughty, a blending of Kylo and Ben that makes her ache. When she had told him that on the ruins of the death star she had thought it would be the last time she'd ever see him. Wanted him to know how it had torn at her to refuse him because she'd never expected him to follow her to Exogol. She'd so lost in remembering she fails to notice him step closer until he is towering over her small frame and is quite suddenly reminded of just how large Ben is. How broad and powerful Kylo Ren was in his prime was. Those dark eyes devour her now instead of her memories and the curl of heat that causes stains her cheeks red when it settles low in her belly. Her reactions to him have always been so unfair. Unable to hold that heady gaze she drops her eyes to his broad chest instead.
One black leather clad hand raises, cradles her jaw with a soft touch and urges her eyes back to him. Even through the fabric he radiates warmth and Rey instinctively turns to nuzzle into the large palm in a move that makes him inhale sharply.
"It is...difficult to believe but I've seen it. Felt it. You may not have been my Empress but you are mine, aren't you sweetheart?" Iis fanged half grin makers her heart stutter, just like the other time she'd gotten to see it on Exogol before the end. When her restraints snap open Rey jolts badly and he snickers as his hands move to curl over her hips so he can guide her to her feet. The truth of his words rings in the air and Rey shivers at their proximity. This time she can't look away from his eyes.
"You offered me the galaxy once but I only ever wanted you."
"Rey." It's soft, yearning, and then he is bent as his mouth demands a surrender that she is more than willing to give. The one small taste of this they'd once gotten is nothing, a drop in the ocean compared to how he kisses her now. Before they'd both been exhausted, injured, both moments from death respectively. Here, now, he is viral, heady, powerful as he commands her so he can draw responses she hadn't known were possible. A helpless mewl allows him access to swipe his tongue possessively into her mouth and Rey is lost.
When they part she is dazed and flushed, lips swollen from nibbles and licks that weaken her knees. The haze clears to find him watching her raptly. Her blush flushes her even further and he smiles, a predatory thing she likes far too much. At some point she's looped her arms around his neck, has her calloused hand buried in the silk of his dark locks. He is so tall she's on her toes to reach but when she moves to let go one of his arms loops around her waist, takes her weight to keep her there against him. She squeaks a noise and in response he chuckles like she's never heard.
"Ben." This close he smells amazing, warm and richly spiced like the booze Poe smuggled in once but with an undertone of something she can only describe as wild. He's so impossibly large, unfairly appealing compared to her little sand rat self. The thought makes her wince and her gaze can't help but to drop again as her nerves flare. The exhaustion she'd been happily ignoring rises suddenly, drowns her as a lance of pain in her skull makes her hiss. Such massive power usage was bound to catch up to her but this is sudden agony. Panic is fuzzy in her mind as Kylo tenses.
"Rey?" She wants to answer him, enjoy the rush of hearing him say her name, but she's gone again and can only hope he catches her as she crumples.
The world rushes back to her and she panics, shoots to a sitting position with a gasp followed by a pained groan. Her hands raise to cradle her head as it pounds viciously. Every muscle and joint feels swollen, pulled too tight over her veins that feel burnt from power. Rey was ready to accept any repercussions but this, this is unlike anything she's known. A large hand drops onto her shoulder and she jerks away painfully and whips towards it.
Her groggy eyes slit open to see Ben crouched beside her, an odd look in his eyes that she cannot place at the moment. Settling with his presence Rey lowers back to the bed she's laid upon, turns to curl tightly into herself while facing him. The hand that had been on her shoulder hovers a few moments before it curls into a fist and the other moves to brush a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Should I call a droid?"
"No." It's a breath, a wisp of sound but he nods so she knows he heard her. His concern would be her undoing.
"Is there anything I can do Rey? You healed me before and then...could that help?" When his hand moves she snags it with her own, shakes her head resolutely. She'd already pushed the bounds and would not risk anymore. Healing was hard on it's own but their bond is new and fragile and it's simply too risky to her mind and though he seems unhappy Ben doesn't argue. "Rest Rey. These are my quarters, you're safe."
"Thank you, Ben." She breaths against his pillow, eyes open just enough to see him flinch. Moving her grasp from hand to arm she pulls the barrier from it, threads their fingers together when she's tossed the glove away. Their bond thrums pleasantly at the contact, his surprise clear before those long, elegant fingers curl with her own. She fades to the feel of him there.
Rey's next awakening is far less jolting then the last two but still causes her a few moments of disorientation. She is sore but nothing like before thankfully. Her eyes open to darkness and there is a curl of unease that has her biting her lip before tentatively reaching out her senses, newborn as they are in this time. Instantly Ben's heady darkness answers her call, encompasses her in a feeling of safety. Before they'd spent so much time denying what they were to each other but now the flow between them is effortless and when she turns her head she is unsurprised to find him in the doorframe.
"How long have I been asleep?" Ben's eyes darken at her question and he takes a large step closer.
"Three days." The concern behind his stoic tone is a drumbeat in their bond.
"Im sorry Ben." At the sound of his name he closes the distance between them and crushes her mouth in a brutal kiss, nearly desperate. Her hands come to cradle either side of his jaw and when they part to pant heavily he growls at her.
"I only just found you scavenger. Never do that again." A gentle nip beneath her ear makes her melt and shiver. "You and me sweetheart, we're gonna fix the galaxy. And when it's all over I'm yours and you're mine. Forever."