Second chances I never thought I'd have

by Linneagb

The boys can't pass away, there's just something left to do. Something as in Luke has to talk to his parents and they just need to find a way for that to be done.

I could have finished this earlier but I wrote a song/ poem for it (it's a poem, it doesn't have a melody. I can't write songs but let's pretend it does) and it just didn't want to be written.

And then, when I came up with it I couldn't think of a title. But I finally thought of one. And here we are.

Anyway, I came up with this. I get it if the idea isn't unique so I just decided not to read any JATP story before I wrote it making sure I'm not copying anything or anyone. If I do then it's an honest mistake.

Is that all? I think that's all. I hope you like it.

…And then, just as they were shining their brightest and we thought they'd pass away the light went out and suddenly the boys looked like real, not- shining people again, and as I kept my arm around them I felt my arm going right through them.

"What on earth?" ´Reggie was the first one to say anything. "We aren't passing away? Didn't we already do what we stayed here for?"

"I think so." Alex was looking up and down his arm and then poked me- his hand going right through my skin. "But then why is this happening?"

For quite a while they were all quiet, but still. Luke was the only one who hadn't said anything…

"I think I know." He said at last and looked at his two friends. "You should just go on and cross over- I'll be there soon."

"No way man!" Reggie said. "We came here together and therefore, when we leave this place, it will not be until we can do it together… but what is it?"

"I…" Luke pulled out a paper sheet from his back pocket and unfolded it. "…I still have this song left to play. Gosh, I didn't even want to let anyone hear it because it kind of sucks. But I have to play it for them and I need to talk to them myself,"

"Them…" Alex questioned, even though the answer was obvious. "…as in your parents?"

Luke nodded and unfolded the paper with the lyrics. I got the same feeling as from "Unsaid Emily" as he showed the other guys.

"I think I know what you have to do... But what if Caleb comes back before we're finished."

"I just…" Luke took his guitar again. "I just have a feeling that he won't. We're strong enough now to fight him. You see… I sort of have to tell you about this song… All other songs I write is always… I just never say anything clear and obvious. I was going to do that this time too, I knew I had to do without that. And I knew I had to write up from down what I was thinking and I knew…" He looked straight at me. "…I know I need your help… again!"

My stomach was in knots when Luke showed me the song he had written, and nonetheless when I was standing right outside the Pattersons' house and rang the doorbell.

Sure! Now they'd gone away and left me alone.

"Yes?" Mr. Patterson came to the door. "Oh. Ehrm… Hej. Jenny, right?"

"Julie." I corrected. "Julie Molina… ehrm…"

I had made out every word of what I was going to say when I came here. I had rehearsed it, wondered about what Mr. or Mrs. Patterson would say back, Luke never knew after all of these years and finally deciding on something.

Now my mouth was dry and I'd forgotten my own name exactly one second after I said it.

"Julie? Can I help you?"

I was about to- not give them another song, but tell them that their son who had been dead for twenty-five years was still here and needed to talk to them.

Although, they would need a very open mind for this- wide open. Not want to throw me out first…

"Did you find another song?"

"No." Finally a question I could answer. "But… I have something else- it's a bit complicated." I looked around. "Maybe I shouldn't stand here on the porch and…"

"Oh, of course, of course. Come in." Mr. Patterson stepped away from the door and just as I came inside Mrs. Patterson came from inside the house.

"Julie?" She got it right first. "What brings you here today? Have you got another song?"

"No… Well, yes."

"That's a lovely shirt" she said this time too. This wasn't one of my mum's. But the red button-up, printed with white dahlias still reminded me of my mum. "Sorry. It seems you were about to say something."

"Yeah." I took a deep breath. "I was… you were, I was… you should probably go sit down."

"Julie, sweetheart." Mrs. Patterson seemed all kinds of calm that I wasn't. "You are shaking from head to toe. What's the matter? Do you need some water or…"

"No…" my mouth and throat still felt dry, my head was spinning, but I needed to do it and it was happening- now. "…You should probably sit down." Mr. and Mrs. Patterson led me into a living room where they did as they were told. "You see…. I do live where Luke's band used to rehearse. But there's more to it than that."

I was still playing with my fingers in front of me, stood weighing from one foot to the other and just like Mrs. Patterson had just said I was shaking from head to toe. So at last I had to stop, took a deep breath and started again.

"I found some things with sunset curve, the band on when I was going through some of my mum's things. And I played some songs and all of a sudden they were right there- like, right there, the band, in my garage. Like… ghosts. Or musician spirits- they prefer that."

"Whoa," Mr. Patterson stood up, holding up a hand. "Whoa, whoa… You're saying… you saw our son's ghost?"

There was probably nothing else for me to do than to simply answer the questions.

"Yes."

"And his bandmates?"

"Yes."

"As ghosts?"

"Yes."

"Playing… music?"

"Yes?"

"In your garage?"

"Yes… But other places too. You see…"

Mr. Patterson reacted how I would have expected him to, he gave a sad kind of laugh and walked over to the window, standing with his back against me he started talking but his voice sounded shakier than it had before.

"I hope Julie, you will never have to go through and feel what it feels like to lose a child." He said dryly. "You lose the most important piece of yourself. You live the rest of your life heartbroken and there is no way anyone could ever know without having gone through it themselves." He turned around and towards me again and his eyes were black in anger. "I don't know you well. But I never thought there were such people who come in like you who wanted to take advantage…"

His voice sounded louder and louder for every noise. Mr. Patterson had grown into twice his normal size and I would not be any kind of surprised if he threw me out of his house, head first.

"Mitch!" Mrs. Patterson got up and laid a hand towards his chest. "You're scaring her. Please… we can at least let her finish."

"Yes." Mr. Patterson mumbled. "Yes, of course. Go on."

I had been thrown of guard and it took me almost half a minute to remember where I was and where I'd go on from.

"And… I… I'm… I seem to be the only one who can see them. But then, when they play- when they play and sing and dance everyone can. And they helped me find my way back to music again. And then… your son thinks there's one thing left to do before he can pass over- to heaven I guess. And it's got to do with a song that he needs to play to you guys… But then, I have to start… singing, and within a verse or so- the band will just… appear around me. Then we'll play together."

I took a deep breath and hoped Mr. or Mrs. Patterson would say something so I didn't have to. But they didn't. Mr. Patterson was still standing and they waited for me to start.

I had no keyboard, no piano, no instruments at all, I had no stage or microphone.

All I had was me, my voice…

And the nervousity that was running through my body so to the point all of me was still shaking.

I had never been so nervous in my life- what if I sang, kept on singing, did nothing else but break their hearts all over again…

Sooner or later I just had to start singing…

You just never expect things to be over
there will always be another today
to find the right words to say
that can fix everything that's been wrong
and makes it all okay

But then
all of a sudden you're caught up with fate
everything changes
and it'll all be too late

The song started with the refrain, all of it- well, something like it. The parts of the song came a bit here and there and it had taken me the most part of twenty-four hours to learn it.

And no matter how much I and the boys had rehearsed, for every second that went by my heart beat harder- maybe this was the reason the boys wouldn't turn up at all.

While I could sing that part, no way was I taking over the parts that was written from Luke's own point of view.

The seconds seemed so long.

And then all of a sudden…

Mrs. Patterson screamed out loud when all of a sudden there was a bang and the band was suddenly standing right around me.

And then, after just a split second they realized Luke- their only son they thought they'd lost forever was among what had just turned up in front of them. And as Luke started singing, I could finally breathe again.

I'm getting my bike and pedaling away
I never said my goodbyes
I'm refusing to admit I've done something wrong
too proud to apologize

There's no way we could have known
I'm losing one of my last chances then
to ever say I'm sorry
hug you and say I love you again

Mr. Patterson hadn't sat down- he still stood at the same point from when Mrs. Patterson had stopped him from yelling at me. His chin had dropped and he had probably forgotten all around him except for himself and Luke.

Mrs. Patterson on the other hand laid on her knees in front of the couch she'd sat on and had buried her face in her hands. All of her was trembling with sobs but the boys kept playing- in fear they'd go away if they didn't.

The first half of the earlier refrain was sung one more time, and this time with myself and Luke singing together.

You just never expect things to be over
there will always be another today
to find the right words to say
that can fix everything that's been wrong
makes it all okay

I silent again for the part where Luke sang from his own point again. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and his voice was breaking but still his voice seemed steady as he played and he continued on his own.

Now I'm standing in the garden
Hidden behind a tree
all I would have to do is step out and you'd see me
but I'm as stubborn
and as coward
as a person can be
when I see you move from the window
I turn around and leave

I hadn't asked if he'd actually hidden behind a tree like that. It seemed like something he would do, and it just broke my heart- if I had ever known Carlos, Flynn, Aunt Tia or dad would do something like this I couldn't ever have lived with myself again.

Then, just as Luke's voice gave up on him the second half of the refrain came and we all sang. The part where I sang the last.

But then
as I was suddenly caught up with fate
everything changes
and time will all be too late

Luke's voice somehow sounded stronger again when he sang the next two lines.

Now I finally have another chance
and I'm gonna take it

The song was about to end, the boys sang together a few lines. And that until Alex said one short line, Reggie another short, and at last Luke sang the very last line of the song with his voice shaking and giving up at the last word.

There are thousands words in the English language
and another thousands that used to be there too
but the most important seem way too hard to say
help me
I'm sorry
and I love you

With the singing only for the very last line the last tone rang out, for just a few seconds everything we heard was Mrs. Patterson's sobbing, then the boys started playing again, but only all quietly so we could start talking.

"I don't dare to stop playing. Maybe when I do I'll be gone again…. Or maybe Caleb will come back."

"Who's Caleb?"

"Julie will explain it to you. I… I…" Luke still had tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry. I never meant to leave you."

Before I could stop Mrs. Patterson had stepped forward, none of us others could stop her before she leaped forward, she was going to hug Luke but her arms, just like we had knowns went right through him.

She screamed again and took a step back looking her arms up and down as if they could explain what had just happened.

"I'm sorry."

"No…" Mr. Patterson interrupted just as Luke said anything at all and wrapped his arms around Mrs. Patterson's shoulders as they had to realize none of them could hug Luke. "No we're the ones that should say we're sorry." He had to make a pause when crying interrupted his speaking. "And don't you think you're a coward Luke. Because you were anything but. When you have a child you promise, yourself and to everyone else. With all of you, you know you're going to be there no matter what. And then… then…"

"…then we were the cowards. Did you really do that Luke? Did you hide behind a tree?" Luke hesitated, then nodded. "I'm so sorry baby… your dad's right. You promise with all of you, you'll always be there no matter what. But then- something ends up the way we didn't quite believe it would and you're just... there's no way I could ever make an excuse for everything I said and did, only that last night. All the time before that- and I know there is no way you should ever forgive us…"

"I heard once…" Luke started and for some reason I was afraid he'd agree. "…Not forgiving is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die… then I remember how much I've missed you. And I… I just know how much I forgive you. Then I remember the poison and how sick we got from that food poisoning and I swear I will never want myself- or anyone that sick ever again."

We could all see how Luke made a failed attempt to smile and make a joke, but only reminding everyone how it was that they had died.

"I could have been there for you." Emily whimpered. "I could have said everything that needed to be… I could have cooked for you and you had never had to eat those Goddamn hotdogs."

"It's easy to be wise in hindsight. And I just remember how much I remember you than fans, how much I remember you putting me to bed or celebrating holidays, all of the ice cream I had after that girl broke up with me. And I just know that if I have all that… I don't need to remember the rest… And… The thing is I think I already said anything, in the song that I wrote if nothing else. But there's one thing I know and I think I might have to say. Still some things I have to make sure to take care of. Now… mum, dadI remember you quite preferring your first name over Mrs. And Mr. Do you still?"

"That Mrs. Always made me feel like older than my own grandma... which I almost am by now anyway."

"Yeah. Both of yours' hair was quite a lot darker the last time I saw you."

"Just coming to the conclusion that you're on first name basis with the both of them. And…" Luke looked towards the windows. "Julie's not going to ask for it, know her right she won't be asking you for anything. But just for tonight at least. Would you both be so kind and walk her home when we've left? It's dark outside."

I rolled my eyes, these boys could be way too over-protective. Dark outside or not, I didn't need a baby sitter!

"Where has all your manners and politeness come from?" Luke shrugged at his mother's question. "About twenty-five years ago, instead of asking us to you would just demand us to whether we liked it or not." Luke shrugged again.

"I guess I just grew up… a lot has happened lately." He had a dreamy look in his eyes. "Now what do you say boys?" Luke looked back at his old friends "I wish I could stay here forever but… maybe it's time to go." Right away Emily panicked, started breathing faster and stuttered.

"No. No. Don't go yet. There's so much left we have to talk about. Please don't go. There's so much we need to ask and say and answers…"

"It's okay mum… We'll see each other again. And until then, you know here and now we finally got to say and do what we needed." Emily nodded. "And the answers for the rest will never be far away. I think you'll know where you have them."

"I do." Emily laid a hand over her chest- right where her heart was. "Promise me you'll stay safe until whenever and wherever we see each other again."

Her voice had turned into almost a whisper. Anyone except for Luke and Mitch could barely hear her.

"We'll take care of each other." Luke looked back on Alex and Reggie. "So you do too. Promise me that?"

"I promise."

"You'll also have to blow out the candles on my birthday cake yourselves in coming years."

"I…." Mitch shook his head slightly. "…should have known that was you. My God, you did love blowing out candles when you were little- it was the best part of the whole year."

"And change the framed photos in the hallway to some better ones." Luke at last looked from me, to his dad, to his mum and back around a few times. "You three all need something. Promise me, you'll always be there for each other. Okay? I know you two didn't know Julie at all like a month ago but I don't care and you better!"

"We will." Emily almost whispered and stroke my hair. "We'll make sure to"

"Hey." Mitch held his arm around my shoulders and patted a bit. "After all of this. I'll prove it!" He had to make a pause and tried the tears with his left hand. "Hrm… Just know. Whatever happens, if you ever need someone to talk to or… need help with homework or want to talk about boys… although my wife is probably better than me at that talk." None of us in the room couldn't help but laugh through the tears rolling down all of our cheeks. "Always know, you're welcome here." Mitch looked up and to his son again. "Even if you've screwed up big time or… it's something crazy… although nothing gets as crazy as this…. You're always welcome or… here. Give me your phone…" I wasn't so sure what he was about to do but did as I was told and while he lowered his arm from my shoulders he pressed in some numbers before he showed me he had added himself and Emily into my contacts. "If there's anything- anything at all. That you can't talk to your family or another friend about. Send one of s a text- write 911 in it and where you are. We'll be right there and pick you up." He handed the phone back to me. "No matter where you are- no questions asked!"

"That's the way I want it dad. And you better remember that Julie, don't hesitate if you ever need anything. I do have a way with getting things exactly as I want them as you've probably noticed by now."

"Yeah…" Mitch shook his head with a slight chuckle "You really did… but I know I could never thank you enough Julie. And even though we all know we couldn't- we might just as well try. Especially how I reacted when you first started telling me what was ought to happen here today."

I felt my cheeks heating slightly and looked down- I could at least pretend like they didn't see me blushing. I hadn't done anything I hadn't been asked, and that any decent person would have done. Neither had Mitch when I tried to explain what I was here for.

"What did you do dad? Before we came?"

"That's not important now. But I'll probably spend the rest of my days apologizing for it."

Luke rolled his eyes- just like so many other guys his age would before I finally found something to say.

"I really didn't do anything that no other decent person would have done."

"Oh, you did!" Luke was still playing the guitar every other second or so not to risk that he'd fade away. "You risked- before and when you came here that people would…. You risked everything whether you actually see it or not. Alex? Are you okay?"

Alex and Reggie had been standing in the background- and Alex had been crying as usual.

"I'M NOT MADE OF STONE."

None of us could help but laugh at him, he couldn't even help to laugh at his own emotional self.

The boys had started shining while we talked and were shining more than what they were doing. While they were looking on something, I couldn't see it was obvious they were about to leave.

"I think…" I started, but had to take a break when it was my voice that was breaking. "…I think you can hug now."

Both Mitch and Emily looked mostly confused, looked towards me and then towards their son- who since before who knew since before when they'd started shining, they'd finally be able to touch.

Luke didn't move from where he stood, he was still moving just as little as he could just strumming the guitar every other second or so. Emily took one step closer after the other, as if she was afraid, he'd disappear if she moved too suddenly- maybe she was. Mitch stood a meter or two behind her and was holding his breath, didn't move a centimeter.

I could feel my heart beating fast, without noticing it I held my breath and the room had gone completely silent.

Then, for just a second Emily reached out and slightly touched Luke's cheek, and before any of us knew Luke's guitar had disappeared into thin air and Emily had thrown her arms- and for the first time in so, very long she hugged her son.

If she'd been crying before it was little and silent to how she completely broke down when she and Luke held each other, and same from Luke, and from Mitch when he wrapped his arms around the both of them.

I didn't know for how long we stood there, the Patterson's just cried out loud, and I, Alex and Reggie were watching them in silence. It could have been one minute, an hour or a year. We'd lost all track of time and none of us were going to interrupt the reunion of a family.

I barely noticed it, but the rest of the boys had stopped playing and gone all silent, none of them moved though and they obviously weren't going anywhere just yet.

And that was even though they kept shining.

Then, at last Emily found the right words.

"I love you Luke. Don't you ever forget that I love you."

"I love you too mum."

Luke's voice was muffled from having his face into Emily's shirt. I heard Mitch whispering something to the both of them, it was obviously something like Emily and Luke had just said but it was too quietly for us or the rest of the boys to hear exactly what it was.

I couldn't even imagine how long they wished and wished and wished again they'd hear each other say that again.

But all of a sudden, I couldn't help but feel just a little, tiny bit jealous.

I was angry at myself in the first second I felt it- it wasn't like I had spent twenty-five years wishing to see the other, I hadn't lost a child like Mitch had described and no matter what I was and no matter what I did, I knew I always had my family around me.

But still…

If I could have hugged my mum like that, if I could hear her say that she loved me just one more time…

"Sweetie…"

I didn't even realize I was lost in thoughts until I felt tears roll down my cheeks and Emily's hand towards my cheeks.

"Ehrm. Ahem…" I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve. "I…" I looked to the boys. "I love you so much- all three of you."

"You don't have to cry because we're going."

"Alex?" Reggie questioned at the always just as emotional friend. "You did not just say that!"

"I'M NOT MADE OF STONE."

"Neither is Julie."

I just couldn't help but laugh through the tears.

"Wherever could I have been if you guys literally hadn't turned up?" I wondered out loud. "I am so grateful for all of you. You can never understand how much…" New tears came rolling down my cheeks. "…I'd never have been where I am today without you."

"I think we could say." Mitch said after a few moments in silence. "That none of us know how much we have to thank the others for. But all of us are way more thankful than we can say so… We'll just have to imagine what we're feeling only for what happens to each… Am I making sense?"

"Nope." Luke answered. "But well said dad." Luke laid each arm around Reggie or Alex's shoulders. "I guess it's time."

We all knew what had come. And whether we'd like it or not it would have to…

Mitch and Emily had laid each arm around my shoulders- Mitch on the right, Emily on the left, I had my arms held around their waists and my fingers wrapped tight in their shirts. As if we were all three afraid that if we didn't hold on tightly enough, we'd go too. Luke held his arms wrapped around Reggie and Alex's shoulders on either side, they had all stopped sobbing but Luke still had tears rolling down his cheeks- even though not as much as only five minutes ago.

The light, just as it had back in the studio started shining around them a bit more, and one bit more and it almost got so bright, I had to close my eyes.

At last, just as I thought I'd have to, with each small smile on their lips we all knew they'd come to peace.

And with that at last. After more than twenty-five years…

They just faded away and left.

The song is called Second chances and it's written by me, myself and I. Like always when I use poems in my stories- if you'd like to use it please ask me first. If yes, please give me credit, if no, please respect that.

I know they actually didn't speak for long and they might want to. But still, I think they said what was important and they'll see each other and talk again. I hope you get what I mean and I hope you like it as it is. I just don't think it would have mattered to them as much to them, and be poorly written if they'd started talking about and everything Luke's missed. It just wouldn't be the right time.

Who should be called by first names and last names confuses me- we don't use that in Sweden. That's why I always put someone on first name basis.

I like describing clothes the characters wears. The shirt Julie's wearing there's a picture of and I'll post it on Instagram as "Linneagbfanfiction"

Random fact

I just love the relationship Mitch and Emily could have with Julie. After they lost Luke and she lost her mum. I have one more idea for one text message with "911" she'll send to Mitch. And I might come up with more.