"Like soldiers trained to fight by night, I lived in the dark so as not to be blinded when darkness came. Rehearse the pain to dull the pain. Homeopathically."
― André Aciman, Call Me by Your Name

"Merlin! Mr. Potter, are you alright?", Sinistra exclaimed, rushing to where Harry was still standing bent down in the middle. The putrid smell of vomit drifting to his nose, making him sick up again.

The woman skipped over the small puddle, her button nose wrinkling at the sight, as she put one of her hands on Harry's back in a sign of comfort.

Harry winced, stepping away, or at least trying to, unable to stand the woman, that woman touching him. He stumbled, almost falling over his feet in his bid to get away, before a strong set of arms wrapped around his middle, helping to keep him upright.

"I'll take care of this, Sinistra, you can go back to your quarters.", a dark, raspy voice said close to Harry's ear, making him shudder as the warm breath tickled his flushed skin. He thought about protesting, feeling more than horrified at the thought of Severus of all people seeing him in such a sorry state, but in the end, he did nothing, feeling too weak to do anything except lean back into that strong chest and let himself be taken care off.

Sinistra looked at the two of them dubiously but still nodded, sending a small smile of pity toward Harry before leaving them alone.

Harry closed his eyes, dreading what he was sure would come next, because surely Severus would not let this go without some sort of punishment. And Harry couldn't even blame him, knowing that he had let the Headmaster down. It was reckless, he was reckless, just like the man had been saying since the moment he met Harry.

"Come now, let's take you to your room.", Severus said, moving a bit so that he could throw one of Harry's arms around his shoulder. Harry looked at him, feeling confused at the action.

Wouldn't it have been easier just to use magic?

They trudged through the corridor, bypassing the gargoyle and going toward the door a few feet away, the entrance to Harry's quarters.

He was the only Professor that had quarters so close to the Headmasters' office, since it wasn't usually done. But once Harry Potter had come to teach at Hogwarts, it became a necessity to separate him from more public areas since he had fans even amongst students. Minerva had thought that being so close to the Headmaster's office would sway the students in bothering Harry in his private rooms and she had been right.

Snape opened the door, the wards allowing him entrance immediately without him having to say the Headmaster's password, making the man frown as his sharp eyes turned to Harry. The younger man blushed, looking away, pretending that nothing amiss had just happened all the while praying that Snape would not press the issue.

He didn't want to explain why Severus was keyed to his words, something, not even his friends were. He didn't want to think about it, let alone speak about it; about his first day back in Hogwarts, when he had keyed in the man he had not seen in months, feeling like a hopeless fool even then.

Severus helped him into the room, choosing to stay silent, thank God for small mercies, walking him to his bedroom. Harry couldn't help but blush as they stopped in front of his bed, an embarrassing giggle escaping his mouth before he could stop it.

Severus said nothing, although Harry could have sworn that one side of his lips had quirked up just for a second, as he helped him into the bed.

"Are you going to fire me?", Harry asked once he was lying down, blinking owlishly at Severus.

The man frowned as he bent down to take off his shoes, and wasn't that just mind-blowing?

"And why would I do such a thing, Mr. Potter?", he asked.

Harry frowned at the man, hating that he had started calling him by his last name, missing the way 'Harry' sounded in that raspy voice.

"I preferred it when you called me Harry. Why did you stop?"

Severus glanced up at the question, stopping what he was doing for a moment as he observed Harry curiously.

"I thought it made you uncomfortable.", he said after a second, before getting back to untying his shoes.

Harry snorted at those words before snuggling more deeply into his pillows.

"Hot, it makes me hot. Everything you say does. I blame the voice.", he mumbled, giggling once again before stopping as he remembered the scene from the corridors.

"Maybe you shouldn't, though, I don't think Sinistra would like that."

When dead silence followed his answer, Harry glanced down to his feet to find Severus staring at him with slightly widened eyes.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

Severus blinked, coming back to his senses as he stood up and threw a comforter over Harry's body, his cheeks slightly flushed.

"Sleep, Harry.", he said as he tucked him in. Harry nodded, sighing sleepily as he did as he was told, falling into a deep slumber even before the man left the room.

•

There was a sun in his room, Harry was absolutely sure of it, because why else would his head split open every time he tried opening his eyes.

He moaned, and turned to his side, blindly searching for his wand that he usually left on the bedside table, wincing as his hand hit something and it clattered down.

Please don't be the glasses, please don't be the glasses.

He thought as his hand finally reached his wand. He murmured a small incantation, sighing in relief as the blinds closed, leaving him in a blissful semi-darkness.

He sat up slowly, regretting that decision as soon as he did so, as his stomach rolled in itself, making him sick.

How much did I drink last night?

He looked toward the table, squinting since he was practically blind, a small smile spreading over his lips once he saw a shape that matched his glasses there.

Thank Merlin.

He took them and put them on, looking around his room now that he could finally see while trying to remember what happened the previous night.

He remembered going out with Hermione, and he knew there was a lot of alcohol involved, but nothing else. Did he get so smashed that Hermione had to take him back to Hogwarts?

Lovely.

He shook his head, instantly regretting it as sharp pain sliced through it, making him regret all of his life choices. He started to get up, trying to remember if he had some pain relief potion left when something on the floor caught his attention. He crouched down, picking up a small, glass bottle with a sickly yellow potion inside.

A hangover potion?

He frowned, rolling the bottle between his fingers when he spotted a small label on one side.

Drink me, Potter.

Was written on it in small, spidery handwriting, the memories of Potion's assignments marked in a river of the red ink flashing through his mind.

His eyes widened as a slew of other memories flittered through his mind, these ones more recent, and he fell on his butt as he groaned.

•

'What are you doing, Potter?", Draco drawled as Harry barged into his office, closing the door quickly behind himself.

That was the question, Harry thought.

What was he doing?

It had been a week since what he referred to as 'the incident' happened and he was yet to confront the Headmaster. He wasn't even sure how he had managed to avoid the man for so long, since, yes, Hogwarts was big, but not that big. He blamed his dumb luck, relieved that he still had some left.

Draco pointedly cleared his throat, one of his brows raised as he observed him, making Harry realize that he was still glued to the door. He stepped away, flushing in embarrassment as he tried to come up with an excuse for his odd behavior.

He had been walking through the dungeons, desperate for a change of scenery seeing as he had been holed up in his rooms for the past week, only going out to teach classes and his dueling club. He didn't even venture out for his meals, begging off, new Defense research as an excuse for his absence. What he was going to do when people asked for the results, he honestly didn't know.

He had thought that dungeons would be safe enough, seeing as Snape rarely went down there these days, probably a bit sick at the sight of them after twenty years of being forced to live there. But he had been wrong, and once he saw Snape talking with one of the Slytherin students he had panicked and ran, coming into Draco's office to hide.

Immature, he knew but he didn't care. He needed time to process everything that had happened before he could face Severus again. He felt utterly mortified at his behavior that night, from getting sick to spilling out his most intimate thoughts and just the thought of having to look Snape into his eyes made him want to curl up and just die.

Not to mention the other part of the night, the reason he got sick in the first place. Severus was in a relationship.

Harry had been too drunk that night to really process that information but once he had sobered up, it had hit him like thunder. He spent the day in his bed, thankful that it was Sunday, unable to imagine being forced to teach in the state that he had been in.

He had cried for hours, not even able to summon enough will to feel ashamed about it. After all, he was alone and knew that no one would know except himself, but that was okay; he felt ashamed of himself almost every day.

"I was just wondering if you and Luna would like to have a drink tonight?", Harry said the first thing that popped into his mind, wincing at the thought of alcohol even as he did so.

Draco looked at him for a second, his eyes narrowing as Harry twitched in place.

"I thought you were too busy with 'research'.", he said, his voice a bit louder at the word 'research' telling Harry that he hadn't bought his excuse.

Stupid, smart ferret.

Harry, though, just pretended that he didn't hear it as he walked further into office.

"Yes, but I need a break, so I thought drinks at the Broomsticks with my best friends would do the trick."

"Mhm,", Draco murmured, "best friends. I'm telling the weasel you said that.", he continued, an evil smirk on his face at the thought.

"He will never believe it."

"We'll see. Sure, why not. 7, good?", Draco asked and Harry nodded, shaking his head at the blond. The two of them may be able to tolerate each other now, but Ron and Draco never will.

•

After leaving Darco's office Harry quickly went back to his own, checking the Marauder's Map for signs of Snape, beating himself up for not thinking of doing that in the first place.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he closed the doors of his office, before noticing a big, black box waiting for him in the middle of his office, making his eyes light up at the sight of it.

It's here!

He thought, excitement rising in his chest as he stepped closer to the box.

He had been waiting for this since last school year, and after a lot of forms and back and forth correspondence with the Ministry, his request for a controlled viewing for seventh-year NEWT student of a Lethifold had finally been approved.

He smiled at the thought of the look on his oldest student's faces when they got to see a Lethifold for the first time. They were, beside Dementors, of course, the darkest creatures known to Wizardkind, extremely dangerous, perhaps even more than the Dementors since you couldn't sense them coming like you could with a Dementor. The only protection against them was the Patronus Charm, something Harry was teaching his seventh-year students, and why he had requested the Lethifold in the first place.

He turned around, his eyes scanning around his office in search of a place to put the box at until it was time to transport it to his classroom, when he was suddenly grabbed from behind, a clammy touch slithering over his neck, wrapping around it and preventing him from taking another breath.

He quickly reached for his wand, but his hand was seized before he could so much as utter a spell, the wand falling out of his grasp and cluttering on the stone floor away from him. Harry started to panic, black spots appearing in his vision as he struggled to detach the Lethifold from his body, but it was futile.

He had already started to think that he was actually going to die, here, in his office by a fucking Lethifold no less, when he was suddenly free, falling down to his knees as he started coughing.

He moved as soon as he came around, crawling toward his wand, snatching it up, and instantly turning around, the Patronus Charm already on his lips, but at the sight that greeted him, he froze in his tracks, his wand cluttering back to the floor as he gaped.

A silvery stag, exactly like his own had been once upon a time was already running through the room, chasing the Lethifold away until she had crawled back into her box, the front of the box slamming hard, and locking as she did so.

The stag ran another circle before trouncing back to his master and then disappearing from sight, leaving Severus alone in the middle of the room, his furious eyes trained on Harry.