Ash sat quietly in her cabin that night, pretending to forget about her promise to visit Solas. She didn't exactly want to eat either, despite a burning in her stomach. Now, anytime she left, he could be out there.

She decided to go for a walk. She actually liked the snow crunching under her feet and the solitude, despite not being terribly used to either. The sharp chill in the air seemed to cool her rage. The early, autumn night welcomed her in a stealthy blanket. It helped her distance herself from the thoughts of the deaths, recent and not. She pushed hard on the gates out of Haven. So many parts of her thought of slipping away forever, but practically, she needed to stay. Speaking with Solas, it seemed he shared a similar thought process. Maybe she should've gone to see him, if only to speak. Find some comfort after the events of the day.

It was only a few steps outside the gate when she slammed into a solid body much larger than her own. She apologized habitually in Elvish. "Ir abelas."

Then, she remembered she was surrounded by shemlens, now. Truly, few understood her. She looked up, blushing slightly. Simultaneously they began their mutual apologies, but she immediately stopped realizing her perpetual bad luck.

She frowned deeply and he resumed the horrified look from before. This time she didn't feel sick, just angry. It was like he was following her. He continued his apology, but she kept walking past him, ignoring it altogether. She breathed deeply, counting under her breath.

Then, he had the audacity to call out to her. "Herald? Wait," he said. "Please."

She truly wanted to keep walking, but she was curious. What could he possibly have to say to her? She stopped and pressed her arms against her sides, not turning around. She could hear him take a step forward, but she shot up a hand. "Don't move," she said. "If you have something to say, you can say it from there."

"I'm - I - I simply - There's," he sighed deeply, "I'm sorry. I know that must not mean anything to you. It doesn't...it doesn't change anything. But, I am - I am not that man anymore. I don't ever want to be that man again. We don't have any information on you, yet, beyond that of your clan. I knew your face the moment I saw you, but the clan name was only...distantly familiar. I've blocked out most of my time in Kirkwall. I suppose I have that privilege. And...and, well, I've been so busy...so I didn't see your face when they brought you in. And I - and well - I guess what I'm trying to say is...We would've prepared you...for me. It's all - I'm just - Maybe I shouldn't even - I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for Kirkwall and for my role in it."

She crossed her arms. Honestly, she didn't want him to be sorry. It was easier to imagine him as he was then. She turned towards him, making sure he could hear her clearly. "Mages cannot be treated like people. They are not like you and me," she said, repeating his own words.

She had heard him say it to Hawke. Ash barely knew this man, but she remembered most of the templars' faces. She remembered those words. When she had heard he turned on Meredith shortly after she got away, she was shocked. How could a man like that change so thoroughly? He couldn't have. It had to have been in his own self-interest, not for the mages' well-being.

"Leliana and Varric," he said in a breathy, low voice, "You. You've all seen me at my worst. I know...I know that helping Hawke doesn't change any of that. It took me too long to realize what was happening... It took me too long to realize my role in it and Meredith's role in it. The corruption...I know I...I know that me being here doesn't -"

She admired how pathetic he looked, standing there, trying so hard to get her to accept this man everyone else here had accepted. It really did seem he was being sincere, which she tried her best to ignore.

"You're right. It doesn't change anything, does it? You claim you realize this, yet you adopt another rank of such power to wield over people. I feel that I am in a position no different than I was in Kirkwall. Less than and constantly monitored. And by you, no less"

"You are an equal here. You are free to leave."

"Yet, you no doubt fear my magic," she shot back. "Even if you claim not to monitor me, I know you will watch. I know I am here for a singular purpose. You involve me to placate me. Coerce me to trust all of you until I've served my purpose, only to lock me away again. I am not naive and I would ask you not to treat me as such."

She could tell he was struggling to find a response. Stumbling over his words yet again, he said, "I'm - Yes, I do have my own...fears. Though, we involve you because you are an essential part of this cause. You are our chance at fixing this. Without you, what hope do we have? I'm just hoping to show you that we - that I'm more...that I am always working to be better."

She paused, crossing her arms tight against her chest. Her heart was beating fast. It was strange to look at him again in this way. He didn't wear templar armor anymore. He looked less cold and indifferent. Now, he looked solemn. Creators, she remembered all their faces with such clarity, even the ones she barely saw. It made her so angry the way they lived so permanently in her mind.

Though, he did seem sincere, right? Perhaps she was imagining it for her own comfort. Her shoulders did seem to relax a little. "Well, I suppose I appreciate the fact you know you are a bad person. The apology was fine, but could use some work. Thanks, Knight-Captain. Hm... Commander? Have a good evening."

On her walk, she grew cold quickly. Her body began shivering hard, while her stomach burned for food. She didn't want to return, though it seemed her body was telling her otherwise. She remained scouring the darkened trees and brush for some time, holding a small flame in her hand for light. It smelled better out here. She missed the distance. The shemlen civilization seemed to reek of something like death. Her thoughts drifted to home and the constant smells of fresh herbs. There were no smells like that here. Maybe she could make that happen for herself, though.

She bundled elfroot up into her hands and headed back for Haven, deciding she'd find a way to make this situation work.

Ash had been requested to meet with Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine, and...the Knight-Captain (Commander? No...that wouldn't do…) in the Chantry early in the morning. She never received the full formal introductions, but it was easy to assume everyone's role, particularly Josephine's. Though, Leliana seemed an enigma to her. She was drawn to the shemlen. She had a guttural sort of fear, mixed with intrigue when looking at the woman, whose face had always remained slightly in the shadows under her hood.

From the Knight-Captain's reference to her the night before, Leliana seemed to know of his past and the evils of it on a personal level. Ash wanted to question Leliana on it, but that would mean describing her own past with the man. Though, from her assumption on Leliana's role in the Inquisition, she may have already made the revelation about their connection.

With a knock on the door, Ash lazily opened it. She had already been awake, staring straight at the ceiling. She closed her eyes only for a moment and lost herself in the Beyond again. She decided it was a better idea not to sleep after that. She cursed herself for not being able to control it. Even when she wasn't there, she could hear their whispers, begging her to return. And she wanted to listen. She missed it there. She wanted to escape.

Vessa stood at the door. Ash smiled, which Vessa returned brightly. "Herald. My Lady, they've requested your presence in the Chantry," she said. She gingerly held out clean, folded clothes and a bucket of steaming water.

"It's good to see you," Ash said, taking the items. "I would invite you inside, but recently more and more people need my presence. Perhaps when you have time we can go for a walk together?" Ash could tell she sounded tired when she said this. She really did want to connect with Vessa, though. So, she tried to brighten her smile. The elf girl seemed only a little younger than herself and pretty skittish. Ash wanted to seem as warm as possible - a comforting presence.

Vessa tilted her head. "You want to go for a walk in this weather, my Lady?"

Ash laughed. Perhaps Vessa had a point. She did catch herself sniffling more than usual that morning. "We could also just sit together. I would love to have at least one friend here. I want to be clear this isn't a requirement or...an order, Vessa. It is your choice."

"Oh," Vessa said, then nodded. "I have lunch at midday."

"If it won't be too much of a bother, I would love to join you."

Vessa smiled. "Yes, Herald. I would enjoy that." She left the room in a hurry, shutting the door behind her.

Ash would have to start enforcing her name with the Inquisition's workers. It was strange to be held so much higher. Not even equal to, but more than. She was used to less than, but now suddenly she was better? Elven servants were being sent to her as messengers with new clothes. What's next? They'd bathe her? She shuddered.

She slowly washed herself down, not exactly in a hurry to go to the Chantry. She let the water cool on the cloth, then wiped down her face. The hot water soothed the ache in her shoulders and neck. Her eyes felt tired, but she didn't really feel like sleeping anytime soon. It made her more worried about visiting with Solas. He'd certainly comment on it. There was no doubt it was affecting her magic.

After putting on the clothes, she pulled back her hair in a small ponytail and made her way slowly to the Chantry. She could hear them talking - more arguing - the moment she got inside the halls. Even more slowly, she directed her body to the room at the end of the hall.

They grew quiet as she opened the door. Again, Ash avoided the eyes of the Knight-Captain. She was sure he must be doing the same. Josephine immediately frowned at her. "Mistress Lavellan! I thought we had told you to take your time and get well."

"Yes, Josie, let's make her feel bad about it," Leliana said with a small laugh. Then, she turned to Ash with a serious face. "You should eat and get some sleep, especially considering our plans. You need to be at your best."

Ash frowned. She must look quite terrible for such a reaction. Though, they were probably watching her every movement as well. She proceeded to lie, anyways. "I ate and slept fine, given the circumstances. What are your plans?" As she said this, her stomach growled a little louder than she would have liked.

Leliana pressed her lips together tight, but didn't interrogate Ash any further. "A Chantry Cleric by the name Mother Giselle has asked to speak to you. She is not far, and knows those involved far better than I. Her assistance could be invaluable."

"Why would someone from the Chantry help a declared heretic?" Ash scoffed with furrowed brows. Chantry this, Chantry that.

Leliana answered thoughtfully. "I understand she is a reasonable sort. Perhaps she doesn't agree with her sisters? You'll find her tending to the wounded in the Hinterlands near Redcliffe. Cassandra, Solas, and Varric will accompany you on your journey."

"Look for other opportunities to expand the Inquisition's influence while you're there," the Knight-Captain said firmly. "There are plenty of refugees in need of support." She looked up and he didn't look away. He seemed almost indifferent, now. Professional. She had difficulty managing the same decorum, so she looked away.

"We need agents to extend our reach beyond this valley, and you're better suited than anyone to recruit them," Josephine added.

"In the meantime, let's think of other options. I won't leave this all to the Herald," Cassandra said, nearly cutting Josephine off. Ash turned her head and smiled at Cassandra, a smile which she returned with a small nod.

It did feel like a giant weight had been put on her shoulders. They were asking so much from a single person - from her. She didn't know anything about persuasion, tactics, or anything like that. She knew how to dream. How useless was that beginning to sound! Even if it was something she still had pride in, she had lost control over it, anyways.

"When do I leave?" Ash asked.

"Well, that's rather up to you, but preferably, as soon as possible," the Knight-Captain said.

She pressed her hands into her hips. "Well, as long as everyone else is prepared, I'll leave tomorrow morning, then." She looked across at all their faces. They all seemed...uncomfortable.

Josephine frowned. "Remember the "getting well" plan? I think we should first set that into motion."

"Yet, I would be more comfortable if I were not here," Ash said. "I am happy to help, but let's get it all done and over with, yes? I do have a family I'd like to see again one day."

Leliana nodded. "Yes, Herald. I think we all understand." She shot a pointed look at Josephine who sighed deeply.

Josephine couldn't help but continue. "Yes, just...be sure to pick a meal up, Herald."

Ash began to feel agitated. Slowly, she moved for the door, but gave Josephine a smile. "I appreciate the concern. I actually have plans to eat at midday. If that was all?"

They all nodded. Ash caught the Knight-Captain's eyes one last time. She tried to read the emotion he was conveying, but she couldn't quite understand it. The indifference quickly returned and he mentioned needing to leave, as well. Ash hurried out so as to not get stuck walking with him.

She decided she needed to see Solas before the trip tomorrow morning.

As evening fell, Ash drew up enough courage to leave her cabin. She had gotten a meal with Vessa and rather enjoyed her company. Once the girl relaxed, she began to tell stories of her home. She was quite funny and reminded Ash of her elder sister. It was the way she smiled brightly at her own stories, recounting them in such beautiful details. Ash became comfortable with the idea of staying in Haven until the Breach was closed when listening to Vessa speak. Ash, then, isolated herself for the rest of the day, taking a long walk alone and sitting quietly in her cabin. She actually rather enjoyed the solitude.

She moved swiftly to Solas' cabin so as to not get caught up in speaking to anybody. Though, her plan failed. A voice called out to her. "So, it's Herald of Andraste now?"

She spun on her heel and saw Varric sitting over a small fire. Two others sat near it and bowed their heads to her. They continued speaking shortly after, though, walking away as Ash slowly drew closer. Looking at Varric, she saw Hawke. She saw herself running - hard and fast. She saw Hawke and her friends leading Ash to the ex-templar who would lead her out of Kirkwall. To freedom. She didn't want to remember Kirkwall at all, though. Not even the leaving part.

"I don't think I'm any sort of Herald," she said. "So, Ashara is still fine."

"Well, I am glad to see you made it out of Kirkwall. Out of the frying pan, though, right?" he said. She stared at him, silent. He stood up with his arms crossed, facing her. "Now that Cassandra's out of earshot, are you holding up alright? I mean, you go from being the most wanted criminal in Thedas to joining the armies of the faithful. Most people would have spread that out over more than one day."

She thought about that and looked him over carefully. She trusted him and his intentions, despite her hesitancy to actually go see him. It was hard not to remember Kirkwall when looking at his face. "Honestly, I have no idea what's happening anymore. Mostly, I'm just confused. Maybe a little angry, too. And seeing all those lives lost on the mountaintop…I don't even want to think about it."

"A lot of good people didn't make it out there. I've been trying to find some way to manage my own thoughts about all of this. For days now, we've been staring at the Breach, watching demons and Maker-knows-what fall out of it." He shifted his feet and shook his head. "'Bad for morale' would be an understatement. I still can't believe anyone was in there and lived."

"I'm still not sure I believe that any of this is really happening," Ash said. She looked down at her arm, flexing her fingers.

"If this is all just the Maker winding us up, I hope there is a damn good punchline coming," he replied. She smiled at him, putting her arm back down. "You might want to consider running at the first opportunity. I've written enough tragedies to recognize where this is going. Heroes are everywhere. I've seen that. But the hole in the sky? That's beyond heroes. We're going to need a miracle."

Her smile faded. "I have considered running," she blurted out. "The thought has...crossed my mind, I mean. Why did you stay here? It doesn't seem like...your kind of crowd."

"I like to think I'm as selfish and irresponsible as the next guy, but this… " he trailed off deep in thought for a moment, "Thousands of people died on that mountain. I was almost one of them. And now there's a hole in the sky. Even I can't walk away and just leave that to sort itself out."

Ash nodded. "Thank you, Varric. I hope we can speak more on our journey. You were...you and Hawke...just, thank you."

He slowly reached out to touch her upper arm. She stood her ground, trying not to flinch away. Kirkwall flew in across her mind in fleeting images. "Kid, there's no need," he said. "Always here to lend a hand to our Herald." He winked.

She sighed and continued her trek to Solas' cabin. When she arrived, she stood at the door for a moment. Anxiety built inside her. She wasn't sure if she was ready. She did miss the Beyond and wanted desperately to return. The door opened before she could decide. Adorned in casual clothes he looked at her for a moment without much surprise, just thoughtfulness. Then, he beckoned her inside.

"I apologize for my absence yesterday," Ash said. "There has been...much going on." She remembered seeing the Knight-Captain for the first time. Then, their encounter afterwards. She grew tense at the thought of him living there, living so close.

He shook his head. "No matter. I have time tonight."

She stood awkwardly for a moment until he beckoned her to sit on the bed. He pulled a chair to sit across from her. "I'll need you to lay down," he said. Stiffly, she followed his instructions. "I'll first use the spirit magic to manipulate the physical tenseness. Afterwards, I'll attempt to use the same kind of magic to calm your spirit enough to guide you into the Fade. From there, I'll see what we can do."

She remained stiff and murmured a small, "Okay."

It did work. She felt the rush of magic wash over her. Her entire body slumped. Even her mind seemed to relax. She felt Solas' presence. Gripping onto his hand, he led her into sleep.

She looked around and found herself in the Beyond. Solas gripped onto her hand still, but on seeing her awareness, lightly let it fall. She stared at him. The fear was building inside her. The whispers would come soon. They always came.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Afraid."

He motioned for her to follow him. She stuck close to him, finally taking in their surroundings. The world around them was some sort of Elven temple. "Do you know where we are?" he asked.

She shook her head and began to stray from him. She moved closer to the glyphs and paintings on the walls. Studying them carefully, she said, "Give me a moment. I'm sure I can figure it out." He laughed.

After a few guesses, she eventually arrived at the correct one. It was beautiful and ancient. Some parts seemed to have fallen into ruin, but most of it remained intact. It made her long for home. She wished to feel her sister's hand in hers and hear the stories of her ancestors around the fire. They explored the temple rather thoroughly, but she began to hear the voices.

"You hear them right?" Ash asked, voice and body trembling.

Solas did not waver. "I do. You've drawn them here."

"I realize that," she nearly growled in a low voice. "Obviously, I'm not sure what to do about it."

"You must relax," he replied. She couldn't help but roll her eyes. Her heart was beating too fast. She was thinking about waking...running. Did he have a plan? Or was he just going to lecture her on common knowledge?

"If I could do that, don't you think I would've by now?"

He began to move forward, away from her, but she stood in place. Frozen again. He looked back at her, waiting. She still didn't move. The voices turned into shapes. Templars, then the soldiers from the mountaintop. Whispering her cowardice. She had left so many of her friends behind at the Circle, shemlen and elf alike. So many had died just to get her to that Breach - something she couldn't even manage to fully fix. He took her hand in his and nearly pulled her along.

"Your own people and your time in the Circle has led you to fear much about this place, particularly its inhabitants. In reality, the Fade reflects the minds of the living. However, if your mind is free of corrupting influences? If you understand the nature of these spirits? They can be fast friends," he said, still calm despite the morphing shapes surrounding them.

She shook her head. "I never used to fear it, though. It was my escape."

"Yet, you fear the demons."

"Should I not? I am most vulnerable to their possession."

He pulled her further forward in the temple and a calmness washed over her, similar to the one she felt when she fell into slumber. "So you've been told. Yet, your will is strong. Your vulnerability makes it so. The spirits are attracted to you, knowing and understanding that very same vulnerability. You can connect with them in a way other mages cannot. Open yourself to it."

He let go of her hand and sat on the ground. She looked around at the figures, still debating if she should wake. Her head began to buzz with the noise. Begging for help, begging for her to reach out, yet her resolve remained as she focused on his words. Curious, she sat next to him. He turned to her with a small smile.

"I have a friend I would like you to meet."