45

Big thank you for all the reviews and readers that are still continuing to enjoy this one. Shout out to Cantanatova for all your support and to islandsandstars, minimam and JanetM74. We now pick up with Scott who has a lot on his mind.

He stuffed his smashed up phone in his drawer. The knocking at his door had ceased a few moments ago, hopefully whoever it was had gone. It was meant to be his rest day anyway. Scott stumbled out into the desert heat, his mind elsewhere. The door slammed shut behind him. Autopilot took over as he navigated his way down the back of the officers' quarters, winding through the barracks and onwards to the main headquarters, kicking up dust as he did so. Occasionally a young airman would salute him here and there as he passed but he barely registered the movement as he pushed his way past. With his shades no one could see his cold sightless gaze, he was so deep in thought he nearly overshot where he wanted to be, he doubled back. "Captain Tracy Sir!"

Scott stopped and about turned again. "Yes?" he didn't mean to sound so abrupt but it was out before he could take it back. "Its been reported that the supply run was sabotaged again, we've conducted a stock take and we'll be out of food in three days unless we start rationing." Scott groaned this was the second time in four months. "Well start rationing then. Leave it with me, I'll report in to Major Newton who will devise a plan of action."

"Thank you, Captain Tracy," Scott walked off not waiting for the salute, he wasn't in the mood today. Ever since Mavi died the tour was getting more and more challenging, not to mention downright dangerous as they descended into warfare. The rebels had attacked their base so they had tightened security. Scott had been on constant combat patrols one week then reconnaissance the next trying to locate the enemy airbase but so far it remained unlocated. The settlers in the desert were being carpet bombed on a regular basis, Scott's team had taken them out on more than one occasion but then there was the collateral damage of falling jets from both sides that landed on civilians homes below. Scott had yet to kill any civilians accidently in the crossfire but he was terrified he would. It wouldn't be long before it happened. The locals were wary of any kind of humanitarian aid and they blamed the Americans for making things worse. The rebel's latest retaliation had come in the form of taking out their supply drones. It didn't matter what time of night or day they arranged the drop or the location, they were still getting blown out of the sky. Camp morale was at an all time low. The constant attacks and looking over their shoulders whilst being starved of supplies was messing with their minds as well as physical condition. Scott prayed to god it all ended soon. He couldn't take much more and yet he couldn't abandon his men and women.

He knocked at the office door and waited patiently. There was no answer. Scott wiped the sweat and dust off his brow before looking around. "Hey!" he hailed across the yard.

An officer in the distance turned round. "Where's Major Newton?"

"Down at the supply store, Sir." Shit guess he already knows about the attack then. He's bound to be in a foul mood. Not good for the conversation I need to have.

"Thanks." Scott started off at a jog, gritting his teeth and ignoring the tight scar tissue that itched on his right calf. He made it in good time, better than he had done since his recovery. Sweat turned his light khaki shirt dark in a v shape on the front of his chest. His camo trousers felt damp. He really, really hated this climate. He took a moment to get his breathing under control before rounding the corner. He could see the Major talking to Mads. Major Newton turned round. "Tracy what are you doing here? You're not meant to be on duty." Several airmen we hauling the limited supplies that had come in around them as they conducted the final stock take and rotations.

Scott stood to attention and saluted. "Major Newton. I was looking for you sir. If I could have a moment of your time, its in regards to a personal matter, I'm afraid its urgent."

Mads looked questionably at Scott who continued to ignore him. "At ease." Major Newton released him. "Your lucky; I've just finished here." He dismissed Mads and stepped into line next to Scott. "Walk with me Captain."

Scott fell into step. "Now what's all this about that it couldn't wait until tomorrow?" They stepped out into the blazing heat once again before heading over to the portacabins that were serving as the offices. The major's hat shielded his head from the intense glare, Scott was regretting not wearing his, which was surprising as he was always trying to ditch his cap, he detested wearing one.

"Sir, I was resting and decided to check in with the family. You know my brother is also in the forces, in W.A.S.P?"

"Yeah"

"Well it turns out three weeks ago he was badly injured on deployment testing a hydrofoil, he's broke his spine in two places…. He's been in a coma ever since. They say he's paralysed."

The Major pulled open the door and stepped into the shadow of the office, Scott followed suit. The Major walked around his desk and sat down heavily steepling his fingers. He must be due for retirement soon; he wasn't far off father's age Scott reflected. The Major had the same salt and pepper hair as Jeff but a more oblong face with moss green eyes and thin lips.

"That's terrible news, I'm sorry. Your family has more than its fair share of grief of late. Please give my regards to your father." Jeff and the Major were old acquaintances, Jeff was a good man he didn't deserve this kind of pain. His kid stood before him didn't either. The Major knew what Scott was going to ask, knew that he was going to have to tell him what he didn't want to hear. Why was his job such a pain in the ass sometimes?

"I will. Sir, if I may, I know leave is suspended right now but my brother could literally die Sir. Even if I could just have forty-eight hours just to check in on him. I would come straight back." Scott remained stood, his emotions well-schooled and in check.

"I know you would but sadly Captain it's not my decision." Was that a flash of anger in those blue eyes? The major sat back in his seat. "I'll refer you request to the lieutenant colonel but I'm not hopeful. The attacks are increasing daily and with this dammed targeting of the supplies I can see your going to have to start escorting the supply drones in. You're the most experienced senior pilot we have out in the field, you've also been working on locating this hostile base for months and have come the closest to locating it out of the whole wing here. Unfortunately, you are indispensable at the moment until operation Typhoon is complete."

"With respect Sir –

"Tracy, its out of may hands, the only compromise will be that I will ensure that you are contactable to your family within reason but ultimately it's the LT. Colonels decision."

"Understood Sir. May I be dismissed Sir?" The retort was bitingly curt yet over courteous.

"I want you to report for duty at five hundred hours sharp, I need you to undertake the next recon shift at those coordinates you showed me yesterday."

"Yes sir, now may I be dismissed?"

"Dismissed." Scott bolted out of the room as quick as formal protocol would allow.

Scott strode down the narrow open corridor between the huts, his whole posture and language radiated don't approach me as he stormed across to the gym. He kicked a barrel in frustration on his way across the yard. Mads watched in alarm, he'd never seen his Captain lose control so publicly. He looked left and right before cautiously following him. Scott entered the room and grabbed the discarded white tape before fiercely wrapping his hands. He ripped it off with his teeth and chucked the reel back on the bench. He didn't even bother going to get his gloves, he started boxing the punch bag over and over. Feinting to the left then the right. One deft punch after another as he tried to channel the anger and roaring frustration at his predicament. Thankfully the gym was quiet - most people were on lunch or out on exercises. Scott threw in a kick for good measure sending the bag swinging even though it weighed as much as a grown man. At some point Mads slipped in silently and firmly held the bag against his body and leaned into the bag to steady it. Scott grunted his appreciation as he continued to pummel the bag. A short section of his hair had flipped down over his forehead, his biceps glistened under the short sleeves and the veins in his forearms were raised with his tense posture. Scott wasn't an overly muscular man but he was well built and in peak physical condition, he had to be. His knuckles were starting to throb but he didn't care.

"Are you ready to talk now Captain?" Mads still looked anxious. Scott had never been good at communicating his feelings not when everyone relied on him but he needed to or he would burn out. Mads could see something was eating at him.

Another fast punch in response, Scott adjusted his stance spreading his feet further apart. "I'm fine." He sounded strained.

"Yeah sure looks like it. Like when my girlfriend says she's 'Fine'."

Scott couldn't help it a slight smirk appeared at the corner of his mouth. He went in again only this time less forceful.

"And yet your still stupid enough to ask her if she really means it."

"Well you know me, I'm like a dog with a bone - I don't stop." There was a reason he was known as mad dog. "Anyway, enough about me, what's going on? I've never seen you kick out in frustration before. Scott winced he was hoping there hadn't been any witnesses. He had wound his punches to a slow hit now, some of the earlier feelings having abated. Scott looked at Mads peering out from behind the bag.

"I went to ask for emergency leave. I've got a family situation. Again." He sighed as he dropped his hands and went to sit on the bench. He looked at the state of his knuckles in his lap. He was going to have to find some salve. He started to unwind the tape. Mads sat next to him and waited. "It's my second youngest brother, Gordon."

"The one in the submarine service?" guessed Mads. He couldn't keep up with the Captains four brothers, they were all of a similar age it was hard to tell them apart. Even if they all had different hair colour.

"He transferred to W.A.S.P and was on tour. Turns out he was testing a hydrofoil three weeks ago when it malfunctioned and exploded with him on board. He's broken his spine in two areas if that wasn't bad enough, he's still in a coma and most likely paralysed but they don't know to what degree until he wakes up." Scott tried hard to mask the pain but Mads could see how devastated he was.

"Jesus. I'm sorry." Mads looked shocked. "I'm guessing brass won't give you leave."

"You got it. I can understand why but at the same time I really need to be at home. What if he dies Mads? I won't have got a chance to say goodbye." Mom, Grandpa, Mavi – I never got to say goodbye or to tell them how much I loved them. Every damn day I carry those goodbyes around, I'm terrified - I couldn't take it if Gordon just slipped away too. I need him to know how proud I am of him, how much he means to me! I can't lose someone else, not this year. If he dies I'll never recover.

Mads clapped him sympathetically on the shoulder. "I get it, you're in an impossible situation. The best thing you can do is to get this tour done. Its up in just a months' time" –

"If it doesn't get extended which it probably will." Scott leant his head back against the cool wall.

"Then you've got to make sure it doesn't go on. Your so close to finding that base, we can all sense it. just a few more patrols and we could be there. Get that done and I'm sure they will let you go. In the meantime, you'll just have to pray your brother holds out. I'm sure he would understand especially given his own background. He knows the drill.

Scott nodded although he was no longer as angry, he still felt an overwhelming wretchedness that ensnared his every thought. He thought about all those that he had lost since he had been in the forces. How much of his time he had sacrificed with family and friends yet he still couldn't be there when it really mattered.

"God, I'm so tired of all of this."

"I'm not surprised Strat, this year's been real shit for you but you've come through it always ready to face the next challenge head on. I've every confidence you'll pull though this too."

"Thanks, Mads. You're the best" Scott smiled weakly.

"I fucking know I am." Scott gently punched him in the arm and winced at the pain that travelled up his hands.

"You overdid it didn't you?" Mads frowned at the state of Scott's hands.

"What, no! I could go ten more rounds." Mads scoffed. "Right come on, time for lunch." declared Scott.

Mads sniffed the air. "If you want the ladies to sit next to you, I suggest you cool off in the showers first buddy."

"Charming! more like you want to go to lunch on your own so you stand a chance of some attention." It was well known on base that Scott got a lot of attention.

"Hey I'm looking out for my wingman ok? like I said I'm happily settled thank you very much." Scott cocked his head at Mads with a clear look of I don't believe you.

"Its true, why can't you just be happy for me?" Mads put on a high-pitched defiant voice. "Granted its only because I'm stuck in a forsaken desert and not down the squaddie bar but you know, for now we've got a good thing."

Scott laughed. "Fine, I'll go and get a shower."

Mads walked towards the door.

"Mads?"

He turned round by the door.

"Thanks man, for the talk."

"Anytime Strat" he waved and left.

Scott headed back to his quarters and grabbed a fresh set of clothes before heading over to the outside shower cubicles. He stripped off his grimy shirt and chucked it over the door along with his trousers and everything else until he was just in his dog tags. He turned on the water. The cold was a shock initially but then quite refreshing in the heat as he acclimatised. He scrubbed his face. His mind kept wondering to his brother, imagining him in some lonely hospital bed pale and hooked up to monitors. The soap stinged his eyes as he tried to bury the image. It wasn't helping with his feelings towards his job either. Not being granted leave had really soured his feelings towards being in USAF on top of the emotions he hadn't been able to shake since Mavi's death. He twisted under the water. This war they were fighting was pointless, civilians were still dying, children still living in poverty, dying from starvation as the government fat cats here lived in luxury brought from arms deals and weapons production. Yet NATO and other world alliances still couldn't touch them. Or bring them to justice. Mavi, Revlon and five other airmen had died so far just on this tour and for what? They had nothing to show for it. It just dragged on and on. Scott didn't want to be the one forced to send his personnel out day after day to get killed for a cause he no longer believed in. It had been a decade of tensions that had just turned into war. It could go on for another decade or more. He didn't want to waste time here that he could be spending with his family. He had missed out so much on quality time with his mother in the last five years of her life. First being at military academy then heading out to Oxford to do his degree before then eventually being posted far from home. He had only seen her twice in those three years, not even her last Christmas. It hadn't bothered him until it was too late. If he was crying you wouldn't know with the water that was cascading over his face.

The water abruptly ran out, one of the sad realities of being in the middle of the desert on a temporary encampment. He ran the towel over his shoulders and chest, pissed that he could still feel the abrasive grains of sand on his skin. His mind wondered to his father's project for the first time in months and that bombshell proposal last fall. The one where his father wanted him to be his field commander. Two months ago, he was still dead set against giving up the air force but now…. His motivations were changing. He regretted the time lost with his mom, his grandpa. He hated that Mavi had died on what should have been a routine mission and it hurt him more than he could say that he wasn't there for his brother right now. He hadn't been able to protect any of them he thought bitterly, not in the end. If he was in IR he would be there at home and on the job to protect his brothers, he would be working for a cause that he could never become disillusioned with. There was nothing more worthy than saving lives and that was something worth risking his and his families life for. Together they could save people from the heartache he and his family had suffered. He would also still get to utilise his piloting skills in some ways, it likely providing more challenges than he currently experienced. Scott had never wanted to go further than Major anyway, the moment he was deskbound would be the end for him. Most of all Scott didn't want to miss another goodbye with anyone he cared about. Mavi's fate in particular had proven life was too short.

He threw on his trousers and stepped out topless before chucking the fresh shirt over his head and pulling on his socks and boots. He bent down to tie the laces and straightened up. He resolved there and then that this would be his last enlistment. He was done.