Mortal Sin

Chapter 7: Gula ( Or Gluttony Part 1)

Gula is a sin similar to greed, specifically involving food and drink. There are different types of gula: eating the wrong things, eating at the wrong times, eating in excess, or not sharing with those who are needy. There are a series of Still Life paintings that subtly depict gluttony. An ornate table after a feast oyster shells, a precious lemon peel, goblets of half-drunk wine, a candle burned almost completely down. They seem innocuous enough but carry a heavy message: you, too, are dying, and when you do, you will pay for your sin. No one is immortal. Or at least, that's what they teach at the Art History course at Garden.

Rinoa's guilt was plaguing her.

She had wanted to sleep, but even with pharmaceutical help, she was unable to after Squall's confrontation. Her mind was racing and her body felt numb.

Absentmindedly flipping a lighter over in her hand, she stared out at the ocean beyond the balcony, trying to get peace from the calming sound of crashing waves. A nearly empty fifth of whiskey sat on the small table next to her. She was never a smoker, not like most of Garden, though socially she would have the occasional cigarette. And often she would take a puff of Squall's after sex. That one she understood. But she needed something. Anything, really.

Rinoa felt dead inside. Correction. She was dead inside.

Bringing one of Squall's cigarettes to her lips, she lit it with the lighter, not even bothering to use a fire spell. She had been barely able to cast anything recently. It had to be the side-effects of the drugs, or so she assumed.

After lighting the cigarette, she kept the lighter aflame, gazing at the flickering light. It was soothing to stare at. Before she knew it, the lighter was beginning to get very hot, burning her thumb.

Still she kept it lit.

She wanted to feel anything. Even if it was pain.

Eventually the searing sensation on her fingers became too much and she dropped the lighter abruptly, shame washing over her.

What was wrong with her?

Rinoa's raw inner pain was near palpable, but Squall was blissfully unaware.

The agony was so strong that any outward pain was better than the turmoil in her head. Anything. Maybe that's why she enjoyed things rough. It's why she had become such a masochist. She felt the most alive after being in pain or painful pleasure. Unfortunately, she knew Squall would be hesitant to touch her for a while after being caught with the prescriptions. And Squall didn't even know about the non-prescribed cacophony of drugs she kept next to the bed.

It turned out that it was very easy to obtain pretty much any drug in the book at Garden. Maybe a lifetime of GF use, war, and seeing your friends die led to massive substance abuse? Who would have thought? Half of Garden felt just as dead as she did.

But, the pills could only do so much.

Squall had immersed himself into everything he could find in Balamb Garden Library pertaining to Knights and Sorceresses. The girl Zell had a crush on had been kind enough to show him how to use the filing system to find what he wanted. He even forgave her for accidentally calling him "Commander Poophead". He did not want her to know what he was looking for, so instead he asked her to explain how it worked.

Holed up in a corner of the library that was used more as a secret make-out spot for cadets than actual studying, he relished in the quiet privacy so he could work without distractions. So far, Squall had found out there were many different ways to raise energy, or "chi". He had never believed in garbage like that before, never being the meditating type. But, he knew that a lot of the grapplers in the Garden swore by it. He also had heard Dr. Kadowaki going on about it one time saying something about "Complimentary Medicine".

He despised taking Seifer's advice and actually researching this, but the bastard had been right. He was now almost certain he was somehow drawing more than just magic from Rinoa. He was drawing her actual life-force from her, and it was this life-force that gave him the ability to do natural magic. He just wasn't sure how he was doing it and, more importantly, he wanted to know how to do it safely.

There was apparently a very ancient forbidden technique that allowed chi enhancement through intimacy. Prostitutes were trained in this art and soldiers at war would come to them. The prostitutes were able to increase their patron's chi through lovemaking. As far as he could tell, it didn't seem to have any ill-effect on the woman, and it was a rare gift that had to be highly trained under a mentor.

Squall next decided to examine historical records of Knights and Sorceresses to see if there was any evidence of natural magic from Knights of the past. He opened a rather large book entitled Sorceress. Knight. A History of Time. 5th Edition

Further archaeological and anthropological evidence suggests there are four distinct types of Sorceress and Knight pairings through history. The nature and type of the relationship between Sorceress and Knight is directly correlated with positive and negative outcomes.

Storge: Most often in this case, the Knight to this Sorceress is a close family member. Under the protection of a close relative, these Sorceresses are often docile and live an uncomplicated life. The Knight chosen in this case does not have desire for power, nor does the Sorceress. Given the bond is familial, it is considered stable, so there is a low probability of having the bond sever catastrophically and for the Sorceress to go mad.

Philios: In this bond, the outcomes can be either positive or negative. In a negative Philios bond, often one of the two are the more dominant personality and drive the nature of the relationship. Historically, there is no evidence that Sorceresses are always the dominant temperament in the bond, rather it looks to be split almost evenly. There are many accounts of Knights driving the bond and being the aggressor. Depending on the nature of the dominant personality, it will drive the outcome of the bond—positive or negative. These relationships are strictly platonic.

Eros: The second most rare bond. Only seven accounts in history. Like Philios, the Eros bond can have either a positive or a negative outcome. Often the will of one drives the nature of the relationship. Paranoia, fear, and anger can often make this bond susceptible to chaos and destruction. Given the closeness of the bond, the Sorceress and Knight become almost one unit, but with opposing effects. If one is weak, the other is strong. Maintaining an even balance is critical for maintaining a stable peaceful bond. The unique feature of the Eros bond is that the two are bonded so tightly, when one half dies, so does the other. The death is often immediate but can occur up to one month later. They are intrinsically and irreversibly linked.

Agape: This is the rarest bond between Sorceress and Knight. In this case, the Sorceress and Knight sacrifice themselves in order to prevent the possibility of chaos or destruction. The pair find a way to suspend themselves indefinitely, encasing their power within their bodies to not be passed down. This has only been seen once in history. It is theorized that a Sorceress can also do this without taking a Knight and encase herself for the greater good.

Squall pondered this. Obviously, that meant that Cid and Edea did not have an Eros bond. Then again, it was entirely possible that Cid was never her Knight. Had Seifer been her Knight all along? He blew out a long breath and continued reading.

In the Agape, the Sorceress and Knight volunteer to be subdued. In the only known case, almost 3000 years ago, the containment of the power was completely successful. The multiple methods of theoretical voluntary containment are further addressed in Chapter 6.

There are also many historical references of different ways that Sorceresses have been involuntarily sacrificed without passing their power on to another. In these situations, Sorceresses are subdued against their will. While these cases are successful for a time, they almost always fail long term. The most recent example is that of Sorceress Adel…

"Yo, Squall!" A surprised voice called to him, not expecting to see the Commander in the library. Let alone at this time of night. The library had closed an hour ago.

The library was a place Squall rarely frequented. Almost all of his reading consisted of mission reports and his stack of Weapons Monthly in his bedroom. Rinoa was the one who spent her free time in the library and was a common sight. She even volunteered to put the books back on their correct shelves from time to time.

Squall grunted at the tattooed blonde invading his space.

"Yo, man, I'm used to Rin in here, but I don't think I've ever seen you at the library," Zell punched into the air enthusiastically.

"Whatever."

"It's late, dude."

Squall sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes, realizing that if he didn't entertain a certain level of conversation the martial artist, he wasn't going to leave him alone. "What are you doing here so late?"

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Oh, I'm here to visit Lisa and walk her to her dorm after her shift."

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Lisa, brah. The girl with the pigtails."

"Why does everyone call her that? Those aren't pigtails, you know. They're plaits." Squall had been spending too much time reading Rinoa's girly fashion magazines the bathroom. But, they were the only thing to read in there.

"Plates?"

"No, plaits. Braids. She has braids, not a pigtail."

"Oh." Zell rubbed the back of his neck.

An uncomfortable silence stretched between the two comrades until, much to Squall's chagrin, Zell decided to sit down.

Zell was quietly noticing the titles of the books spread before the Commander. "You trying to enhance your chi?"

Squall cleared his throat. "Pardon?"

The blonde motioned to the books in front of him. "These are all about chi enhancement. I do stuff like that all the time, dude. It's part of martial arts. I can help, you know, if you're interested? I actually work on chi attacks every Wednesday in the Training Center."

Squall remained silent. Stoic.

Zell smirked, a faint blush falling across his cheeks as he noticed one of the titles. "Fhang Zeng? Heh heh. I thought that was just legend. I'm definitely not the person to help you with that though, I don't swing that way."

Squall's eyebrow twitched in irritation.

Zell took the hint and finally stood up. "Guess you gotta work on that one with Rinoa, huh?" He chuckled, raising his eyebrows suggestively. "I'm sure you guys have had a lot of practice already."

Zell was too smart for his own good sometimes.

Squall returned to his quarters late in the night, having spent hours in the library without realizing it. He was aching for Rinoa.

Aching for the energy he received from being with her.

Aching for the power.

He was addicted to her. Addicted to what she gave him.

After his research, he was sure it was a result of their bond. A literal euphoric high from her body. Squall knew it was more than just a bond. True love-he loved her before he ever pledged to be her Knight. He had to be the strong one. She was weak. And getting even weaker. The confrontation earlier in the day made that painfully clear to him. Was he making her weak, or was her weakness making him strong? He knew how fragile she was despite the tough front she put on.

She was breaking and he couldn't stop it.

The Knight had to protect the Sorceress, no matter what.

Disrobing down to his boxers he padded quietly into his bedroom. Rinoa was asleep in one of his SeeD t-shirts. Normally the sight would cause him to wake her up and ravage her, but as Squall gazed upon the sleeping Sorceress, he felt his anger return. He was still furious at her for the pills. Not the pills.

The lie.

After staring at her sleeping form for what seemed like an eternity, Squall let out a frustrated growl and speared his hands through his hair in an attempt to calm down. He didn't trust himself with her when he was still this angry.

While he knew Rinoa often enjoyed things on the rougher side, he knew he didn't have enough control of himself or his anger. There was a very fine line between pleasure and pain, after all.

In the end, Squall would never forgive himself if he truly hurt her. Leaving bruises on her the other night was bad enough. He blamed that on Cid's death and the thrill he had felt after returning from Centra.

Squall stepped onto the balcony and smoked a cigarette to calm himself. He noticed the crystal glass left out, a lipstick stain on its rim. An empty bottle of Rinoa's favorite Galbadian bourbon beside it. Squall sighed as he glanced back into the apartment. He finished his cigarette and made his way to the bedroom, sliding into bed next to Rinoa.

He fell asleep quickly.

He was at a beach. Balamb beach to be exact. The moon was full, and its light was dancing off the gentle waves in front of him. It was serenity in physical form.

Squall heard a noise and turned to find Rinoa beside him, wearing his SeeD t-shirt. She smiled hesitantly and offered her hand.

Squall did not return the smile, but did take her hand. He knew he was dreaming. But, this was the first time she had ever pulled him into a dream. Usually, it was always the reverse. Him waiting, him calling. Eventually she would appear. Apparently, she knew they were dreaming as well.

If they were dreaming, he couldn't really hurt her.

Clever, clever Rinoa. She knew how much he desired her, and this was the perfect place. Rinoa was acutely aware that it would be a while before Squall was willing to make love to her in reality, but here… they could be together. Squall's anger had been rolling off of him near tangibly across the Garden when they were awake, and Rinoa wasn't stupid enough to think that he was no longer furious with her. Coming to the dream world was a perfect compromise.

Even if he lost control, there would be no ramifications for his actions. It was a dream, after all. Wasn't it?

Her voice interrupted him from his thoughts. "You know," she said coyly, "I've always wanted to skinny dip."

She pulled her hand from his and very slowly and sensually lifted the shirt over her head. Wearing nothing underneath. After she tossed it onto the sand at Squall's feet, she looked up at him, putting on an oh-so-innocent face, and winked.

Clever, clever Rinoa.

The Sorceress slowly backed into the water, curling her finger towards her Knight, enticing him to follow her. Her eyes never left his.

Dammit.

He relented, peeling off his boxers and jogging to catch up with her.

Squall grabbed her and lifted her up, her legs automatically going around his waist and locking behind him. He kissed her roughly as he charged into the water. It was warm and pleasant, the waves lapping up to his chest.

Rinoa's skin was luminous and enticing in the moonlight. He wanted all of it.

Clever, clever Rinoa.

She pulled back from his kisses and smiled at him, as he brushed damp locks of hair gently from her face. Suddenly she gasped and gestured into the ocean beyond.

"A dolphin!"

"It's beautiful," Squall said softly as he stared at her, his hand tracing her collarbone gently.

Rinoa shook her head and laughed. "Did you know dolphins can sense when a woman is pregnant? They will find her and surround her in the water. Something about protection from predators."

"Interesting," Squall responded as his lips attached themselves to her neck, "Where'd you hear that?" His free hand slipped down to trace her glorious bottom and squeeze not-so-gently.

"Mmmm…" Rinoa tilted her head to give Squall better access, shimmying her hips down towards him, desiring his very obvious excitement. "The library…"

Squall grunted and pulled her against his body, sheathing himself within her enticing heat.

Instead of roughly ravaging her as he had planned, Squall gently made love to the woman in his arms. The warm water lapped against their bodies as he held her against his strong chest, his hands guiding her hips against his. He placed soft, loving kisses along her neck, her cheeks, and lips, whispering declarations of his devotion.

The healing water washed away Rinoa's guilt.

And assuaged Squall's anger.

"You're a goddess, Rinoa…"

It had never been so obvious that she was Hyne incarnate as her skin glowed in the soft moonlight, water droplets twinkling on her body.

"Let me worship you…"

I'll make them all worship you.

BOOM

A resounding explosion jolted the couple awake from their dream. Rinoa jerked up in bed, clutching her chest, trying to calm her racing heart. Halfway between terrified and in pleasure. As she took a deep, calming breath, grasping at the rings around her neck for comfort, she could still feel the sensation of Squall deep inside her, even though they were no longer dreaming.

The bedroom smelled like the ocean.

Squall looked up at her, eyeing her carefully. She was no longer wearing his SeeD shirt. Her hair was damp, small droplets of water dripping off the ends and onto the mattress. Down her bare chest. Peppering her skin with glistening moisture. His eyes followed a droplet of water over her breast and paused on her erect nipple. He could practically smell her pleasure—mixed with the salt scent of the ocean- and smirked to himself at the sight of her arousal.

She had clearly remembered the dream as well.

"What was that?" She turned towards her knight as he gently pulled her back down to the bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. His earlier anger had faded with the dream. For the moment at least.

Squall lit a cigarette with a snap of his fingers, Rinoa's natural magic coursing through him once again. He rubbed up and down her arm with his free hand, pulling him towards his chest.

"Transformer explosion, probably. Looks like the power is out." He motioned with the cigarette to his digital clock at the bedside table, which was off. "Generators will kick in soon."

Rinoa sighed into his chest, relaxing quickly and falling back to sleep. The dream had exhausted her.

Squall could not sleep. He was charged with energy, pulsating with magic. It was speaking to him, urging him.

Hyne was telling him what to do.

After squashing his cigarette into the ashtray on his nightstand, he touched the digital clock. It sparked back to life with a buzz, the red numbers blinking back at him.

Nothing else in the room had electricity restored. The rest of the power was still out. The generators had not kicked in.

He pulled his hand back and paused, starting at it.

It was glowing.

As always, thank you to my amazing beta, Bebedora.

There are a series of Still life paintings with various titles painted in the Dutch Golden Age of painting. They were indeed allegories of death. Probably the most famous painters of these was William Claez Heda. He has paintings all over, from the National Gallery of Art, to the Rijks, to the Louvre, to the MOMA, to the Hermitage (St. Petersburg). He was best known for his ability to paint lemon peels. Back when he was painting a lemon would have been a rare high luxury good, so having them in the paintings was quite symbolic.