51
Thank you so much again for the reviews. This chapter filled out more than I anticipated so we will get back to IR in the next chapter I promise, I couldn't help but explore the family dynamic around their first Christmas on the island together as a team! plus there was some unfinished Gordon/Scott business
Jeff surveyed the table from his place at the head. It had been two years since all his boys and himself had been home for Christmas together and could be the last for some time, so he was determined to make it memorable. The dining room was decorated with paperchains and lanterns which decked the ceiling and surrounding borders in traditional red, gold and green hues. The table was covered in a fine red cloth with a holly and mistletoe garland that ran the length of the table down the middle. Kyrano, Grandma and Tin-tin were placing down an array of dishes; a collective mix of traditional Christmas dinner with Malaysian cuisine peppered throughout. Scott leant over to grab one of the dishes just as his Grandma gently swatted his wrist. "Hold your horses' young man till we're all seated!" Gordon snickered. "Grandma USAF have literally starved me; I could eat an actual horse." He was fresh off a plane literally two hours ago and had missed breakfast to try and make it in time for the festivities. "Hmm, you do look thin but I'm sure we can remedy that before you go back." She set the larger dish of meats down next to his left. "Thanks Grandma, you're an angel." She smiled warmly at him before moving on.
Virgil was trying to peer down the end of his cracker to guess what might be in there while Gordon sat at the bottom of the table was rattling his. "I reckon I've got dice." Virgil declared.
"I can't hear anything; I reckon it's a mini notepad." Gordon took his turn to squint down the hole of his.
Tin-tin shyly took her seat next to Alan. "Hey Tin-tin - how's uni life treating you?" He gave her one of his all-encompassing smiles, the ones that lit up his eyes. When he was happy it really did make him look attractive in that boy next door kind of way. "Very well thank you Alan, I'm due to complete at the end of summer next year. At this rate I'm predicted to be graded to a distinction level."
"That's amazing! Hey! We finish our studies at the academy then too, we'll be graduating at the same time!"
Their conversation was drowned out by the loud debate going on in the middle of the table in which John and Scott were arguing about their chess prowess whilst Brains looked helplessly on. "Look; the only reason you won last time was because you cheated whilst I went to the bathroom." John glared at his older brother.
"I did not cheat, you resigned when you chose to go to the bathroom."
"No, I clearly remember us discussing that we were going to pause, then resume."
"Not how I remember it." Scott took a swig of his drink.
"Well let's have a rematch later after lunch. Then we'll see. We can do a timed game of twenty minutes." John folded his arms.
"Alright you're on, I can whip your ass in twenty minutes."
John turned to Brains. "Can you be our mediator? We need an impartial witness this time."
Virgil laughed at the look of obvious fear on Brains' face. "Don't worry I'll back you up." He smiled warmly. He knew what Scott and John could be like when in one of their moods. At least Scott would be well fed, it helped quell his temper somewhat when he played. He was an Aries after all, being competitive was in his nature.
A chink of a glass brought them all to attention. Kyrano and Grandma had taken their seats either side of Jeff.
"Well this is a very different Christmas to what we're used to but its lovely to have you all home and to welcome our friends Kyrano, Tin-tin and Brains to the family too. I know that this was a big move for us all and we have each given up our old lives for this vision of mine, I can only hope that you believe me when I say it will be more than worthwhile. This time next year we will be fully operational saving lives daily on a global scale, putting each of your unique skillsets and training to use. You never know we may even have a Olympian in our midst by then." He nodded towards Gordon who smiled despite feeling a little awkward. I want to thank each and every one of you for your hard work, dedication and commitment to this cause and I hope that you will join me in raising a toast to international rescue." Jeff raised his glass as did the others cheering and tapping the table and their feet in a raucous applause. "Without further ado I wish you all a Merry Christmas! Now let's eat!"
"Hear-hear!" Scott added as he launched onto the meat platter. His family laughed as Tin-Tin internally wished she had his metabolism. She added a few potatoes and a modest ladle of vegetables to her plate. Jeff offered the gravy to his mother whilst talking to Kyrano about the new irrigation system he wanted to set up in the garden outside. Grandma was chatting to Alan about his latest flight simulator exam. Virgil and John suddenly remembered the crackers and went to pull them. Bang! They cracked open and whatever was in Virgil's flew across the room and landed near Gordon. He jumped startled by the projectile. He dropped his fork and flew back from the table. John looked on in surprise as their brother reversed his hover chair and made his excuses quickly bolting from the room to the lounge. Jeff had noticed and made to go and check on him but Scott was already up, finishing his mouthful. "It's alright dad, I've got it."
"You sure?" Jeff asked. Scott nodded as he dropped his napkin on the table and headed off.
"What was that all about?" Asked Alan.
"Gordon can sometimes have troublesome memories from the accident, I've seen him like this before." Grandma replied as she scooped up Scott and Gordon's meals for the hotplate. Alan looked at his dinner, sorry he had asked. There was a short silence around the table. "He'll be alright boys he just needs time; it was a pretty traumatic accident its not uncommon to experience these bouts after such an event. Now John why don't you tell me about that latest modification you wanted to apply to the scanners on the satellite?"
Scott found Gordon at the very edge of the pool overlooking the sea view. His back was to his brother so Scott made sure he announced his presence early; he didn't want to startle him again. "Hey its only me, just thought I'd check in."
Gordon remained with his back to him, his shoulders taught and his body tense. Scott slowly grabbed a chair and placed it gently at his side. Gordon furiously wiped at his face as Scott tried not to show his concern at the despair he saw in Gordon's eyes as a sob threatened to escape him. They just sat together quietly. Scott didn't want to push him, he needed him to open up, not shut down on him. "Do you ever…. Get like this?" Gordon gestured at his face in frustration.
"Depends what you mean like this? Moments in time, normal daily life scenarios that stupidly trigger unpleasant memories? Memories that you feel you can't share with people even though you know you probably should?" Gordon nodded. He had hoped Scott would understand.
"All the damn time, although not as strongly as I used to. It can fade in time, or at least mine have." Scott shrugged. "Is there something you want to talk about, would it help? because I don't mind. Whatever you think they can't handle, I can. I assure you." Scott looked sideways at his brother hoping he would realise he would understand better than anyone what Gordon was experiencing. He knew Gordon was hiding something, the more his family discussed the accident around Gordon the more suspicious Scott became. Gordon struggled to piece together that day saying he couldn't remember much because of the explosion but his eyes held such clarity when he spoke, he felt that was untrue. If someone did quiz his brother, he noticed he could rarely maintain eye contact under pressure, he would start to tap his hand nervously. Make a joke, good humouredly change the subject. Scott knew his brother well enough to know he was hiding something.
"It's not that I don't think you could handle it, its more the fact I'd be breaking protocol." Gordon played with his hands in his lap. Torn with indecision and worry.
"Well seeing as your now officially medically discharged you wouldn't technically be breaking protocol, right?" The heat of the mid-afternoon sun would have burned Scott if he hadn't already been acclimatised to the desert.
"No; this is like enigma protocol." Gordon replied.
"Well Now I'm intrigued. I didn't think it was an accident."
Gordon sighed. "Ok, this is top level, top secret shit. The only other person I've told what really happened was my Commander. You have to promise me this go's no further; ever." Gordon glanced around, the family still seemed to be at dinner, as long as they weren't out here too long, they should be undisturbed. "I'm only thinking about telling you because I'll go insane. I need someone to…. to understand that's outside of my unit because I can't speak to them anymore." He looked devastated. He'd had a lot of tough goodbyes when he was officially medically discharged the previous month. It wasn't how he wanted his career to end.
"I promise." Scott didn't even hesitate.
Gordon turned to face him. "What everyone thinks I did and I what I actually did for W.A.S.P are very far removed from each other. I'm a… was a ESFO – Elite special force operative." He looked at his wasted legs bitterly. Scott didn't say a word, fearful of interrupting him in case he clammed up. "I was trained to undertake counter terrorist operations, specifically specialising in targeting weapons running at sea. Mine and my partners roles were to gather intel and run our own sting operations to stealthy get the evidence we needed to then link up with our teams and terminate the target or bring them in – depending on orders as well as to retrieve the weapons before they got on the market." Gordon sighed.
"It started out like any other day. Glenn and I had our intel, we got into the bathyscape under the usual cover of marine conservationists before breaking off once submerged to go and locate our target. Everything was textbook until we got to the location and found that someone was already there retrieving the weapons when we were told the pick up wasn't going to be happening until seventy- three hours later. Anyway, our mission was to retrieve the weapons at all costs, our team were nowhere near ready to deploy, it would take them some time to reach us so Glenn and I decided we would push on." Gordon closed his eyes his face awash with regret. The regret that tore at him in his sleep, the second his mind wandered, the moments when he should be at his happiest it sabotaged him. Every time he closed his eyes, He took a breath trembling at what he was about to re-live again.
"So, we make it onto this yacht, I take down a guy, Glenn's on the other side of the boat doing the same. Things seem manageable. The guy who we saw get on the boat is busy sailing away as fast as he can from the pick-up site. We don't know how many others there are or where this guy is going, there could literally be a base with several of them which we might not be able to handle on our own. So, I stupidly say hey while he's distracted why don't we dump the weapons in the sea, then he can't find them and we can get out of here and retrieve the weapons like we're meant to, then the SWAT team can take him out later and anyone else he might be working with. So, Glenn and I start to cut through the winch, we manage to tilt the box onto the edge and then…" Gordon put his head in his hands.
Scott carefully rested a hand on his shoulder, rubbing his back with a feather like touch, aware of the injuries there. He was starting to realise his brother's trauma was deeper than any of them could have comprehended.
"I didn't see it coming Scott. One minute we were smiling task in hand, the next he hit the deck like a stone. I dragged him to cover, turned him over….. there was so much blood Scott, how can you lose that much blood from one little bullet to the head? It was warm all over my hands, splattered over my face, my knees where I had pulled him on to me. I could smell it, I swear I can still smell it in the air and the way he stared upwards, I… I can't forget it, I can't unsee it no matter what I do. He was my best friend Scott and I got him killed!" Gordon lost composure at that point; Scott leaned in closer so Gordon could tuck in under his side. Scott couldn't believe what he had gone through, keeping it hidden all this time and still smiling, still joking around. The poor lad, he was far too young to have gone through this on his own.
"I know its hard but you can't blame yourself for this Gordon, we all make choices in the heat of the moment that we may regret but at the end of the day Glenn made the same choice as you. You didn't force him. He knew what he had trained and signed up for and he died doing the job that he loved."
"You don't understand. Glenn did it for me, the mission was personal. I let my own feelings cloud my judgement." He took himself off Scott's shoulder and straightened up.
"Well then, he died helping his friend. That's even more important. He would have known the stakes Gordon. You weren't to know what was going to happen. Either way you still couldn't have let that guy get away, those weapons were dangerous right?"
Gordon debated for a minute, did he tell Scott why it was so personal or was Gordon just trying to use it as an excuse to justify his actions further whilst the other voice in his head still raged at him screaming it was his fault? He deserved to live with this guilt for eternity when his friend hadn't even got to live.
"Gordon?" Scott asked tentatively.
"They were dangerous alright. They were the same weapons that took your squadron down in the spring. Missiles that could target and lock on to fighter craft. "
"What!" Scott stood up knocking the chair back. His hand flew to his mouth. How? Who, who were these people that had wrecked his and his brother's lives?
Gordon look pained, it wasn't his intention to hurt Scott too but it was all spilling out now, he couldn't seem to control the filter anymore. "I didn't know until Glenn shared me the intel. I put the two and two together that they were the same weapons and that this weapons runner had supplied that cell in the desert. I couldn't let him get away not when I knew first hand what he had done to you and your squadron." He left Mavi's name out of it, she'd already be on Scott's mind. Scott settled down heavily.
"What happened next?" Scott wanted the full details now. He recognised his brother needed to debrief fully.
"Well the guy was trying to shoot me but I was beyond angry, I've never…. Never felt so consumed by hatred and rage. I ran up those stairs, flash-banged the bastard and hunted him down. I had him kneeled on the front of the deck at gun point. I wanted information about his contacts. Glenn had died for this, I at least needed to try and get some information but the asshole wouldn't talk not even when I shot near his hand or in-between his legs. I went to finish him off when he caught me off guard. There was something about his eyes, I couldn't look away I was trapped. He grabbed me by the neck and hauled me against the boat. I could see the lights in the distance, hear a boat. I knew it was my unit coming so I goaded him, he was going to kill me anyway I could see it in his eyes. He wanted some kind of information from me but I resisted until I fainted. Next thing I know I'm being hauled out of the sea choking on water, the medic is shouting, their cutting my suit open but all I can feel is this excruciating pain in my back and I'm so, so cold. I couldn't feel my limbs or my face. I was just numb and then I blacked out. Next time I woke up was in the hospital with Virgil."
"God Gordon! I don't know what to say. Sorry doesn't just doesn't cut it but I am truly sorry this happened to you. Look regardless of where I am if you need me you call ok? anytime, you can't keep carrying this around by yourself alright? I hope your commander advised you to attend therapy?"
"She did. I didn't go at first but then I couldn't sleep and it was slowing my recovery so I did and it improved a few things but she said I needed to share my feelings with someone close to me, it would help."
"She sounds decent then. Sound advice." Gordon smiled weakly.
"So back at dinner earlier…."
"I didn't know they were going to set off the crackers the bang was like a gunshot. Like the ones I fired in retaliation. It triggered a flashback."
"We'll try to be more careful in the future." Scott looked out to the horizon. "I take it your unit didn't catch the man who did this?"
"No, they lost his trail in Thailand."
Scott frowned mulling the info over, info that he couldn't share with his command. He could take a look at the evidence reports from the attack on base though, see if the new information brought anything to light that he could use.
"How do you feel now? Do you want to go back to your room for a bit? I can bring you dinner?"
"No, it's ok, I think… I think I can go back now, most of them will be in the lounge and I'm not that hungry anyway but I do feel better so thank you for listening."
"Anytime but we should be thanking you Ensign Tracy for your sacrifice and commitment to protecting armed forces and civilians across the globe. Your actions will have saved countless lives and if people knew that you'd be regarded as a hero. You are in my eyes." He held out his hand to shake his brother's.I'm proud to call you my brother.
"I don't know about that but thank you."
Scott smiled at him kindly. "Come on, we'll go in together, let me do the talking unless you feel like jumping in."
"I hear you have a chess match to partake in?"
"Oh yeah! I'm looking forward to beating him again." Scott smiled in anticipation.
"Competitive much?" Gordon raised a brow.
"It's Christmas, Christmas is a time when families get together and annoy the fuck out of each other, of course there is bound to be competition." He walked backwards through the doors of the villa looking at Gordon.
"Christmas is the season of goodwill." Gordon laughed.
"Bah humbug!" Scott flipped round and grabbed a discarded Santa's hat off the shelf and stuffed it on his head. Grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Come on, let's go and get you something to eat, I know you were starving before you followed me I bet Grandma put it in the hot plate." They headed off down the corridor to the kitchen avoiding the lounge. Scott started singing we wish you a Merry Christmas (awfully) whilst encouraging Gordon to join in so by the time they hit the kitchen their carolling could be heard in the lounge. Gordon still felt vulnerable but as long as Scott was around tonight, he felt his demons would be quieter for it and for that he was thankful.