Mortal Sin
Chapter 9: Luxuria (Or Lust: Part 1)
All humans suffer from lust. It may not be for the carnal desires of the flesh. Perhaps it is too much longing for money, power, influence. The lust for any of these makes humans a plaything for demons. Controls man's action and leads to even more sin in order to obtain the object of their desire. There is a painting that depicts the sin of lust, as well as its consequences. How lust eventually causes paradise to become hell. The Garden of Earthly Delights. At least, that's what they teach in the Art History course at Garden.
Seifer was irritated to say the least. He had taken the time to book a room in a discrete hotel in Balamb for the occasion. His date had never stood him up. Ever. No text, no call, not even a smoke signal or carrier pigeon. He knew that they were in high demand as a SeeD and it was possible they had been sent on a mission and was unable to make contact. But Seifer always received a call if their plans had to be cancelled due to SeeD business. Unless they didn't get the chance to. He hoped this was one of those times, even though he was growing ever-irritated. And a little worried. Still, his lover was always the nice one in the relationship—it was certainly out of character for them to have zero contact.
In reality, Seifer had no clue why the SeeD even put up with him. Sure, they had been dancing around each other for years before they actually got together. And Seifer was one of the few people who were aware of their preferences.
To him it was plain as day—Zell's tattoo may as well have been rainbow themed.
Seifer was into anyone…as long as he was on top. He made no secret of it either—he played both sides and had been around the block more times than he would admit to. But now, he had finally settled down.
If Seifer was being honest, he had always had a thing for the brawler. The fact that it eventually was reciprocated was the real shocker. Their relationship strangely came out of Time Compression. That experience had fucked with all their heads. Zell's, more than he let on. And Seifer understood having your head fucked with better than anyone—and something blossomed from there. An unlikely alliance.
They all coped in their own way. Zell drank. Alone in his room. A lot. No one knew about that except Seifer. Rinoa took pills. Selphie and Irvine did Hyne-knows-what, but he imagined it involved whips and chains. Quistis was a masochist. Squall was a sadist.
Zell didn't deserve his ire. Seifer knew the marital artist would have contacted him if he had been able.
The former knight was definitely frustrated. It had been a while and he was looking forward to having the other blonde underneath him once again. Eager to touch him. Zell insisted on keeping up the farce with the Library Girl. He really didn't understand why they couldn't come out. It's not like they weren't committed and exclusive with each other. They were. Didn't the library girl think it was a little strange that all Zell did after over a year "together" was barely peck her on the lips?
Deep down, Seifer wasn't sure if Zell kept their relationship hidden because it was with Seifer, the failed ex-SeeD, failed ex-Knight, or if it was the fact that Seifer was a man.
Sighing, he called the only other person who knew about their illicit trysts. He knew Zell wouldn't mind. After all, the person had joined them in bed on many occasions. He had an itch to scratch after all. Zell would understand. It was sort of an unspoken agreement that he wasn't cheating if it was with her. She was a guest star in their relationship, even if she desperately wished she was part of the main cast.
Dialing a number he had memorized, the person answered quickly. "Hello?"
"Hey…what are you doing right now?"
"Seifer?" The voice asked.
Seifer nodded, even though the woman on the other line couldn't see him. "Yup. Is chicken-wuss on a mission? He was supposed to meet me."
A sigh. "Umm…I didn't think so. But it's possible. I don't keep up with that roster."
"Well, he's not here, and I got a hotel room and everything…" Sefier left the statement in the air as a question.
A pause. A hitched voice. "What's the room number?"
"305."
Seifer flopped back on the bed with a grin. It wasn't the person he was expecting tonight, but he would certainly enjoy it.
Seifer awoke to hair tickling his nose. Blonde hair. Splayed across his chest. Soft familiar curves pressed up against his naked body. She was stirring, starting to rub her hand along his washboard stomach.
"Morning, baby." He murmured down to Quistis before turning his head to the side, noticing the empty space on the bed, remembering that Zell wasn't there.
Seifer gazed in the direction of the bathroom door. Any moment now, Zell would emerge, a towel secured around his waist, bronze chiseled chest sparkling with droplets of water. His hair would be wet and flopped in his face—just the way Seifer liked it—when he had to keep brushing it back to get out of his eyes, without all that stupid product he always put in. He looked like the sun. He was the sun. Full of joy, radiating happiness wherever he went—they were both lucky to be in his orbit.
Zell would say something dumb like. "You guys start without me?" And he would stare at Quistis like she was the most beautiful thing in the world and then he would tell her as much. Then Zell would crawl over Seifer and kiss him tenderly and Seifer would let him carry on with that sentimental nonsense because he didn't always have to be such an asshole...and it made Zell happy. And underneath it all—he really liked making Zell happy.
And then…
And then…
Quistis' pleasant roaming hands distracted him. "Morning…" she murmured, placing a kiss on his chest.
"Take it you slept well?" Seifer shifted his hips up playfully, before reaching to the nightstand to grab his phone. "Still nothing from chickie…" He added with a sigh.
"Seifer, he's probably on a black-out mission. Things are crazy with Laguna missing—lots of calls for work and Zell is the best of the best. He isn't the stand-you-up type of guy. You know that. Despite it all, he loves you."
Seifer sighed and sank into the soft pillows. She was probably right. Probably. They'd been going on with whatever it was between the three of them for well over a year now. Well, Quistis only became a part of it eight or so months ago—the night of the last graduation.
It wasn't that uncommon for him to be in bed with Quistis…especially if Zell was on a mission…but usually Zell was watching, and likely eventually joining. It was rarely just the two of them together. At least not like this. Not tender, not intimate. They were only ever like that with him.
Quistis was just as fucked up as the rest of them. She gladly and willingly gave herself over to them as a living, breathing toy to do whatever they wanted with. Total depravity. Why she did, he had no idea. But, it seemed to make her happy and give her some sort of release from something. Probably the same release he felt being with Zell.
Quistis had begged Seifer for a specific favor and after months of pleading, he finally agreed. He was the only person who hated himself enough to do it. But he loved her. He loved both of them. So, he gave them each what they needed.
When Quistis had a particular itch that needed to be scratched, Zell left the two of them alone. He had no desire to witness it. Zell treated Quistis like something that could be spoiled. Gentle, tender with her. What a joke.
Hyne, he didn't deserve either of them.
They were all so fucked up. All of them. Fuck Time Compression. Fuck Sorceresses.
Except Rinoa.
She wasn't the threat anyway. It was her knight that Seifer was worried about. Something strange was happening that he couldn't put his finger on.
The former instructor put a cigarette in that ridiculous fancy holder she used so her hands wouldn't smell. "Want one?" She offered an extra, and stuck it in his mouth before he could answer.
Seifer chuckled slightly and grabbed his monogrammed lighter off the dresser. A birthday present from Zell. In an uncharacteristically gentlemanly gesture, he lit Quistis' cigarette before lighting his own. Taking a deep drag, he sighed. "Hey Quis...why is Zell so secretive about…you know…me?"
Quistis exhaled loudly, hating this question. "Seifer, a lot of people are going to be hurt if this ever comes out. Zell is protective, you know? Rinoa won't understand why Zell didn't confide in her. Those two are terribly close, and I'm pretty sure Rinoa knows Zell is far from straight. Ma will be hurt that Zell hid it from her. And he does care about Lisa, even if he doesn't see her the same way she sees him."
'…if this ever comes out'. She should say when. Not if.
"Who the fuck is Lisa?"
"You're…you're not serious."
Seifer shook his head.
"Lisa is the girl from the library, Seifer. You've been told that, like, fifteen times."
"Her name is Lisa? Seriously?"
Qustis pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.
His strong arms pulled her back in closer, resting her head on his chest, hand running through her hair. "I'm sorry, baby. The only girl I pay attention to is you. But…you sure the reason he doesn't say anything is…you know. Because it's me?"
Qustis shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he's embarrassed that he's in a relationship with a guy who publicly makes fun of him all the time? You're kind of an asshole, Seifer."
"I'm an asshole to everyone, though."
"You're worse with Zell."
It was true. It was because he had always wanted him so much and never thought he'd be lucky enough to have the feeling reciprocated. He had become nicer over the years—or maybe more of a jerk to everyone else. More than likely though, the secrecy was because by going public, they all had to figure out just what the hell it was between them.
Zell was too damn nice. Maybe that's why he was always such an asshole to him. It was easier to be a dick than to say, 'I love you, please don't leave me'. Their feelings all got sorted out in the bedroom anyway.
He very much doubted Quistis would want Garden to know that she was at the beck and call of Ultimecia's former knight. That the place she wanted to be most was between a couple whose relationship she forced her way into. Or that she liked to dominated. For once, completely under the control of someone else. Letting go. Helpless.
They were all so fucked up. Zell was the most normal of all of them, though he needed to get his other foot out of the closet. He was the glue that held whatever this was together.
It all started when Quistis used her executive code to open Zell's locked door at Garden the night of the last graduation ball. She entered to find Zell on his knees in front of a very naked Seifer. Seifer hadn't even noticed until Zell pulled away and said something. Quistis had just stood there silently, before whispering. "I suspected as much." There had been another awkward moment of silence before she hung her head. Refused to look at them. Uttered the most heartbreaking words he had ever heard. "I just…want someone to love me too."
Zell had reached his hand out to her, pulling her into the room and towards them. "But, we already both love you, Quistie." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. The next thing Seifer knew, he was kissing her and that was that. She became their guest.
Everything was so fucked up. Fuck Time Compression. Fuck Sorceresses.
Except Rinoa.
"How's Rinoa been? Commander Dildo doesn't say anything when I see him," Seifer asked.
Quistis paused. "I'm…not sure."
Seifer frowned. Concerned. She probably hadn't heard from her in weeks. No one really had. Why should he think Quistis would be any different? At least he still figured Rinoa was around—somewhere—or Squall would have been a grade-A demon. He was like a rabid wendigo if he wasn't getting laid. Seifer's thoughts were stopped when he felt Quistis' hand trailing lower down on his stomach. Tangling her fingers in the tuft of hair at the apex of his groin. The ex-knight grinned. "When do you need to be back at Garden?"
"I cleared my calendar for the entire day."
Smashing his cigarette in the ashtray, he flipped Quistis on her back and pinned her with a rough kiss. "Oh yeah? What'd you have in mind?"
She motioned to the bag she had brought with her last night. "Save me."
Seifer studied her eyes carefully. "You're needing that, huh?"
Quistis nodded.
Seifer sighed a little. "What's the safe word?"
She stared up into his beautiful green eyes with complete vulnerability. She was ready to let him do anything. "Emerald."
And, like always, she never used the safe word.
Seifer was helping Quistis dress, carefully zipping up the back of her skirt as he leaned down and softly kissed her neck. "Feel better?"
Quistis nodded. "Thank you." She was clasping her bra and admiring herself in the mirror. Truly appreciating the work Seifer had done to her body. Littered with marks. There was slight bruising at her neck, and she'd have to wear a scarf for the next few days. It was exactly what she had wanted. Seifer knew where it was and wasn't safe to leave marks. The places she could and couldn't cover. He'd done this enough times for her—after she'd begged him to. Otherwise who knows where she would go for it, and what someone else would do. At least they both knew she was safe with him.
Seifer really, really did not enjoy hurting her. Sure, he liked to tie her up and be kinky. He really liked it when he and Zell took her at the same time. But, he hated when she needed this. He hated himself. It was this or her being drugged up like the rest of Garden, he supposed. Or going to some depraved stranger who wouldn't stop.
Fuck Time Compression. Fuck Sorceresses (except Rinoa). Fuck Garden.
"Quis…" He said softly, reaching up to help her fix up her hair. "Let's just…slow down. Slow down with me."
"Slow down?"
"Yeah. When chicken-wuss gets back. All three of us. Go somewhere. Fisherman's Horizon. Start over…Garden is killing you." If only they could get away from Garden, he was sure all of them would be better. Healthier. Garden was a poison. SeeD was poison. Sorceresses were poison.
She met his gaze in the mirror but said nothing.
"Let's face it," Seifer continued. "This is about as normal of a relationship any of us are going to get—"
Quistis quickly interrupted him, and nearly sounded relieved. "Okay. When Zell gets back. But let me talk to him."
Seifer smiled genuinely. Not his normal cocky grin. But a happy smile. It quickly faded though as something dawned on him. "Hey. When you get back, can you check up on Rinoa?"
The instructor raised an eyebrow. "Sure. Is something wrong?"
"I'm not sure yet. Just…do it for me and—be careful."
She nodded, then turned around to lean up on her tiptoes and give him a chaste kiss. "I…I love you, Seifer."
"I love you too—," he admitted softly. And wished he could tell it to Zell as well. He really hoped he would hear from him soon. He promised he would try to be less of an asshole from now on. Maybe then…maybe then they had a chance at this.
Fuck Time Compression. Fuck Sorceresses. Fuck Garden.
A/N: Thank you to my amazing beta, Bebedora! I believe that I have converted her onto this bizarre ship that no one ever knew they needed. I'm strongly considering a side one-shot in this universe exploring it (pre the events of this fic)
The Garden of Earthly Delights is a triptych painting by Hieronymus Bosch. It can be viewed in the Prado. Bosch painted it back in the late 1400s which is insane when you think about what he painted. He makes Dali look un-creative.