"What the hell are you doing?" Penny asked, exasperated.

"I can't sleep," Leonard said. He turned around for the tenth time.

"Well could you not sleep somewhere else then?" Penny said in her trademark mean sarcasm voice.

"Maybe we could… do something that will make me tired?" he suggested.

"Leonard?"

"Yes?"

"Get out."

"This is kinda my room," he pointed out.

"And it's my beauty sleep you are ruining. Now get out."

"But-"

She gave him a shove which almost made him fall out of bed.

"Fine, fine."

He grabbed his pillow and got out of the room.

He'd just sleep on the couch tonight.

It's not like he could blame her. It was kinda his fault. Suggesting sex just so he could sleep was a little selfish. And he knew she was touchy about her sleep. Penny hated being kept awake.

He tossed his pillow in Sheldon's spot and lied down on the couch.

Sheldon would probably wake him up tomorrow to complain. That lunatic.

Leonard sighed. Let's just sleep.

…

Why wasn't this working? He should be tired. He had spent an hour arguing with Sheldon about why he could not use conditioning techniques to train Penny like a dog.

"Why not?" Sheldon's voice echoed in his head. "It's not like I'm harming her or anything. She's enjoying it, I'm enjoying it and I think you are enjoying it too. Come on Leonard. Don't you want to sand off some of those rough edges?"

As if he could do that. Penny was perfect just the way she was. Her little quirks were what made her who she was.

Quirks like kicking him out when he wouldn't let her sleep.

He punched his pillow to try and get it in a better shape.

"You're a scientist, aren't you?" Sheldon's voice continued. "Where is your logic? If there is no victim, then there is no crime."

"Yes there is," Leonard argued. "It's called a victimless crime."

"That's not a thing. That's just something people like you invented to punish people like me."

"Say what now?"

"I am the victim here, Leonard."

"Of course you are." That lunatic always thought he was the victim.

"You are forcing me to suffer through Penny and when I figure out a way to solve it without harming anyone, you forbid it."

"Ah and you are gonna listen to me?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, social convention and the roommate agreement dictate that I should not interfere with your girlfriend unless you ask me to."

"Good."

"If you say so."

Leonard took the pillow and put it on the other side of the couch.

Better.

Well, less worse.

The couch was long enough for him, but Leonard preferred to sleep on his side with his legs pulled up partly in a foetus-like position. Something which was obviously impossible on this narrow couch.

Sleeping in any other position just felt wrong.

He got up.

Maybe he should sleep in Penny's apartment? Not like her bed was being used right now anyway. And he had a key.

Yes, that was a great idea.

He got up and went to her apartment.

Oh right. Her bed was broken.

Oh well. He'd just sleep on the mattress on the floor.

He settled into her bed. The familiar scent of Penny was on it, which calmed him down. Even so, it took another hour of tossing and turning before he finally fell asleep. As usual, he dreamed of Penny. And it was pretty NSFW. The fact that it had been a week since they last did it probably contributed to that.

When he woke up, it was already past nine. And he had a pretty big morning wood.

He got out of bed and took a lukewarm shower to calm down a little. Then, he put on his pyjamas again and walked back to the apartment.

Sheldon was already there. He was watching Doctor Who.

"Morning," Sheldon said. "Chocolate?" he held out the box without looking at Leonard.

"What?"

"Well I can't give them to Penny anymore, can I? And I don't eat chocolate myself."

"It's early."

"Oh don't worry. There are no calories in them. It's the chocolate from the food lab with artificial sugar. Can't taste the difference. At least, that's what they tell me."

"Really?" Leonard walked closer and took one. He took a bite. "Huh. That's good. Can't tell the difference at all."

"Here, take the whole box."

"Fine, I'll just put it in the…"

"Leonard?"

He looked up. "Penny?"

Penny stood in the doorway. She didn't look like she slept well either.

"Can we uhm… talk for a second?"

"Yeah, sure."

They went into his bedroom.

"So uhm," Penny said. "I'm sorry for last night."

"Oh."

"I was just… well you know how I am when I want to sleep."

"It's okay," he assured her.

"No, no. I was kinda mean."

"Well I was keeping you up."

"Even so, I was pretty harsh to you."

"It's fine," he said. "You want breakfast?"

"How about we have some dessert first?"

She grabbed the belt of his bathrobe and loosened the knot.

Leonard realised he was still holding the box of chocolates.

He shouldn't. He absolutely shouldn't.

"Don't get tired and fall asleep after I'm done with you," she teased him.

"H-Have a chocolate."

"Now?"

"They don't have any calories in them," Leonard said. "They are from the food lab."

"Oh. Okay then."

She opened her mouth. Leonard popped a chocolate into her mouth.

A blissful look appeared on her face. "That's so good."

His hand was still on her face. Leonard traced her lips with his thumb.

"I wonder what else we can put in there," he said. He felt unusually brave today.

"Oh my," Penny said. "I didn't realise it was your birthday today."

"It's just a week away," he argued. "Can I have a little preview?"

"A little taste?" she suggested, grinning.

"Yes, exactly."

"Alright, but just this one time."

She sank down on her knees.

Oh fuck.

She was gonna do it. She was actually gonna do it. His first ever blowjob.

He eagerly took off his robe.

"One second," she said, standing up again. "I need to go pee."

"Oh, okay."

"Why don't you get comfortable on the bed?"

"Alright."

He hopped on the bed. Penny went to the bathroom.

This was actually going to happen.

About a month ago, in the first days of their relationship, sex had been a disaster. At first, it was incredibly weird because they had been friends for so long. So they tried to get more comfortable by drinking way too much alcohol, which ended poorly.

Afterwards, they considered becoming friends again, but they were simply too attracted to each other, so they ended up in bed together. However, Leonard kept asking her whether she liked what he was doing and if he was doing okay, which annoyed Penny.

The next day, she had sat him down for a lesson of 'Bedroom Rules for Penny'. She had gone through a detailed explanation of what she liked and disliked in the bedroom. With a little help from Leonard, they had gotten to a list of 'rules'. Penny didn't want to write them down. But obviously, he knew them by heart.

They went like this:

-Shut up.

-Seriously shut up.

-Okay, fine, we can discuss afterwards if you really want to, but shut up while we're doing it.

-What do you mean how do you know when we're done? How could you not know? Okay, fine. When I say 'you were great', it's over. Or when we go and take a shower or a bath. Oh and while we're on the topic:

-No shower sex. Seriously, it's not as fun as it sounds. It's fucking dangerous. I once broke my arm while I was using my vibrator in the shower… Yes, Sheldon had to drive me to the hospital. No he didn't see the vibrator. Oh, speaking of vibrators:

-Penny uses a vibrator sometimes. Get over it. It doesn't mean you're bad, it just means that girls are a little more delicate and don't come as easily.

-No spanking. Not that I'm not into that, just not from you, Leonard. Now don't take it personal. Oh come on, like you would ever want to spank me… Yeah, that's what I thought.

-Take off your socks.

-No superhero underwear… Yes, that applies to both of us. Oh while we're on the topic:

-No weird cosplay.

-Sigh. Penny decides what counts as 'weird cosplay' and will not get mad or laugh if Leonard proposes something.

-The Wonder Woman poster on the ceiling needs to go, the rest can stay.

-no 'backdoor action'.

-Don't try any weird positions, Penny doesn't want to break her back. In fact, why don't you let Penny decide on the positions, okay? Yes, you can make suggestions. Okay, fine, you'll have to talk for that. Leonard, do you really think that you know more about positions than me? Ah, that's what I thought. So Penny decides on the positions and Leonard just shuts up and enjoys himself.

-Penny prefers to take the initiative in general. She is perfectly fine with that and stop trying so hard, Leonard.

-If Penny says she's cumming, she's very close and you need to keep doing exactly what you are doing. Don't speed up, don't slow down, don't say anything, just KEEP GOING.

-Stop saying thank you after we have sex.

-Penny does not like to give blowjobs. You get one on your birthday and that's it. She doesn't mind if you go down on her though.

-A gentleman does not push his gf's head down when he's getting head. And he gives her a head's up before he cums. Penny only gives blowjobs to gentlemen.

-Fine, if she does give one, she'll put some passion into it and she won't treat it like some chore she's trying to get over with as fast as possible.

-Oh, Penny's coming back.

The door opened and Penny entered. She had changed into a loosely tied pink bathrobe and put her hair up in a rough bun.

"Ready, mister?" she asked. As she spoke, she opened the robe and revealed she was fully naked below.

"Oh yeah. I'm ready."

"Okay. Scoot over to the edge of the bed and hand me that pillow."

He did as she asked. Penny knelt down in front of him on top of the pillow. Then, she reached out and carefully lowered down his pants. She pulled them off all the way and tossed them aside. Then, she pulled down his socks.

"Oh wow," Leonard said.

"I said I'd do it properly and I meant it," she said. "Take your shirt off."

He did as she asked.

Both of them were fully naked now.

"Okay," she smiled.

"Hold on," he said. "I… I don't know about this."

"What do you mean? You want me to stop?"

"No, no. It's just… I feel kind of selfish."

"Oh don't worry babe," she purred. "I'll let you return the favor whenever you want to."

"How about this. You have at least one hand free, right?"

"Yes?"

"Well why don't you use that hand to… play with yourself? Down there."

"Hm. Not a bad idea actually."

Indeed. Not a bad idea. Associate giving oral with pleasure.

Pinny reached down and started to play with her pussy.

"Alright. Ready?"

"Ready."

She put her other hand around his cock. Then, she leaned closer. He felt her hot breath on the head of his cock.

She let him wait for one more agonising second and then, her tongue darted out of her mouth and licked the head.

A shiver went through him. Fuck that felt good.

Penny chuckled. She planted a little kiss on his cock.

Leonard swallowed hard. For someone who claimed not to be into blowjobs, she sure seemed to be having fun.

Penny's fingers were still lazily rubbing her pussy lips. She closed her eyes and moaned softly.

She kissed it some more. Penny was really getting into it. Her lips and tongue made out with the head of his cock. After about a minute, her lips finally wrapped around the head. Her tongue continued to swirl around.

Fuck.

He felt light headed. A good thing he was sitting down, or his knees might have buckled beneath him.

Penny used her hand to pump his cock while she continued to lick and suckle the head. It felt incredible.

Leonard was starting to lose control of his breathing. Right when he began to worry about having an asthma attack, she took the head out. Her hand continued to pump. Firm, slow strokes.

"How is that?" Penny asked.

"Wow."

"Glad you're enjoying it," she said. She bent her fingers and pushed two of them in her pussy. A cute little moan escaped her lips.

"You are amazing."

"Are you getting close?" she increased the speed of her pumps.

"Ah, Penny it's…"

"What's wrong?"

"A little dry."

"Oh, sorry. Uhm…" she seemed unsure of what to do. Normally they used lube, but she couldn't put that on if she was gonna put it in her mouth again.

"Why don't you spit on it?" he suggested.

"You sure?"

"You just put it on your mouth. What's the difference?"

"Right."

She gathered some in her mouth and spit on his cock. She used her fingers to spread it out.

"Better?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Warn me before you cum, okay?"

"Of course."

She put the tip in her mouth again and began to pump his cock hard with her hand.

"Fuck. Penny. That's amazing."

She continued to suck. He noticed her hair was getting loose. It was gonna get into her eyes like this.

He reached down to-

"Whoa," she slapped his hand away and pulled out. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Y-Your hair was getting loose."

"Oh." She reached back. "Well just warn me next time, okay? Don't touch my head."

"Sorry."

She pulled her hair into a ponytail. When it was fixed, she continued her blowjob. Well, handjob with some tongue action.

Even so, Leonard had never felt a girl's tongue down there. Let alone a girl as gorgeous as Penny. To see her there, kneeling down, playing with herself while she sucked his-

Fuck.

"A-Almost there."

She immediately pulled the head out. But her hand kept pumping.

"I've got a little surprise for you," she said.

"A-Another?"

"I want you to come on my tits? Can you do that for me?"

"I-I think so."

She aimed his cock at her perfect chest.

Fuck.

"Come closer," he said.

She put her tits right up against his cock. Right on time.

Leonard exploded. It came out in three big squirts. The first one was high enough to reach her collarbone, the rest went on her beautiful tits.

Penny rubbed his cock on her chest.

"That was great," Leonard said.

"Hand me my vibe, will you?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure."

He opened the drawer and gave her the vibrator.

She opened her legs wider and placed the vibrator on her clit. With her other hand, she gently massaged her tits.

He watched, mesmerised, as Penny climbed closer and closer.

Eventually, she reached her orgasm right in front of him. Her body shivered deliciously. She cried out.

Leonard's eye fell on the box of chocolates.

Oh well. What was the harm?

"That was great," he said. "Here, have chocolate."

He tossed it to her and she caught it with her mouth. Penny beamed at him.

"We should do this more often," she said.

"Yeah. Why don't you take a shower and I'll make us some breakfast, okay?"

"Okay."

She put on her bathrobe and went to the bathroom.

Leonard sighed. Okay that was fun, but now he would end it. No more chocolates. No more training. He liked Penny just the way she was.

…

Although…