He had been blindsided before. In the field, in the heat of action. But never like this. Never with her. OA forced his face to relax into an easy going, passive expression as Maggie finished telling him how she and Vertiz started dating.
He should be happy for her. He knew that much. But every cell in his body was aflame with anger. Betrayal brewed in his stomach and hurt had wrangled his heart. There was no reason for him to feel that way. So why did he feel like falling to pieces on the bar stool beside her?
"So that's it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." She said, unable to meet his eyes. She waited eagerly for his response, for his stamp of approval.
"It's fine, you're entitled to your personal life Maggie. I'm happy for you." He really wasn't. He couldn't be sure if she bought his bullshit act but it was the best he could do on such short notice. He took a sip of ginger ale as silence engulfed them.
"What about you? Are you dating?"
He shook his head. In fact, since she had left for her undercover job he hadn't looked at another woman. He chalked it up to worry but now…he thought it was something else. He drained his drink and pushed his bar stool back.
"I should get going. I'm beat."
"We just got here, what are you talking about?" Her eyes plead more than her words and as usual, he could deny her nothing.
"I can stay a little longer I guess." She smiled in response and relaxed a bit. She began telling him how she spoke to Kristin yesterday but his mind wandered off. All he could think about was her and Vertiz. When she left him, she would be going home to him. To lay in his arms. It made him ball his fists unconsciously. He needed to get a grip, he could see Maggie eyeing him suspiciously from the corner of her eyes.
He suddenly had a striking headache and clipped the bridge of his nose in a tight squeeze to relieve some tension.
"You really do look tired," she said, regret in her tone.
"Just a headache," he said in his best light hearted tone.
"Nothing some advil can't cure right?" she slapped his back gently and he steeled his body so he wouldn't flinch under her touch.
"I don't think so, not this time." he said in a low voice and she looked at him, her brows knitting together.
"Ugh, I just mean it's gonna take something stronger." His mouth flattened in a grim line.
Under the dim lighting and through the smoky haze of the bar, he could see her clearly. See through her like he always did. She looked happy.
Far, in the deep, dark parts of his mind, he always thought it would be him. She would finally move on from her husband and it would be him she ran to. Life clearly had other plans. If he couldn't be anything but her partner, he would take it. At least he would be by her side. He would put on a brave face every morning and stand next to her as she loved someone else.
"I should let you go," she said. He knew she could feel the change, sense the shift between them. She may not know what had caused it but she definitely noticed it. But he had no answers for her, none that she would want to hear. None that he could divulge and remain her partner.
"Think I just need to sleep it off, I'll see you tomorrow." he said, getting up from his stool. With one last lingering look, he walked away.