Chapter Seventeen
Gail's words hung in the air like a feather in the wind, giving me plenty of food for thought. Was she trying to tell me, in a roundabout way, that if I didn't keep the baby sooner or later I was going to regret it?
No, no, I really didn't want to think about that right now, I was already wrestling with my own doubts, thank you very much.
I had just handed my health card to the receptionist when my cell phone rang. I ignored it the first time since I was busy managing the calendar on my phone and trying to schedule my next appointment. I now had a new cell phone with limited service. The fact that I cannot access the internet or make or receive international calls does not bother me, the important thing is that I have a phone that takes care of my basic needs.
"You're all set, Mrs. Grey. See you next Tuesday at 4:00 O'clock," the receptionist told me with a plastic smile, handing me my card.
My phone rang again just as I was putting my card away. It was Jane calling. She and her husband Paul were inviting me to go with them to their place to see their newly decorated nursery. I felt a little weird about that, but at the same time, I wanted to see the room. I know, it was like I was looking for a clear sign telling me that was making the right choice and that my baby belongs with them.
"I need to ask my husband first," I told Jane. I probably should have said 'check with my husband' instead of 'ask', I belatedly realized. But I couldn't help it, I was raised to always put my husband's needs ahead of my own. So if Christian had told me I couldn't go to this thing, then I wouldn't go.
"Okay, I'll call you back in five minutes," she told me before hanging up.
Afterward, I kept calling Christian but I couldn't reach him. In the end, I decided it would be okay to go to their place. I would be gone two or three hours at the most, and according to my calculations, in plenty of time for dinner.
"Okay, I will go but I need to be back home by seven," I told Jane when she called back.
"No problem," said Jane, "We'll be there in 20 minutes."
I hung up the phone and Gail shook her head in disapproval when I told her of my plans.
"So let me get this straight... Jane couldn't come to this appointment with you today because she was working...and yet she can manage to come and pick you up in twenty minutes?"
"Well, I think she's just leaving work," I said glancing at my watch. It was ten minutes to four. Most people get off work around this time, don't they? "Anyway, we won't be gone long, don't worry."
"We?" Gail gave me a regretful look. "I'm sorry, Ana, but I'm afraid I can't go with you. I need to run some errands and still have time to fix dinner."
I was disappointed to hear that, I wanted her to come with me. Even though we're friends, and we often cook together, Gail has insisted on keeping tight boundaries around her role as a housekeeper. "I would really prefer it if you came with me," I asked her. I didn't want to order her around. Like I've said before, to me Gail was more like a friend, not a servant.
I waited a couple of minutes before trying to call Christian again but once again he didn't answer. I left him a voice mail with my detailed plans except for the address of my destination. Shortly after, Gail hailed a taxi and we said good-bye. I waited in the reception area until Paul and Jane arrived at the clinic to pick me up.
The drive to their country house took longer than I expected, I hadn't fully realized that the couple adopting my baby lived so far away from the city.
"We're almost there," Jane said enthusiastically turning in the passenger seat to look me in the eye as her husband turned onto a winding road. I envied her sleek bob-cut hair, it was so shiny and smooth not even the wind during a thunderstorm could knock a strand out of place.
Paul drove another two miles before turning into yet another winding road, except that this one was a dirt road. The dirt road went down for another quarter of a mile, past horse stables, and pathways that led to other homes in the area. The road was bumpy but not bad in my opinion.
As Jane pointed out the house in the distance, I took in the fact that their place was so secluded you would need to walk quite a distance to borrow a cup of sugar from the neighbors. The house itself sat back on a hill at the end of a long concrete driveway. It was a two-story home with enough parking to house twenty cars comfortably.
Jane helped me out of the car. I felt huge and hideous next to her tall and curvaceous frame. Stop it, Ana, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not fat, just pregnant. I needed to stop comparing myself to Jane; I wondered if other pregnant women had the same same problem or if it was just me.
Stepping into the doorway, my first thought was that this house looked absolutely perfect like it belonged on the cover of a magazine. Perfect furnishings, not a speck of dust, or anything out of place. I tried to picture my baby taking her first steps in this impeccable living room, her little hands on the Victorian style sofa, or banging her toys on the glass-covered coffee table. And I just couldn't.
I looked to the wide sliding glass doors that led to the backyard; there was a big pool, and further down the terraced yard was a tree-house and a swing set surrounded by fruit trees. And I smiled as I saw myself crystal clear pushing my baby girl on the colorful swing and wondered if Paul and Jane would be okay with me babysitting every once in a while.
Still, I knew I just couldn't verbalize the thought. After all, it was just a thought. It didn't mean anything.
"This is a gorgeous house," I said instead, and Paul immediately offered to give a tour of the house while Jane went to take care of the dinner preparations. Even though I immediately sensed that they're not as rich as the Greys (I know, I'm a Grey too just have to get used to it), they lived comfortably and could afford to hire a live-out housekeeper.
As it turned out, the housekeeper was on her way out the door when we arrived. She and Jane briefly discuss the dinner preparations before Jane promptly disappeared into the kitchen.
"We have five bedrooms upstairs," Paul said as he led the way to the upper story. The narrow stairs, protected only by a very low handrail, were the type where you can see through the stairs and contemplate how high you've ascended. "There's another room downstairs, we normally use it as a guest room...sometimes Molly, our maid uses it during the day, although she doesn't sleep there."
While I listened to Paul going on and on about the various rooms, I wondered why Jane couldn't wait until later to take care of dinner. After all, I was not staying for dinner and this was supposed to be a quick visit. As he briefly opened each bedroom for me to peek inside, I couldn't help but wonder why Paul was the one showing me around and not Jane. I thought she was the one most excited about showing me the baby's room. After all, baby-related things are not usually the kind of thing that men gush about.
"Tada," Paul said, opening the door to the nursery, stepping aside for me to step inside first.
I was in awe. The room was any mother's dream. It was furnished with everything a baby would ever need. A rocking chair in the corner, a tall changing table, and a cute yellow rocking horse on the opposite corner. The crib was white and all over décor was either blue or yellow.
Two of the walls were the color of the sky and the other two were painted bright yellow.
I wondered why they didn't decorate the room in pink.
We've known I was having a girl for many weeks now.
I had a moment of serenity as I stared at the blue sky through the windows. The sun had not gone down yet, and beautiful gray clouds were mixing in with the bright sunshine. I glided over to the window that led to the back yard. Taking in the fantastic panoramic view of their property built upon terraced acres of land, I spotted a horse corral at least an acre down from the house.
I pictured my little girl giggling while feeding apple slices to one of the horses out of the palm of her hand. I was standing right there next to her, except that she couldn't see me or hear me, it was as though I didn't exist. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head willing the desolate thought away.
"I think any child will be ha-" I trailed off as a sudden contraction surprised me. While I've had some contractions before, this one took the cake in intensity.
"Are you okay?" Paul asked, crossing the distance between us. He towered over me. Paul was a regular looking guy in his mid-forties, nothing noteworthy about him except that at this moment, something about him was making me a tad uneasy.
"I'm fine," I said. "Just...probably from climbing the stairs?"
Paul seemed to relax a little. "Probably Braxton-Hicks contractions. We've read all about them. Lots of women get all panicky and around at the hospital only to be sent home afterward," he paused studying me intently. "You certainly don't want to be one of those women...do you?"
The way he said that sounded kind of funny, but I quickly dismissed the thought. Paul did have a point after all. I've educated myself about hospitals and giving birth. I didn't want to be one of those women that arrive way too early and end up spending forty-eight hours in labor. I wanted to spend as much time as possible at home before going to the hospital. Drawing on past my experiences, hospitals (except for mental hospitals) were to be avoided unless it was literally a situation of life and death.
"There's one more room down the hall," Paul started off toward the doorway and I moved to follow him.
Suddenly, I had to stop. I scrambled to grab the doorknob and let out a loud, "Oh!" while staring down at the pool of water around my feet. "I...I think my water broke! I'm having this baby now!"
Paul dashed over and draped an arm around my shoulders and guided me to sit in the rocking chair.
"I will be right back! I'm calling Jane," he said as he exited the room.
I grabbed the armrests and stayed put. Surely they would be back any minute now; except the clock on the wall kept ticking. Twenty Minutes. Forty minutes. The contractions were getting stronger and I was starting to panic. It crossed my mind to get up and look for them, but I didn't think I could make it down the stairs on my own.
"Paul, Jane!" I called at the top of my lungs, panting through another contraction, wishing I had my phone but it was in my purse, and my purse was downstairs.
Something is wrong, very wrong, and I've never felt more helpless in my entire life. I didn't know what to do. Something bad was about to happen, I was sure.
Suddenly, I heard my mother's voice as though she was standing right next to me.
"Having a child is a natural experience...I might as well have the baby here than at the sterility of a hospital," Carla said during labor nearly ten years ago. I grimaced as my mind replayed the event. I couldn't believe I had forgotten the details until now. My poor mother ended up being in labor for hours and I was positively terrified. At the time, I didn't understand there were complications, I was only ten and Maria was barely older than a toddler. In the end, mom did end up going to the hospital but she lost the baby. I overheard the nurses say that the baby would have survived if only Carla had arrived at the hospital sooner.
I gritted my teeth as my body felt the jolt of another powerful contraction. These horrible contractions were coming so close together now I barely had time to recover.
I looked around me, paralyzed by fear. As if to punctuate my predicament, the room was now pitch dark.
OH, God!
What on earth is taking them so long!
Just then, Lightning illuminated the room for just a moment, exposing all my fears raw. Something bad must have happened. Maybe Paul or Jane suffered a stroke or a heart-attack...or something?
Somebody help me, PLEASE!
Author's note:
Okay, major cliff-hanger. Please don't kill me yet! I promise not to leave you hanging too long, I will be back as soon as I can!
Many thanks to T Traveller, CTHEWOODS for kindly answering my questions for this chapter, it's really helping. I may be on a roll now (knock on wood)!
Thanks to everyone for your support, greatly appreciated. I do re-read all reviews to keep me going when I 'm stuck, so the more detailed the better, they're like fuel to the engine.
**What do you think will happen next? What's the deal with Jane & Paul?
**What is your favorite part of this chapter?