It was the picture on the desk that did it. Dr. Becker was thumbing through papers making idle chit chat when Sid saw it. In a 5x7 gold frame. A photograph of his mother, his father, Taylor and him. On the ice. Celebrating in the way he'd once knew. A celebration that had taken place only once, so many years ago. Their smiles not even close to telling the story of elation the family felt. But there was something wrong with this picture. Taylor was older. His beard, still mangy, was fuller. And that wasn't Joe Louis arena, those weren't disappointed Red Wings fans in the background. Teal and black speckled in the stands. And the crest of a shark although blurry in the background still recognizable.

He blinked a few times. Confused. He tried to think about when this had happened. Not last year. Last year they'd lost to the Rangers in five games. That had been a mess. The team was a mess. They couldn't score. It had been a rough year for him. But that was last year...right?

"When is this from?" he asked, snatching the photo in front of him.

Dr. Becker stopped droning on about his golf handicap and looked at the framed photo and then Sid with concern.

"Oh, I'm not sure."

"Bullshit, when is this from?" Sid's voice got louder, he felt his body begin to shake. Anxiety building. He kept trying to think but his head was all fuzzy. He could see broken images, hear snippets of sounds, but nothing concrete.

"Sid, you need to calm down." Dr. Becker said evenly, a forced smile on his face. Sid had seen those types of smiles thousands of times. It was a side effect of living in what could sometimes be a vapid world.

"When is this from? Last year?" Sid was shouting now, he stared at the picture willing it to give him the memories that lay just out of reach in a murky darkness..

"Let's just talk," Dr. Becker said calmly.

Sid's stomach dropped. Something was wrong. Something they weren't telling him.

He rose from his seat and was out of the office in an instant.

His mother and father stood in the kitchen, looking at Caroline uncomfortably.

They all turned to look at him as he came charging forward.

He raised the framed photograph.

"When is this from?" He asked again, to his new audience.

"Son," Troy began. He didn't continue, he seemed at a loss for words.

Sid felt frantic. Every time he tried to think his memories became more and more cloudy. A piercing shot from behind his eyes. He tried to blink the pain away.

"I don't understand," his voice was quieter, the rage simmering but he suddenly was so tired. And the pain in his head only seemed to intensify.

He looked at Caroline. He eyes were bright and he wanted so much for her to tell him what was going on. She was his wife. His partner, his teammate. He needed her to tell him what was happening to him. But he couldn't say the words anymore. The world was closing in on him.

He didn't realize that his legs had buckled until he felt his father's arms come around him, saving him from collapsing on the tiled floor.

He could hear his mother's cries, they were far away, distorted. He blinked over and over trying to push out the pain. Manage it, but he felt so tired. His limbs limp, his muscles weak and worn out.

"Please," his voice hoarse, his vision now so blurry. "I just don't understand." His words slurred until a blackness overcame him and there was nothing.

He came to in quiet darkness. He was disoriented at first, the pain was gone but it took him a few seconds to figure out he was in his bedroom. The curtains were drawn, they were the blackout ones useful for his afternoon naps on game day. And the peak of sunlight illuminating the edges of the dark fabric helped him as his eyes adjusted the dark.

He sat up and saw a profile silhouetted in the doorway.

Caroline.

"I brought you a glass of water," she said softly. She came into the room, a glass in one hand and her other hand fisted. "Some advil too. Dr. Becker said it was ok. He left. Your dad called the team, they're sending some of the team doctors this afternoon. They want you to get some rest." She walked towards him as she spoke. She looked worried and worn out, but there was something else. The way she spoke to him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.

She sat on the edge of the bed, he'd pulled himself in a seated position and reached out to accept the pills and the water. He downed them in a swift motion, the cool water satiating his thirst.

They were silent for a moment. Then he spoke.

"I've never felt this before. I mean there were times, in the past, when I'd gotten hit I would be dazed. Sometimes it would take me a second to remember the day of the week or what I'd had for dinner the night before. But it didn't last. I mean, last time. When it had been bad I had the headaches, the disorientation. But this...Care, I don't get it. The memories are there. But when I try to think of what's happened, it just jumbled. And it...it scares me." His voice was quiet. There were things he could tell her, that he couldn't tell anyone else. He knew she would understand. That she wouldn't think less of him as an athlete or a person.

"I know," she said finally. Her voice soft and familiar. "You're going to be ok...you're going to remember and it will be okay." Her voice changed as she spoke. It became strangled, pained almost.

Sid looked at her, she stared at the bedspread, her fingers playing with the pattern. She seemed so far away.

"We won the cup again?" he asked partly because he was so desperate to know what had happened and also because the air in the room had changed and he needed to focus on something else.

Caroline nodded, "This past June, against the Sharks in San Jose."

Sid closed his eyes, begging the memories to come back. But they didn't. His head didn't hurt like it had earlier, but the anxiety, the frustration was still there.

His leg bounced like a nervous tick and the flow of nerves made him antsy.

In a quick move he was off the bed and began to pace the room. For so many years, he had dreamt of lifting the cup again. He ached for that feeling. The elation, the accomplishment, the opportunity to silence the critics that only seemed to grow in volume as each year passed. Year after year, disappointment after disappointment and it had finally happened again. And he couldn't remember any of it.

"It's not fair," his voice was petulant. "It's fucking not fair. Every time I try to remember any of it, it's just blurry images and muffled sounds." He knew he sounded like a whiny kid, but he also knew that he could unload like this in front of her. She wouldn't judge him.

He continued to pace and ramble, to her but also to himself.. "Who did we beat to get there, how did we turn it around? Duper was done for the season, we got Sully. I remember that. Things were bad though...jesus, how many games did we do it in? Who did I give the cup to? Why can't I remember?" He could feel the desperation grow, the helplessness that he hated, so so much. The feeling of something that he couldn't control. As he paced he could feel it beginning to consume him, drowning him in self pity. He slammed his palm against the oak dresser, the noise echoing in the dark stillness of the room.

"Trevor Daley." Caroline said softly. "His mom was sick, she wanted to see him raise the cup, so you gave it to him first. You won in six games, in San Jose. After last Christmas…" she stopped, then cleared her throat. "After last Christmas, everything turned around and you just kept winning. You won MVP and the Pens were the champs." She finished matter of factly.

"You saw me raise the cup?" He asked, sounding like a little kid. He looked at her, peace blossoming in his chest.

She looked up at him. Her eyes bright like they'd been earlier. She chewed at her bottom lip and nodded. "I saw you raise the cup."

In an instant he was next to her, without a second thought he pulled her into his arms, his mouth crashing against her. The feelings. There were so many and for now he just needed to consume her.

His hands were on her face, his lips moving over her surprised ones. He kissed her, his mouth opening, the tip of his tongue tracing her lips, seeking entry. At first she was still. And then her mouth relaxed and her lips parted slightly. It was all he needed to delve his tongue into her mouth, so that he could drink her in.

His actions were desperate. Needy but demanding. His hand moved from her cheek, to her chest. His palm covering her breast as he pushed himself further towards her.

She arched into him, her body always reacting to his touch. Her mouth didn't move as fast or aggressive but she was accepting of his actions, welcoming him like she always did.

His hand moved from her breast to the seam of her legs, his mouth never stopping from tasting her. Maybe it was because of his jumbled memories or because she'd been out of town for a few days, but it felt like he hadn't kissed her in forever. His fingers moved deftly and worked at the button on her jeans, eager to find the heat between her legs. But as he did, the taste of her kisses became salty. And a hand was pushing his hand away.

He pulled back and saw the tears sliding down her cheeks. Her mouth was swollen and red from his kisses and her eyes, her eyes looked devastated.

"Caroline. Are you, alri-I mean, I know things have been strained lately… or before..." He didn't know what else to say. So instead he pressed his mouth to her wet hot cheeks, the saltiness of her tears stinging his lips. He reached for her hand, intertwining her fingers in his.

But Caroline pulled her hand back as if she'd been burned. She stood, looking disoriented herself.

"You need to rest. The doctors will be here soon. I have to run some errands. I have a lunch thing." She was talking fast, wiping quickly at her cheeks, mustering some sort of smile that looked more like a grimace. "Rest, please Sid. I'll see you...I'll, uh, see you later."

He watched her turn and hurry out the room. Sid ignored the feeling of dread that was growing in the pit of his stomach. Something wasn't right. In fact, everything was wrong. But his eyes felt heavy and his brain didn't have time to process the thoughts as the comfort of the bed pulled him back into a heavy sleep.

It was just too comfortable to get out of bed. It was the third week of December and winter had officially arrived.

Caroline snuggled deeper into the covers, the darkness of the room indicating the early hour. She didn't look at the clock on the nightstand, she would just be disappointed at how close it was to her and Sid's alarm going off. Most days they woke up at the same time, with the exception of late games or nights he came back from being on the road. But this morning was a typical morning. She had her last day of school before winter break and Sid just had practice then tonight was the team Christmas party. She loved this time of year, but with life being so busy she was exhausted and behind in her shopping. And with the cold, she just wanted to stay in bed all day long. And with her handsome new husband, it would be an early Christmas present she'd happily enjoy. So instead of looking at the clock, she just turned and sought out the bulky warmth of said handsome new husband. She scooted until she bumped in the soft worn t-shirt stretched across his muscled back. Snuggling up to Sid, she sighed against his warm body, her bare legs bumping up against his. She didn't want to wake him, but she was very interested in using him for a heater and finding a few more moments of sleep before morning came.

She felt him stir, his body automatically turning towards her and pulling her into his arms. Caroline eagerly slid into his body, her head burrowed in his chest, her hips flexing into his, welcoming Sid's morning glory. He didn't seem to wake, or if he did, it was only for a moment to get comfortable before sleep drew him back in. Caroline had learned sleeping with another person on a near daily basis was an adjustment and while she liked the space their king bed afforded them, she was all about morning snuggles as she liked to call them, no matter how nauseatingly sweet it sounded. Satisfied with this arrangement, the lure of sleep pulled her in as well.

About an hour later the alarm went off and she felt Sid move as his arm stretched out to silence the alarm. He was not a snooze guy. No, her husband, the poster child for self discipline, never snoozed. He was up when his alarm told him to be up. Caroline on the other hand was typically slow to wake and slow to get out bed, especially with a body pillow like Sidney Crosby.

The outstretched arm came back around her, his palm covered her bottom as he pulled her close, "Time to get up." Sid mumbled into her hair.

Caroline rubbed her cheek against his chest, "Can we have a sick day?" she asked. Really latching onto the not getting out of bed idea.

Sid laughed, his chest moving against her cheek.

"Are you sick?" he asked.

"Well, no." Caroline replied, snuggled deeper into his embrace, "But no one is ever actually sick when they take a sick day. Well, unless they are really sick. But that's besides the point," she yawned, her argument was flawed, but she really did just want to lay in bed all day and do deliciously naughty things to her husband. So she tried a new angle, "How about a spend all day in bed satisfying my husband in as many ways as he'd like day instead?" She wiggled her hips against his in an effort to plead her case.

He made a sound that sounded very much like a growl and his hand came to grip her hip and pull her into him. "Now you're not playing fair." His sleepy eyes gazed down on hers. "Would you settle for a shower?"

"Together?" she asked. He nodded with sly smile.

Caroline pretended to think, then smiled, "Yes, I suppose I could."

He pulled her from the bed and into the bathroom. His gaze steady on hers as his large hands pulled her nightgown up and over her head. Goosebumps flared up and down her arms and shoulders and she watched him begin to disrobe.

"This is good motivation for getting out of bed," she breathed.

He gave a cocky grin, his nether regions at full attention, "I know."

Garfield Elementary was buzzing with the anticipation of winter break. Caroline had trouble getting her students to focus. And to be honest, she was already in vacation mode too. She and Sid were spending Christmas, just the two of them. A mini honeymoon of sorts. They'd seen their families for their respective Thanksgiving celebrations, this Christmas is was just going to be the two of them, only Sid was being tight lipped about where they were going. She was excited for the break, even if he only got a few days off. She only had a few more students to see and then she would be free.

But in between sessions, when Caroline had a few minutes to plan her next student visit a wave of nausea hit her like a ton of bricks. She moved fast, out into the hallway and down to the staff lounge bathroom.

She barely made it.

The contents of her breakfast came up and out her so quickly she felt dizzy.

She sat on the floor few a minutes collecting herself and making sure there wasn't more to expel.

Shakily she stood and went to the sink to wash her face and smooth down her hair.

A feeling of dread settled inside of her. She hoped this wasn't what she thought it was. Getting the flu right before winter break? She'd been tired lately, she must have caught a bug from one of her students. She'd skipped getting a flu shot and now she was regretting her decision. The Penguins party was tonight and she didn't want to miss that, not to mention their special secret excursion. Now that she'd thrown up, she felt tired and headachey. She decided to take the rest of the day and go home to lie down. Hopefully a nap would do the trick and by early evening she would be alright.

She pulled out her cell and texted Sid.

Not feeling well. Heading home to lie down before party.

A few moments later her phone dinged.

You really wanted that sick day, huh? ;)

Caroline laughed to herself.

Ha, ha. I threw up. I'm ok, but I'm hoping it isn't a bug.

Her phone dinged again.

Sorry, bad joke. Do you need anything?

No, I'll be fine. See you at home. Love you. She responded.

Love you too. Feel better.

"The flu? Are you sure it's not something else?" Veronique shifted baby Estelle from one hip to the other.

It was hours later. Caroline was sitting on the Penguins bench at center ice watching the families and friends of the team skate across the rink. She'd opted out of skating, the nausea had stopped but despite her two and half hour nap, she still felt so tired. Luckily Veronique was keeping her company while their husbands skated around playing games and getting into mischief with some of the older kids.

"Something else?" Caroline asked confused.

Veronique looked down towards Caroline's middle, then back at her friend, her eyes gleaming.

"You know," her voice kind and soft, thick with her accent. "Enceinte."

Caroline was still lost.

"A baby…" Veronique finally said.

Caroline blinked a few times.

A baby.

No.

"No, that's not possible. I'm on birth control." She suddenly felt her palms become clammy.

Vero gave her a knowing look, "That's not always a 100%"

Caroline looked out at the rink, at the crowd of people moving this way and that.

"Yes it is. I mean, it's supposed to be. That's the whole point.I take a pill everyday, so that I don't get...preg…" She couldn't even say the word.

"Everyday?" Vero pressed. "Not one slip?"

Caroline shook her head. "No, not even when I switched prescriptions."

"Switched prescriptions?"

Caroline nodded, "When I got on Sid's health insurance. I went to a new doctor. She prescribed me a new birth control that was under their plan. But I didn't miss a day. So no, I can't be pregnant. I'm sure its just a bug. I mean, I feel better already."

Vero just gave her friend a sympathetic look. Clearly Caroline was overwhelmed by the possibility of being pregnant.

"Ok, Im sure its just a bug," Vero replied. "But it wouldn't hurt to take a test."

Caroline gave a wave of her hand. "It's really not necessary, but I appreciate the advice"

Veronique bounced baby Estelle on her lap, causing the little one to laugh. "You know it's not so bad, motherhood." She cupped her fingers around her daughter's chubby cheek, feeling the softness. It changes you, it changes everything."

Caroline stared at Estelle, taking in the curious wonder on the baby's face.

The two friends turned their attention back to the ice. Caroline watched Sid come into view. He was playing tug of war with a hockey stick against Dan's son. The little Bylsma gave a tug and Sid pretended to fall to the ice. She watched the exchange and couldn't define what was she feeling.

Changes everything.

That was what she was afraid of.

***Author's note: This has been a rough month for me. My cat passed away a few days after my last update. I've been quite overwhelmed with my new job and paired with my pet's passing I have just been all over the place mentally and emotionally. Thank you for sticking with me. Obviously I wish I was more along with this story, I did not anticipate going so long between updates but as always I will try to improve on that front. The story is moving along and with each chapter I hope more questions will be answered (hence the title). Hoping for the best that the team does well in the playoffs. I was able to go to a game this past month for my birthday and I couldn't get over how many people are out. So fingers crossed in the postseason. Go Pens!***