NOTE: In Ana's homeland, students go to high school right out of elementary school. There are five years of high school instead of four and no middle school. Grades are given on anumeric on a scale of 0-20 points and where 10 is the passing grade. Students are allowed to retake final exams from the previous school year while taking their current grade courses.

…

Updated story description:

Ana becomes a modern mail-order bride to escape a life of poverty, hoping to start a new life. But then a mistake from her past appears like a thief in the night, standing in the way of her new beginning. NO Christian or Ana deaths, HEA

Chapter nineteen~~~trauma trigger warning

The day after I turned fifteen, señor Ramon, our Biology teacher came to sit with us girls. He was reasonably attractive and we were beyond flattered that he'd taken an interest in us. It soon became evident how committed he was to our sexual education. At first, he started candid conversations about the process of giving birth. Naturally, all of us girls including me acted shy and embarrassed.

"My mom told me babies came out of your belly button," Marlene laughed nervously and the rest of us girls joined her.

"A baby doesn't actually come out through the belly of the mother," Señor Ramon told us with a calculating smile.

Of course, I knew that. I had witnessed my baby brother being born, the one that died at birth.

"Okay, but then...Out of what hole?" Reina said looking down at her hands and giving our teacher a furtive glance.

"The baby hole, of course," Miriam said confidently, daring to make full eye-contact with the teacher. It was evident how much she trusted him not only as her teacher but as a friend.

Once he thought he gained our complete trust, he started' enhancing' his lessons to include very graphic pictures of the female anatomy. We kept our heads low, we half-dreaded these 'lessons' but we were stuck.

While the boys were busy experimenting with microscopes, we girls listened captivated to our teacher's VERY graphic account of the sexual act between a man and a woman, leaving nothing to the imagination. Our personal boundaries were being molded, trampled, and squashed, and we had no idea what to do. He was the sculptor, and we were the clay; he was constantly shaping, dissolving, and redefining us.

"This is the clitoris, the area that when properly stimulated creates a heightened form of pleasure called an orgasm," he told us while showing us a picture of the underlying structures of the clitoral complex. He then when on to tell us a little about the differences between the vagina opening and the other openings. Although we were captivated, we kept our eyes glued on the page. "The clitoral glands are highly sensitive. Many women when they touch themselves there they avoid this area right here which can produce extremely intense pleasure..."

"Too intense?" Alcira whispered, keeping her head down. We all held our breaths in expectation. We were insanely curious but also shocked beyond our wildest dreams.

"Yes. Females can experience rocking orgasms when the male partner stimulates the area with his tongue or the flicker of a finger. Some women enjoy the type of sharp sweet pain that can occur when her partner gently bites the clitoris with his teeth, just the right amount of grazing can send her over the edge, making her body convulse uncontrollably," he went on, leaning forward like an other-worldly predator, his gaze more intense with each word, enjoying the intense blush on our faces.

While Señor Ramon was momentarily distracted showing the boys how to work their telescopes, we girls had stayed frozen in place, irreversibly hooked until he returned to our table. Eve's first mistake was not eating the fruit, but listening to the snake in the first place.

"Now that you girls know the truth, I would hope you'd be smart. And not just let any boy fill that hole...you know what I mean? Your first time should be with a real man that knows how to pleasure a woman."

From that day forward, we continued to listen to our sex education lessons with half-fascinated, half-disgusted interest, not realizing we were like sheep being led to the slaughterhouse.

One day as I was walking down the hallway, Señor Ramon stopped me. He was at least three decades my senior but he carried himself like a man twenty years younger.

"Ana, I want to see you in the classroom on Monday twenty minutes before class starts," he told me with a smirk, getting too close for comfort. We were in a hallway just the two of us. I stepped back in shock, his intentions were as clear as day.

"Si, Señor," I answered. As I moved to get past him but he grabbed my arm.

"Ramon, call me Ramon."

In Spanish, the second pronoun has two forms, formal and informal. You were supposed to use the formal pronoun at all times when addressing a teacher but he'd dropped this requirement with us girls, encouraging us to call him by his first name practically from day one. His behavior left us baffled, intrigued, curious.

When I told Alcira about the encounter in the hallway, she murmured, "...Miriam me dijo que el le prometio veinte puntos, ( he promised Miriam an A)."

I certainly wasn't going to fall into that trap. Ramon could proposition me all he wanted, I simply wasn't going to accept. And so I avoided him as much as I could citing every excuse in the books for the next couple of weeks. This made him furious, I could feel it every time he looked at me.

Because of our sort of nomadic lifestyle, I ended up switching schools two more times that year (I never stayed in one place long enough to establish lasting connections). By the time the end of the school year rolled around, a cruel twist of fate placed me once again in Ramon's biology class. Either he taught at different schools or switched around like me, I never knew.

I walked into the classroom and looked around me. In most schools, boys outnumbered girls in the science or college career track. And so, there were only six girls and thirty-seven boys enrolled in Biology at my current school. Most girls enrolled in the language arts track, also known as the trade school track. Most girls weren't like me, most girls had some kind of stability in their lives. Most girls partied and dressed in nice clothes, most would never dream of studying old editions of their textbooks as the best way to spend their summer.

I made eye contact with each one of the girls at my table, and I knew from their varying expressions that these girls had also experienced the same special treatment as the other girls at my former school.

I was stuck. There was no time to switch schools so late in the school year. I stayed in the class, hoping to pass Biology. Getting an education was my only hope, it's my ticket out of poverty, the only hope for a better life.

That same week, Ramon agreed I could retake a test I had failed because I didn't have time to study that week with all the household chores and taking care of mom and Maria.

"Es tu turno con el profe," Lucia snickered when it was clear that I was the only one retaking the test. Translation: it's your turn with the teacher. we've all gone through this, and so should you.

The other girls looked at me with a mixture of scorn, pity, and envy. They formed a tight-knit group from which I was clearly being excluded.

"Here," Ramon mumbled as he handed me my makeup essay exam the next day. "Take your time," he added from behind his desk.

While I worked diligently, Ramon moved silently to close the windows and lock the door, catching me almost unaware. I looked up from my paper and a shiver ran down my spine. Was he about to proposition me? I hoped against all hope there was still a chance for me.

God, please. I need to pass Biology, I'm so close now, next week is finals week. Also, help me to tactfully reject him.

I worked diligently until sundown. By the time I was done, everyone had left the school, including the janitors. I placed my test on his desk and got ready to leave. I was dead tired, I had stayed up most the night studying.

"There was no need for you to work so hard, I'll give you full credit. But first, I'm going to fill your hole, mamacita," he said suddenly pinning me against the wall. "Oh, yes, until you're beggin' for more."

His breath made me gag; it reeked of beer. I wanted to cry but crying wasn't going to get me out of this. The light shining through the windows cast a shadow over his face, pure evil etched on every feature. He clawed and grabbed very personal parts of my body as he overpowered me. All I could do was close my eyes and suck it up. I was stunned as hell though. The disgusting pig was touching me in ways I hadn't been touched before. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. Not me.

The little mermaid Ariel yearns to join the human world that her father had forbidden her to enter. But she fell in love with the prince and trades her voice for a pair of legs. Enter the sea witch and a fierce sea battle occurs. In the end, the witch is destroyed and King Titon blesses Ariel's wedding to the prince. I sure wish I could skip directly to my happily ever after but unfortunately, this is the time for battle.

Sorry about that but my mind had to travel somewhere to escape the reality of what was happening right now.

I opened my eyes I was staring at the ceiling. The pig had turned me on my back. The bastard was only moments from being inside me. I had to do something fast.

I was clawing my fingernails into the concrete floor, moving lawyers of dust. It was revolting. A woman with dirty, chipped fingernails was so utterly disgusting to me. Without giving it another thought, I clawed at his face and he smacked hard me in response.

"I have AIDS, I have AIDS," I sobbed. It was the first thing that popped into my head; he'd just given us a drawn-out lecture about AIDS.

"Wh—what?" Ramon pulled back utterly disgusted and freaked out. He was such a freak about germs and diseases.

"My mama," I cried. "Her boyfriend dirty has syringes...I... I didn't mean to," I cried. I was trembling. I must have sounded convincing, the half-truths. I never tried drugs or engaged in risky behavior. Usually, I was good at making myself scarce when the boyfriends came around and started treating me like eye candy. Once, I made sure not to come back until I learned that mama had been hospitalized once again after she had attempted to kill herself.

Before the bastard had a chance to react, I fixed my clothes, grabbed my backpack, and ran as fast as my legs could carry me.

Finals week came and went, and I failed both Biology and Geometry. I was absent the day of the final since Ramon was going to be there. I switched schools again the following school year and my last chance to retake the finals was in December; if I failed the exams I would be held back a year. I studied until late every single night. These finals were next to impossible to pass, the questions were all essay format; teachers usually made them ten times harder to punish us for not passing the first time. Needless to say, it was a tough academic load to carry as I also needed to keep up on top of my regular course load.

Against all odds, however, I ended up passing the finals and the rest of my classes with flying colors. It was a small miracle indeed.

….

Two years later, by sheer luck, I found myself at the top of my class. This was the year I was graduating from high school and the stakes were high. It was stressful, focusing on school while struggling to survive. Most days, we didn't have enough food on the table except when Jose dropped by with a bag of groceries.

Jose was the only boyfriend I ever had; I'd like to think we were engaged although he hadn't given me a ring yet. He'd promised he would marry me after I told him I was saving myself for marriage. We needed to wait a little while for the wedding though, as he just was trying to build a nest egg. And I believed was smart, he made good money working an office job in a big company, so much that he often joked that once I became his wife I wouldn't need to work. He didn't see the point in me going to school. Even though I trusted his judgment, I told him again, and again I couldn't just quit school. It was my backup plan.

One day, toward the end of the school year, my homeroom teacher Luisa Rodriguez called me to stay after class. She taught English as a foreign language with a mild Spanish accent.

"Anastasia, you're my top student, I'm so proud to have you in my class," she stated in Spanish. "You have a bright future ahead of you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As a matter of fact, I'm offering you a paid position as my teaching assistant in September."

I couldn't believe my luck, especially when she mentioned how much I could expect to earn as a teaching assistant.

"Ana, don't sell yourself short," she told me in response to my self-deprecating statements. "And since your graduating with good grades, the only requirement is that you continue to pursue your education. You've already submitted your application to the university, right?"

"I did, señora, thank you."

"I'm sure you will get in," she replied confidently. "I personally put in a word for you."

My heart swelled. It was common knowledge that getting into this particular university wasn't about grades, but mostly a matter of who recommended you, and the right connections. If I could get in, my future was set, it was my ticket out of poverty, the fate that followed me since the day daddy passed away.

"Thank you, thank you," I was so touched, my eyes filled with unshed tears.

She suddenly furrowed her brow. "The only thing though, don't let anything stand in the way of graduating, Ana."

Yes, I was so close. And yet so far.

I had aspirations besides becoming a wife and mother, I wanted to become a teacher one day. But it wasn't meant to be. I wouldn't be coming back for the finals. I had already made arrangements to move to the country with some relatives of Jose. The arrangement was temporary but I was grateful. Doing a few household chores was the least I could do for a place for me and my sister to stay. I was at a crossroads at this point, and I saw no way out but to give up my dreams.

I was scared. Ramon had weaseled his way into my life once again. For the past week, he'd been stalking me, making me paranoid with worry. The man was crazy. I was an easy target I suppose, and he hated me; in his mind, I was the one that got away.

"And when I mean don't let anything get in your way, I mean taking care of yourself, Ana, you know what I mean?" She eyed me critically. "This is not the time in your life to get pregnant. It will ruin your chances both at as my teaching assistant and the University. It's a firm policy, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.." She paused meaningfully. "Do I? You're a smart girl." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You have no idea how many girls have sat in your position over the years. Every single one wasted the opportunity...they don't seem to get it. As females, we have to work twice as hard and we're the ones to end up with the short end of the stick... you know what I mean?."

I said nothing, I simply nodded. Many of us didn't really have a choice here. Just ask any of the girls in Ramon's Biology class. As for me, I could already feel the pain of doors closing. I shuddered thinking about the future that awaited Maria when she started high school.

"Those girls had a bright future ahead of them...such a shame they couldn't keep their legs closed," my teacher said, once again shaking her head with disdain.

Again, easy for her to say. Try walking in my shoes.

"My boyfriend and I are being careful," I said at last. This wasn't a lie. And while I wasn't a virgin, I was doing my best to avoid getting in trouble. Jose was pulling out every time. Besides that, just to be on the safe side, I was also using the Rhythm method because it was the only method that was both free of charge and approved by the Pope. So no chances of getting pregnant, I thought. "Jose and I are getting married next year," I told her confidently.

My teacher shook her head in disapproval. "That's not good either. I hope you understand that once you get married you can say good-bye to getting a degree or any future career.."

"I know it would be hard managing a home and school... but I can do it," I told her in no uncertain terms. I was a master at getting by on very little sleep. And I still managed to get good grades despite all the chaos in my life.

"That, my dear, is a pipe dream," she said resolutely. "Once you get married, you start having children and you will have no time, trust me. It's the same story over and over again. Same with the pregnancy story...it happens several times every school year," she went on and sighed as if suddenly bored. "You would think ALL girls would have read the script by now. It never changes, year after year. I for one would like to see some variation," she added in a superior, critical tone.

"That's not going to happen to me," I murmured. My life was going to be different, I was going to be somebody. "My boyfriend and I are using contraception," I mumbled, barely making eye contact. This was conversation was embarrassing enough. But this woman was my mentor and I still wanted her to think the best of me. Of course, it wasn't until a long time after that I learned first hand that my choice of birth control was a sorry failure.

"I hope so, Ana," she gave me a long proving look. "Abstinence, however, is the only fool-proof method," she paused to gather the papers on her desk. While I mulled over her words, she looked at her watch. "See you on Monday. Good luck on your exams," she looked up at me and smiled politely, ready to dismiss me.

Ana, say something, say something!

Maybe she could help you if you told her.

No, no one can help. Least of all her. She has a nice home, a nice upbringing, and probably didn't miss a day of school to take care of her family. She would never understand.

"Thank you," I said swallowing the lump in my throat. "Thank you," I reiterated even though I knew I wouldn't be back. Ever since Ramon had found me, he'd been following me to and from school. Even though he wasn't my teacher anymore, he had the power to terrorize me. I've had no peace, worried sick that next time I wouldn't be as lucky to escape. Just this morning I narrowly escaped the pervert's clutches; now more than ever, I was convinced it was just a matter of time before he violated me.

I was the unluckiest girl in the world, I thought. No one could help me. I had no one in my life who cared whether or not I finished school and no one that understood. Maybe if I had a friend at school who could walk me home. But I had no one, I was never in a school long enough to form any lasting friendships.

And that was my last day at school. It wasn't much of a happy ending; even though I managed to escape Ramon's clutches, I never got to graduate. And Jose never followed through on his promises, he kept postponing the wedding for one reason or another...and then he got himself arrested. And that was the end of that.

When I was a little girl, my dreams had always consisted of mermaids and castles and being rescued by a handsome prince. Sometimes (well into the future), they also included a baby to showcase I was the best mother who ever lived.

I no longer believe in fairy tales. After I lost my chance to graduate, survival became my focus...taking care of myself and my sister, only to do it all over again the next day. I know I made many mistakes since that day. Big ones. Except for Christian. The minute our eyes met, through a computer screen, I knew I could trust him. The eyes being the window to the soul is more than just poetry; the second his eyes met mine, I knew he wasn't like any man I knew. He was special, he was a keeper, he would never do me harm. And even though I had some initial reservations those early days after we got married, I soon knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd made the right decision in marrying him. Loving him was the only decision I'll never regret. He's my life, my everything.

Oh, Christian...PLEASE! I need you here with me right now. Without you, there's only a dreadful abyss of nothingness.

Where are you? Where are you?

…