Chapter twenty-one

Gail POV

I heard the wind howling and looked out the window. Sleet dashed against the sidewalk below. My mind, adrift, recalled as if were yesterday that major blizzard twenty-three years ago in Colorado. It dumped snow that, thanks to the wind, drifted to twenty feet in some places. No one had expected the baby to come early, least of all Mr. Grey. Otherwise, he wouldn't have agreed to stay behind. I followed the developments closely, glued to the TV, praying. I always wondered if things would have been different if I'd been there.

"Hey," Jason murmured, wrapping his arms around me. "Coffee's ready."

"Thank you, Honey," I replied, relaxing into his arms, enjoying the quietness of this moment to ourselves. Jason and I have been officially together for the past couple of months. Personally, I'd never been happier. "What time are you leaving this morning?"

"Not sure. Today, I was supposed to be driving Christian to meet with Ms. Lincoln's daughter's Stephanie...but now, with everything that's happened...I don't expect him to want to leave Ana's side," he paused and looked out the window. "It looks as though it would be best if we stay put this morning."

I nodded and glanced at the clock, letting out a long exhale. It was well past ten, and as far as I could tell, we were the only ones up and about.

"Why? Why does Christian want to meet with that woman?" I asked. As far as I knew (often, the housekeeper knows it all), Christian didn't really know Elena's daughter that well. They'd seen each other in passing over the years, and that was it.

"He's hoping Stephanie Lincoln can provide us some intel about her mother's business," Jason replied vaguely, moving away from the window. "Your Coffee's gonna get cold. Let me go get us some," he added, gliding toward the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later with two steaming full-sized cups.

"Here you go," Jason handed me a cup, and I sighed in appreciation. We both took a sip and gazed into each other's eyes, relishing the moment.

"Do you think it's a good idea for Christian to meet with that woman?" I reiterated. "Her loyalties lie with her mother. How does he expect to change that?"

"Christian knows a thing or two about Stephanie's checkered past," Jason smiled. "It's worth a shot."

It wasn't until a little past noon when Christian sauntered into the kitchen. He said good morning, and I asked him how Ana was doing.

"She's still resting," he perched on a stool at the kitchen island, putting his face in his hands. He looked zombie tired, and my heart went out to both of them. This had to be the hardest thing, the not knowing. "Ana was awake most of the night, it wasn't until past six in the morning when she finally fell asleep."

"Poor thing," I replied while busied myself fixing him a cup of coffee just how he liked it. I made a fresh pot while he waited in silence, drumming his fingers on the shiny granite.

"It's hard seeing her like this," he went on with a heart-wrenching expression. I brought over his coffee, and he took a sip. "She thinks she will ever be happy again...not until she gets her baby back." He didn't speak again until after he'd taken a few more sips. "It's as if she doesn't even remember wanting to give her up in the first place."

"What Ana is going through is perfectly natural," I told him, taking a seat across from him. "She's been torn about this decision from the start. Giving up a child for adoption is the hardest decision any parent ever makes," I told him. "There's bound to be conflicted feelings and a great deal of sorrow... especially for a woman. Society places tremendous pressure on us women...often labeling giving a child up for adoption as an act of abandonment rather than an act of love. To make matters worse, as women, we often can't separate our identity from our role as mothers and caregivers." I paused. Even though I had never given birth, I was speaking from experience. I loved Christian as if he was my own flesh and blood.

"Poor Ana," I went on. "I imagine she's also feeling guilty about the people she chose to adopt her baby."

"They looked good on paper," Christian said vaguely. He leaned his head on the kitchen counter and closed his eyes for a moment. "I called Barney. I'm sorry I let him go," he opened his eyes and straightened in his seat. "But I really thought we could no longer afford it." He let out a long exhale before continuing.

I thought about what we knew about them. Supposedly, Paul was a freelancing architect, and Jane, a housewife who'd been trying to conceive for a number of years.

"Even though Ana had already signed the adoption papers, they're not getting away with this. We've already filed an emergency order to revoke this. They'll be stopped at the airport if they so much as try to leave the country."

I thought about this for a long moment. "They sure fooled me with their charm. Come to think of it, there's one thing that didn't quite add up. Jane said she was thirty-three, but she always looked much younger than that..." Yep, only Jennifer Aniston could pull a trick like that.

Christian cocked his head thoughtfully.

"I don't know exactly how I feel about the baby," he confided, suddenly changing the subject. "I really wasn't...it's been crazy. Ana changing her mind...those people stealing the baby for no reason." He paused. When he spoke again, his voice carried determination and decisiveness. "But once we find her, I'm going to adopt her as my own. I would be doing it for her, for Ana. I hope that's good enough."

I nodded in full agreement. ""That sounds good."

He shrugged his shoulders and exhaled. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to love this child as my own, but I will try."

I smiled at him. "I think the baby will have you wrapped around her little finger the moment you decide to open your heart and give her a chance."

"Well, one thing is for sure," he started in a lighthearted tone. "Parenting can't be that hard, can it? Like dad used to say, children are to be seen but not to be heard."

I took all that to mean Christian was trying to ease his own fears about being a good father.

"What if I adopted that philosophy when you were growing up?" I chuckled, and he smiled back for the first time today. "Like Dr. Dobson used to say, parenting isn't for cowards...but I have no doubt you'll make a great father, Christian."

"Uh-huh," he hummed with a soulful expression. I cherished the moment; it wasn't every day that Christian opened up like this. "Carrick was a good father...I just hope I can be half as good as him."

I nodded in sympathy. "Your father wanted a house full of children. He was so happy that year he adopted you. And then, after so many years of battling infertility, your mother got pregnant. It was a true miracle, " I sighed, pausing to gather my thoughts. "As you can imagine, he was beside himself when your mother passed. He assumed his feelings were permanent," I trailed off thoughtfully, thinking about Carrick Grey's decision to give up his infant daughter right after her birth. I knew for a fact that he'd regretted his decision years later and spent half his life trying to convince himself that he'd made the right choice. "If only your father had realized his feelings of rejection were normal...if only he hadn't been so quick to make such a rash decision..."

Christian finished his coffee and looked at me out of the rim of his cup. I asked him if he wanted some breakfast, and he told me he wanted to wait and eat with Ana when she woke up.

"Anyway... I'm sure that in due time, you will grow to love her as your very own," I told him with absolute certainty.

"Maybe," Christian exhaled, smiling a little. "First, we're going to need to find her," he said. "None of this really makes sense...unless those people never wanted a baby for themselves...unless they were planning on selling her on the black market."

"What if they simply changed their minds about having an open adoption?" I reasoned. "Maybe they were afraid Ana would change her mind about giving up her baby. They felt threatened. Obviously, I'm not condoning their behavior...I'm just trying to see things from their perspective."

"I suppose that's a possibility." Christian agreed. "I still can't believe how quickly Ana bonded with these people. And they took advantage of her...but then again, she'd been so starved for friendships..." he trailed off.

I reminded myself that Ana came from a different culture. I certainly could understand that her desire for friendships of her own and her strong desire to fit in. It took great courage for her to start a new life in this country and leave everything and everyone she knew behind. I don't think I could ever move to another country, knowing I would always be a foreigner no matter what I did. I would hate the idea of being treated differently, even if the distinction was small.

I blinked as Christian suddenly circled back to the one subject which weighed on my mind since early this morning. "I don't get why dad waited so long to try and find his daughter."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Often, the hardest thing is to face the consequences of a mistake. It's easier to tell yourself it was the right thing to do."

"Still, he waited twenty-three years," Christian shook his head again and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "He never wanted to talk about it, you know," he added, his gaze narrowing pointedly. "Come to think of it, neither did you. You never wanted to talk about it either."

I lowered my gaze and stared at my hands. "I was just respecting your father's wishes...besides, it was not my place..."

Christian pinned me with those intense gray eyes of his. "Gail, you've always been part of this family...I'm sorry you've felt like an outsider," he said, reaching for my hands and squeezing them in his. "Those mother's day cards I give you every year? They weren't just a token of appreciation. I meant every single word."

My eyes filled with tears, and my heart swelled with joy. "Oh, Christian," I mumbled. I was at a loss of words, that was so sweet of him.

"I wonder if..." he started after a long moment of silence. "Did dad ever get to hold her? My sister? Did he give her a name?"

"I don't believe he ever did name her.." I paused to gather my thoughts. "Perhaps, if your father had been there for your sister's birth...things would have been different. Maybe if he'd bonded with the baby..."

"Wait a minute-I never knew...dad wasn't there for the birth?" Christian said with a shocked expression. I shook my head. "Why not?"

"You don't remember? Any of it?" I asked. Christian shook his head slowly. "You were there. You traveled to Colorado with Grace. Carrick was supposed to join you the next day, but his travel plans were delayed. There was a blizzard... and the roads were impassable... Grace went into labor, and the baby came four weeks early."

"So he didn't make it in time," he murmured, processing the information. "And the baby was early-" he trailed off.

"Yes," I murmured barely above a whisper, "Just like Ana's baby." I glanced out the window, and Christian followed my gaze. As intense as it was, it seemed to me that this blizzard was getting worse than predicted.

"So... Grace didn't give birth in a hospital?" He said more of a statement than a question.

"No..." I mumbled. "I knew at once he was thinking what I was thinking. This was one hell of a coincidence.

Time seemed to come to a standstill, we had come to some kind of crossroads. This connection between the two births was certainly odd. I gazed down at our hands still intertwined, we were onto something here. It was as if we'd stumbled onto a web of perfect lies. They were right there at our fingertips, just awaiting the arrival of the right moment to be revealed.

"Okay, then... I had no idea," he paused, confused. "But then...who delivered the baby?" He cocked his head and gazed at me intently. "You did?"

"No, Christian, unfortunately, I wasn't there."

"You weren't?"

"No...I wasn't there," I reiterated. In the silence that followed, the wind hollowed one long wailing note. "I had the weekend off."

"Are you telling me that Grace was... all alone?"

"No, she wasn't alone...Elena Lincoln was with her that day..."

Author's note:

Do you still feel the same or did you change your mind?

Who is Carrick's daughter? Is it Jane? Stephanie?