As I'm putting Death? No(your punishment is living) on hiatus, someone remind me to change the tags to include that, I decided to create this. Something to keep the ball rolling so that I can't continue ignoring the fact that I have stories to write and plotlines to craft. Plus, school is starting up again so I may just go on temporary hiatus for all my stories and this will allow the creative part of my brain to continue functioning. In a sense, this will be a collection of AUs and things that are born from some ideas that have been rattling around my head. I hope you enjoy it.
WARNING: A not-so-healthy amount of angst with no happy ending in sight comes right smack in chapter 1. This may or may not remain constant. Contains discussions about mental health, self-harm and other things that sometimes make me disgusted by my own actions. Nothing new to me. So, um. Read at your own discretion I guess. And if you do read these stories...
Say a prayer for those who need it but never get one. They deserve everything but get nothing.
Looking back, Midoriya Izuku didn't exactly know when his world began to fall apart. Perhaps it was the first day he had been diagnosed Quirkless. Maybe it was when he begged his mother for some, no, any form of support and got an apology in return. Because deep down, he knew that the absence of a Quirk in a world full of superpowers was essentially painting a giant target on his back. That his dream was just that, a dream.
The next decade or so was hell. Because Quirkless was as good as useless. Bakugou Katsuki, once his closest friend, brands him with the name "Deku", as a reminder of how a single part of his genetic code deemed him lower than everyone else. One day the admiration for his powerful, heroic friend had been snuffed out by the same person he would have gladly laid down his life for. Perhaps in another world, they would have remained friends if he had developed a Quirk on that fateful day. But not in this one. In this one, Kacchan became Katsuki, and then he finally became Bakugou the day he left a searing handprint on his back, an explosion tearing through his clothes and roasting a small area of the flesh underneath. The entries(four whole pages) in his very first analysis journal dedicated to analysing Bakugou and his Quirk were torn from the book and flushed down the toilet when his mom wasn't looking. He struggled, and stumbled, but never faltered, flinging himself in front of anyone who Bakugou and the various bullies in the schools he attended over the years, little more than a glorified meatshield. Even when the people he protected ran off without a word, sometimes part of the small crowd that whispered about his defect behind his back(or even in front of it, like being Quirkless meant being deaf). Even when Bakugou's small explosions that were more flashy than dangerous started leaving marks on his skin that he bandaged and tended to after consulting the internet. He soldiered on, smiling as he did so. Because the day he stopped smiling in the face of those that tormented him was the day he finally let this world get to him. The day Midoriya Izuku became Deku.
Perhaps it was the day he ran into the Sludge Villain. The first time he met his idol, his hero in person and offered up his heart and what remained of his hopes and dreams to the man who scared away the darkness with a smile. The day he bared his soul to All Might, and watched with a cold, numb feeling in his chest as the Symbol of Peace ground his heart into the dirt and crushed him. As the man left the rooftop, Bakugou's words crossed his mind. He sat at the edge of that roof for a long time, contemplating whether it was truly worth it to continue fighting the label the world had chosen to place on him, his smile finally extinguished. Then came the sound of familiar explosions.
He ran towards them, rather than away from them like he usually did. He watched with disbelief as his tormentor suffocated in the grasp of the same villain that had almost killed him, and looked around at the heroes yelling about how their Quirks were not suited for saving a child. Almost as if your worth as a hero was all up to what Quirk you had. And out of the corner of his eye, he saw All Might in his true form, looking on just as helplessly as the heroes yelling at each other and the civilians recording the whole thing as Bakugou continued to suffocate. And that was the first moment something in him truly snapped. When he saw the Symbol of Peace, in all his glory, watch a child die before his very eyes and do nothing about it. One moment he was part of the faceless crowd, the next he was running forward, bag already in mid-flight as he lunged for the Sludge Villain. His first thought was that he needed to give Bakugou a chance to breathe. His next was that the villain's eyeballs weren't slime like the rest of his body.
His third was that an eyeball couldn't exactly withstand the pressure his hand could apply.
In the end, his desperate actions only bought about seven seconds for Bakugou to breathe. But those seven seconds were all that he needed to tug his tormentor from the grasp of the villain screaming about how his eye was ruined. And before the man made of slime could envelope the two of them and finish what he had started, All Might appeared like an angel sent from the heavens, changing the weather with a single punch and splattering the villain against a wall. He smiled and laughed, reassuring those watching that everything was alright. Midoriya barely spared him a glance, having seen his cowardice in action just a few minutes ago. The heroes praised Bakugou for surviving so long, and fawned over his "hero-worthy" Quirk before telling Midoriya about how reckless he had been. The disapproval only intensified when they realized he lacked a Quirk, and all the heroes told him he should have left it to the pros. Those words caused whatever had snapped in him to splinter even as it tried to fix itself. He smiled, and judging from the way the adults who were so confident in their thoughts and opinions flinched in unison and stepped back, it was nothing like the confident grin he tried to maintain or the watery smile he fixed on his face after a particularly harsh beating. If he had been able to see himself at that point of time, he would have compared his own smile to broken glass.
He left the heroes behind with a parting question("Where were the pros when Bakugou was dying?") and grabbed his bag. Taking the usual route home, wondering what lies he would have to tell his mother this time. A couple of minutes later, the sound of his usual tormentor made him stop and turn around. Bakugou shouts something that was probably along the lines of "I didn't need a useless Deku to save me", small explosions going off in his hands as he pretended that he hadn't almost died just a while ago. Midoriya wasn't listening. He was just humouring his egoistic classmate, someone who was once a friend and the closest thing he had once had as a brother. So once his little tirade was done, the green-haired boy smiled in response. The fiery blonde steps back and the explosions in his hands stop just for a fraction of a moment. He nods slowly, before parting with a single sentence, leaving Bakugou behind with the image of a smile that was cold like the edge of a blade and words that would haunt him for weeks to come("Alright. Next time I'll leave you to die."). Another few minutes later, All Might himself makes an appearance, and he does his best to act like a fanboy meeting his idol(not anymore). The man smiles and apologizes for his words, but even as Midoriya pretends that he hadn't been affected by the hero's callous actions, his mind hisses that if apologies could right all wrongs, people would never start wars or kill each other. The Symbol of Peace asks him why he ran forward, even when the heroes stood by and did nothing. He wonders briefly if answering with the truth will get him arrested, before settling for a generic answer that "would come from a hero". He says that his legs moved on their own, even though the true reason why he had acted instead of watching was because he had realized that the heroes were useless without their Quirks. All Might's smile broadens at the answer, and while it would have warmed his heart and allowed him to die happy just a day or two ago, the only thing it does is sharpen the broken pieces of whatever had snapped inside of him. The man tells him that he can be a hero, and he waits patiently for the ball to drop and gets rewarded with the secret of All Might''s Quirk. One for All. A legacy passed down through generations. Two things come to mind when he offers the position of successor to Midoriya. One, All Might was once Quirkless just like he was. Two, the man still thought that he couldn't be a hero without a Quirk. He nods and accepts the offer.
In his heart, he removes the section that had held his awe and admiration for the Symbol of Peace and the heroes of today and crushes it just like All Might crushed the remnants of hope he had held on to over the years.
Nevertheless, Midoriya continues keeping up the facade of a bright-eyed idealist. Because it wasn't exactly a facade. Deep down, he still wanted to be a hero, and he still believed that heroes would save the day. That he could save everyone as long as he tried hard enough. He cleans up Dagobah Beach with his bare hands, not just because All Might told him to, but because he wants to start leaving his mark on the world. One day, he meets a pink-haired girl digging through the scrap metal he has set aside to donate or sell to whoever needs it. Her name is Hatsume Mei. She smiles without a care in the world, mind racing so fast that he's hardpressed to keep up. Only facing forward, ignoring failure and just creating more machines. A few weeks after their tentative friendship(she wanted the things he salvaged, he needed somewhere to dump them), he thinks to himself that one day her machines will be complex enough to replace heroes. He mentions the stray thought to her as he lugs the shell of a car away from the beach and she finishes creating her latest prototype of a stun gun. She laughs at the thought, but her smile becomes more genuine when he continues to talk about her ability to craft items that would one day be good enough for heroes to use. They agree to go to UA together after he tells her about the purpose of his training, and she extracts a promise from him that when he "made it big", he would advertise and use her support items. He is unsure why she hugs him after he mentions with no small amount of confusion that he wouldn't trust anyone else with his safety. He chalks it up to Hatsume being Hatsume. Any thoughts of how weird she was acting were banished from his mind soon after she turns the stun gun on him and tells him to start running. He spends the rest of the day dodging projectiles that will send enough electricity through his system to paralyze him for about ten to twenty minutes, and develops a healthy respect for his friend's ability to turn scrap into something usable.
About three-quarters of the way through the ten month training period All Might has given him(and it was pretty saddening that he wasn't surprised about how the Number One Hero only visited him to check on his progress once a month), Bakugou's anger finally boils over and he leaves a new scar on Midoriya's body, dangerously close to his spine. It's not the first time he does it, but hopefully it'll be the last if both of them get into UA. Bakugou and his "heroic" Quirk is practically guaranteed a place in the school. Midoriya and his hard work will hopefully be enough to match raw talent and most of all, the Quirks of the other potential UA students. He continues cleaning up the beach despite his new injuries, but the occasional wince despite his depressingly high pain tolerance is enough for Hatsume to catch on. Under threat of stun gun or the next weapon she cobbles together, he reveals the truth, showing the scars that he has littered all over his body and telling her that he recovers quickly, so it doesn't matter.
He spends an hour convincing her that hunting down Bakugou and breaking his wrists and kneecaps was not the right thing to do, and then they have a rather enlightening conversation about bullying and the effects of it on the victims. He promises her that the next time Bakugou tries to lay a hand on him, he will not take it without a single complaint. She gives him a phone number and an address. The first belonged to her while the latter belongs to her aunt, who apparently runs a self-defence club. She tells(read:threatens) him to attend classes there so that he can at least put up a fight because when Bakugou tries to attack him again in the future(she puts heavy emphasis on the word "when"), she wants him to be able to fight back without breaking his own bones in the process. He agrees, but on the condition that she'll attend alongside him. Hatsume sighs, but agrees. She also tells him to call her Mei because "if two people are close enough to have a heart-to-heart conversation, they should refer to each other by their first names". He points out with some exasperation that she had called him Izuku from the start. She smiles, one of the few genuine ones that she shares with him whenever he does something "sweet" and proceeds to force him to run around so that her new drone can gather data on how to subdue moving targets.
Hatsume's(Mei, he corrects himself, not for the first time) aunt is a boisterous woman who particularly enjoys putting him through hell while his friend sips a cold glass of water as he dies of thirst. He accidentally wonders aloud if all Hatsumes were sadistic. The aunt and niece duo share a look before laughing. Despite his griping about the aches that had started dying down ever since he had gotten stronger returning, he continues training and enjoys the confidence that comes with knowing you're prepared for a fight. He continues to clean up the last remnants of trash at the beach, and while All Might(Yagi Toshinori in his true form) expresses his disapproval when he noticed the rate at which Midoriya was clearing Dagobah Beach, he is quickly taken apart by Mei's rapid-fire comments about how proper rest was necessary for a growing teenager and he, as an adult should know that. The man splutters, but cannot come up with a proper comeback so he slinks away. A few days later, he returns when Mei isn't around to comment about how "that girl" might be a bad influence on him. He feels another piece of himself quietly snap and states with the most innocent smile that he can muster(not that he would ever know, but to All Might it looked like a snarl) that the Number One Hero stooping as low as to talk about a teenager behind their back "wasn't heroic at all". He ignores the apologies and continues lugging the fridge he found tucked away in the midst of a pile of trash. Soon enough, the only thing left is a rusty car. He borrows a plasma cutter from Mei and cuts it apart after allowing her to dismantle the engine and whatever parts she wanted. They bask in the brief period of joy that came with ten months of effort finally paying off, enjoying the sight of the sun rising and marking the beginning of a new day. Soon, she runs off to finish her preparations for the UA Entrance Examination and soon afterwards, All Might arrives to praise his hard work. He smiles and slips on the mask of a hero fanboy.
It comes as a surprise to him when he gives him a strand of his hair to eat, but Midoriya shrugs and forces it down with a healthy amount of water. He asks about how to use One for All and gets the second worst piece of advice he has ever heard in his life(the first being Bakugou's swan dive idea) in return. Midoriya tries his best not to act bitter about it, and thanks the hero for giving him a chance to prove himself. He spends the rest of the day making sure Mei doesn't blow herself up before the examination and searching within himself for any traces of the power All Might has passed on to him, coming up empty. He gets about three hours of sleep that night. The next day, Midoriya forces down what little food his shrunken stomach can handle and allows his mother to fuss over him before he takes his leave. Their relationship hasn't exactly been the best since the day the knowledge that she didn't believe in him because of his lack of a Quirk finally clicked into place in his head and he never really tried to fix it. Mei was the first person to truly believe in him despite his Quirkless nature. All things considered, she was also his first true friend. He stands outside the gate of UA for a few minutes, waiting patiently for Mei to show up and sidesteps Bakugou before he can shoulder-check him into the ground. He catches a girl before she could fall and nods politely when she thanks him cheerfully and introduces herself as Uraraka Ochako. Before he can do the same, Mei appears like a demented, pink-haired phantom and drags him through the gates before he can react. Used to her antics and abnormal arm strength, he allows himself to be dragged. They bid farewell when their paths diverge and she says that she'll either see him in UA or follow him along whatever path he takes in the off chance that he fails the examination. Despite his protests that she shouldn't throw away the opportunity to become a Support student in UA, Midoriya can see the conviction in her eyes. He makes a silent vow to himself that he'll either pass the examination or die trying. They exchange a hug and part ways, not looking back.
The written examination is simple enough, although he has to stop himself from putting the answers he truly believes into certain questions and instead fills in the blanks with the "correct" responses. Present Mic is the one to introduce the physical portion of the test, explaining the points system. A boy who resembles a robot points out the fourth type of robot on the pamphlets they have gotten, and for some inane reason, he accuses UA of incompetency. Midoriya almost snorts at the expression on the hero's face as he answers the question, choosing to figure out why exactly there would be a robot worth zero points. He concludes that there must be a secret scoring system, and coupled with the statistics he has gotten from previous years, he deduces that there must be points given for "heroic" actions during the examination. Good for him, bad for the other candidates. While he may be at a disadvantage in the power department, he can definitely rack up points by getting other examinees out of trouble. In all honesty, he was going to do it anyway because what good was a hero that didn't save people? He ignores the way Bakugou growls beside him and starts planning.
He stretches as the air itself seems to thrum in anticipation for the carnage ahead. Thankfully, Bakugou was assigned to a different region entirely, so he won't have to put up wth a deranged teenager who was more than likely to drop a robot on his head. As Present Mic screams to announce the beginning of the examination, he darts forward and heads further into the fake city as the examinees around him start to stop and take out robots. It leaves him with a decent number of robots to fight, and he racks up about thirty points before his hands are bloody and sore from tearing at metal plating and ripping out wires. Taking a page from Mei's book, he dissasembles the arm of a fallen One Pointer and manages to rig up a makeshift gun. He gets himself another twenty points while occasionally taking his attention away from the robots to save other examinees from falling robots and handing his gun to a purple-haired boy who looks more desperate with each second. Midoriya slips the teenager a not-so-subtle hint about rescue points before taking off to find more people to help. In an alleyway, he comes face to face with another purple-haired teenager, practically drooling as he advances on a girl pinned to a wall by...balls? Not questioning it after all the things Mei had put him through, he kicks the boy away and threatens bodily harm with a smile if he doesn't remove his Quirk. The short pervert trembles and cries before doing as he said. Not stopping to hear whatever the girl has to say(a quick glance alerts him to the fact that this is not a fellow test taker, but Pro-Hero Midnight in an excellent disguise) before he takes off, he tugs another examinee out of the way of a falling robot and feels something akin to pride at how the insomniac(probably) from earlier is laying waste to robots while saving people. The ground rumbles, and the Zero Pointer is released. He sees everyone immediately hightail it in the opposite direction, and wonders if this is the future of heroics. He weighs the pros and cons of using the last few minutes to try and deactivate the boss robot just as a cry for help reaches his ears. He sees several other examinees stiffen at the sound before continuing to run. Making eye contact with the purple-haired boy he had aided earlier, he hopes that at least one more person will make the right choice.
Shinsou Hitoshi runs away, and he will regret it every time he sees Uraraka Ochako after that fateful day. Midoriya Izuku may smile and laugh and treat him like a human being despite his villainous Quirk, but he will see the judgment in his eyes every time he interacts with the boy, the same cold look of disappointment that will haunt him in the weeks to come as he remembers how he runs away like the other examinees, leaving a single boy to run towards the danger after looking to him for assistance and finding none.
Midoriya Izuku feels something snap in him for the third time and absentmindedly notes that it might be his faith in humanity. Or his sanity. Why not both? He chuckles even as he wrenches a length of rebar from a shattered piece of concrete and sprints for the person trapped under rubble and notices that it was the girl from the UA gates(Uraraka?). Midoriya uses the magical power of leverage to raise the rubble long enough for her to escape. Unfortunately, but unsuprisingly, her ankle is twisted and the Zero Pointer is almost upon them. He searches his brain for a plan and comes up empty. He asks the girl about her Quirk even as he begins to move them away from the lumbering giant, and gets a very bad idea when she reveals her Quirk can remove the influence of gravity from something. Apologizing, he forces the girl's hand onto his arm and abruptly feels himself floating. Ignoring how absurd yet cool it was, he tells the girl to hold the Quirk as long as she can before leaping into the air. Sighing as he decides to take All Might's advice, he rears back a fist and feels a sudden burst of energy from the action. Throwing it forward and catching a glimpse of the golden tendrils encircling his arm, he yells a battle cry and makes contact with the Zero Pointer.
The massive robot crumples and something inside it explodes, which creates a chain reaction of fiery beauty as his arm turns purple and limp. He numbly realizes that the bones in it have been pulverized before he latches on to the falling robot and lands safely. The familiar effects of gravity return and he sees Uraraka throw up. Midoriya feels a single pang of guilt before he falls onto his back and tries not to scream as Present Mic announces the end of the test. Recovery Girl soon appears to chastise him for using One for All and he tries his best not to stumble and fall as all the stamina he has is used up fixing his broken arm. He makes a mental note to ask Mei for ways to not turn his bones into pulp. He walks out amongst the whispers of people who recognize him as the person who destroyed the Zero Pointer. Purple hair comes up to him, but whatever insincere apology he was going to say dies on his lips as Midoriya brushes past him with another of his grins that are apparently terrifying to everyone but Mei. Speaking of Mei, he sees the pink-haired inventor hovering outside the gates of UA almost anxiously, if he didn't know that Mei didn't get anxious. She somehow senses him, and turns around with one of her usual smiles, but it flickers and goes out when she sees his state of fatigue. Not asking any questions, she offers an arm for support and they walk back to his house. His mother is absent, working as usual, so no one answers the greeting he calls out. He points Mei towards the coffee and they sit on the couch, drinking their respective beverages(he picked hot chocolate) and listened to her rattle on about how interesting her day had been and how she hadn't even blown up a single thing(although this is said like it was a failure). When she falls silent, he picks up the pace by explaining what he had done, what he had seen, and the Quirk that he had just manifested. Then he hesitates. Midoriya decides that the best way to end the shitty day he was having was by telling someone else what a colossal mess All Might is, and asks Mei if she can keep a secret. When she gives him a blank stare, he begins to tell her about One for All and the failure of heroes. He finishes his tale in about twenty minutes. She stares at him, and her face alternates between boiling rage and a deep sadness. He waits for her to absorb the knowledge he had just dumped on her, drinking the last of his hot chocolate. As he rises and takes her empty cup to wash as well, he thinks that he hears a muffled sob from the bright and peppy girl. Midoriya doesn't know what to think when he is greeted with a rib-shattering hug when he walks back into the living room, but chooses to pat Mei on the back and wonder what he was missing. So he asks her. The look she gives him isn't exactly pity, but more of horror mixed with despair. They stay like that for a while, and he asks aloud if this was what it was like to have friends.
Mei sobs, a sound that is both heart wrenching and unnatural as she tightens her grip on him, like she was afraid he would disappear if she let go. He thinks, not for the first time, that something was wrong with him.
The next week passes just like the previous weeks have. Boring and uneventful. With Dagobah Beach fully cleaned, there is no reason for him and Mei to go there anymore. And yet they still do. He'll train and Mei will fiddle with the contraption of the day. After a few days of the beach being clean, people have already begun to use it for their activities, ignoring the fact that it was because of them in the first place that the beach was so tainted in the first place. Not many notice the boy doing pushups in the sand and the girl whacking a smoking device with a hammer. Although some still do. One mentions how nice it is to see that young love still exists. The simultaneous deadpan stares sent his way were enough to cause the man to chuckle nervously and edge away. Another, an old woman asks if they know who cleaned up the beach, and they pretend that she isn't talking to the duo responsible for the removal of all the trash on this now pristine place. She seems to still sense that they are hiding something from her, because she smiles kindly in the way only wise old men and women can smile and leaves with a parting word of gratitude. It's nice to see that your efforts actually mean something to the people you did it for. After a few hours, Izuku and Mei will part ways after lunch and he will spend his afternoon studying and carrying on with his hero analysis. Although now, he just calls it analysis. Sometimes he goes to Aunt Hatsume's dojo(he still feels uncomfortable trying to refer to a grown woman by her first name) and makes sure his skills are never dull. Mom tries to get him to go to therapy one day. He smiles and asks her what she thinks is wrong with her son. When no answer comes, he leaves to meet up with Mei. For someone he met almost a year ago, it was almost funny that he couldn't imagine life without her anymore. It was actually more pathetic and sad than funny, but those thoughts are carefully locked in a box and dumped into a bottomless pit in his head.
They stay at the beach after dark one day to lie down and stargaze. It's one of the only places nearby that wasn't so polluted with light sources that the stars were drowned out. The silence was comfortable, and occasionally they would converse about anything and everything. He asks once if she thought there was anything wrong with him. She reaches out to punch him in the shoulder before standing up and twirling. He watches, almost hypnotised by her actions and she gestures to the surroundings("Look around you. This would not be possible without you.") and tugs him to his feet as well. Mei traps him in another hug, and he leans into the touch, choosing to push the fact that he was touch-starved to the back of his mind. He whispers a thank you to her and she responds in typical Mei fashion by reminding him he was only allowed to use her support items. As per usual, he agrees almost immediately.
When the letter from UA finally comes in the mail, he takes a trip to the beach that had become more of a home to him than his cold and empty house, sitting on top of the small cliff overlooking the sea and dangling his feet over the edge. Mei arrives a few minutes later with her own letter and they open hers first. Unsurprisingly, she passes with flying colours, and Power Loader welcomes her to the school with a warm grin, but they both hear him mutter about how she had set a desk on fire and hoped it wouldn't set the baseline for the rest of the year. They both snicker in response. Despite holding his future in his hands, Izuku can't find it in himself to care. He gets a disc identical to the one his friend had gotten, and All Might materializes. Mei's eyes narrow almost immediately, and he reminds her that murder wasn't justified. After a long speech that they both tuned out, the final judgement was clear. He had passed, no, he had succeeded. Sixty-eight villain points and eighty rescue points, giving him the highest score in recorded history. His friend cheers softly, before looking at him. Her face melts back into the familiar expression he labelled "soft Mei" and he realizes that the water dripping onto the disc were his tears. He cries for the first time in a long time, and despite the tears, he still feels empty. Cold. Mei holds his hand, and he feels a tiny flicker of warmth. He wonders if he has ever told her how much he loved and appreciated her. When she squeaks but wraps him in another embrace, he makes a mental note to remove his habit of speaking aloud.
They're going to UA.
He ponders how different the people in his future school will be as compared to the mixture of bullies and bystanders that middle school was filled with. He considers what he would do if the future generation of heroes are as narrow-minded as All Might in their views on the Quirkless.
He decides that it will probably break what was left of his heart.
But for some reason, he doesn't care anymore.
He wonders when he stopped caring about what the world thought of him.
He thinks it's probably the day All Might takes his heart and rips it into two.
I did say that this was going to be dark. Don't worry, the pain isn't over for our boy just yet. It's about three in the morning and I have school about five hours from now so I need to put down my pen before I collapse. This was a lot easier to write, all things considered, especially since I don't need to focus on character interaction. To be honest, Midoriya in this chap is largely based on myself when I take a step back from the world and think. Disassociation? Anyway, stick around if you want more angst. Some oneshots will be nice. Most will be as sad as this one. I hope you enjoyed it.