Chapter 1: Actions 30th November 1995

You'll be glad to get out of this dive son. I know I will.

He knew she would. Because like it had been for most of his life, everything was about her. Her life came before everything, it was the reason why James grew up without a consistent father figure and the reason why he was even in Derry. But she was his mother and he had to follow her because that was just how it had to be.

But what was he leaving behind?

Michelle's tough love. The tough love that he hated yet appreciated at the same time. Her words as he walked away showed a love that he'd never thought she truly possessed. Her guard had slipped and the real Michelle under the bluster had been seen. Could he walk away from that?

Aunt Deidre and Uncle Martin's acceptance that he would be one of them. Like with Michelle it had been tough, but they would have been well within their right to refuse him and leave him to find his own way. They didn't. Could he really leave that?

Clare's constant panicking that often made him tear his hair out... it was worth it because the little blonde had the biggest heart of anyone and her kind, good nature stood out amongst the insults that often rained down on him. Could he ever turn his back on that?

Orla's free spirit. Yes, she may have been somewhat crazy and could truly frighten him with her delusions at times, but that free spirit in a time where freedom could often be blown away within a second completely inspired him. Could he forget such inspiration?

The Quinn's kindness. Sarah's humorous ramblings, Gerry's thick-skinned approach to living with a man who constantly hated him, and Mary's insistent mothering had all been lifelines to the young Englishman. Not to mention the way in which Joe had seemed to take him under his wing recently, toughening him up and teaching him new skills. Could he go back to England and forget that?

And then there was Erin. And the question that still needed to be answered. The change that neither had addressed, or perhaps did not know how to address. Besides, did either of them even know what the question was? But he knew one thing. That a life without Erin in it seemed like a distant memory. To a time that he wished to forget about now because Derry had shown him a new life, one of adventure and possibility. That was a life with Erin. Possibility….

"Stop".

Kathy turned to her son with a look that settled between confusion and fury.

"Just stop please. I want to get out".

"Jesus, alright then". The driver called from the front, turning to the side of the road.

"What is it love?". She asked, in the same slippery tone he'd heard at the Quinn's earlier on.

"I can't do this. It's not… what I want".

"I'm your mother James!". Kathy argued viciously

"But this is my life now mum".

He opened the car door, heading to the boot of the taxi where his suitcase had been placed. Kathy got out the other side and as he went to open it, her hand slammed it back down, causing the taxi driver to swear at both of them.

"Get back in the car James".

"Mum please!"

"Think of the business James. How can it cope if I don't have y…"

"THAT! THAT IS WHY!". He shouted at her, proceeding to round on her. "Everything is about you and the business. You never stop to think what I want or what matters to me. You abandoned me here mum… left without word and you just expect me to come back with you and forget the life I've made for myself. No!".

Using all his strength he pulled the boot open, watching his mother's hand come flying off it with the force he'd mustered. Lifting it up and out, he quickly closed it again and turned to face his mum, who now looked at him with a face of thunder. Taking a deep breath, he composed himself and decided upon the course of maturity with her.

"Derry is my home now mum. Maybe in time it can be yours again too".

Kathy snarled and James's shoulders slumped once more, an acceptance that this was once again a parting from his mother. He'd taken the action into his own hands this time though. He was walking away from her and not the other way around. With a heavy heart, he began the long walk back to the girls.

"I would have given you everything!" He heard Kathy cry out in vain from behind him. "JAMES!".

He did not look back. He could not look back. Looking back would be giving her the chance to persuade him again, tempt him with the offer that was too good to be true. All he wanted was a home where he was loved. Derry could give him that home. London would only give him what Michelle told him it would, a home where he was valued as an asset and not as a human.

No. He was made of sterner stuff than that.

I am a Derry Girl...