Alexandra sighs heavily before sitting on the bed, strokes your hair and turns on the lamp on the bedside table. She sees Olivia sleeping on her back to the other side of the bed, and gets up putting on your slippers. Then, the blonde walks out of the bedroom and, after closing the door, goes down the stairs noticing the light in the living room on and a low noise from the TV.
— Olivia went to sleep and left the TV on, how nice... — Alexandra mutters irritably with Olivia and, when she gets to the living room, she is surprised to see Merida sitting on the couch watching the TV. — Oh! Pardon! I thought Olivia had left it on...
At that moment, the red-haired Welsh looks at Alexandra, causing her a certain heat in the back of the neck and anxiety to take over her body.
— No... Sorry, I'm sleepy due to the time zone and I couldn't sleep. — Merida responds without taking your green eyes to Alexandra and realizes that she only wears a T-shirt (which is clearly Olivia's) and thinks it is better not to comment on anything.
Then, making an effort to take your eyes off the redhead, Alexandra asks:
— Do you want anything to drink? Eat?
Merida smiles in a corner and, winking at her, says:
— What do you have in mind?
— Um... — Alexandra says thoughtfully as she walks into the kitchen and notes that there is a jar of Belgian ice cream in the freezer. — What do you think of ice cream?
— Oh! An excellent idea! — Merida responds somewhat serenely and changes the channel to some movie.
Alexandra closes the refrigerator, holding the jar in your right hand, while with your left she takes two spoons, returns to the sofa and sits down next to Merida.
— Okay... Let's party on Belgian chocolate ice cream, Dr. Merida Harris! — Alexandra comments smiling and, crossing your bare legs, places the jar of ice cream between her and the Welsh.
Feeling somewhat calm for the first time in months, the prosecutor looks at the movie without really paying attention and, taking another generous spoonful of the ice cream, returns your gaze to the enigmatic doctor when she asks:
— How long have you been a friend of Olivia?
Merida, removing your eyes from the film, deposits them in the blues of the woman beside her and, turning your body to face her better, responds with a serene smile:
— A few years, I must say. And it's been a while since she asked me to live here, I mean, in New York, you know? But I just couldn't leave my whole life in London and venture out into America.
Liking that accent and wondering if Olivia had ever said anything about the Welsh, Alexandra smiles weakly and asks:
— And why did you decide to come here now and for what reason?! I mean, since you didn't want to venture out here, what made you change your mind?
Merida lets out a delicious laugh, shaking your long red hair back and stares intensely at the blonde when she exclaims:
— You never stop being a prosecutor, huh?!
— Ah! Why do you say that?! — Alexandra asks without understanding.
— Well... you're questioning me without any shame, Dr. Cabot! Did you notice that? — Merida comments without cutting her smile.
Realizing that the woman is really right, Alexandra finishes eating the ice cream and, covering your mouth with your hands, lets out a muffled laugh.
— Oh, Merida, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... well... you know! It's a force of habit, I think you know how it is, don't you?
— Yes, I know. — the Welsh responds by returning your attention momentarily to the television and turns your gaze on the blonde again. — But, answering your question, I got divorced almost a year ago and, as there was an invitation to head the trauma department of a hospital here, I decided to accept the challenge and thus be close to my friend and spend some time away from London.
— Oh! I'm sorry about the divorce... — Alexandra comments somewhat thoughtfully. — So, because you were married, did you stay away from Olivia, did I get it right?
— Yeah... more or less — Merida replies, nodding. — I mean, I worked for a few years at Doctors Without Borders in Kenya until I got married and had... well... I had my family with my ex-wife.
At that moment, Alexandra realizes how hard the Welsh had tried not to continue talking about herself and, unable to hold back her curiosity as a prosecutor, asks:
— Do you have children?
Merida doesn't respond immediately, seems to think very well about what to say and Alexandra recognizes that look of her well. It's the same look that people give her when they talk about children... as if they were afraid that Alexandra would die a little more just to know that everyone has their families, except her.
— Yes — the Welsh finally says in a calm tone. — I have a daughter... her name is Akari.
At that moment, almost allowing the pain of the loss of her little baby to eat at her, Alexandra swallowed a cry and, forcing a smile, murmurs:
— What a beautiful name... and would you have a picture of her? How old is she?
And once again Merida says nothing, seems to look closely at each reaction of the blonde and, taking your cell phone from the small table in front of the sofa, responds:
— I was married to a Japanese woman for almost 8 years... — she shows Alexandra a picture of you with a very elegant oriental woman. — This is my ex-wife, Hatsu. And we had our Akari, which is only 5 years old.
The moment Alexandra's blue eyes look at the picture of a little Japanese girl with black hair combed like Princess Leia, from Star Wars, and with a beautiful smile on her face, she feels your heart ache and thinks of your Alice.
Immediately, Merida tosses your cell phone aside and Alexandra, covering your face with your hands, slowly leans your body against the Welsh and releases your crying.
— Cry, Alex... you can cry... — Merida murmurs as she strokes the blond hair of the woman totally clinging to your body and sighs heavily. — Now you understand why I don't want to talk about my life to you? I didn't want to hurt you or bring those still fresh memories to your mind...
Moving away from the Welsh a little, but looking intently into those green eyes a little affectionately, Alexandra smiles weakly as she wipes the tears from your eyes when she responds:
— It's okay... I apologize for that, Merida, please... I insisted that you tell me about yourself.
There is a silence, where Merida remains with your eyes on Alexandra and the two look at each other intensely for a few seconds, causing the prosecutor an anxiety that she hasn't felt for a long time. So, as soon as Alexandra starts to approach her face, Merida immediately takes your hands off the blonde's back and slowly stands up to say:
— I... I think I'm going to sleep, Alex... Tomorrow morning I will look for the keys from my house and I'll leave you two alone, I promise! Well…
That said, Merida takes the ice cream jar and walks to the fridge, where she keeps the jar there and returns your eyes to the blonde still on the couch. Then, approaching her again, Merida crouches down in front of her and, taking her hands in yours, says affectionately:
— I work with loss almost every day, since I am a traumatologist and even today I am not comfortable when I lose a patient, Alex. But what I mean is that I know how much loss can mean to someone and that nothing, nothing ever brings back who we lost to death. I know that you and Olivia aren't well and this becomes a castle of domino pieces, where one situation destroys everything else, but... — she smiles weakly at the prosecutor and puts a lock of blond hair behind the ear of the blonde. — But know that at this moment you are going through many things at the same time, which can cause a certain lack... you may think that you need something new to refresh your mind, but remember that you have someone who loves you so much and will stand by your side.
Shaking her head as she stands, Alexandra moves slightly away from the redhead, not knowing exactly how to explain that attraction and warmth she feels when she stands beside Merida.
— You don't know what you're talking about, Merida. Of course, you'll defend Olivia.
— No, Alex! I'm not defending her, but you two! — Merida exclaims taking the prosecutor's two hands in hers, forcing her to face your kind green eyes. — Respect your grief... cry, suffer and seek comfort in what does you well, but remember that you and Olivia suffer from the same pain... And I, more than anyone, know that no mother should bury your son... — she kisses the blonde's hands, caresses her face and walks to the stairs saying: — Have a good night, Alex. And remember, you can count on me for whatever you need.
And as soon as the traumatologist disappears up the stairs, Alexandra sighs heavily, squeezing your body with your hands. Her eyes fall on the photo hanging next to the television and she finds herself laughing there with Olivia and Alice.
She walks over to the object and, taking it in her hands, strokes the photo, wishing her daughter would get out and materialize beside her. But no! That would never happen!
— It's her fault! — Alexandra exclaims as she embraces the photo. — It's her fault! When it's a case of other abducted children, she tries hard to find them without any rest... but, with our daughter, she didn't even care! She should have gone to the end of the world for Alice!
The alarm goes off, announcing 7am, and Olivia turns it off by hitting the button, while sitting on the bed feeling a terrible pain in her neck, as she had slept in a position on the bed that was as far away from Alexandra as possible. The lieutenant stretches and notes that Alexandra is not there. Then she walks to the bathroom, where her wife is taking a hot shower and singing:
— All I ask is if this is my last night with you ...
Olivia smiles in a corner as she takes off her pajamas and throws it in the basket behind the bathroom door, opens the shower door, entering to be with Alexandra.
— Uh, what a cold wind... — Alexandra exclaims when she opens your eyes, staring at Olivia naked in front of her and looking sad. The blonde remains with an angry expression saying: — I'm leaving, Liv! Couldn't you wait?!
The prosecutor tries to leave, but Olivia stops her by pushing her against the wall and supports your hands on the wall behind Alexandra:
— Look at me, Alex! Look deep into my eyes and say you don't love me, that all our love has died...
The blonde looks at the lieutenant desperately and breathes quickly when she answers:
— I have a very important meeting this morning, Olivia, we'll talk when I get back!
Olivia holds Alexandra against the wall, holding her by the belly with one hand and, with the other, caresses her face. Then, without caring about that, Olivia sighs heavily without stopping the caresses on the blonde's cheek and brings your mouth close to her neck, kissing affectionately.
For a few seconds, Alexandra lets herself be carried away by the affection and kisses of her wife that she hasn't felt for a long time. Then, she closes your eyes and opens a faint smile when she murmurs: — Liv...
When she opens your blue eyes, the blonde sees Merida in Olivia's place and feels your body burn like ember, wanting to kiss those Welsh lips.
Then, shaking her head and blinking steadily, the prosecutor sees that it's your wife who kisses you hard on the mouth and, at the same time, Alexandra pushes the lieutenant away and leaves the bathroom taking the towel.
Olivia sits on the floor placing her hands on your head and cries regardless of whether Alexandra can hear or not. She shakes her head negatively, while murmuring:
— This isn't right... This can't be happening...
Alexandra taps the pen on the table, somewhat lost in thought, while Liz Donnelly talks non-stop during the meeting. The blonde can't believe what happened in the morning while taking a bath with your wife, it seems a little surreal to have just imagined Merida kissing you in Olivia's place.
— What do you think about that, Cabot?
Alexandra hears her surname being called and shakes her head, chasing away problems, finding everyone at the conference table looking at her and Donnelly with arms crossed at her side, giving an irritated look.
— Ah... Excuse me... I... I'm going to the toilet and I'll be right back...
Alexandra says lost in thought and leaves quickly, followed by Donnelly, who corners her in the bathroom, locking the door behind herself.
— Alexandra, you are not ready to get back to work, I already told you that I allow you to leave for as long as necessary. What you went through isn't easy and I know that you aren't ready to return with your obligations.
— I need to get back to work, Liz, I'm going crazy at home and I can't take antidepressant drugs anymore. — Alexandra pleading, grabbing the woman's collar, who caresses her face.
— Your marriage isn't all right, is it? — Donnelly asks, watching the blonde cry. — I realized since the disappearance of little Alice that the two of you got apart and you two didn't know how to face the problem. Especially because she works in that area and...
— Exactly! How can someone who lives and breathes for this fail to save their own daughter?! She loses sleep nights to save children and always manages to find them, but when it comes to our daughter... She... — Alexandra burst into tears, venting everything she needed. — She had a duty and an obligation to find our little one, but she failed... She allowed my Alice to be killed... Do you know what that is?! My little girl, just 3 years old, was killed by a type of person that my wife arrests every day and she did nothing to prevent it... I'm mad at her, Liz! I can't stand to stay at home looking at her face, hearing her voice... Nothing! Please allow me to work for a few days until I get better, please. — Alexandra pleads, looking deep into the eyes of the woman who smiles in a corner.
— There is no reason to ask, my dear. You can work as and when you want. I just think you and Olivia need to sit down and work this out, you know, if you open up to each other. Because you love each other, she knows the pain you feel from the loss of a child and only with her will you decide whether to arrange the marriage or get divorced.
Alexandra sighs heavily and straightens her hair, thinking about what Donnelly had just said to her, and murmurs:
— Yeah... I just don't know if I would be prepared to divorce her... it would be too painful...
A few days later.
— I don't know what else to do, Merida... The other day, I thought everything was starting to get better, that she was allowing my touch again... Then she just pushes me away and leaves the bathroom, dropping me there... — Olivia opened to her friend.
The women are in the house that the Welsh bought and which is somewhat away from where the detective and prosecutor live. Merida is painting one of her unique paintings, as it is one of the things she most likes to do in her spare time.
They are in the studio at the back of the house, where Olivia is sitting on the sofa, next to the huge Persian cat, and Merida paints calmly.
— Liv, take it easy. You two need to work this out, you need to talk honestly with each other. Open your heart to her and also listen to what she has to say. You need to resolve the situation, whether it will continue and improve or whether the marriage will take a break, understand? — Merida speaks calmly and points a brush at the lieutenant. — You two have a lot to talk about, and from what I understand, Alexandra needs to open herself up and the best person to listen to her would be you!
— Like?! How will I talk to her if we don't even kiss properly and don't even look at each other, Mery?! She barely looks at me! Hugs and caresses?! No way she gives me! I want my wife back! I want to help her heal and be healed by her! I want the soft kisses and the beautiful laughs that only she gives me... — Olivia grumbles, covering her face with her hands. — When I got into her bath the other day, there was a moment when she looked at me smiling, but as if she didn't really see me... understand? It was as if I was someone else, until she looked at me again and, realizing that it was my person there, she pushed me and got out of the bath...
At the same moment, Merida looks seriously at her friend and raises her eyebrows:
— Do you think she was imagining someone else kissing her?
— Yes... — Olivia answers exhausted. — Exactly that, Mery!
So, sighing deeply and shaking her head, Merida feels guilty and with a certain fear that Alexandra... maybe... imagined her person kissing her... and that is not good, it is not good at all… cause the blonde might be feeling for Merida as if she's sort of a new adventure and that could help her forget her pain. But Merida knows that isn't right, she doesn't want that to happen, and Alexandra would only be trying to escape from her loss in a wrong way.